Elise
Initially, I thought the worst thing I could have done was work alongside Aston. However, once I was part of the team, I realized I didn’t have to interact with him often. He was working on the field and I was working at the storefront, renting out guns, filling up people’s air tanks (before they headed out to play), selling chocolates, sodas and boxes of paintball. It was laid back work in the afternoon, but hectic as hell mid-morning when players flooded in.
Thankfully, I didn’t have to know the lingo, or tend to technical matters. Fred and Cora’s son Patrick worked there too, and he was eighteen, a paintball fanatic, and my newest friend. He handled most interactions with players when they had a problem, and he also swatted away the younger guys that held up the lines trying to flirt with me.
While I was getting paid pitifully, it was a good distraction. I didn’t want to pluck my eyeballs out of my face to stop from crying. Eeyore’s spirit didn’t possess my body, Adele music didn’t play in the background, and my mind wasn’t forced to recall that bitter rejection at the lake. I was too busy chatting to Patrick to pay attention to Aston as he came and went, his eyes glued to me whenever he was around. It seemed like since we mended things, he’d become too attentive and mindful of my company, meanwhile I was doing whatever I could not to stare at him. I just couldn’t do it. Pretending to be normal was hard work.
Instead, I took refuge in my friendship with Patrick. I liked how interested he was in me. It was nice being the one chased for once, and he was all over me. The flirting, the light touches on my shoulder and back, and the smiles with hidden meanings behind them. It was…new for me. Something…different.
I needed to move on. I had to for my own sanity. Out of force, I started to like Patrick. Not in the way I cared for Aston, but in that way that made the heart pinch just slightly in my chest. I liked this pinching feeling better. It made me feel like I was the one in control. He couldn’t hurt me if I didn’t let him in far.
Patrick was easy to be around, and he was funny. Plus he was very nice to look at. It was the perfect combination of boy that kept me from breaking apart. So I flirted back, returned the soft touches, until one weekend afternoon right before I got off work, he asked me out to the movies. I said yes without even blinking.
It was a victory. I’d sit and watch a movie with Patrick. I’d…let him hold my hand. I’d…let him kiss me. Maybe. Perhaps on the cheek at first, and…I don’t know, maybe the mouth, but…No, it’d be the cheek at first. Yes, not the mouth because…that would erase Aston’s touch and…No, it would be good to erase Aston’s touch.
That evening, sitting around the table finishing up dinner, I told Dad, “Patrick wants to take me to the movies tomorrow night.”
Dad paused from his bite and just stared at me for several long moments. I was asking for permission like he’d asked me to do before, but I was seventeen and hadn’t even gone on a date. I wondered if he thought I would never ask, and he probably loved that.
He sighed slowly. “I knew this day would come,” he muttered.
Mom laughed next to me. “She took her time, hon.”
I kept my eyes pinned to Dad, never once tearing them away to glance at Aston. I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to know what his reaction was or whether he even had one. He probably didn’t even care.
“This is Patrick Hills, right?” Dad confirmed.
I nodded. “Yeah, Fred and Cora’s son. Someone you know.” Someone you won’t have a damn problem with, or need to do background checks of.
He nodded, considering. “Yes, I know about the boy, but…I don’t know much about him. How come you’re talking to him to begin with? Aren’t you working?”
I sighed. “Would I still have a job if I wasn’t?”
“Elise.”
“Of course I’m working. He just helps me out, and we’ve been talking a lot. I don’t see a problem. School’s out next Tuesday, so all my responsibilities are done.”
He made a grunting sound indicating he was not all that impressed before he turned his head to Aston. “What is he like? Good enough for our Elise?”
I held my breath and reluctantly turned my head to Aston. My heart squeezed when I found his eyes on mine. His entire face was blank, his lips in a tight line, and his green eyes…cold. Very cold, it was almost like looking into ice.
“No,” Aston responded calmly, looking back at Dad. “He’s not good enough. He’s a player.”
My jaw dropped. “What? No, no, no, he’s not, Dad!”
Dad frowned. “Are you sure?” he asked Aston solemnly.
Aston nodded straightaway. “I don’t trust him. It’s bad enough she works around him. He’s an asshole.”
“Language,” Mom quietly added in disapproval.
I ignored her. “This is bullshit! Patrick is like the poster child for good guys! He’s got nice manners, and he isn’t an asshole, Dad. I swear it.”
Aston didn’t look ruffled as he said, “Dad, what would she know except what he’s told her? I’m a guy. I know what guys are really like, not what they’re pretending to be just to impress a girl.”
“Then why hang out with him?” I angrily retorted, glaring at him.
Aston looked at me, his face still blank. “He’s a good friend. That doesn’t make him a good boyfriend.”
“That’s not true –”
“I’m just being honest.”
“That’s such bullshit and you know it –”
“Alright, calm down,” Dad interrupted in a loud voice, silencing me. “Just relax, alright?”
I didn’t relax. I glared daggers at Aston, wondering what the hell he was playing at. There was nothing remotely wrong with Patrick. He was a seriously decent guy, and I saw the way he was like with the other guys. He had never pretended to be someone else with me.
“Now, I don’t know much about this boy,” Dad explained sternly, “and I’d like to have a talk with him before you go out. Just to be sure.”
I rolled my eyes. “You’re just going to intimidate him, Daddy, and he’ll be freaked out.”
“I don’t care how freaked out he is.” Ah, yes, the officer in him had surfaced. “What I care about is how he treats my daughter. There’s a lot of bad guys out there, Elise, and like Aston said, he may be one way with the girls, but he could be an entirely different way with everybody else. I need to be sure. Do you understand?”
I didn’t reply.
“Elise.”
I sighed and snapped, “Fine.”
“And work out whatever is going on between you two,” Dad added, staring at us grumpily. “I’m tired of you both fighting and giving each other the silent treatment. At the end of the day, when your mother and I are gone, all you’ll have is each other. For the love of god, grow up. You’re practically adults now.”
“Typical sibling stuff,” Mom assured him. “They’ll get over it. They always do.”
Sibling stuff. I didn’t hide the shudder I felt deep in my bones. Even my eye twitched.
“I just want us to be a happy family,” he replied to her. “It’s all I’ve ever cared about, that they’re happy. And this teenage shit is hard, especially from you, Elise.”
“Sorry for not being perfect,” I muttered defensively, “or like Aston. I don’t get the grades, and I can’t stay couped up in a bedroom, buried in a boring textbook. Forgive me for wanting to go out with a guy and enjoy myself for once –”
“That’s not what your father meant,” Mom cut in. “You’re being dramatic.”
“Dramatic? I’m not being dramatic. This is so unfair.”
Dad sighed. “I told you, Elise, I just need a word with this boy.”
I glared at him. “Do you want a tracker on me too, Dad? I’m seventeen years old.”
“Yes, seventeen years old,” he growled back, exasperated by my attitude. “If you’re so certain you can take care of yourself, the world is outside that door. Get a job, pay the bills, feed yourself and still find the time to go out on your date.”
Silence.
Well, shit, I just got owned. I had no decent rebuttal either.
I got up moments later and dumped my dishes in the sink. Then I huffed and puffed out of there, typical teenage girl style. Before I left, I glanced over my shoulder and at Aston. My eyes narrowed at the subtle smirk on his face. He stared back at me, and I could see the message loud and clear in his icy expression. He said two words, unspoken:
I won.
*
I sat in the dark on Aston’s bed, waiting for him to come up. My arms were crossed, and I was leaning back against the headboard, listening to him laugh downstairs with Mom and Dad. For a short moment, I smiled along at the sound, thinking how lucky we were to have him.
Then I remembered he had just tried sabotaging my date tomorrow – might have even succeeded – and my smile was replaced with a scowl. I had done nothing wrong! How could he? I was doing the right thing trying to find another guy to obsess over.
When I heard his footsteps approach the door, my adrenaline spiked. I was ready to tear his asshole a new one. The light flooded in as he opened the door and came in, and when I saw that soft smile planted on his lips and his blond hair ruffled in a million different directions, I froze. I swallowed the venom on my tongue, already softened by the sight of him. How unfair was it that he could control me even when he didn’t know it?
When he looked up and saw me, there wasn’t surprise on his face. In fact, his smile only broadened. He already knew I was in here. He shut the door behind him, and we were swallowed in darkness. I could feel his eyes on me, though I couldn’t see them.
“You think you’re so sneaky, don’t you?” he whispered to me, his voice low.
My heart skipped a beat. “How did you know I’m in here?”
“My door creaks when it closes. I heard it creak after you went up.”
“And still you kept me waiting.”
“I like when you’re fired up.”
I fumed, crossing my arms even tighter. “You want me angry?”
He sat down on the edge of the bed, his large silhouette turned to me. “For thinking you could go out with the likes of Patrick? Yeah, I want you angry. I want you as angry as I feel.”
“You don’t have any right to be angry. That was wrong what you did. He’s not a bad guy.”
“But he’s not for you.”
“How would you know?”
“Because he’s not me.”
My whole being tensed. I swallowed hard, a wave of emotions flooding through me. My heart felt clamped. I liked to visualize it in a spiky bear trap because it was the only thing that came close to explaining how it felt. Far from a pathetic pinch in the chest that only Patrick could ever achieve.
“Isn’t that right, El?”
“Don’t you dare say things like that,” I angrily said, my voice quiet and fierce. “Don’t you dare dangle yourself in front of me just out of reach and laugh at my feelings.”
“I’m not laughing,” he replied, solemnly.
“You should have just left it alone. It won’t change anything, you know. I’m still going out with him tomorrow.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Like fuck I’m not!”
“Shh.”
He wanted me to be quiet? No! He couldn’t push me this far and then expect me to remain a silent little mouse as he butchered my heart like it was nothing. I was panting, anger swirling through my depths, itching to come out. I wanted to provoke him, drive a reaction out of him, make him hurt just like I hurt!
“I’m going,” I went on, pushing my back off the headboard, leaning forward so he could make out my face. “I’m going because he’ll pass Daddy’s stupid little test, and then when we’re out, I’m going to kiss him and fuck him and do all the things the girls at school have done because I’m one of them too and I’m tired of wasting my time waiting on a guy like you!”
I waited for him to lash out – hungered for it even – but he didn’t move. As the seconds passed and my anger tapered off, I slowly realized what I said, and embarrassment followed. Fuck, I should have stayed quiet. I made a promise to myself to treat him well, but I couldn’t hold myself back. I didn’t understand what came over me time and time again. Aston was designed to make me tick, and then drive me insane with remorse.
Panicked, I licked my lips and whispered contritely, “Aston –”
“Shut up,” he interrupted harshly.
I did. I searched for words to apologize when I felt a hand wrap around my ankle. With a gasp, I was yanked down the mattress. In under a second, he was over me, trapping my body beneath him. I felt his large hands on my legs, felt him spreading them wide apart. He settled himself between them, and dipped his head to me, nose touching nose.
“You want me like this?” he asked, an edge in his voice.
Like what? I wanted to ask. Until he gently rocked against that part between my legs that sent jolts of untapped pleasure throughout my body. I gasped in shock-+++
.
“Yes,” I answered thoughtlessly, my voice tinged with desire.
He kissed my mouth and slid his tongue along the crease of my trembling lips. “And like this?”
I sucked in a mouthful of air. “Yes.”
Settling his forearms on either side of my head, he kissed me again, deeper this time, and pressed between my legs once more. I shook under him, flushed and panting. Fearing he might disappear any second, my hands balled into his shirt. He didn’t move away. He pressed his lips to mine, tasting them, exploring them. I was breathless and hot, kissing him back without restraint. It felt so good. His mouth was heaven, and I was floating.
“Like this?” he continued to ask.
“Yes,” I continued to pant. “Oh, God, yes.”
He continued rocking into me, fully clothed, that barrier slowly driving me mad. I wanted us flesh on flesh, wanted his hands to roam my body. Instead, he stayed that way, hips between my legs, mouth on mouth. He moved slowly, grinding into me with the perfect rhythm, triggering that special spot each time.
He licked my lips. “You think about doing this with me, Elise?”
“Yes,” I quivered.
“How long have you been thinking it?”
“Forever.”
He let out a breath as I felt him harden between my legs. “Good.”
He rocked into me over and over again, until my mind fled into the darkness. I wasn’t anyone in that moment. I was a vessel of feeling, focusing solely on his powerful movements. I took what he gave me, until the jolts of pleasure stretched longer, grew fiercer. I cried out his name in his mouth as it exploded inside of me, a current so strong, I shook beneath him, gripping his shirt so tight it hurt.
He stopped moving after that. He listened to my quiet moans, his body rigid. My hands loosened and he was quick to pull away. He sat down on the edge of the bed where he’d been before and neither of us spoke. I watched him run his hand through his hair and sigh. I wanted to know what he was thinking, but I didn’t want to risk hearing his guilt.
I was still catching my breath. My limbs were loose, my body…tender. He had selflessly grinded me into orgasm. It was incredible. More than incredible, it was everything and more.
“What are you thinking?” I finally whispered in the tiniest voice.
He turned his head to me. “Giving you that means you’re not going on your date, right?”
My jaw dropped. “You…did that so I wouldn’t see Patrick?”
“I did that because I wanted to, but I want to hear it from your mouth you’re not picking him over me. So say it.”
I felt unnerved by the demand in his voice. Another layer of Aston had just been peeled for me to see.
“I’m not picking him over you,” I told him.
“And?”
“And…I’m not going on that date.”
“Good. Don’t make me jealous again.”
“I wasn’t trying to.”
“No? You think I didn’t see you pressing up against him the second I went inside that store? Every fucking time I was around, you did it, waiting for me to react. I didn’t think you were like that, El.”
I pursed my lips. Yeah, he was right. Whatever. Call me desperate, but when you’re living with a wall you’re in love with, sometimes you just want to watch it crack.
Before I could say anything else, a knock sounded out.
“Aston, honey,” I heard Mom call.
My heart jumped to my throat. Did she hear us? Would she see me? A bolt of excuses tore through me, but Aston got up swiftly, grabbed the covers and threw them over me. I didn’t move, didn’t breathe, didn’t see anything. My heart went off like a jackhammer as I panicked under two inch layers of fabric. What if she caught me hiding? Then it would be obvious, and hell would break loose. Or would it?
With bated breath, I heard him go to the door and open it. “Yeah,” he said.
“Your father’s waiting in the shed, says he wanted to show you that mine storm thing.”
“Mindstorm,” he corrected her.
“I don’t know what it is. Some nerdy thing he says he’s finally finished building.”
“It’s a robot.”
“Sure, just go to him. He’s excited to try it out.”
“Alright, let me just throw my shoes on.”
He shut the door again and tugged the covers off of me. I sat up, red faced and nervous. He didn’t look at me once as he grabbed his shoes and put them on. When he got up, he said quietly, “Wait five minutes. I’ll make sure she’s downstairs by then.”
Then he turned away and walked out.
Just like that.
No other words, glances…nothing. Like, shit, really?!
I was alone and still shaking. I waited the torturous five minutes in his bedroom, and then I slipped out and disappeared in mine. I collapsed in my bed, feeling very strange, almost foreign in my own skin. In the silence, I questioned what just happened, and why I felt guilty about it.
Was it wrong what he did? Kissing me? Rubbing me? Making me feel that good? I’d always wanted it, always dreamed of it, so why did I feel like this?
Deep inside, I knew what was going on. We had just crossed a line. We’d done something that would horrify our parents. My father was so close to Aston, how would he feel about him if he knew what we’d done?
We weren’t related by blood. We weren’t siblings from birth. We had always been best friends more than anything.
Were we really to blame?
I sighed and cuddled my pillow to my chest. I stared at the wall he knocked on when he needed me, and I felt panic at the thought of that knock never sounding out. I needed Aston, and he was going to move out in a matter of weeks. And after tonight…I couldn’t bear being away from him.
My future was uncertain. My wants unknown. My path uncarved.
Without him in it, I would drown in his absence.