“BEING A GIRL IS THE ABSOLUTE FUCKING WORST!”
I flail around on my bed, kicking up the covers and swinging my arms like a toddler as Ashlei chuckles from her front row seat to my pity show. She’s perched on the edge of Skyler’s bed, sitting on her hands, shaking her head as I detail every thought I’ve had in my pea brain the past two weeks since Jarrett left.
“He’s probably just busy with his job, Jess. He treated you like an absolute queen when he was here,” she points out. “It’s not like he went home and said, ‘Fuck that bitch.’”
“I don’t know,” I counter, sitting up on the bed and tucking my knees up to my chin. “He did go out to Ralph’s with all of us, and we are certifiably insane.”
“I thought it was a pretty low-key night.”
“Skyler kept hiding under tables, grabbing people’s legs and shouting, ‘SHARK ATTACK!’” I deadpan.
Ashlei snorts.
“And Bear jumped up on stage and started dry-humping the DJ while begging him to play Party in the U.S.A.”
“Okay, so maybe we scared him off and he took a hammer to his phone so you couldn’t trace him.”
I bury my face in my hands, something between a groan and a whine squeaking through my lips.
“I’m kidding,” Ashlei says, hopping down from Skyler’s bed to come sit next to me. She places a hand on my back and rubs gently. “Seriously, he’s crazy about you. Just chill.”
“He hasn’t called me since he left two weeks ago, Lei.” I sniff, leaning my cheek on my knee to look up at her. “His texts have been short, if he even texts back at all. How the hell am I supposed to do this long-distance thing with communication like that?”
She frowns, rubbing my back in response.
“What if he’s cheating on me,” I whisper, stomach turning and threatening to forfeit the pizza I shoved inside it earlier. “Oh, God, I couldn’t handle that. I couldn’t.”
“He’s not cheating on you.”
“How do you know?”
“I only had to spend one night with the two of you to see there’s not another girl in this world who has his attention, babe. Just try to relax. He’ll call, and you’ll talk it out, and it’ll be fine. Okay?”
I nod, cheek rubbing against my knee pathetically. “Tell me about your internship. I’ve sucked up enough of the air in the room.”
Ashlei smiles. “It’s been amazing so far. I feel like I’m really standing out…” Her voice fades off a little, a slight blush hitting her cheeks. “The CEO knows my name, so I guess that’s saying something, right?”
“Uh, yeah. That’s amazing. I’m so proud of you! What’s it like, being an intern?”
“Thank you,” she says, and then blows out a short breath. “And it’s exhausting. The other interns are pretty slack-ish when it comes to the account we’ve been assigned, but I don’t want to be just another intern, so I’m busting my ass to stand out.”
“You always stand out,” I say, nudging her. “Why do you think you’re my best friend? I don’t just let any basic bitch have that title.”
Ashlei scrunches her nose with a grin right as my phone vibrates, and I panic, tossing the covers off the bed until I find it hiding underneath.
“Oh, my God, it’s him.”
“Answer it. I’m going down the hall to Ex’s room, just come get me when you’re done.”
I nod, not even taking my eyes off the screen with his name and a picture of us on the beach filling it. When the door closes behind Ashlei, I take a deep breath and answer.
“Hello?”
“Hey, babe,” Jarrett says on a breath. “God, it’s good to hear your voice.”
I flop back into the sheets, head hitting my pillow with a poof. “Jarrett, where have you been? You haven’t called in two weeks… and you’ve barely been texting me.”
“I know,” he answers with a sigh. I imagine him running a hand over his smooth head, his elbows propped on his knees. “I know. I’m so sorry. Jenny and I got assigned to a project as soon as the wheels on my plane home touched down and we’ve been drowning in work ever since. I’ve barely had time to sleep.”
I try to swallow but come up dry, my stomach twisting.
“Jess?”
“Yeah,” I croak, fighting the tears pooling in my eyes. My emotions are more unstable than an alcoholic at an open bar.
“Talk to me.”
“What am I supposed to say right now?” I ask, sitting up in bed. “Two weeks ago you were telling me I’m everything you want, and then you go back to New York and you’re so busy with Jenny that you can’t call me or answer a text with more than one word?” I try masking the pain in my voice, but I know it’s ringing out loud and clear. “I mean, what is there to even say?”
“Please, try to understand,” he begs, exhausted. “This job is important to me, to my career, and yes, I made a choice to throw myself into this project and do it right. Just because I was busy for a couple of weeks doesn’t mean I love you any less.”
“You’ve been spending every hour of every day for the past two weeks with another woman,” I point out. “How would you feel if the shoe was on the opposite foot? What if I said I’d been too busy studying with Bear to call you.”
“I’d say, ‘Bear studies?’”
“Not funny.”
Jarrett sighs. “Jenny is just my co-worker, Jess. I’m going to have to work with females sometimes, and your jealousy doesn’t make this distance thing any easier.”
“Wow,” I say with a click of my tongue.
“What happened to what we talked about when I was there? Where’s the trust? Where’s the belief that we can make it?”
“Belief is like a flower, Jarrett, and mine hasn’t been watered for two weeks.”
Jarrett’s voice is muffled, as if he’s running a hand over his mouth before responding. “I can’t do this. I don’t have time for it. I’m stressed out, I’ve barely slept, I don’t even have time to eat right now, unless you count coffee as a food item.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose, shaking my head as we both sit silent on the phone. He can’t do this. It’s over. We’re done.
“So… you’re breaking up with me?”
“What?” Jarrett laughs. “No, God, no. Are you breaking up with me?”
“No!” I cry quickly, letting the tears run.
Jarrett sighs into the other end. “I wish I could hold you right now. I’m sorry, Jess. Look, what about this…” His voice trails off and I hear the clicking of keys in the background. “Come see me for Thanksgiving. We can do the holiday in the city, and you can meet Jenny and everyone else I work with. I want you to be a part of this journey, too. I want you to understand, and to feel comfortable.” He pauses. “And more than anything, I want you to see that even when I’m gone, even when you’re not with me, I never stop loving you.”
I choke on a sob, smiling through it. “I love you, too. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I promise to call you more. I owe you that. I know this is hard.”
“I don’t want to be the needy girlfriend,” I say with a sniff. “I don’t want to stress you out more than you already are. Just… I don’t know, send me a text while you’re pooping.”
He chuckles. “I can do that.”
“And book that plane ticket.”
“Already done. I’ll forward you the itinerary.”
I wipe my nose with the back of my wrist, heartbeat settling back to a steady rate as I pull the covers over my legs. “Sorry I’m such a hot mess.”
There’s a soft laugh on the other end, and I’m comforted by the sound, by the clarity the phone call has brought me.
“As long as you’re my hot mess, you’ll never hear me complain.”