Sacha
My phone call with Gib went well. Telling him about the baby had been nice-it was a warm, sharing moment. So, why was I still apprehensive? I knew logically he had a right to be included, but how to do that without giving up control of my life was the tricky part. If we were a romantically involved couple, it would be a different story.
There was one more hurdle to face-telling my mother. Attempting to control the conversation would be futile. She had pushed the idea of me giving her grandchildren even before I married Kevin, so I knew she was going to be ecstatic.
At first. Then she was going to let me know exactly how things should be done. Never mind she was a day's drive away. Steeling myself, I pushed the button on my phone and waited for the show to begin.
"Mom?"
"Hey, sweetie! We were just talking about you. I was telling Roger about Atlanta. He wants to come and see the zombies. I mean, you know, where they film them."
"Okay. That'd be fun. Listen, Mom, I need to let you know something, though."
"What's the matter? You sound ill."
"No, I'm not ill. But I am…"
I froze. The words wouldn't come. Mom should have been the first to know, and I had chickened out about telling her. Now it was going to hurt the poor woman to find her daughter was over thirteen weeks pregnant.
"What is it? Tell me."
An undercurrent of panic laced her voice, so I blurted out the news. "I'm pregnant."
The silence was almost deafening. Then she let out a shriek, causing me to hold the phone away from my ear.
"Ohhhh, my gawd, pregnant! Are you freaking serious?"
"Yes, I am. I'm just past the first trimester."
Squeals and giggles erupted on the line, followed by her shouting the good news to my stepbrother, Roger, and her husband, Frank. Then there was an abrupt silence.
"Wait. That's like, three months, and you're telling me now?"
"I wanted to be sure it was viable. I didn't want to upset you if something went wrong."
Her voice softened. "Oh honey, that's what a mother's for. To be there when things go wrong. You'll see."
With the initial shock over, the rest of the conversation went smoothly. We talked about my doctor appointments, when I was due, and other pregnancy related details. But the elephant was still sitting in the room, or on the line, and I knew it had to be addressed.
Should I lie and say I got a donor?
I was tempted to lie, but when Gib showed up to claim his son or daughter, Julia would be even more upset if she had no idea who he was.
"So, Mom… I never meant for it to happen this way. I thought it never would. You know how long Kevin and I tried."
"I know. Then it was particularly devastating for you the way he went about…what he did."
Discussing Kevin or the divorce was still painful, so I shifted the focus back on to me.
"Even though I've been alone, I still desperately wanted a child. So, I began the process for single-parent adoption several months ago. But before I could be approved, this happened. I guess the universe had other plans for me."
She clucked her tongue. "And you didn't tell me about that either. Sacha, we talk every day. What am I, a monster?"
"No, Mom. But that process could take years, and I didn't want to say anything until I was approved. If I hadn't been, I'd have been devastated all over again."
She sighed and said, "I know. Well, it's moot now, anyway. So… Do you know who the father is?"
I knew why she asked, but it still stung. "Of course, I know him. I'm not…I wouldn't…"
"Good. I thought maybe you went to the sperm bank or something. So, who is he?"
"His name is Gibson. The pregnancy was not planned, of course, but he's happy about it." A judgmental-sounding 'hmmm' was all I heard on the line. At least he wasn't a stranger. Well, not any longer. "He's a nice guy, Mom. And he understands I'm raising the baby alone, though he says he wants to be involved. We are working all that out, one step at a time."
Another silence followed, and I held my breath, waiting for the barrage of advice. Instead, she asked me one question.
"Are you happy, Sacha?"
It was so like Julia to cut to the heart of things. My mother's frankness had always irritated me, especially when it was an uncomfortable subject. But I knew it would be brought up again and again until I answered.
"About the baby, yes. I'm thrilled. About co-parenting with Gib? I'm not sure. We'll see."