Trying to open my eyes proves difficult, especially when the light hits my pupils. I squeeze them shut tightly and emit a small cough.

“Andy?” I know that voice…don’t I? I try again to open my eyes, letting them adjust to the light above me.

“Bright…” I say. Soon after, the light dims and the voice I heard earlier speaks again. “Andy, baby? Can you hear me.”

The voice finally registers as I croak out his name. “Jude?”

“I’m here. Let me get you some water.”

A few seconds later, something is prodding at my lips, so I open them and let the straw in that Jude is guiding to my mouth. I take a light sip of the cool liquid before moving away from it, letting Jude know I’ve had enough. I cough again, which really hurts for some reason.

“Jude… Where am I?” My mind is fuzzy as I try to remember where I was before I woke up. Despite the headache pulsing across my forehead, my body feels sore and aches. Did I contract the flu and not realize it?

“You’re at St. Vincent’s, sweetheart. You had some problems, but the doctors have you fixed.”

Immediately, my hands reach for my stomach. “Oh god. Where’s my baby?” Moisture begins to pool and then drip down my face.

“Baby, it’s okay. Calm down.”

A panic sets in as I ask again. “Jude, where’s our baby? Oh god. What happened?”

“The baby is fine, or at least, he will be.”

Jude’s words have a calming effect on me. “Him?”

“Yes, sweetheart. It’s a boy. A beautiful, baby boy.”

“We have…a boy?” I’m barely able to speak the words as Jude clasps my hand in his and holds it alongside me.

“Yes. You gave birth to our baby. A beautiful boy.”

“Where is he?” I start to sit up from my prone position, but Jude’s hands press gently against my chest.

“You’ll see him soon. Right now, you need to get better yourself. I need you well so you can help me take care of him.”

“I don’t understand.” I grab for my head, wishing the dull throb would go away.

“Baby.” Jude’s voice is soft, as though he’s trying to handle me with as much care as possible. “Do you remember anything from last night?”

The spinning in my head only amplifies the confusion I’m feeling. “I… I.”

“It’s okay. Don’t stress about it. That isn’t important anyway.”

The bed is uncomfortable, so I shift and try to relax a bit more. A knock on the door draws both of our attention as a man dressed in scrubs walks in holding a tray. “Dinner time.”

As if a wave crested on the shore, a flood of memories sweeps back over me. “Dinner. I was making you dinner.”

“That’s right.” Jude’s face lights up. “That’s good. It means the concussion you have isn’t severe.”

“What happened?” This time I look straight at Jude, pleading with him to tell me why I’m in this hospital bed and how my six-month-old baby came into this world. I listen as he tells me the story of what he knows. All I can do is lay in silence, practically in disbelief that we almost lost the baby. When Jude finally finishes, I see the exhaustion in his features.

“Baby,” I say, splaying my hand out for him to take. I still feel weak and can’t seem to lift my arm very far. “Thank you for saving us.”

“I didn’t do it for you or the baby…”

I gasp at his words. What is he saying? Am I hallucinating from the meds? That must be it, because the Jude I’ve grown to love would of course have done it for me and our baby.

With a smile and a wink in my direction, he finishes. “I did it for me. And I’m not ashamed that I did it to be completely selfish. But I’m not through with you or our baby yet. I want more time. Time to fall more deeply in love with you. Time to watch our son grow up into a strong man.” He stops and chortles. “Time to see us become grandfathers.” Then he becomes serious again.

“I didn’t do it for either of you, because I had to do it for me. It’s the only way I can survive, knowing I have you and our son by my side. Without the two of you, I’m nothing.”

A tear carves its way down the skin of my cheek as I look at the man who has stolen my heart. “I love you, Jude.”

“Not as much as I love you, my love.” He squeezes my hand again as my eyes fight to stay open. “Don’t fight it.” His soft words give me the okay to drift back into a light slumber. “Let your body heal.” Those are the last words I hear before finally giving into the darkness that is pulling me into my dreams.

* * *

“Are you ready?” Jude opens the door to the house and leads me outside. It’s early in the morning, but neither of us could sleep well the night before.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” I reply, walking to the car as he unlocks it with the key fob he’s holding. After two and a half months of daily trips to the hospital, we finally get to bring our little Jeremy home from the hospital today. I won’t lie and say that the first few weeks weren’t tremulous. I was a nervous wreck any time one of the doctors said anything that didn’t sound encouraging.

But as the weeks went by, Jeremy became stronger. He even fattened up some after putting on a few pounds. Once the first month passed, the hospital staff seemed more optimistic about his chances, which made me feel much better. Now, we are getting to bring him home.

We arrive at the hospital and are greeted by name by the neonatal nurses. They motion us through to the area of the unit where Jeremy has been kept. Shayna is holding him next to his incubator. She smiles brightly as we approach. Holding out my arms, she places Jeremy into them. His tiny hand balls into a fist and makes its way around his face before sticking his thumb into his mouth and sucking.

“We haven’t even gotten him home and already have to break a bad habit.” Jude’s comment draws another huge grin from Shayna as she points a finger at him.

“I think the best part of that sentence is that he’s going home.” She winks before grabbing a diaper bag off the floor. “Here, this is from us.”

Damnit, just when I thought I couldn’t cry enough. “Thank you. You didn’t need to do that.”

Jude takes the bag and echoes my statement. “Really, you shouldn’t have.”

“We wanted too. It’s from all the nurses. Jeremy has been such a great baby. We’re going to miss him around here.” Shayna is almost in tears as she beams at us and rubs Jeremy’s forehead lightly with her fingertips.

“Yeah, make sure to bring him back around.” Another one of the nurses calls out from the other end of the unit.

“We will,” I assure them. “I don’t know how to thank you for all that you’ve done.” I look to all the nurses standing around the room.

“Thank us by making sure he’s taken care of,” Shayna says. “And make sure to get him to all of his checkups. That’s important for any baby, but especially for a preemie.”

“You have my word,” Jude says, moving in next to me and wrapping an arm around his family. “They will both be cared for very well.”

Shayna nods, knowing he’s telling the truth. We say our goodbyes again and head home with our baby boy. Finally, we feel like a complete family.

I carry the baby into the nursery once we get home. Matt and Jude worked so hard to make my Winnie the Pooh nursery come to life. Jude even went out and purchased to copies of the same books so that he could cut the pages and line them up as a border around the room. You can literally start at one end and read the whole book around the room.

Setting in the rocker with Jeremy, I begin to sway back and forth, holding my his tiny, blanket-wrapped frame in my arms. When I look up, Jude is leaning against the doorway, staring at the two of us.

“You know how happy you’ve made me?”

“He hasn’t started crying yet,” I tease.

“It doesn’t matter. His cry means he’s alive, and that’s the best sound I could ever hear right now.”

I chuckle again, knowing that although we haven’t hit a two o’clock feeding cry yet, Jude has every intention on being right there with me to help care for our son. He comes over and places a kiss on my cheek and then one on Jeremy’s forehead.

“How about I get some breakfast going?”

“Your famous breakfast?” I ask, remembering his crispy bacon and omelets.

“Anything for you.”

It’s not long before the smell of cooking eggs and delicious bacon waft into the baby’s room. I keep rocking, staring down at the sweet, innocent face of my sleeping child. “You’ll never know how lucky you are to have a dad like Jude,” I say in a soft whisper. “But I know one day you’ll be old enough to understand how lucky we both are.”

Jeremy shifts in my arms, stretching out his little hand and yawning before opening his eyes. Staring into those baby blues, I know everything is right in my world.