Chapter 21: “I am fearless because I’ve been afraid.”

Slayde

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Carefully, I’d lifted the veil, and she’d listened without fear. I’d told her the worst story from my childhood. I’d told her the worst part of myself when I was a boxer, and she’d covered it all with forgiveness and understanding. I still wasn’t sure I deserved it.

Today, she’d gone to visit her little boy in Wilmington. She’d spend the night, and I’d be alone until Sunday.

“I guess this is it,” I said, holding her as she stood on the side of her car. Her arms were around my neck, and her brow creased. “You’re leaving me for the only boy who’ll ever have your heart.”

A gorgeous smile broke across her face, and she leaned into my ear. “He’s my boy, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have room for a man.”

I’d kissed her long and hard, covering her soft mouth with mine. Her hair was up in a high ponytail again, and the ends grazed her shoulders in soft bends. It made her look younger than she was, and I spanned her lower back with my hand as I traced a curl off her shoulder, not really wanting her to go. “Drive safe, okay?”

“I’m sorry to leave like this. I don’t want you to think I’m running away after last night.”

“I hadn’t thought of that,” I teased, loving her worried face. “Now, that’s exactly what I’m thinking.”

“Slayde!” She pinched my arm, and I laughed an Ow! “I’ve been thinking about what you said. With the bird.”

Her eyes fluttered down, and I remembered the time I’d thought they were like little birds. I only wanted to shelter her, keep her safe.

“I don’t think you should carry that guilt anymore,” she continued. “You were just a kid. You panicked.”

Lifting my hands, I held her cheeks, forcing her to look at me. “Such a mom, finding a reason why the bad things I’ve done aren’t really as bad as they feel in my mind.”

She shook her head, breaking free of my grasp. “I’m not saying it wasn’t bad, but it was a long time ago. You were sorry then, and you’re sorry now. I think you can set yourself free from that one.”

Her lips were close to my face, and I couldn’t resist gliding my thumb over them. “I’ll miss you while you’re gone. Have fun with Lane.”

She smiled and kissed my thumb. “I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon.”

* * *

Now I was back at the gym, finishing up my cleaning duties, thinking about what she said. Maybe she was right, and I could be absolved of that one crime. But that was only one.

“You done for the day?” Rook stuck his head out of his office and nodded for me to come there. “I need to talk to you about the next several weeks.”

Walking into the now-familiar office, I took a seat. “Yeah? What’s up?”

“I’ve got a deal with one of the cargo-ship captains. It’s a trans-Atlantic line. They dock here once or twice a year. The crew gets free memberships when they’re in port, and they ship stuff for me when I need them to.”

My eyebrows rose. “Okay. Why are you telling me this?”

“Every time they come back, more and more of their guys show up wanting to work out. It’s a fucking zoo for a week—longer if they get held up in port.”

“Goes with the motto, yes? Where the wild things are?” I grinned, but he wasn’t laughing.

“Don’t be a smartass. It’ll affect your job, too. These guys mean more cleanups, longer hours... I’m telling you because I need you to be a trainer while they’re here.”

That caused me to sit back. “I’ve never trained anybody.”

“You’ve been training Kenny. It’s basically the same thing. Watching form, making sure they’re lifting correctly, doing full sets, not lounging on the equipment, putting shit back when they finish.”

“Sounds like a few extra tasks in there besides training.”

“It is, and for ten days, with a bunch of seamen who barely speak the language and don’t know gym etiquette, it matters. I’ll work with you tomorrow then you’ll know what to do. You also get a raise. Trainers make a lot more an hour than janitors.”

Shrugging, I stood. “Sounds like an offer I can’t refuse.”

* * *

My work was done, and I was sitting on the shore by early afternoon, thinking about Kenny. Not so long ago I’d spent every night alone. Now, it had been a while since I’d picked up my enormous paperback and checked in with the French kid. It had also been a while since I’d checked in with Doc.

I wanted to do both of those, but first, I called her.

“How’s it going with your son?” I asked when her soft voice filled the other end of the line.

“Oh, Slayde, he’s breaking my heart.” I was pretty sure she was kidding, but the sound of her in distress cramped my stomach. It had since that very first night.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

“He’s growing up so fast!” She sighed. “I convinced Patrick and Elaine to take a date night, so it’s just me and him. He can count to ten! He knows more colors... He keeps patting my head and saying purple...”

“How old is he again?”

“Two!” She cried, and even though she was upset, I couldn’t help a laugh.

“Isn’t that still considered a baby?”

“He’s a toddler. And I remember so clearly the day he was born.”

The image of her caring for a little guy made me smile. “It sounds like you’re one of the best moms.”

The line was quiet a few moments, and her voice was hesitant when she spoke again. “Thank you. For telling me that story last night.”

My stomach tightened. “It was a shit story. I’m sorry I told you.”

“I’m glad you did.” Her voice was more forceful. “It helps me understand you better.”

“How about next time we just stick to your stories. They’re a little easier.” I looked at the 21 on my hand, thinking about her one bit of ink we hadn’t discussed, a potentially difficult Kenny story.

“Okay.” I could hear the smile in her voice. “But I wanted to thank you for trusting me.”

A fist unclenched in my chest, and I knew what I wanted to say. I wanted to tell her how I felt, the possessiveness expanding and opening out to surround her. Instead, I stuck to the basics.

“I don’t want you to think I’m holding you out. There are just some things I’d rather not relive.”

“I understand that.” Her voice was quiet. With my eyes closed, I could see her mouth, and everything in me wanted to taste it.

“I wish you were here.”

“I’ll be there this time tomorrow.” She was smiling again. “I miss you, too.”

* * *

Rook was waiting in his office when I arrived at the gym Sunday afternoon. “You wouldn’t happen to be licensed in CPR, would you?”

“No,” my brow lined as I watched him write on a blue card.

“Didn’t think so. I can’t officially certify you until you are, but I can make it pending that. It’ll cover us so long as Kenny or Pete is in the building.”

“I’m not interested in being certified—”

“Like I said, I’ll have to increase your pay. How does an extra five bucks an hour sound?”

“Fuckin’ good.” I might actually be able to buy a few more groceries. Take Kenny to a restaurant instead of my crap apartment for dinner.

“Let’s get started.”

Learning to be a trainer wasn’t much different from being trained. Basically, it was shit my own trainer had taught me when I was boxing—monitoring form, encouraging clients to push themselves.

“You’re stronger than you look,” Rook said, as I finished a set, bench-pressing three hundred.

Sitting up with a loud exhale, I shrugged. “You’ve had me moving some heavy shit around here.”

He laughed and clapped me hard on the shoulder. “That’s enough for today. You know more than most trainers starting out.”

I followed him back to the front ready to head back to my place. A quick look at the clock told me Kenny would be arriving soon, and I had a surprise in mind for her.

“The crews won’t be in port for another week or two. When they come, most of them won’t want a trainer. You’ll just make sure they don’t wreck the place.” We stopped at the juice bar, and Mariska slid over a white cup.

“Try that out and tell me what you think. No charge.” I glanced at her, and she winked. “It’s a new recipe. Supposed to build muscle mass. I need to know if guys will like it.”

It was a ruse, but I smiled and took it. Soon I wouldn’t be such a fucking charity case.

Rook continued. “You’ll need to hang around the gym more than you do now. Kenny and Pete’s schedules are pretty full with our regular members. You’ll pick up any overflow.”

“Got it.” I said, nodding as I took a big gulp of the protein shake. It was good—thick and not too sweet.

“Tammy will make you a timecard, and you’ll punch in and out. No more Sundays off.”

“I knew that was too good to last.”

He smiled and held out a hand. It was the first time he’d offered to shake, and I couldn’t help feeling honored. I gripped his large palm, and he finished.

“No more probationary period.” He held on a beat longer, and I was about to make a crack about not being his girlfriend when he blew me away. “You’re a good man, Slayde Bennett. Keep up the good work.”

His words hit me so hard. I had to clear my throat before I answered. “Thanks.”

“Oh!” Mariska cried, clasping her hands under her chin. “Where’s my damn camera when I need it?”

“Don’t spoil it.” Rook deadpanned, and I laughed. He released me, and I looked at my palm. Then I headed out. I had to make a quick stop before I was ready for tonight.