Chapter 16

Ella

I focused all my energy and mind on folding clothes. Sure, it wasn’t exactly the most thrilling of times, but at least it kept my thoughts off everything else.

And by everything else, I pretty much meant Drayer.

My day off hadn’t been much help. The whole time I spent either pouting or reminiscing about the old times before the world sucked and my heart was comprised of mostly broken rubble and betrayal. Back when there was hope and not loss. Dreams for the future instead of resignation to the way the world was.

Wow, apparently, I got really dramatic when I was left alone too long with my own thoughts, so it was good to be back. All I had to do was completely avoid Drayer, and then I could—

“There you are! What the hell is going on?”

I nearly jumped out of my skin as a strong hand gripped my arm. Spinning, I whipped around to see it was just Jo, but boy, she looked pretty pissed.

“Excuse me?” I asked, wresting my arm from her hold. I tried to think of anything I had done to bother her recently, other than not return her belt yet, but it hadn’t even been a week since I’d borrowed it.

“Dude, Drayer came up to me at work yesterday to ask if you were okay. He was really polite but also super upset. Come on, I never thought you were the type to play around with someone.”

“I’m not,” I answered quickly. “I—” I realized there was no point in trying to hide what had happened. Jo could see through me too easily. “I probably shouldn’t have just run out of the pub.”

“You ran out of the pub?” she asked incredulously.

“Wait, you didn’t know?”

“No, I didn’t know! He only told me you’d withdrawn, not that you freakin’ bailed on the whole kit and caboodle!”

“Oh. Well, yeah. I left. After we ordered our appetizers.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Jo looked so disappointed in me that I wilted a little. Was she right? Had I been totally over the line in jumping ship?

“What? I slid him a couple of dollars for the food.”

“You sli—” She threw her hands up in the air. “Do you want this guy or not? Because I’m totally down for whatever you pick, but you’ve got to pick one.”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, you better make up your mind quick. Although, to be honest, unless you find a way to fix this,” she gestured to all of me, “Drayer might have already made that decision for you.”

Although I knew she was trying to help, I couldn’t keep from feeling defensive. She didn’t know what it was like to go through what I went through. She still had her whole heart, her whole family. She didn’t know what it was like to have the legs cut out from under her and have her entire life change forever.

“Well then, let him! Who said I wanted to fix this? Maybe I should just be left alone.”

“Ella, you really need to start letting people in. I know you were hurt, but you can’t keep fighting everyone who tries to make a connection with you. I’m the only friend you have left, and what are you going to do if I move or if something happens to me? You, of all people, know how suddenly someone can leave your life.”

I opened my mouth at that, wanting to tell her where exactly to shove her friendship. But then I closed it. Then I opened it again, only to say nothing, and then turn around and walk away.

It wasn’t like I could go far, considering I was at work and all, but Jo had the good sense to leave me alone. I had a feeling she might be right, but I was still too raw, too defensive, to listen.

I stormed over to the dressing room and grabbed the rejects for some good old-fashioned rehoming. I went through my day with a storm cloud over my head, and I stayed that way all the way up until I heard a childish giggle.

I couldn’t help it. My eyes were immediately drawn to the North Pole display. Sure enough, Drayer was there with a set of young twins in his lap, delighting them with some joke or another.

It really was lovely watching him interact. Even from where I was, I could tell he was so kind with each and every one of them. I didn’t think I’d ever seen so many kids smile in such a short period. I guessed he just had a kind soul that they could sense.

Jo was right. I needed to let him in.

Even if we didn’t work out romantically, I could use a friend who wanted the best for me. If anyone could be that person besides Jo, it was Drayer.

I took a deep breath and made my decision. First, I needed to apologize to Jo. Then, I needed to make sure I hadn’t chased Drayer away forever.

Boy, it sure was going to be a busy Friday.

Finding Jo was easy, and I hardly needed to apologize. I approached her with a guilty expression, and she just sighed and then pulled me into a quick hug. There were no words, no long, drawn-out speeches, but she knew.

I would always be grateful for being lucky enough to know someone like Jo.

But then came the hard part. The Christmas season was in full swing, so Drayer and my breaks didn’t line up anymore. I asked Jimmy to stall mine several times, but eventually, he ordered me to the break room, and I saw the North Pole still had an incredibly long line while on my way.

Fine. A note would have to do. Slid into his locker where I knew he kept his clothes. It felt very high school, but I didn’t know what choice I had.

Thankfully, there weren’t many of us in the break room, so I didn’t feel self-conscious as I penned my little note on a torn off piece of paper towel. I ended up going through four of them. That’s how many times I started writing only to scribble out what I had and start again.

In the end, I decided on short and simple. There were some things you told someone face to face, and pretty much everything I had to say was in that category.

Drayer,

I’m sorry about our date. If you can, come to my apartment tomorrow after work, and I’ll explain everything. You deserve to know.

-Ella

And that was that.

Sliding it into his locker, I hightailed it out of the break room before anyone could ask me what I was doing. The last thing I wanted was for even more people to get in on whatever was going on between us. It already felt like too many people were in on it.

Heading back out, of course my head snapped right back to the North Pole display. I really was predictable, wasn’t I? And of course, Drayer and I made eye contact. Because life obviously hated me.

I stared at him with wide eyes, completely unsure of how to arrange my face. For a moment, I was sure he would look away and go about his life, pretending I didn’t exist because that was what I deserved. But he didn’t do that. Instead, he just winked, and electricity shot through my entire body.

Oh, dear.

Even if my mind wasn’t sure what my decision was, my body had obviously made up its mind.