Ellie had been on the road basically all her life, but this had been by far the nicest road trip. Sophie had monopolized the conversation, while Sammy simply sat and stared—but Ellie had noticed a small change in his attitude. With every mile they drove, he seemed to relax a little more in his seat, and he’d even let Sophie kidnap his stuffed dinosaur, the one toy he never went anywhere without. It was the toy he’d been holding to his chest when they’d found him next to his mother’s lifeless body; Mrs. Saunders had told her he never let go of it. Like Linus, it was his personal security blanket, his shield against the world—so the fact he’d let Sophie have it meant a lot.
Riding with Adam had felt a little awkward, though. He’d concentrated on the road and hadn’t said much, but after she gave the kids the juice packs, he’d gone all stiff and even more focused on the road. She’d gone over what she’d said and done, but she hadn’t been able to find anything wrong. Maybe he was just tired from the long drive, because when they reached their destination he went back to his usual laid-back self.
Once both kids were out of the car and Adam had locked it, Ellie held out her right hand and Sammy took it without hesitation. A second later, Sophie grabbed her left hand and squeezed.
“Hey! What about me?” Adam asked, staring at Sophie with a mock pout while she walked next to Ellie. “Aren’t you supposed to hold my hand? I thought you said I was your favorite daddy just the other day.”
Sophie looked at Adam and, while still squeezing Ellie’s hand, she held out her other hand toward him. “You’re still my favowite daddy, don’t wowwy,” she said with a serious tone, taking Adam’s right hand. “I can hold your hand, too. I have two hands.”
Ellie heard the unspoken ‘Duh’ in the little girl’s voice and smiled. Sophie was cute. She was going to be a sassy adult if she kept up her attitude.
Adam exhaled loudly with relief as his big hand engulfed his daughter’s tiny one. When he met Ellie’s eyes, he winked and smiled. Ellie smiled back, mentally stomping on the butterflies flying around in her stomach.
Sophie half-walked, half-bounced, letting out a “whee” every time she skipped and launched herself in the air holding on to Adam and Ellie’s hands. Sammy walked in silence, holding his dinosaur and looking at his surroundings. This felt a little too much like a family trip, and she’d better remember it wasn’t—and who he was. Hadn’t she learned anything from the past at all?
“Where are the seals, Daddy? I want to see them now!”
“I think it’s about time I taught you the meaning of the word patience,” Adam half-mumbled grumpily. “Or your teacher here should.”
Ellie laughed. If she had to be honest, though, she was looking forward to seeing them too. “Maybe we should go see them now, and we can come back here for lunch later. I saw picnic tables over there.” She looked at Adam with her eyebrows raised in question. She wasn’t sure she should decide for them all, since she’d practically crashed Adam and Sophie’s trip, but she hoped Adam wouldn’t mind her suggestion.
“Yay!” Sophie bounced and would have tripped over, if Adam hadn’t held on to her hand.
“Sophie,” Adam warned. She looked up at him, her angelic face all wide-eyed innocence.
“Daddy, you’re walking too slow.”
“Am I?” Adam asked, apparently bewildered. A second later, he swept her up in his arms, making her squeal in surprise, and put her on his shoulders. He jogged away, and Sophie’s giggles carried on the wind. Ellie laughed and stared down at Sammy.
“We’d better catch up. How about we run after them?”
Sammy stared at her, then at Adam, who was jogging in circles with a squealing three-year-old on his shoulder. As soon as Sammy nodded, Ellie quickened her pace, not quite jogging though. Sammy followed along, and they reached Adam and Sophie near the trail that led down to the sandy cove from where they should be able to spot sea lions and seals.
“Daddy, look!” Sophie took off in the direction of a group of animals basking in the sun on a flat rock. Their wet pelts shone under the rays of the autumn sun and their barking broke the quiet. Sophie giggled and ran back toward Adam and Ellie. “They make funny noises.”
“It’s how they talk to each other,” Ellie explained, crouching between the two kids. “Maybe they’re talking about us, wondering who we are.”
“Hello, seals! I’m Sophie, and dis is my daddy Adam!” Sophie yelled, cupping her hands around her mouth. “Dis is Miss Ellie and my fwiend Sammy.”
A few seals barked loudly, and Sophie smiled broadly, a toothy grin that made the dimple appear in her right cheek.
“I want to take a picture for Gwammy,” Sophie said, tugging on Adam’s hand. He nodded and pulled out his phone.
“Good idea. Come here.” He lifted her and took a selfie with the seals in the background.
“Sammy, we should take a picture for your Grammy, too,” Ellie said, fishing her phone out of her backpack.
“Yay! Let’s take a picture togever.” Sophie clapped her hands and launched herself at Ellie. If only a third of Sophie’s enthusiasm would eventually seep into Sammy by the end of the day, Ellie would consider it a victory.
Adam used Ellie’s phone to take a picture of her with the kids. When he gave it back to her, their fingers brushed, and the unwelcome jolt of awareness hit her again. He flinched slightly and put his hands in the pockets of his jeans as soon as the phone was out of his hands. Had he felt it, too?
After a few more pictures were taken, Adam handed both kids the granola chocolate chip bars his mother had made the day before especially for Sophie, who loved them.
Sophie wolfed her snack down in record time, while Sammy munched his slowly, holding on to Ellie’s hand and partially hiding behind her from Adam’s view. He still didn’t trust Sophie’s dad, but she wasn’t surprised. The little boy had never had a father figure in his life, so it was normal for him to be wary of men in general. Maybe, after he’d spent a few hours in Adam’s company, he’d warm up to him.
“Daddy, can we pick shells?” Sophie threw herself at Adam, hanging on to him like a little monkey, making the two adults laugh. Apparently, the little girl had a never-ending supply of energy. “I want to bwing them to Gwammy.”
“Fine. But stay right here where we can see you, okay? No wandering around the beach.” Adam put her down and ruffled her curls. “And don’t get too close to the water or you’ll get wet.”
Sophie nodded and promised she wouldn’t, but Adam’s frown showed he didn’t trust his daughter to keep her promise. She trotted away toward a small mound of pebbles ten feet ahead of them and squatted down.
Sammy tugged on Ellie’s hand, and she looked down. He had his hand held out toward her, fisting the kitchen paper that had been wrapped around the granola bar. Ellie took it and crouched down in front of him.
“Thank you. You’re a very well-mannered little man.” Ellie smiled, but Sammy just stared at his feet. “So… did you like the seals?” Ellie pulled out a wet wipe from her backpack and removed the chocolate smeared around his mouth. He nodded.
“Sammy, come! Let’s get some shells,” Sophie called from where she was crouched on the sand, picking up shells and pebbles. He looked up at Ellie, with wide eyes that seemed to ask for permission to go join his friend.
“Are you having fun with Sophie? Would you like to go play with her now?”
He nodded again, and this time the corners of his mouth lifted in what looked like a tentative smile. Ellie’s throat constricted, and she stood up, motioning for him to go join Sophie. He took off and ran toward his friend, while her vision blurred, and a tear rolled down her cheek.
“Um, you… okay?” Adam stood to her right, looking a little uncomfortable with his hands tucked in the front pockets of his jeans and his eyebrows pulled together.
She nodded, feeling silly for letting her emotions take over. She couldn’t help it, though. She always got too attached to her children, especially those who struggled the most.
“He smiled,” she said, clearing her throat when her voice cracked. “I know it’s silly, and it was barely a twitch of his lips, but it’s such huge progress. I feel… I feel like I’m getting somewhere, that I’m getting through to him somehow.” She smiled, wiping the stray tear with the tips of her fingers.
“You really love your job, don’t you?” When she nodded, his face softened. “I noticed the way you never mind when Sophie comes bothering you even after work, and now offering to babysit that little boy on your day off. I mean, it’s obvious you’d have to love kids to work with them all day long, but the way you truly care about them, even though they’re not your own… it’s amazing.”
She shrugged, feeling a little self-conscious. “Well, I don’t really consider what I do a job. Besides, most of the time it’s them teaching me things more than the other way around.”
“I can barely make it through the day with one kid of my own. I’m a little awed by the way you make it look so easy.”
She laughed, the emotion Sammy’s smile had caused slowly fading. “You’ve gone through the toughest years. From now on, it’ll only be a downward ride.” Adam quirked an eyebrow and she laughed again. “Okay, not true. Adolescence will probably bring you to your knees, but there are still a few years before that. I can write down some notes and tips for you, if you’d like.”
The grin that spread on his face made her heart stutter just a little. The dimple in his right cheek was barely visible underneath the stubble, but it was enough to wreak havoc in the swarm of butterflies in her chest.
“How did you decide to become a preschool teacher? Was it your lifelong dream or something?” he asked a moment later, as they sat side by side on a flat rock, keeping their eyes on the children.
“My father was in the Army, a commanding officer who got moved all over the country, wherever they needed him to train soldiers. We went with him—my mom, my brother and I—so it was hard to become really close friends with anyone.”
“That must’ve been hard. I grew up in Spring, never moved anywhere until college. And even when I was in Seattle, I missed home all the time.”
“You get used to it, when moving is all you’ve ever known.” She shrugged, fidgeting with the strap of her backpack sitting in her lap. Not entirely true, but she wasn’t going to admit it to him. “The longest we spent in one place was when I was fourteen and Dad got transferred to Camp Lejeune. We all moved to Jacksonville, North Carolina and stayed there for nearly three years, which was a record for us. While we were there, I became friends with a girl named Gwen. She was sort of an outcast like me, never got included in the cool kids’ cliques because she was quiet and shy. Most of the time the other kids picked on her, and it drove me insane.” She’d hated those kids, but she’d been too afraid to stand up for Gwen, or for herself. She knew Ethan would have helped her, but she didn’t want to get him into trouble, so she just ignored them, pretending they didn’t exist. “We sat next to each other in some classes, and we always had lunch together. She had a hard time fitting in and had trouble with most subjects, even though she was a smart girl. She leaned on me for help and I was happy to spend time after school with her, doing homework together, and just have someone I could call a friend.” She smiled, remembering those years as the best of her childhood and adolescence. Gwen had been so much fun to be with.
“So you decided you wanted to be a teacher.”
She shook her head. “Not right away, no. The thing that pushed me in that direction was way sadder.”
He frowned, and she looked away, feeling tears pricking her eyes. He’d already seen her cry because Sammy had smiled; she didn’t want him to think she was one of those whiny, weepy girls. Especially since men were usually freaked out by crying women.
“At the end of my junior year my father got transferred to California, and leaving Gwen behind nearly broke my heart. I was lucky I had my twin brother to lean on for support, but still… Ethan had warned me not to get attached to anyone, if I didn’t want to get hurt when we moved. Sure, he hung out with kids but never had trouble moving on to the next town. It was harder for me, maybe because I was a girl.”
Ethan had always told her they should count on each other only, because nobody and nothing would ever keep them apart. His words sounded like a joke now that he was in Afghanistan and she never knew whether he’d show up for their weekly Skype call.
“I kept in touch with Gwen after we moved, though. We talked on the phone and e-mailed. We even applied to the same colleges, so if we both got accepted we could share a room.” Her throat constricted a little at the memory of what had happened next. “A couple of weeks after spring break I got a call from her mother. Gwen had killed herself; she’d overdosed on pills she’d taken from her mother’s bathroom.”
Adam let out a gasp, and his hand reached out as if to take hers. He dropped it just before his fingers grazed her skin, probably realizing it wouldn’t be appropriate. “That’s… awful. Dying at such a young age must be devastating for those left behind.”
Ellie stared at the kids who were now busy throwing pebbles into the surf, as she took a moment to regain her composure. Even after ten years, it still hurt like it had happened the day before.
“It was like an ice-cold bucket of water had been poured over my head. Her mother told me that after I left, things got worse at school. She struggled a lot, kids made fun of her, and she was alone to cope with it. A new teacher who’d been trained in dyslexia spotted the signs and told her parents. She did her best to help, but it was too late. Gwen left a letter for her parents and one for me. She told me I’d been her only true friend, the only one who hadn’t pushed her away because she was different, because letters blurred and danced in front of her eyes when she tried to read.” She swallowed the lump in her throat, still as big as it had been back then, when she’d read Gwen’s letter. “I kept torturing myself for months afterward. If only I’d noticed the small signs, if only I’d listened more closely, if only I’d helped her open up with me, I might have understood, I could’ve saved her. Instead, I left her on her own, scared and alone, and she took her life because she felt inadequate, she felt different.”
“You didn’t leave her intentionally. You had to follow your family, it wasn’t your fault.” Adam’s voice was soft and a little gravelly, and stupid as it was, it reached deep down to her heart, warming it from the inside out.
“It was then I decided to contact the Department of Child and Adolescent Development at San Francisco State University. I hadn’t been able to help Gwen, but I could help other kids—I could save them from themselves, from the rest of the world. I’d help them build the confidence they’d need to withstand bullies and become strong adults.”
“Wow, that’s quite honorable. And pretty amazing, too.” Adam’s smile was a mix of awe and admiration, and she couldn’t help the flush that crept up her neck. She was proud of what she did—even if she wasn’t risking her own life to keep her country safe, like Ethan was, in her own small way she felt what she did was something worthwhile, something that could change kids’ lives and help them grow into good adults. Seeing the emotion on another person’s face, especially on Adam’s, made her a little self-conscious, though.
“I wish the reasons behind my career choice were half as honorable as yours,” he said. “I feel a little ashamed now.” He hung his head and chuckled.
“Don’t be too hard on yourself. Being an officer of the law is respectable enough—keeping the bad guys at bay and all that.” She patted his back in a friendly way, before she remembered they weren’t supposed to get friendly at all. Even with his denim jacket and shirt between her fingers and his skin, she felt a jolt shoot up her arm. This silly business had to end—he just couldn’t be her one. First of all because he was still hung up on his wife, and secondly because he could very well be the cause of her unemployment. She couldn’t risk it.
“Daddy, I have to pee.” Sophie interrupted Ellie’s musing, as she came barreling toward them. Adam scooped her up and looked around for the restrooms.
“I saw a toilet sign back there.” Ellie pointed to the way they’d come, grateful for the distraction the little girl had unintentionally provided. “We’ll go with you. Come on, Sammy.” She stuck out her hand, and Sammy took it without hesitation. She loved that he’d come to trust her so much; it was small progress, but it was something.
“Daddy, it’s weally urgent now. I weally weally have to pee.”
Adam laughed and squeezed Sophie to his chest. “Hold on, baby girl. Don’t leak on me.”
Ellie took Sammy’s hand and they hurried toward the building where the restrooms were located. When they got there, Adam reached for the men’s door, and Ellie stopped him just before he opened it.
“You can’t take her into the men’s.”
Adam frowned and seemed to think for a beat, before her words sank in. “Ah, you’re right. This is our first real trip; I hadn’t really considered the logistics. I can’t go into the ladies’ either, though, can I?”
“I’ll take her. Maybe you could take Sammy.” She crouched next to the boy and asked if he needed to go, too. When he nodded, she told him Sophie’s daddy would go with him, because they were both boys, while she would go with Sophie. He nodded again, clutching his dinosaur closer to his chest, then reluctantly followed Adam into the men’s, while she took Sophie’s hand and led her into the ladies’. Once again she couldn’t stop herself from thinking this felt a lot like a family day trip—and wished she didn’t like it so much.
* * *
They left the park shortly after noon. Sophie had pointed out rather strongly that she wanted fish and chips for her lunch; apparently, the snacks Adam had brought along had merely tamed her appetite an hour before. Sometimes he wondered if he’d ever stop succumbing to her every wish and start putting his foot down for real. Then again, he still had a few years to practice before she reached adolescence. Hopefully, he’d learn something by then.
Thirty minutes later, they stopped in Banton, a nearby town he remembered stopping at with his parents, whenever they made the drive up north, and found a nice, quaint fish restaurant where they ate delicious fish and chips. Sophie kept chattering even while she was eating, and Adam had to fight a smile as he told her she shouldn’t talk with her mouth full.
Ellie laughed when Sophie told her dad she had important things to say and couldn’t wait until she was finished chewing, in case she forgot what she wanted to say.
“I’m hopeless, aren’t I?” he asked Ellie, hanging his head in defeat.
“Don’t get discouraged, you’re doing a better job than most dads. She’s just going through a chatty phase—she’ll outgrow it. Wait ’til she’s a sulky teenager who’ll barely say hello to you in the mornings, then you’ll miss these days.”
She winked, and he widened his eyes in terror. When she laughed, the sound made his stomach feel… weird. Maybe he’d simply eaten too much and the feeling had nothing to do with how comfortable he was feeling, having lunch with his neighbor and two kids, like a happy family on a field trip. Or how he’d started looking at her in a different way after she’d told him the reason why she’d become a teacher. Or the fact that, with her cheeks glowing from spending the morning in the sun and her eyes looking greener when they’d stood on the beach, she was… well, pretty adorable.
He shook his head as they left the restaurant, hating himself for even noticing how pretty his neighbor, and his daughter’s teacher, was today. He wasn’t a teenager anymore. He was a single parent who had a little daughter to take care of, not to mention a criminal to find. He’d better remember that, the next time he entertained stupid thoughts about Ellie or any other woman. He didn’t have time nor did he want a woman in his life—no matter what he’d promised Hannah.
They were nearly at the car when Sophie spotted a playground and squealed with delight, begging him to let them play for a while. After what he’d just been thinking, the last thing he wanted was to spend more time around Ellie. He just wanted to go home, back to the place where Hannah would be staring at him from the pictures scattered around the rooms, back to where he felt safe and knew what his place in the world was.
But after all they’d eaten, he was likely to fall into a food-induced coma once he was behind the wheel, and that wouldn’t be a safe move. So he just nodded and followed Sophie toward the entrance, with Ellie and Sammy walking up beside him.
“Daddy, hold Buzz. He doesn’t like the slide.” Sophie handed her precious stuffed bunny to him as soon as they entered the playground. “Buzz, stay here. Daddy will look after you.” She kissed the bunny and patted its head before running away toward the play set.
“Do you want me to look after your dinosaur, too, Sammy?” Adam asked, extending his hand. The little guy stood in front of Ellie, digging the toe of his shoe in the sand, looking unsure as to whether he should follow Sophie or stay close to Ellie. After a couple of seconds, the boy looked up at Ellie, and she extended her hand.
“I can take care of Freddie for you while you play with Sophie. Would that be okay?”
Sammy nodded in that almost imperceptible way of his and handed the purple dinosaur to Ellie. He looked briefly at Adam, then ran toward Sophie, who was calling his name and yelling at him to hurry up.
“What did I do wrong?” Adam asked, as soon as the boy left.
“Nothing. He just… he doesn’t warm up to other people easily.” Ellie smiled, her eyes never leaving the little boy. “I still have a long way to go to help him open up, but he’s been making a lot of progress lately. Sophie’s been helping me a lot.”
Adam frowned. “Has she?”
“I think she’s sort of taken Sammy under her wing, and he understands he can trust her. The other kids got annoyed by the fact he doesn’t reply to them when they ask him something, and in a matter of days they left him on his own, even though I tried to make them include him in their activities. Sophie is the only one who doesn’t seem to mind.” A veil of sadness marred her soft features, and her brow furrowed.
“Bet she’s happy to do all the talking and let him tag along,” Adam said, eliciting a smile from her, just like he’d hoped. He didn’t like seeing her sad. “She can be kinda bossy; in a way, she’s a lot like her mother. Hannah used to boss me and our younger siblings around, when we were kids. I didn’t mind, but my brother Kyle usually rebelled against her, pulling Lauren along. Hannah hated that, and I always ended up in the middle of it all.”
Ellie laughed, and Adam’s heart lifted a little. He enjoyed hearing her laugh—a little too much for his own peace of mind.
“I know Sammy doesn’t mind tagging along, and truth be told, I’m hoping Sophie’s enthusiasm will help him get out of his shell.”
“What’s the matter with him? Is he, uh… autistic or something? If you’re allowed to say it, that is.”
Ellie inhaled deeply, staring at the kids playing on the slide. “No, medically speaking he’s perfectly fine. Mrs. Saunders took him to several doctors, and they all agreed there was nothing wrong with him. He’d been talking like all toddlers before his mom died, but he’s never said a word after they found him lying on the floor next to his mother’s body.”
Adam let out a gasp. He’d heard the story about Mrs. Saunder’s daughter dying, everybody in town had, but he hadn’t known that the little boy had been with her when it happened.
“He’s an adorable little boy, and I want to help him get better. I’ll help him to have a normal life, to enjoy his childhood like all the other kids, if it’s the last thing I do.”
“You’re a real badass teacher who takes her job seriously.” Adam grinned, and his mind conjured an image of Ellie dressed in a Wonder Woman costume saving kids from a big, bad monster. His blood froze. Where had that image come from?
“Well, so do you. You’re the deputy sheriff who keeps us all safe.”
“I’m hardly a hero.” He shrugged. Ever since taking on the job with Glen, he’d never thought much of what he did. Back when he was in Seattle he was a cop in a big city full of people who needed protection from crimes—even though he hadn’t been able to protect his wife, when it had come to it. Now that he was in Spring, the crime rate in the whole county was so low that he’d been wondering why Glen bothered having three deputies at all. He didn’t feel like a hero at all, especially not after letting Hannah down.
“Have you always wanted to be a sheriff?”
Adam laughed, as he shook his head. “I took the job as deputy only when I moved out of my parents’ place and needed a regular income to support Sophie. After what happened with Hannah, I wasn’t sure I wanted to be a cop anymore, but the job was there, and I didn’t know what else to do with my life, so I took it.”
“You were a police officer?”
Adam nodded. “I was a Seattle PD rookie, before I moved back here. Even though my dream was to be a P.I.”
“A private investigator? Really?” The surprise in her voice coupled with the amusement in her eyes made him wonder why he’d mentioned it at all. After all, it had been nothing but a silly childhood dream, but apparently she had the ability to make him say things he didn’t want to.
“I wanted to be like Magnum—Ferrari, mustache, Hawaiian shirts, and all.”
Ellie stared at him with wide eyes, and he grinned at her stunned expression. She quirked an eyebrow, and her eyes narrowed just a little. “And I bet you wanted the girls, too.”
“Busted.” He chuckled. “No, seriously, I was in awe of Magnum. I watched every single rerun, and I thought being a P.I. would be cool. So I went to college in Seattle, studied criminal justice and started gathering information on the business. Until Hannah introduced me to her friend’s boyfriend, who was a cop. He told me if I joined the police, I’d eventually be able to apply to become a detective. Hannah loved the idea of seeing me in a blue uniform, and I would have done basically anything that made her happy. So I finished my senior year in college, graduated and joined the police academy in Seattle.”
A smile tugged at his lips at the memory of the first day Hannah had seen him in his Seattle PD uniform—and how it had ended up on the floor ten minutes later. His heart gave a painful squeeze. When would the memories stop hurting so much? He wished he could think of his wife and all the happy moments they’d spent together without feeling his heart being twisted in his chest every single time. He wanted to be able to reminisce without his throat constricting and tears threatening to spill.
“Have you ever thought about going back to your initial plan?”
Ellie’s soft voice brought him back to the present, and he focused on the here and now. Sophie was sliding down the yellow slide, giggling and squealing every time she reached the ground, while Sammy followed her like a loyal puppy. Funny, he used to follow Hannah around just like that when they were Sophie and Sammy’s age.
“Not after Sophie was born, no. I needed something that would bring in a paycheck every month, and being a P.I., as exciting as it would be, wouldn’t do that.”
He shrugged. As much as it had hurt him to put his dream aside at the time, it didn’t hurt so much anymore. Maybe because he was older now, or maybe because his only priority was his daughter, and her happiness always came first. Being a P.I. didn’t sound as appealing as it used to when he was a child dreaming of being just like Magnum.
“Well, you could always wear Hawaiian shirts and lose the beard for a mustache instead.”
At that, he laughed. The sound was so unfamiliar to his ears that for a moment he thought it hadn’t come from him. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d laughed, but he was sure it hadn’t happened since Hannah died.
“Yeah, I should probably shave. The other day when I kissed her cheek Sophie complained that my face was prickly.” He scratched his cheek out of habit and realized that maybe it really was time. After Hannah died he hadn’t bothered shaving for weeks, and afterward he’d just liked the look and worked on keeping it well groomed. “I swear that little girl doesn’t know how to keep anything inside. Whatever she thinks, she says it. I guess I should work harder on fixing that, too.”
“That’s one of the things I love most about working with kids. They’re straightforward and never lie about their feelings. I wish they’d never grow out of that phase. The world would be a much better place if adults knew how to be honest.”
“Uh-oh. I sense a little hostility here. Whose face should I punch?”
He’d meant it as a joke, but the thought of someone hurting her had made his protective instincts kick in. Obviously, it was only because he was a good neighbor and an old-fashioned gentleman with a hero complex. Not because he wanted to be her hero.
Yeah, right.
Ellie laughed. “Nah, don’t worry, Sheriff. I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself just fine, thank you very much.”
Was that a note of disillusionment he heard in her words? What had happened to her? Who had turned her into this I-don’t-need-your-help kind of woman? And why did he care anyway?
“Daddy, push me!” Sophie shouted from the swing set, bringing his attention back to where it should have been all along: his daughter. He’d been so focused on Ellie and their conversation—well, more on her than on the actual conversation—that he’d forgotten to keep an eye on the kids, make sure they didn’t hurt themselves. God, what kind of father was he? Hannah would kill him in his sleep if he let anything happen to their daughter. And so would his parents and Hannah’s family.
He jogged over to where Sophie was dangling her legs, trying to push herself even though she couldn’t reach the sandy ground. The vision brought a smile to his face, and he wished Hannah could be there to see how cute their daughter had become. Ellie walked around him to the other swing and helped Sammy up, then went behind the little boy and pushed him.
“Daddy, push me!” Sophie’s tone was annoyed now, and she had every right to be, since her father was acting like an idiot, forgetting who was the most important person in his life, the one who needed all of his attention.
“Hold on tight, baby girl, you’re about to fly.”
Squeals filled the air as the swing went high. Not as high as he and his brothers used to push themselves, because there was no way he’d let his daughter do the reckless things he’d done back when he was a kid, but high enough for Sophie to giggle and shout at Ellie that she was flying like a fairy.
“Push me higher: I want to weach Mommy up in the clouds!”
Adam could swear his heart stopped beating for five long, painful seconds. He stood with his mouth open and his arms at his sides, as his vision blurred. A moment later, the swing hit him straight in the gut, knocking the air out of him, along with the remaining shards of his heart.
“Oh gosh, are you all right?” Ellie stopped Sammy’s swing and reached for him, stopping Sophie’s swing too before it hit him again. He straightened up and massaged his stomach.
“Yeah, I’m okay. It didn’t hurt much.” He put on a fake smile he hoped would look genuine to her. Sophie’s words had hurt him way more than the swing seat. If only it were that easy to reach Hannah, he’d rent a charter plane and fly high up in the clouds, just to hold her in his arms again, to see her beautiful smile and stroke her soft curls one more time. He’d almost forgotten what it felt like, and he hated it. He hated himself.
It should’ve been Hannah pushing Sophie on the swing. It should’ve been his wife rushing to him when the swing hit him, not his neighbor. Not his daughter’s teacher. How could he do this to her? She’d died to protect him. She’d died because of him. And he’d been spending the day with another woman, playing happy families, and forgetting, if only for a few short moments, his loving wife. He’d been laughing with another woman, letting her get close to his daughter—to their daughter.
“I think we should get going.” His tone came out harsher than he’d intended, but right now he felt as if that blow had put things back in perspective. All he wanted to do was go home and forget this day had ever happened. He had to focus on Sophie, he had to be the best dad for his little girl. He had to find the man who’d gotten away and lock him in a cell… not before he’d given him a black eye and a split lip, though.
Ellie nodded and helped Sammy off the swing seat. Adam saw the way her forehead had creased just slightly at his rough tone, and he felt horrible. Actually, he felt like a jerk, but whatever. He wasn’t trying to impress her anyway.
“I want to try to avoid the weekenders, get home before the rush hour starts.”
He picked up a grumbly Sophie, who wanted to stay a little longer. He wouldn’t surrender to her whining this time, though. Once they were back in the car, after a little more complaining, Sophie fell asleep, and when he looked in the rear-view mirror, he saw that Sammy had nodded off, too.
Uncomfortable with the sudden silence, he switched on the radio, letting country music fill the car. Whether Ellie was tired, or understood he wanted to be left alone with his thoughts, he was grateful she didn’t push him into a futile conversation he just wasn’t in the mood for. Once he was home, safe in his beach cottage, he knew he’d be able to put this day, and the crazy feelings he’d experienced, behind him. He needed to, if he wanted to keep sane.