Chapter 17

Drayer

I paced in the hallways. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. But for all of my frenetic movement, it still didn’t do anything to soothe my nerves.

I had been completely shocked when I had found a note in my locker at the end of my shift. At first, I thought maybe Nick’s phone had died, and he was asking me to grab him a beer and stop by—not the first time he had done something like that in our friendship. But it turned out to be pretty much the complete opposite.

It was Ella, asking me over to her place and promising she would explain everything. That was certainly a lot easier than I thought it would be. I’d had this whole plot in my head of how I would get her to agree to talk to me and then convince her I could be trusted with whatever was bothering her. It hadn’t been thoroughly thought out, but it involved a lot of urgent pleas and maybe even a ballad or two.

Her way was much easier.

But now that I was outside her door, I was second-guessing myself. What if this was her way of turning me down? Sure, it was a weird way to do it, but Ella was a weird girl, so I wouldn’t put it past her.

By the seventh pass, I realized I could only put this off for so long, so I knocked on her door and held my breath.

She answered relatively quickly but looked me up and down.

“I didn’t know you were allowed to wear the Santa suit home,” she said after a few seconds of awkward staring.

“I’m not,” I admitted. It had been a last-minute decision, but I thought it might help break the ice between us. Plus, I’d caught her staring at me at least a dozen times in the suit. Either she totally had a ho-ho-ho fetish, or she just really liked the color red. “But you know, sometimes the risk is worth the reward.”

“I guess,” she murmured, stepping to the side. “What girl doesn’t dream of her own sexy Santa?” She stepped aside so I could enter, and I did so. Nervously.

She didn’t say a word to assuage me, but she did gently grip my hand and lead me over to her couch. She sat me down before lowering herself, but she didn’t speak.

I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Finally, after what seemed like an eon, she cleared her throat. “So, look. Christmas is hard for me.”

“Yeah, I gathered that.” She held up her hand for me not to speak, and I quieted down. I didn’t take offense to it. I could tell she was struggling to say what she needed to say, and she couldn’t have me sidetracking her thoughts. Whatever it was, it had to be important.

“A few years ago, when I was starting college, my mom was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer.” Her breath hitched, and my stomach dropped straight out of my body to somewhere down in China. I didn’t need a crystal ball to know exactly where this story was going, and I was already horrified. “She tried to fight it. She really did. She went through everything to make sure she could see me graduate. She fought for three months. But that year, on Christmas break, she passed away.”

Her voice cracked, and I could feel my throat grow scratchy like it did when I was trying not to cry. “I got to be with her in the end, and I suppose that’s all I can ask for. I don’t have any siblings, and my dad’s never been a part of the picture, so I was all alone.

“It was a really hard time for me. I was used to everything being her and me against the world. But instead, it was just me. But I struggled, and I thought I got over most of it. You know, the grieving and the crying.

“But then, my first Christmas without her came, and I was devastated. Since then, I’ve realized I was never going to be able to look at the holiday that way again.

“So, when you mention Christmas and what I’m doing, I’m reminded of how great it once was and how it will never be that way again. I don’t mean to, and I do want to heal and grow, but I can’t. I’m stuck.”

Wow.

Poor Ella.

Poor, poor Ella.

I didn’t pity her. She was far too strong for that, but I didn’t believe she deserved any of that. She had endured so much pain, so much uncertainty on her own. I just wanted to take care of all of it, so she could lean back and rest for once.

“Ella,” I murmured quietly, gently taking her hands in mine. “Thank you so much for trusting me with that. I appreciate that was your story, and you didn’t have to tell me anything.” I took a deep breath. “But I absolutely promise you, if you were to let me in, to trust me as someone who could be a good friend or more for you, I will always be there for you. I will make all your Christmases and anything else you can think of so much better. You don’t have to be alone. You can lean on me, and I’ll be more than happy to support you.”

She heaved a sigh of what I wanted to say relief and then collapsed against me. It wasn’t long before sobs wracked her small frame, tears that had been held back too long pouring out to wet my suit.

But I didn’t mind, and I certainly didn’t complain. I just held her there, sure and warm, until her tears dried, and she sat up slightly.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“No thanks needed,” I said, reaching up to cup her face, my thumbs wiping away her tears.

In that moment, our eyes locked and that same magnetic pull drew us together. The corners of her lips curled, and she leaned forward until we were a breath away.

We stayed like that for a second, our breathing ghosting across each other’s faces in a way that was just too perfect.

And then, without an ounce of hesitance, we surged forward in a heated kiss.