Two months in and we’ve established our routine together. Erin was a charming young girl. She proved that Noah could be someone other than who he was in Erin’s absence. He was an incredible father. He loved his daughter and protected her. Erin knew only love, and I cherished the time I spent with her.
When it was an Erin week, we were a happy little family. The established lines in my head became blurry. It all felt too comfortable, but that was how it should feel. Erin needed a positive, balanced and loving environment. It would be a lot easier if Noah and I were both ugly asexual human beings but unfortunately, that was not the case, and instead, the palpable sexual tension invaded every moment we were together.
When we were alone, we acted on it, and when Erin was around, it became difficult not to show our true feelings. But it didn’t mean that Noah changed. He still brought home his escorts and fucked them on that damn couch.
This one particular week flew by, and I hated that it was almost over. Yesterday, Erin and I had so much fun together; Fridays were half days as per the contract. After we finished her studies, Erin and I had our nails done and window-shopped. By the time she and I arrived home, Noah prepared our dinner. While he finished the preparations, we set the table.
The three of us ate dinner together and watched Frozen, again. When it was over, we both put Erin to bed and then went back downstairs to watch a more adult movie. I chose a movie where a man walked the "El Camino de Santiago" after his son died. Noah stretched out on the couch and made room for me to snuggle in next to him. I spooned my body against him as he draped his arm over my body. We stayed like that entire movie.
When the movie ended, I turned to look at Noah. He stayed on his side with his head propped on the pillow; he looked at me. “Good Choice.”
“It was sad but happy. It made me kind of melancholy.”
“I feel inspired.”
“Really? To do what?” I couldn’t wait to hear this.
“To kiss you.” He admitted.
I reached my hand up and wrapped it around his neck and drew him closer to me. Noah continued the path to my lips, and we kissed. He tried to undress me, but I stopped him. “Noah, just for tonight I want you and me to make out and nothing more.”
He drew back his head and looked down at my face. At first, he said nothing. It was as if he let the thought of just making out simmer in his mind. “Natalie, I never just made out with a girl, ever. I definitely want to just make out with you.”
I smiled at him, wrapped my arms around his neck, and brought his lips back to mine.
I don’t know how long it lasted, but it was perfect. Noah and I made out and nothing more. Well, he felt me up, and maybe we dry humped just a little, but mostly we just kissed. Just as we got a little too involved, I pulled away.
“Noah, maybe we should stop.”
Noah caught his breath and left one more soft kiss on my mouth right before he shifted and lifted himself off the couch. I stared up at him as he reached out his hand to help me up. “Come, let me get you to bed.”
Standing at my bedroom door, I wanted nothing more but to pull Noah into my bedroom and allow him to make love to me, but I knew I shouldn’t, so I didn’t. He kissed me goodnight, and I opened my bedroom leaving him in the hallway.
After my bedtime routine, I slipped in between the sheets and drifted off to sleep dreaming of Noah. I ached for him, so all my dreams comprised of Noah and sex. It was restless nights sleep, so when I woke at four in the morning, I took matters into my own hands and had myself. After I came, I drifted off into a peaceful sleep.
It was Saturday, and Noah took Erin out on an adventure. Noah invited me, but I felt they needed the time together, and I needed time alone before this evening. The three of us were going out to dinner and then a movie, and I needed a long run on the treadmill and a lazy day by the pool.
At around four o’clock, the back door slid open and out ran Erin. “We’re back! Did you miss us?”
I flipped over and sat up. “I did. Did you have fun?” Noah was coming out as I asked, so he answered.
“I’ll say we had fun. My little girl only knows how to have fun.” He dropped in the chair next to me. I felt very exposed in my little bikini.
“Erin, why don’t you and I go upstairs and put our swimsuits on?”
“Okay. Natalie I will wear my swimsuit that matches yours.”
“You better not have a swimsuit that matches Natalie’s. Natalie is a grown woman she can wear a bikini but little girls shouldn’t.”
“Daddyee, I mean the same color.” Erin swatted Noah’s arm, and he rubbed it as if she hurt him.
He swept her up and headed to the house. “We’ll be right down.”
We lounged by the pool for a couple of hours until it was time to shower for the evening.
The night was wonderful, too wonderful. When the three of us were together, we felt like a family. Noah treated me like his lover, his confidante, and his wife. He was affectionate and gentle.
While waiting in line for movie tickets Noah rested his hand on the small of my back when someone tried to move passed us he tucked me into his side, and at dinner, he rested his arm on my chair and stroked my back when he talked to me. He seemed unaware of his gestures, but they were all I focused on.
On the drive home from the movie, Erin sat in the back seat recapping, Finding Dory. I appreciated her enthusiasm for everything in life. It made me forget my past and appreciate my present. There was little opportunity for me to be around children before Erin, now spending this time with her brought so much happiness into my daily life; I’d forgotten how it felt.
It was bedtime for Erin, so I helped her wash her face and brush her hair, and she brushed her teeth. When she finished, she called out to Noah, “Daddyee, I’m readyee!”
Noah had changed into those panty dropping gray flannel pants and a navy t-shirt. I was a goner.
Noah tucked Erin into her bed. With the covers pulled up to her chin and tucked under her sides and feet, she looked like a bundle of laundry with her small face sticking out. Noah flipped on the nightlight and closed her bedroom door more than halfway.
Out in the hallway, Noah stood to face me. “I'm going to open a bottle of wine, would you like to join me?”
“I’m going to change then I'll be down.”
I dressed in my little blue tank top and my white loose pajama bottoms. I gave myself a quick once-over and took in a long breath. To deny my attraction for this man seemed impossible and I almost didn’t care how or under what terms but I needed to be with him.
I walked downstairs and found Noah sitting in the family room with a glass in hand. The bottle of wine was on the coffee table and next to it, was a glass for me. I sat in the chair across from him and took my first sip.
“Do you like it?” He asked.
“It’s delicious. You have nice taste in wine.” Every wine I’ve tried since living here has been exceptional.
“Have you wandered down to the wine cellar?”
“Not yet. I am not even sure where it is. I looked for it the first time I went down to the gym but never found it. Are there two separate entrances to the bottom floor?”
“Yes. I had the downstairs separated. One side goes to the gym, and the entrance to the wine cellar is down the hallway passed the dining room. Come with me; I’ll give you a tour.” Noah grabbed the bottle of wine, and I followed behind him.
Walking down the stairs was like walking into old world France. Stone covered the ceiling, walls, and the floor giving the feeling of being in a cave. In the center of the room was a long rustic wood table with high back fabric chairs. Over two-dozen people could fit at the table. There were glass doors along every wall displaying a massive collection of wine.
Noah placed the bottle of wine down on the table and reached for my hand. “Come.”
He opened one door, and we walked in. He explained the various bottles of wine and pointed out his favorites. Noah continued to tell me about his trips to France where he met with some of the greatest and oldest wine families.
“Is that why you want Erin to learn French?”
“Yes. I own property in France in a town near Beaune. My happiest memories are of my time spent there. My father took me on many trips, but France holds some of my happiest memories. We traveled together until the month before he died.”
“That’s a lovely place. I spent most of my time in the Burgundy region. I fell in love with the area. You must have wonderful memories of your time there with your father.” I studied abroad while in college. That was how I became fluent in French.
“My memories of my father remain fresh in my mind. He was a good man.” Noah stared at his glass of wine.
“That explains why you are such an incredible father.”
“I have to be because I married a woman just like my mother.”
I cringed. “Erin’s mother?” This being the first time Noah brought her up in conversation.
“Yes, Erin’s mother.” He let out an exhausted sigh. “Our marriage was not for love or convenience; it was a mistake on my part.” He took a sip of wine while I stood frozen in place. “She got pregnant on purpose. I barely knew her. She was an escort. I paid for her and some point during our night together she exchanged my condoms for condoms she brought. After, I learned that she tampered with the condoms. She got pregnant, we had a DNA test done, the child was mine, and the rest is history.”
“Why marry her?”
“I thought it was the right thing to do. Found out after we married that she was in love with a drug addict. Our marriage lasted only two months after Erin’s birth.”
“But you have split custody?”
“Court ordered. She fooled the judge. She acted like a doting mother in front of the court. Even with all my money, I couldn’t win the way I wanted to. However, I have a firm handle on Erin’s life when she is not with me. I control all the money, I own the house, I hire and pay for the help, and they are all very loyal to me.”
“And Erin’s mother?”
“She comes and goes as she pleases. I think she despises her daughter. It’s ironic, she got pregnant to trap me, and now she feels trapped. She leaves Erin with Pam, the nanny, most of the time.”
“Noah, I’m sorry.” I never imagined this was his life.
“You have nothing to be sorry for and as you can see I have everything under control and Erin is a very happy child.” Noah pushed open the glass door and held it for me. As I walked passed him, I felt the controlled temperature in the wine cellar change. The heat coming off our skin made it hard to breathe.
“Noah, you are incredibly good-looking, you’re smart and successful. Why do you pay for escorts?” There I asked it. I knew the women he brought home were all paid escorts, and I could not understand why he had to resort to paying for sex.
“I don’t want a complicated relationship. I can fuck them then send them on their way.” Noah placed his glass down on the table and reached for mine. He refilled both our glasses.
“Is that what I am to you?”
He didn’t respond at first. I could tell he thought about my question. “I don’t know what you are to me.”
“Well, that hurts, but I didn’t expect a kind answer to come from you, I assume you view me the same way you do your escorts, and I don’t believe the reason you fuck escorts is that it’s uncomplicated.”
His head jerk around and his eyes receded deeper into his face. I thought he’d reprimand me but instead, his mouth covered mine. Our hands explored each other’s body as we thrust our tongues deep into the other’s mouth. He palmed my breast with one hand and grabbed my ass with the other. I pushed into his groin feeling his erection against my stomach. I needed this man. I needed to feel him inside of me, and just as fast as it started, it stopped.
He stopped and pushed me away. “Go to bed.” He demanded.
I took in a sharp inhale, touched my swollen lips and stared at him. Confused by his sudden shift, I opened my mouth to speak, but he cut me off.
“Go to bed, Natalie. Now.”
I left. I felt humiliated and angry, and I dreaded tomorrow. I feared what tomorrow would bring. Noah never responded in such a cruel way. Would Noah be open and affectionate or would he be cruel and kick me out of his house? I may have crossed a line and tomorrow I may pay the consequences.
I didn’t sleep at all, and it showed under my eyes. Noah would’ve known if he looked at me, but he avoided me giving nothing away to Erin. He protected her from any negativity no matter how large or small.
The three of us stayed home the entire day. Thankfully, Erin spent most of the day with her father. Sunday was his day, so I could break away and get things done like my laundry and some reading. Noah called me down when it was time for Erin to leave. We gave each other a big hug and a kiss. “I’ll see you in one week,” I said to her as I tapped her nose. “I’ll miss you.” I meant that in so many ways. Not only was I losing my sidekick, but also, we were losing our chaperone and the one person who softened Noah.
As soon as Erin’s driver pulled away, I tried to escape to my bedroom, but instead, he blocked my way. His impenetrable gaze left me frozen in place.
“Natalie, are you running away from me?”
“If you’d let me.” I felt tears well up in my eyes.
Noah opened his mouth as if he considered saying something as he moved his hands up to touch me but stopped himself. Instead, he stepped aside. I moved past him and sought comfort in my room.
I took a hot bath and went to bed early. For the first time in this house, I felt uneasy, and I hoped that Noah would not be around much this coming week. I had my fill of inconsiderate men; men that treated me with disrespect. I was not up for another. I stared up at the ceiling praying sleep would find me.
I gasped for air and opened my eyes. Was this part of my nightmare or was he here? Did he try suffocating me? I tried to push him away, but I could not move him. I screamed, "NO! Get off me!”
“Natalie, you’re having a nightmare. Wake up.”
I realized where I was. I stared at Noah, his face warping into another face I tried to forget. We were in my dark room, and he was on my bed holding my arms.
“Natalie, wake up, it’s a nightmare.” I heard his voice clearly now. It was a nightmare. It was not real. I stared at Noah’s face, again, and my fear subsided then I crashed into him. My grip relentless as I pulled him closer to me, I cried.
He rubbed the back of my head. “Natalie, it’s okay. You’re safe.” He pushed me back to get a better look at me. “You’re safe.” He repeated. “I was in Erin’s room and heard you yelling. It was a nightmare. You’re safe.”
I felt safe in his arms. My breath slowed down, and I curled deeper into Noah’s body. My head nestled under his chin as Noah held me and rocked me until my body stopped shaking. He kissed the top of my head while whispering reassuring words.
He reached for my chin tilting it up towards his face. Noah whispered my name then kissed me but this time it felt different.
It was gentle like two lovers would kiss. I lay back in my bed and brought Noah with me. He came willingly. I reached for the hem of his t-shirt and drew it over his head. He followed by doing the same to mine. He covered me with the warmth of his body and tenderly kissed my mouth. I reached down between our bodies and grabbed onto his waistband. He moved my hand away and stood back on his knees. Looking down at me, he slid his hands over my body caressing my warm skin. With his fingers wrapped under the waistband of my pajama bottoms, he dragged them over my hips down passed my ankles. Staring down at my naked body, he then removed his pants. His erection sprung out, and I felt a rush between my legs.
He hovered over me pushing his erection into my thigh. I arched back when he took my taut nipple into his mouth and sucked hard. His other hand caressed the side of my body grabbing at my skin, moving under me, kneading my ass. I grasped onto him pulling him closer as if it were possible to be any closer. I opened my legs, and he positioned his swollen head at my opening. I was wet for him and I felt my wetness dripping down and back between my thighs. He moaned and then entered with one firm, hard thrust.
He breathed in my ear, “Natalie, I love the way you feel.” He moaned again, “I will never get enough.”
My hips met his every thrust attempting to take him in deeper. This was everything I needed. Weeks of trying to suppress my need, only fueling it more, finally getting what I needed most and that was to be one with Noah. I felt the same way about him as he did about me. I could never get enough. The girth of his erection felt like a balm soothing every painful ache I felt deep inside. The heat of his skin and the friction of our bodies worked out every frustration I’d felt. I heard myself demand things from him. I wanted him to move harder, faster, deeper.
He moved forward and deeper than quickened the pounding. My orgasm crept up on me; the intensity had me seeing stars. I felt my eyes roll back in my head and I exhaled his name.
His voice replaced my voice, “Natalie, fuck, Natalie, I’m coming inside of you, so hard. Baby, you feel so fucking good.”
I felt every pump of his come filling me. When I could feel no more, Noah dropped his body weight down on top of me. He embraced me, and I felt his warm breath on the side of my neck followed by a gentle kiss. He slipped out of me, positioned his body weight off to the side of me and we fell asleep.
The next morning when I woke, Noah left. I became aware of his presence and always knew when he was absent from the house. He had not only left my room; he left the house leaving me aching for him.
He didn’t come back that week. Not once. Not a phone call. Not a text. Nothing.
Nothing, until Friday night.
It was eleven o’clock Friday night and I was already in bed for an hour. I could not sleep, again, so I went downstairs and grabbed a glass of water and two Tylenol PM. He wasn’t home, so I didn’t bother putting on a robe.
I, also, didn’t bother putting on lights since the golden glow of the security lights illuminated the space just enough to make it through the house without incident.
Once in the kitchen, I poured myself a glass of spring water from the cooler and opened the cabinet where we kept the Tylenol. Glass in hand I swallowed back two pills and headed upstairs. Just as I got to the foyer, the front door opened and the sight of a drunk Noah with some whore hanging all over him stopped me in my tracks.
Seeing me stopped Noah. He looked surprised to see me. I don’t mean surprised to see me in the foyer but surprised to see me in his house, at all.
“Did you expect me to leave?” My anger came across loud and clear.
He looked at my body from head to toe and then our eyes met but he didn’t answer me.
“Fuck, is this your wife?” The whore asked.
I firmly answered. “No.” Then I sashayed up the stairs. I would not let Noah think he got to me. I refused to run from him. At the top of the stairs, he grabbed my arm. He startled me because I didn’t know he was behind me. “Noah, let go of me,” I demanded.
“Where are you going? Don’t you want to watch?” He sinister voice ripped through me. “Come watch me fuck this whore then you can go have yourself. Or better yet, I’ll come to you when I finish with her.”
Something overtook me and I drew my hand back across my body then hit him with the back of my hand as hard as I could across his face. His upper body along with his head whipped to the side from the force of contact and he almost fell over. He looked stunned. He brought his hand up to his face where blood surfaced on the skin near his eye. Then without warning, he did the unexpected. He grabbed me, pulled me into him, and kissed my mouth. I fought back but his hands trapped me. He stuck his tongue deep in my throat while he groped my body.
I surrendered to him and the intensity of his kiss changed. It softened and when our eyes met, there was some strange understanding that passed between us. His hands explored my body tenderly and our violent exchange changed. It became kinder, gentler.
Hearing something from the foyer below reminded me we were not alone. I pushed Noah away. He looked at me and I still saw the shock in his eyes. He was a confused man. I felt sorry for him because I understood his pain but that didn’t mean I’d let him disrespect me. “Noah, go to your date. She’s waiting for you.”
He reached out for me but I pulled away and walked towards my bedroom. “Natalie.” I heard him say.
“Who is that?” The whore yelled from below the staircase.
“She’s nobody.” He answered as I reached my bedroom door. Pain ripped through my core.
I heard the whore complaining about something but her slurred speech made it impossible to understand her. From my bedroom, I could hear only her voice. Was he going to fuck her? How could he be so cruel to me? Couldn’t he do it somewhere else?
Torturing myself, I listened with my ear against the door. I could hear her moan and beg him for more and my heart broke into pieces that fell deep into the pit of my stomach. How could he kiss me like that, and touch me like no other woman would do for him, then fuck a stranger a minute later?
The intensity of my pain perversely strengthened my need for him. It was sick and I hated that I felt this way but as my need for him grew my resolve made itself known.
A few minutes later, I heard the door shut and I padded back to my bed. He finished with her just like all the others, but this time it was different. This time I wasn’t sure he wanted to complete the task. My gut told me he fucked her to hurt me. No pleasure existed for him. I listened as his footsteps walked past my door and then his bedroom door shut and I hoped so would my heart.