"Nooooooooooooo!" my no-longer-adorable nephew wailed as he melted out of his father's arms. Frankie woofed at him to behave and Izzy seconded the motion, or perhaps she was egging him on. "It's not the same at home! My s’iety is funded heeeere!"

"I don't think we can apply for government funding," I whispered to my sister.

"He means founded," Joy explained. "I don't think he's considered the costs inherent in running a nudist colony yet."

"You can come back in a few days when we both have off work," Tommy volunteered.

My nephew abruptly stopped crying. "How many ezzactly?"

"Ummm..." he looked at me and I shrugged. "Well, my mom invited all of you over for dinner next Saturday."

"She did?!" My brother-in-law seemed horrifiedly fascinated by the idea. "Everyone?"

"Actually, it was more like a demand. And yes, every single Watson, human and furry. My brothers will probably be there too. I know it's short notice, but it'll be early for the kids' sake and they really want to meet--"

"No, no, it's great! We'd love to," Joy said, beaming. We both were looking forward to getting a peek into Tommy's origin story. "Sam, wouldn't you like to meet Tommy's family?"

"I don't want to s’iety there." He stomped his foot because, of course, I had to rent a nudist apartment. Well, my lease would be up soon.

"You can drop the kids off here to celebrate our society that afternoon, and then we'll all go over together," Tommy suggested.

"Won't you need to sleep?" I didn't sound too desperate, did I?

"Good point. Is 2pm too late? Would that cut into nap time?" he asked.

"Let's do 3. Joe can drop him off and I'll have a quiet hour or two to get ready. Charlotte naps better in the car anyway."

"I love how you volunteer me," her husband muttered. She glared at him. "You're right. I'll be driving them around anyway so you can shower in peace. Sammy, give them one last hug and then let's go."

He nodded, kissed Frankie, the kitten, hugged Tommy, and then inexplicably stood in front of me and raised his arms. Flummoxed, I bent down and he gave me a big hug. My brother in law laughed. Did this mean I was supposed to carry him down? Nope. He released me and ran over to his dad and took his hand.

"Bye! Don't you dare put on shirts!" He screwed up his face and narrowed his eyes.

"That's his serious face," Joy explained. "I suggest you listen to him and maybe check out the kitchen. We left a little present for you."

With that, they were gone. I breathed a sigh of relief and wrapped my arms around Tommy until our furry kids protested. So we pulled them into the hug until they squirmed. They didn't like to be hugged tightly, but they also hated to be left out.

"I'm starving! Let's see what's in the kitchen. I hope it pairs well with cake!" Tommy danced into the kitchen and squealed with delight.

There, on the counter, lay three kinds of cheese from the farmers' market. The last time I'd really indulged was the day I'd ended things with Tommy, and my sister had found me nude on the couch crying all over my Jarlsberg.

"They went to the farmers' market!" Tommy exclaimed.

"Yup. Unsurprisingly, Joy reported that Frankie and Izzy were far better behaved than her own children," I said proudly, then looked more closely at the array of delights. "And I think that's goat cheese! Maybe it's from your goat. It’s definitely the same farm."

"That would be so cool. I think Daisy Duke and I really had a connection." He sighed dreamily.

On our final date last fall, I had taken Tommy to a county fair so he could pet some farm animals for the first time (what kind of parents don’t bring their child to a petting zoo?). He’d gone from building to building, giddily petting all the show animals, and I even found a very kind family that let him milk their goat. They had made Tommy so happy that I made sure to buy goods from their farm several times since then.

Despite our breakup, Tommy had used a photo of himself with that goat as his profile picture for a solid month. Not that I was one of those creepy guys who stalked their ex's social media. I stalked him 100% uncreepily, through comments and photos with our mutual friends.

"Maybe we could–"

"OMIGOD NAKED CHEESE TIME?!" he squealed in a voice only our pets could hear, pure joy crossing his face.

"Yes, it's Naked Cheese Time."

Five minutes later, we were cuddling on the couch completely nude, trying to make up for the weeks we'd spent avoiding contact, let alone the months we'd spent apart. Tommy lay between my legs, his back to my chest. Frankie lay on Tommy's lap, Izzy draped herself on my shoulder one front paw against Tommy because her body was too small to stretch over between both of us. A few presses of the remote and Supernatural appeared on the television.

Tommy hummed happily and fed me a morsel of the low-glycemic index cake Logan had thoughtfully prepared for me on his wedding day. Anything from Moore Delicious was delicious --hence the name-- but from Tommy's hand it was ambrosia sent down from the heavens from Venus herself.

"Do you have to work tonight?" I knew the answer, but there was a slight chance things had changed.

"Yeah. But there are scrubs in my bag, so I don't have to leave until after dinner." He leaned his head back against my shoulder and grinned. "Expect a lot of friend requests tonight."

"Oooooo we're Facebook Official now!" I couldn't remember ever having a Facebookically Official boyfriend, let alone a fiancé!

"Extra super duper official with a cherry on top! I bet my family's already friending you. Even my cousins in Korea!"

Oh god, more names.

“Mrrow-eruff!”

“Maybe if we ignore her she’ll go away,” Tommy whispered and kissed me again. It was a deliciously filthy kiss but, for reasons known only to itself, my cock was taking its time responding. Perhaps it was playing hard to get or perhaps it was just broken — either way, it ought to be responding immediately.

“Aaa-ohhhhh!” A tiny head pushed our foreheads apart as she mock-howled with a puff of tuna breath. She and Frankie were working on that howl, and it was coming along nicely.

Tommy groaned and, all things being equal, I would have pushed her away. However, all things were not equal and soon he would notice, so I chose to pull back just enough so that she could squirm between us. The little fiend curled up where our chests met, purring loudly in anticipation of all the affection we would lavish upon her. Not to be left out, Frankie struggled to climb over Tommy.

“Once upon a time, Frankie just stared at us from the corner when we made out or watched CNN while we had fun in the bedroom…” Tommy sighed wistfully and I kissed him briefly before disentangling my limbs from his.

“We should eat dinner and feed them, and then we can retreat to the bedroom.” I was coming to learn that hours of flirting, teasing, and naughty thoughts would definitely work my body up to participate in everything the rest of me wanted. “If we put on that jungle cat documentary she’ll get caught up enough that she won’t notice us slip away.”

“We should try bribing them with treats.”

“Logan and Chance do that. Their pets still shout and whine at the door. In fact, I think it encourages them,” I admitted. I wasn’t above bribing them, even though it was probably a bad habit to get into. “I suspect those demons suggested she shout at the door, as part of their cat-behavior tutorials.”

“Cats hate a closed door. Maybe we should just ignore her and let them know it’s a natural part of life?” His nose scrunched adorably at the idea of ignoring our babies, and I kissed it.

“We’ll figure it out.” For now, I was okay with this being our routine. It worked for us. Making out like teenagers, my cock waking up too slowly, rude interruption by the fur-balls, dinner, intimacy of some sort, and finally either Tommy leaving for work or him cuddling with me until I fell asleep. I went into the kitchen and began pulling out ingredients. “Cuddle them to within an inch of their lives. I’ll cook.”

“I’ve already got a lasagna in the oven. But if you can make a salad, that would be great.” I did as he asked. Tommy sat and chatted with Frankie and Izzy, spotting her as she attempted to jump onto and climb up anything she possibly could as well as some things that were completely impossible. The kitten was fearless, but my pug worried enough for them both. When everything was chopped and prepped and I got started on the dressing, Tommy asked, “So… you got home later than usual, today.”

“I had a doctor’s appointment,” I admitted, feigning nonchalance, and waited for the inevitable questions. He didn’t ask, so I told him, “Just more of the same. Nothing’s changed.”

He remained silent, and I could feel the questions roiling between us. Which doctor did you see? What is the same? What might have changed? Instead of discussing the nature of the data downloaded from my continuous glucose monitor or telling him my doctor was pushing me to test my blood sugar more often to better calibrate it, I changed the subject. “You left early this morning.”

“I had to do some laundry before bed.” He still slept at his place during the day. It made sense —I wasn’t home, he had his own apartment, and most of his stuff was there— but it irrationally bothered me that he never slept in my bed. “Just to remind you, I’m working tonight, but I’ll be here for lunch before Sammy gets dropped off.”

I stilled. “That’s tomorrow already?”

“Yup!”

I’d totally forgotten about the babysitting, followed by dinner with Tommy’s family. “You’re still working on a family tree for me, right?”

“My brothers can’t make it, so it’ll only be my parents,” he said and I relaxed. I didn’t mind large groups when I knew most of the people present, such as Moore family gatherings, but it would have been stressful to be inundated by Powerses, even with my sister and Tommy running interference. He rounded the kitchen peninsula and wrapped his arms around my waist, pressing his body against mine, and kissed my neck. “Don’t worry, we’ll have alone time on Sunday before I go to work.”

I didn’t sleep much that night, random dramatic thoughts of potentially-catastrophic situations racing through my head, but I did nap midday with Izzy on my chest and Frankie snuggled against my side. After that I didn’t have time to worry about formally meeting Tommy’s parents for the first time, or even talk to Tommy about my concerns. My sister’s babies were very much themselves, for two hours straight. Although I’d stocked up on baby apocalypse supplies after my last disastrous sitting, I was unsure whether anyone could truly be prepared for those two.

My niece was content with grabbing everything within reach, putting everything she could into her mouth, and drooling all over the frozen chew toys I’d gotten her. Her personal favorite was the octopus dressed in a top hat and monocle. My nephew was happy to focus on societal issues, which involved writing legislation, coloring, and issuing citations for breaking laws, but he also had a few high energy episodes during which he simply raced naked from room to room shouting, “S’iety!”

My poor pug was overwhelmed, trying to figure out how to behave in this bedlam. The kitten thoroughly enjoyed chasing Sammy, but was left a bit soggy and bewildered after one particularly intense interaction with Charlotte. Eventually both pets retreated to the doggie bed on the couch, where they could watch everyone from a safe distance.

When my sister and her husband finally rescued us from their spawn, I was able to escape to my room to take a deep breath, change my clothing, and test my blood sugar one last time before we left. When we arrived at Tommy’s childhood home, I was surprised by how formal it felt and it served to put me on edge. Tommy’s mother graciously accepted the flowers I brought while his father enjoyed the desserts. I thought both would appreciate the wine my sister brought, which was no doubt to help everyone cope with the babies, but only I seemed to need it. Unfortunately, I had to limit myself to one glass.

Tommy’s mother was thoroughly taken with my niece and nephew and they served as a focus for her very pointed questions about my education, upbringing, and intentions to procreate. Tommy’s father was far warmer, lavishing attention on Frankie and Izzy. He made a valiant effort to rescue me from his wife, but it was a hopeless battle. My poor sister did her best to answer as many questions as she could, while I retreated further and further into my shell of professorial hauteur. Every word out of my mouth made things worse, but the final nails in my coffin were my moments of silence. It was, quite frankly, a train wreck.