I could hear Gage’s gravelly voice hit me like a ton of bricks. He thought I hated him? And while that thought occurred to me for a second, when I realized I wanted a chance with him, it didn’t matter. I wanted to be able to tell him I had changed my mind. I wanted to take back the things I said and go to him. I wanted to be in his arms more than anything. He was pleading for me to forgive him when all I wanted to tell him was that there was nothing to forgive.
But I couldn’t. Everything on my body hurt. My throat burned. Hell, everything on me burned like a firebrand. The few moments I did my best to bear it, the doctor said they would set a timer if my heart went up to a certain level and the pains medicine they were giving me through the IV would take it all away. I was getting tired of laying on this one side though.
I didn’t even know what day it was. I knew when the hotel staff found me, that woman had screamed and screamed until help came. When I was loaded into the ambulance, the pain was so severe that I passed out again. Talking was not happening anytime soon either. The doctor told me I did something to my throat. Whether it was from the strangulation or from the screaming. The area around my mouth didn’t hurt as much now as it did when the tape was ripped off.
The pain in my body wasn’t as severe as it had been either—if I stayed in one place and didn’t move. But then, at the slightest hint of pain my heart raced and then medicine filtered through me and then I felt nothing. I was awake however when Gage had come in and talked to me.
It made me feel bad for saying all those shitty things to him before. I didn’t want him to feel like he had to make it up to me. He has shown me so much in the past few months that I couldn’t ever repay. Of course we hadn’t been intimate yet. I knew now he was waiting for me to be completely his. And while I thought I was, it wasn’t true. Because I should have stopped this weeks ago. I should have stepped up to my mother and told her to stay away from me. Now? I didn’t know what was going to happen. I meant what I said when I told her I forgave her. I did.
I wanted something more than what we’ve had. And for me to really move on, I needed to let go of the past and stop letting it dictate how my future was going to be. And the only future I wanted was with Gage.
Gage hadn’t left my side. Not once. I don’t know how he managed it but he hadn’t left except to go to the restroom and then he was back by my side, his warm hands engulfing mine once again. His fingers always caressed my knuckles or my fingers in soothing strokes.
Even when the nurses came in and redressed my bandages. Sometimes I opened my eyes and he was looking right into mine. His blue eyes shone bright yet they were always rimmed with red. But his gaze never once left mine when I was awake. And God the pain I saw in his eyes made me feel like I lost something deep inside. He didn’t talk much after he first came in here. The only words that ever came out of his mouth were I love you. Good morning, beautiful. Good afternoon, babe. Goodnight, sweet dreams, firecracker.
I was growing quite attached to that silly nickname. It hurt to smile so I hoped he didn’t think I was trying to deliberately be rude.
After what seemed like forever, I was finally not feeling so bad and sore and I had waited until Gage got up and went to the restroom.
I turned as slow as I could onto my back, where it felt like the worst sunburn ever. Hot with a small shot of pain, but it was bearable. It wasn’t as painful as I thought it would be. I don’t know how long I’ve been in here. Whatever salve they were putting on me was helping at least. But it didn’t mean my heart didn’t pound and the heart monitor was just about to hit that level where the meds they gave me for pain would make me woozy once again.
I kept my breathing as even as I could. Trying not to huff and puff and pant. I was getting so damn tired of laying on my right side. If I had to, I would move to my left side, but I wanted to be on my back for a moment. Access my own injuries. My own aches and pains.
“Taylor?”
My eyes shot up at Gage’s voice. When I opened my mouth to say something, my throat felt too sore and a coughing fit ensued. He rushed over and filled a cup with water.
“Here, baby. Slowly, now.”
I swallowed the room temp water and it was like heaven. Oh, God my throat hurt so badly.
“You can’t talk right now. You’re throat still hasn’t healed like it should. They’ve been keeping you hydrated through the IV so you haven’t needed to drink or eat.”
I kept quiet, let him fed me the water. I could feel how he wanted to touch me, but was too afraid of what might still hurt. My arms didn’t and I reached up to grab the cup with one hand, while grabbing a hold of his wrist with the other.
I caressed my thumb over his pulse, which was racing erratically. I took another swallow and he took the cup from me, placing it back down on the nightstand.
Our eyes met and locked. I could feel every ounce of love he had for me pour out of him like a tidal wave.
My eyes burned with tears that I didn’t want to shed, but I knew it wouldn’t stop them anyway.
“Oh, baby. What do you need? Do I need to get the nurse? Doctor?”
I shook my head and pointed to him.
“What, Taylor? What can I get for you?”
Again, I pointed at him. Didn’t he know all I needed was him?
“Yes. I’ll get whatever you need.”
I rolled my eyes. He just wasn’t getting it. Slowly I brought my other hand up and mimicked writing.
“Yes, of course!” He looked through the nightstand and brought out the little pencil and notepad that was kept inside next to a Bible.
He gave it to me and I wrote what I really needed him to know.
All I need is you.
I gave it to him and tears burned in his eyes as he looked back to me. He blinked and they fell free, slipping down his beautiful, handsome face. And I reached up, wiping them away. His face curved into my hand and his eyes closed momentarily. He gestured for the pencil and I gave it to him where he wrote something right underneath what I wrote. With a small smile, he gave it back to me.
You have me. Always.
Because I wanted him to know, I held out my hand for the pencil and I furiously wrote what I needed him to know before anything else happens or someone interrupts us.
I was turning back. I figured out what I needed to do. That all I needed was you. But just as I went to go, things went from bad to worse in a matter of seconds.
I gave it to him and let him read. His jaw tightened and his hand gripped the paper hard, almost crushing it. His eyes locked on mine and I knew he saw what he needed to see.
The truth.
The truth that I was going to give it up. Give up my vengeance because it had no place in my future.
He took the pencil and quickly wrote something.
They are going to pay. They already have Roger locked up. Can’t find your mother.
I sighed, knowing that if she wanted it, she wouldn’t ever be found.
I wrote, don’t worry about my mother. She’s not important anymore.
He guffawed at my admission.
He went to write when I held him still. I mimicked with my hands that he could talk to me.
“Taylor. What she did to you…
I shook my head. Grabbed the pencil and paper and wrote, Gage, I forgave her. There are things from both of our lives that we both wanted to escape from. The fact that she’s too old to turn back time or to start over...well, she won’t ever mess with me again. I know.
He read it and shook his head. “That won’t be enough to keep York in jail.”
I shrugged.
I’ll get a restraining order. But leave my mother out of it.
“Alright. If that’s what you want. But I will say this. If she ever comes to you or me or us, I will stop at nothing to make sure she pays for what she did to you. That is a promise, Taylor.”
I nodded, but I wanted him to know something else. There is nothing to forgive. You’re here. By my side and you hadn’t left. I couldn’t ask for more. I am the one sorry. Sorry I didn’t see it sooner.
“See what sooner?”
That what I really wanted was right in front of me. Offering himself to me. Letting me know he would wait for me until time ends.
“There’s nothing to be sorry for. You’re my girl. Always will be.”
I nodded.
“I love you, Taylor Rae Johnson.”
Tears burned in my eyes. I yearned to say I love you back to him. I could have wrote that but writing it just didn’t feel right. I wanted him to hear it from my lips. My voice.
Thankfully, a knock came at the door and people started piling in. Stephen and Christina first, then a girl with long dark blonde hair and blue eyes walked in with a big, broad, blonde man behind her, keeping her hand tucked in his. Then an older woman. Who looked at me like I was a miracle.
Oh, my God. His mother. My eyes widened and I looked to see Gage’s eyes were focused on me.
“This is the family. Our family.”
Our family?
Stephen chuckled as he saw my reaction.
“Yeah, girl. When Gage made it known he found the girl of his dreams, well, you were made a part of our family. It took a while, and the circumstances suck right now, but know that he is our family and since you’re with him, that makes you our family, too. And family will always stick together.”
They all nodded, except his mother. She walked over to me, eyes filled with tears as she came to the other side of the bed. I couldn’t quite look her in the eyes though. It felt wrong. The woman who made Gage into the man he was today, well. It must have taken one hell of a woman to raise such a good man.
“Taylor? Darling. Don’t be afraid. We’re here now.” She said as she fluffed my pillow and smoothed the bed linens.
She said it like there was no way they wouldn’t be here. Her hand gently and slowly etched towards where mine laid on the bed. Just before I could move my hand—I wasn’t too sure I wanted a mother figure touching me right now—her hands cupped mine. My heart began to race, my eyes flickered up to her and she had the prettiest blue eyes. Her hands were super soft. I never felt hands that soft before. Her eyes were gentle and motherly. Not a look I was accustomed to.
Of course I couldn’t say anything so it’s not like I could tell her the only one in this room that made me afraid was her. What did she think of me? Did she think her son was too good for me? She’d be right, but still. Was she keeping her opinion to herself right now because there was so many people in this room?
I couldn’t keep my eyes on her. I felt vulnerable and inferior. I turned to look over at Gage. His eyes were soft and I felt the weight of his guilt hanging over his shoulders. I hated seeing him think he was the fault for Saturday night. I should have realized something was amiss when the leather belt wasn’t by my door like it should have been. I was such a fool.
Gage had his hand in mine and the other twirling my hair in easy twists, not letting it tighten against my scalp. I looked past him to Stephen and Christina who just looked at me with sympathy and sadness. Although Stephen looked a little on edge.
Did they know now? My eyes widened slightly at the thought and my eyes flickered to the other couple, then back to Stephen who must have understood my inner struggle because he slowly nodded.
Oh, God. They knew. They all knew. My heart pounded against my chest. Tears burned in my eyes and it felt like I just couldn’t stop the tears once they started.
“Hey, Taylor?” My eyes looked up into Stephen pale green eyes as he spoke, “No worries, doll. We’re just happy you’re safe now, and getting better. Family, Taylor. We don’t have to be blood to be family.”
I shifted my eyes back down, willing the tears to go away. I didn’t know what to say to that. I’ve never had family that didn’t want something from me before so this was nothing like I’ve ever experienced. I didn’t know how to be a part of a functional family.
“Trust me, no one in this room perfect. Not even your boy.” My eyes went from Stephen to Gage.
I took the pencil and paper and wrote something I thought he should know.
You might not be perfect to them, but you’re perfect for me.
I handed the notepad to Gage and let him read it. The smile that lit his face was enough to send a heat wave rushing over me. I felt that smile all the way to my core. He chuckled and took the pencil from me.
He handed the notepad back to me and I read, Glad you think so. Because you’re perfect for me, too.
I looked up at Gage and I knew I could just stay there…lost in his eyes.
“Look at them make googly eyes at each other.” Christina said with a smile.
“I think it’s sweet.” The girl in Jake’s arms said. She looked so familiar. Where have I seen her before? My eyes crinkled as I tried to recognize her.
Luckily, Gage didn’t leave me hanging for long. “That’s Lily, my sister. You saw her when she and I had dinner at the hotel.”
I nodded and gave her a small smile. Being around so many people was nerve wracking. I’ve never had such friends like this. Ever. How wonderful it must be to have people so loyal to you. It wasn’t what I was used to and I didn’t know how to feel about all this. I sure as hell didn’t know how to handle it. Right now though, all I wanted was Gage. There was too many people here. Staring.
“Alright, guys. Taylor needs her rest.” How she knew I didn’t know, but Gage’s mom herded the lot out. She looked back at me, and her smile was soft and sweet. “You’ll do just fine, Taylor. My boy’s never wanted anything or anyone more in his life than you. So if he loves you. I love you. Simple as that.” She gave me a wink and closed the door behind her.
I looked over to Gage and saw his never-ending focus was on me.
“Thirsty, baby?”
I nodded and he helped me drink the soothing water.
“I’m sorry they bombarded you like that. Stephen is his own brand of therapy lately. I’m sorry they—meaning Stephen, Jake and Lily since they helped find you and Christina, well, Stephen might have said something to her. I don’t know. But I’m sorry they had to find out. I know you weren’t ready for that but when I couldn’t find you and your phone was in your car, I had to know. I went a little crazy.”
I nodded, knowing he did what he thought was best.
I wrote, How long have I been in here?
“About two weeks.”
My eyes widened at that. Wow. That was a long time.
“How’s your pain?”
Better. Not as bad as it was earlier. I’m on my back and it feels like a healing sunburn.
Gage leaned down, his hands on either side of me, and touched his forehead to mine gently. His eyes closed and I knew whatever he was about to say was going to be hard for him. I saw the wetness on his eyelashes and it broke something inside me. To see this man, my man, cry was a sign I had made the right choice that Saturday. I knew this man would go to the ends of the earth for me.
“Taylor. I am so sorry, baby. I saw your face when I said I love you. You were relieved when they came in. If you can’t say it yet, I understand. Just know that I know you feel something for me. You told me you had changed your mind. That if they hadn’t come and attacked you, you would have been coming to me. Baby, that alone tells me you love me. But if you can’t say the words yet, it’s okay. I told you, you’re worth waiting for.”
I was desperate to touch him. I reached my left arm around the nape of his neck and caressed up and down the short hair at the base of his neck. I love how it tickles my palm. And because I couldn’t resist it any longer, I tilted my face upward and captured his lips with mine. The kiss was soft and barely there, but I put everything I could into it.
Our lips connected, and his tongue ran over my chapped lips, wanting inside. I gave him whatever he wanted. He peppered my face and neck with kisses before reaching back, looking deep into my eyes.
“Damn. I needed that just as bad as you did.”
I nodded because he was right. What I wouldn’t give to be in his arms right now. I reached for the notepad and pencil.
Somethings are better said out loud. And I want to go home.
“I’ll talk with the doctor. They should be coming in pretty soon. Then I’ll see what I can do about getting you back to the apartment. And I understand what you mean, baby.”
I shook my head frantically.
I wrote furiously, I don’t want to go there right now.
“Anything you want. Come home with me?”
I shrugged and wrote I don’t care where we go. I know now that anywhere I go, as long as I’m in your arms, I’m home.
“Damn, Tay. You know how to make a man feel loved and needed.”
And because I had to let him know, I mustered what strength and said, “You are.”
I couldn’t say it yet, but I did. I loved him to distraction. To the ends of this earth I did.