chapter three
It’s Over
Talina
I can say without a doubt that my best friend Marsha Evans, ain’t shit. We were supposed to go for a few drinks. Nothing to get me shit faced and stumbling. It’s only Tuesday, for Christ’s sake.
Well, actually, it’s now Wednesday morning, as I tip toe into my apartment. I’m so roasted, I just spent thirty minutes across the hall trying to get into my neighbor’s apartment. Lord, help me. I need to be to work in a few hours.
I haven’t had so much fun in years. I think I laughed the hardest I’ve ever laughed in my life. I smile, leaning my back against the door and thinking of Marsha’s antics. I shake my head, my smile still consuming my face.
At thirty-three, I don’t think we’re old enough to be cougars, but she robbed the cradle tonight. Don’t get me wrong, he was cute, just a bit on the young side. No more than twenty-four, if you ask me.
“If I came in this house at this time of night, you would have a fit,” Malcolm’s voice booms through the room, startling me, as he flicks on the lights.
My smile slips from my lips and my shoulders sag. I was hoping to avoid this. After calling Malcolm with the news of my new promotion and his less than stellar response, I needed a night out with my girl.
Mind you, he has yet to acknowledge my birthday. When I asked if he would be okay with me going out for a drink after work, he brushed it off, as if it was nothing. I spent the first half of my night wondering why I’m even in this relationship.
“Malcolm, it’s late. I just want a shower and to go to bed,” I sigh.
“I think we need to talk,” Malcolm says, folding his arms over his chest.
I huff, bending to place my shoes on the floor beside me. I place my bags on the table, by the door and move forward towards the bedroom. Malcolm keeps his chocolate gaze on me.
“About what?” I mumble.
“We need to talk about us,” he replies.
“Okay, what about us?” I ask, getting annoyed.
“About the fact that I don’t think this is working,” Malcolm shrugs.
I stop in my tracks and look up at the man I’ve been building a life with for the last five years. My sister warned me about Malcolm moving in with me. She’s never been a fan of our relationship.
It’s not so much Malcolm, it’s us as a couple. Myra has never felt Malcolm and I fit. My sister is also seeing an Asian man, which Malcolm has issue with. So, I’ve tried to separate Myra’s feelings from my own.
Malcolm has a lot of strong opinions that I can never say are my own. I’ve just silently agreed to disagree. Yet, never has he expressed that this relationship has not been working for him.
“Excuse me,” I slur a bit, although, I’m sobering real fast.
“Ta, we’re going in two different directions,” Malcolm sighs and rubs his forehead.
“Okay,” I nod and place my hands on my hips.
“Listen, you’re a great girl. My family loves you, you have a good head on your shoulders. You’re beautiful,” he continues, but I have to stop him.
“First of all, at thirty-three, I’m not a girl,” I correct him. “Your family would love me, I treat them like my own. Malcolm help me understand this. How long have you known you were unhappy in this relationship with me?”
“Baby,” he starts, but I hold my hand up and shake my head.
“You can save that baby BS for the next,” I sass.
“Ta, things were good in the beginning. I really thought you were the one. It’s just,” he pauses and presses his lips.
I sigh, and lower to the floor, so the room will stop spinning. I cross my legs and look up at the man I’ve treated like a king for the past five years. He is still gorgeous, a breathtaking black man.
Malcolm is smart, he can be driven when he wants to be, he’s sexy as fuck, and Lord, does he know how to take my body there. My brows wrinkle, I just can’t remember the last time he tried to take my body there. I know I’ve been working later and longer hours the last few months.
I guess I didn’t have time to notice it all falling apart. Yeah, Marsha has pried a number of times. I just don’t share my business like that. The little she does know happens to be from being around us.
“Are you cheating on me?” I ask, as my thoughts race.
Malcolm sighs and lowers to sit in front of me. He lifts my chin with his fingertips, looking me in my eyes. Those soulful brown eyes of his were one of the first things I fell in love with.
“You and I both know that’s not me. Yes, I’m interested in someone, I’m not going to lie about that. I just haven’t pursued anything. I have too much respect for you and the time you’ve given me,” he replies.
I snort and pull my face away. “Respect for my time would have been breaking this off, four and a half years ago,” I mutter.
“Ta, four and a half years ago, you had me so sprung, I was ready to marry you then,” Malcolm rumbles.
“Then, what happened? Did I grow a second head?” I snap.
“You grew a career,” Malcolm murmurs. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m so fucking proud of you. Today, when you called about your promotion, I wanted to jump on my desk and shout for you.
“Then, it dawned on me. You’ve been talking about that promotion and how it meant your supervisor would have to travel more. If you’re now your supervisor, and you’re taking his promotion. Then, you’ll be the one traveling,” Malcolm rubs his forehead.
I knit my brows. “Malcolm, I asked you when we met would my career be a problem for you. You told me, no. You said you respected my goals and ambitions. You said you wanted a woman to build with,” I can hear the frustration in my own voice.
“Yeah, I know. I just didn’t think you were going after such a high corporate ladder,” he shrugs.
“Are you fucking serious?”
“Damn, Ta, I know this shit sounds fucked up,” Malcolm groans. “But do you have any idea how it feels when my father asks me when I’m going to grow up and make moves like you? When I’m going to buy you a place and stop living off of you?”
“Malcolm, you don’t live off of me. Your job is great,” I interject.
“Baby,” he pauses and sighs. “Ta, you make the upper end of six figures. This new promotion is tipping you over into another tax bracket my black ass will never see at my job. We talked about starting a business, but with the track you’re on. I don’t see that happening.”
“Malcolm, every time I’ve mentioned sitting down to start the business plan, you shift gears or come up with some excuse why we should wait,” I say incredulously. “I have the money squared away for the business.”
“Exactly, you have the money squared away. Not we,” Malcolm raises his voice. “I started this year with a plan. Put up money for the business and to buy your engagement ring. When I actually went to save the money, it dawned on me how much you take care of around here.
“I started to see how much I lost myself in this place of…comfort. Yeah, that’s it. I got too comfortable with having a great woman taking care of so much for me. Just look at the party you’re throwing my parents. That shit has blown my mind, Ta. You went all out for them.
“I’ve been so embarrassed that I’ve just become complacent, but I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to fix this shit. I love you. God, do I love you, but I don’t think I’m right for you,” Malcolm says, looking away.
I’m floored. A part of me wants to be pissed, it wants to go off and tell him where he can take all of that shit, but there is a part of me that totally understands. I understand because I know this man. He has been my best friend for five years.
“Damn, Malcolm, why not come to me sooner? Why not tell me this so we could work through it? Do you think I don’t love you? You’re bringing this to me now, when you’re already ready to walk out of the door,” I shake my head. “That’s some fucked up shit, I don’t deserve that either, Mal.”
“Yeah, I know. It just hit home today. I was trying to figure out how to say something, then today…I’m sorry,” he finishes.
“So, it has nothing to do with this woman you’re interested in,” I press my lips.
I’m not going to act like I didn’t catch that one. Malcolm looks at me, I can see him thinking. Probably trying to figure out how to say this without getting the taste slapped out of his mouth.
“When I first noticed her, I noticed everything about her that isn’t you. I think that’s the crazy part. I know what I have. I know I’m a fool for letting go of what I have, but nah, it’s not because of her,” he finally says.
“I think I need to be alone for a while. You know, figure out where I’m going. What’s my next step?” He nods at his own words.
My head whips back. There’s no need for us to further this discussion. He is already gone. I blink back the tears I was going to shed.
My mom raised me to know my value. I’m not about to sit on this floor and beg this man to love me. No, that’s what we’re not gonna do.
“I’m going to bed, Malcolm. You handle your business. But you remember this, I bet you’ll start loving me, as soon as I start loving someone else. I guarantee it. You just remember, you had your chance.
“You made the choice to go from being someone’s King to another woman’s maybe. You know me and you knew, from day one, I never look back. I wish you happiness, Mal, but you just gave up bliss,” I finish, get to my feet and enter my bedroom.
My heart aches, as I close the door on a chapter of my life. I’m too numb to know how I feel. Happy fucking Birthday.