DREW COULDN’T SETTLE on an emotion. Rage, sure. Hurt, blinding hurt, yes. But as to the rest of it, he was clueless. Feeling swirled through him, building and retreating, kicking him in the gut before moving on.
He got to his house only to realize he didn’t want to go inside. He was afraid of what he would say if he saw his mother. Not knowing what else to do, he retreated to his garage, where he stood at the small workbench on one side and tried to figure out what the hell had gone so wrong.
He’d assumed that if anything broke them up it would be Autumn. But when it came to their daughter, they’d pulled together, working through their issues. But this...
He laughed without humor. This? He didn’t even know what this was.
“Son, you all right?” His dad walked in from the house. “You’ve been out here awhile.”
Drew looked at his father. “I can’t do this, Dad. I know what the plan is, but I won’t be a part of it. You’re screwing with my life.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Silver and Autumn.”
His father frowned. “Silver? That girl you knew in high school?”
“Yes, we’re back together. It’s serious.” Or it had been.
“I didn’t know. I thought—” He shook his head. “Wait. Who’s Autumn?”
Drew couldn’t believe it. “Mom didn’t tell you?”
“Tell me what? Drew, what’s going on? Start at the beginning, please.”
Had his mother really not said anything about Autumn? Even as he thought the question, Drew realized he already had the answer. Of course, she’d kept the information to herself. It was inconvenient.
“Silver got pregnant over that summer,” he began. “We agreed she would give up the baby for adoption. What I recently found out was that Silver stayed in touch with the woman who adopted our child.
“She was here, Dad,” he said, unable not to smile when he talked about her. “She’s great. Smart and funny and still a kid but on the verge of growing up. I got to know her and I can’t wait to see her again.”
His father looked stunned. “I don’t understand. You told your mother about this?”
“Every word. I told her when Autumn was in town. It didn’t go well.”
His father leaned heavily against the workbench. “I can’t believe it. We have a granddaughter?”
Drew got out his phone and showed his father several pictures.
“She’s beautiful,” his dad breathed. “I want to meet her. Please tell me I can.”
“I’m sure Leigh would be open to it. Autumn would be thrilled. She’s very into having a lot of family. She met Grandpa Frank.”
His father stared at him. “She was in the big house? And your mother didn’t meet her?”
“She didn’t want to, Dad.” There was a lot to be said about that, but he had more pressing issues. “I gave her up without a second thought. I was all about college and my future. I signed the paperwork and that was it. Silver had to deal with being pregnant but not me. I went on with my life.”
He walked the length of the garage, then returned to his father. “Dad, I don’t want to join your lobbying firm. That’s not me. I want to help people one-on-one. I want to enjoy my friends and I want to fall in love and settle down.”
“With Silver?”
“I’d hoped so. Now I’m less sure.” She’d cut him loose—for the second time. She’d been the one to insist they break up before he went off to college. She’d been right that first time, but now? He didn’t think so.
“We were so young and I made so many mistakes. I don’t know what she’s thinking these days. She won’t tell me.”
“Did you ask?” His father studied him. “Did you fight for her? Does she know you’re in love with her?”
And there it was, he thought, almost not surprised. Sometimes the truth just walked out in front of a man and smiled up at him. He was in love with Silver. That was it—that was why everything else seemed out of kilter in his life. He was looking at it all without realizing he was totally and completely in love with Silver.
Before he could respond, the door to the house opened. Julie stepped out, then came to a stop.
“Wow,” she said with a sigh. “I have incredibly bad timing.” She turned to go back in the house.
“Wait,” Drew called. “What’s going on?”
“I, ah, booked a flight back to D.C. for tonight.” She gave Howard an apologetic smile. “This isn’t working out the way any of us thought it would, so I’m heading home. The thing is, I need a ride to Palm Springs so I can catch the red-eye to New York. From there I’ll get a quick flight to D.C.”
“I’ll take you,” Drew said quickly. “It’s the least I can do.”
Julie shook her head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
Drew walked toward her. “It’s a great idea. Come on. You can yell at me the whole way to the airport.”
“I don’t want to yell at you, Drew. None of this is your fault.”
“I appreciate that and I’m still taking you to Palm Springs. When do you want to leave?”
She gave him a smile. “How about right now?”
* * *
SILVER MANAGED TO stay strong, right up until she got a text from a D.C. number. If she had to guess, she would say it came from Irene. She was the only person Silver knew who was horrible enough to want to break someone she barely knew.
The text simply said I thought you should know. It was followed by a forwarded message.
Julie and I are in Palm Springs. I’m taking her to dinner before heading home.
As there was only one Julie in Silver’s life, it wasn’t hard to put the pieces together. In less than a day, Drew had moved on.
All her fears came to life. Even as her brain said the message could be interpreted to mean that he was leaving Julie in Palm Springs and coming home alone, her heart shattered into even more pieces. She lay on the sofa, fighting tears, knowing she was never going to be okay, never going to recover. It was always going to hurt. She’d finally figured out she’d been in love with Drew all this time and now he was gone.
When the pain got too big to contain, she called Natalie.
“Hey, you. What’s up?”
The familiar, cheerful voice should have comforted her. Instead she felt herself sinking deeper into despair.
“Drew and I,” she began, her voice shaking.
“I’m at the gallery,” Natalie said, interrupting. “Are you at home?”
“Yes.”
“I’ll be there in five minutes. Maybe less. Don’t go anywhere.”
Silver got up and unlocked the door, then went into the kitchen to start a pot of tea. Before the water had boiled, she turned off the stove and got out a bottle of tequila. She cut up limes and pulled out a shaker filled with good quality salt.
She’d just finished her first shot when Natalie burst into the apartment.
“What happened?” she asked as she flew across the room and hugged Silver. “Oh, honey, was he a moron? Was it worse? Do we need to have him beat up?”
Silver hugged her back, hanging on so tight, she was afraid she would do damage. It took several minutes before she could finally let go.
“He’s gone,” she said, letting the tears fall. “I sent him away and he went. He’s in Palm Springs with Julie. She’s perfect for him. She’s beautiful and smart. She speaks Chinese. I don’t speak Chinese. I speak a little Spanish and that’s it. She’s accomplished.” More tears fell. “That’s the word. Accomplished and I’m just some blonde who owns a bar in a trailer.”
Natalie pushed her into one of the kitchen chairs. She carried over the tequila, two shot glasses, the plate of lime wedges and the salt, then poured them each a big glass of water. After sitting across from Silver, she smiled.
“Technically you own three bars in trailers, so don’t be selling yourself short.”
The unexpected comment had Silver laughing for a couple of seconds before she began to cry. “I’ve lost him forever. I never had him, I know that, but now I’ve lost him and I don’t think I can do it. I don’t think I can survive this.”
Natalie took a shot, then reached for her water glass. “I feel like I’m missing some stuff here. Start at the beginning and tell me what’s going on.”
Silver closed her eyes and wondered where the beginning was. When Drew had bought the trailers? No, it was long before that.
“It started the summer I turned eighteen,” she said, and walked her friend through the intense romance that had resulted in her pregnancy. She finished with their last fight. The one where she’d sent Drew away and he’d gone without saying a word.
“You told him it was over,” Natalie said, pouring her third shot. Silver was on her fourth.
“What else was I supposed to say?”
“I don’t know. How about the truth? How about telling him you’re wildly in love with him?”
“Then he would only feel sorry for me. I didn’t want that.”
Natalie looked confused. “Silver, you’re the strongest person I know. This isn’t like you at all. What’s going on?”
“I don’t want to be my mother. She gave her life over to the men she loved. I can’t do that. I won’t. If I tell him I love him, then he’ll have power over me. I don’t know what will happen. I don’t know what he’ll do.”
Natalie’s brown eyes turned sympathetic. “You’re scared.”
“Of course I’m scared. I just realized I’ve been in love with Drew for over a decade. How stupid is that? I’m a complete and total fool.”
“And you’re terrified.”
“That, too.”
“No, I’m saying you’re acting out of fear. You’re not being rational. You’re like a wounded animal.”
Not a description Silver liked at all.
Natalie leaned toward her. “You’re so convinced he’s going to reject you that you’re pushing him away before he can hurt you more. You know how to live with the pain of unrequited love. You’ve been doing it forever. But the pain of being rejected is unimaginable. You’re risking your future happiness because of your fear. That’s kind of dumb.”
Silver honest to God didn’t know what to say to that. You’re wrong was certainly an option, although not a truthful one. She had a bad feeling that Natalie had gotten it right on the first try.
“How on earth could you know all this?”
“I’ve been doing a lot of reading,” Natalie admitted. “Ronan’s still wrestling with all the crap in his family. I thought being informed would make me a better partner for him. It’s really interesting and I’m finding it’s influencing my art in unexpected ways. Which isn’t the point.”
She lowered her voice and her tone gentled. “You pushed him away on purpose.”
“He wasn’t supposed to go,” Silver admitted, hating herself even as she acknowledged she was a wimp and a coward. “He was supposed to win me back.”
“I’m sure he’ll figure that out. He just needs a little time.”
“I don’t want to give him time. I want him punished. Julie, too.”
“That’s so nice.” Natalie smiled. “Tell him you love him.”
“Never.”
“Tell him you love him. If you don’t, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”
“I can’t.”
“You won’t.”
“I’m not brave, Natalie. It’s all bluster. A facade. On the inside, I’m spun glass.”
Her friend shook her head. “I might not have lived here that long, but I’ve heard stories about you. Silver, when you were a kid, you saw the life you had with your mom and you knew it wasn’t good for you. You were strong enough to ask for something different. You came here when you were fifteen and you made a life. When you got pregnant, you found a great family for your daughter and you gave her a wonderful chance at a new future. You’ve created a successful business from nothing, you have a circle of friends who would walk through fire for you and through it all you’ve stayed honest and kind. That’s an impressive legacy.”
Silver’s tears returned. “It’s not like I speak Chinese.”
“While that would be great, we don’t have a massive Chinese-speaking population here in Happily Inc, so if you’re looking for a new skill set you might want to try something different. You love Drew.”
“I know.”
“You’re going to have to admit it. That’s the only way to be free. If you’re right and he dumps you, then you will feel the pain and you will move on. If, as I suspect, he loves you back, then you’ll live happily ever after. Isn’t that worth the risk?”
“No! It’s not.” Natalie was right—she was afraid she couldn’t endure being spurned to her face. She didn’t want to see the pity or scorn in his eyes.
Natalie’s mouth dropped open. “Oh, Silver, I was wrong. I was so wrong. I’m sorry. It’s not the pain of being rejected.”
“You just said it was. I just accepted that was it. You can’t change it now.”
“You’re not afraid he’ll let you go—you’re afraid he never loved you in the first place. If he loved you and got over you, that’s one thing, but what if there wasn’t ever love at all? What if it’s all been one-sided, because that’s how it was with your mom, wasn’t it?”
Silver wanted to curl up in a ball and die. Instead she reached for the tequila and poured another shot. “You have got to stop whatever it is you’re reading. It’s not fair to the rest of us.”
“He loves you,” Natalie said firmly.
“Yeah, right.” She downed the shot, licked salt off her hand, then sucked on a lime. “For a man in love, he sure walked away without a backward glance.”
As for telling him how she felt... In her gut, she knew Natalie was right. At some point, she would have to come clean. If he cut her into little pieces, then she would figure out a way to put them back together and get on with her life. At least by telling him the truth, she would break the cycle. Maybe that would be enough to help her escape her mother’s fate.
“After Bethany and Cade’s party,” she said aloud, to make it more real. “I’ll confront him after the party.”
“Good for you. And if I’m wrong and he’s awful, I’ll ask Ronan and his brothers to beat the crap out of him.”
Silver managed a smile. “Thank you. You’re a very good friend and I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
* * *
PREPARATION FOR THE I Do BBQ party required all hands on deck. Silver arrived just after seven in the morning to find Renee was already working. The caterer would arrive at eleven to start setting up and Silver’s trailers would be in place by noon. Keeping busy was the best antidote to a broken heart, she told herself. She was grateful to have a day full of something other than missing Drew.
Hay bales and all the decorations had arrived the previous day. While a small army of hired staff set up tables and chairs, both inside and out, Silver went to work blowing up balloons. She found the work oddly relaxing, which was both good and bad. While she enjoyed her mind finally quieting down, she hadn’t slept in three days, so the downside of relaxing might be her keeling over in a dead sleep.
The florist showed up at nine. There were brightly colored arrangements in glass cowboy boot vases for the tables and sunflower kissing balls hanging down. Tall sprays of flowers flanked the entrances.
By eleven, Natalie, Carol, Wynn and Silver were setting up the lawn games.
“You sure about this?” Wynn asked as Natalie prepared to spray-paint a Twister board onto the lawn.
“It’s going to be great,” Natalie promised.
“I just can’t see the royal crowd playing Twister,” Wynn muttered.
There were His and Her beanbag toss games, horseshoes and croquet. As they worked, Silver found herself able to go minutes at a time and not think about Drew. It helped that none of her friends said anything, although the occasional arm squeeze or meaningful look told her they knew what had happened.
When the games were in place, they went inside. The tables were nearly finished. Burlap table runners offset white tablecloths. Mason jars acted as water glasses. The promised taco bar was being set up and the grill for the s’mores had already been placed outside.
A little before one, Pallas called them to join her. Silver and her friends stood in front of Weddings Out of the Box as a long line of black SUVs pulled up.
Wynn grabbed Silver’s hand. “Crap, she didn’t tell us what to do. Do we curtsy? Just shake hands? I’ve never met royalty before.”
“Renee swears a simple handshake is plenty.”
“Okay. If you’re sure.” Wynn touched her stomach. “Why am I nervous? This is ridiculous.”
Silver leaned close. “Because we all grew up reading about kings and queens and handsome princes.”
“Yeah, look how that turned out.”
The doors on the first SUV opened and three impressive-looking bodyguards stepped out. They were tall and muscled, wearing dark suits and sunglasses.
“Oh my.” Wynn leaned close. “I could use me some of that.”
“They’re on duty.”
“I can wait.”
One of bodyguards moved to the second SUV. Before he could open the door, Bethany stepped out of the third vehicle.
“I know, I know,” she called with a laugh. “There’s way too much pomp, right? Parents. I mean I love them but sheesh. Did they have to be royal?”
The passenger door to the second SUV opened and a tall, regal man stepped out. He, too, was dressed in a suit, but no one was going to mistake him for a bodyguard. Even without a crown, he managed to look kingly. A pretty woman in her late forties got out on the other side. Silver immediately saw the resemblance with her daughter.
The next few minutes were a blur of introductions. Silver shook hands with Bethany’s parents. They were charming and friendly and seemed to know a bit about everyone. Bethany’s younger brothers went off to inspect the games. Pallas and Renee ushered the entire royal party inside. The king and his entourage went into the groom’s room while Queen Liana, Bethany and all Bethany’s friends headed for the bride’s room.
Once they were in the plush space, Liana kicked off her shoes and laughed. “Okay, tell me there’s champagne because we have got to get this party started.”
Silver had already placed champagne and nonalcoholic sparkling cider on ice. She popped open the bottles and poured the bubbly liquid into glasses. Queen Liana smiled at all of them.
“All right. It’s a test and I think I’m going to do great.” She had the friends line up, then started at the left. “Pallas, Renee, Natalie, Wynn, Carol and Silver.” She bit her bottom lip. “Is that right?”
“It’s perfect, Mom.”
“Excellent.” The queen looked at her daughter. “Bethany, I love you so much and I want you to have a good time today.” She turned back to her daughter’s friends. “You’re stuck calling her father King Malik, I’m sorry to say, but for today, I am simply Liana.”
She set down her glass. “I heard about the cute outfits you have planned.”
Pallas opened the large closet doors where the T-shirts and jean skirts were hanging. Cowboy boots sat below each outfit. Silver had wondered why Pallas had asked her to drop off her party outfit earlier in the week. When she saw the cute display she realized it was just one more fun touch to make the day memorable.
Liana and Pallas exchanged a glance. Pallas grinned. “So, Bethany, I hope this is okay. You’re wearing the white T-shirt that says Bride and the white skirt with the fringe. The rest of us are in red Bride’s Posse T-shirts and denim skirts. When I mentioned that to your mom, she wanted in on the action.”
Bethany started to smile. “Mom, this is so like you. What did you do?”
Pallas reached for a pink T-shirt that said Mother of the Bride and a black denim skirt.
“I have the cutest boots to go with it,” Liana said, sounding like a teenager. “I know you girls are too young to understand, but I’m getting really close to fifty and this may be my last chance to look hot, so I’m going for it.” She grinned. “The skirt is just short enough to drive your father wild. I can’t wait.”
Bethany winced. “Um, Mom, no one wants to know about that, okay?”
“Perhaps, but he does know how to bring it.”
Bethany sank onto one of the chairs and sighed. “Welcome to my world.”
Silver found herself fighting unexpected tears. Not just because she missed Drew desperately but because the love between Bethany and her mom was so tangible. Family, when it worked, was the greatest gift, she thought wistfully.