I’VE NEVER CLIMBED a mountain, or run a marathon, or jumped out of a plane just hoping a parachute would open and help me float down safely to the ground. I’ve never seen the breathtaking islands of Greece or the first snow on the mountains in Colorado, and I’ve never backpacked across Europe discovering new sights with every turn.
But I have been touched and loved by Grayson Anderson.
I imagine it’s the same feeling — the rush of adrenaline, the high not even the best drug could provide, the sense of impossibility, like there’s no way this moment is actually happening, that this is actually real. It’s a combination of discovery and familiarity, of passion and vulnerability, and I haven’t been able to get enough of it since the night we left the Halloween party.
Now, the Sunday before Thanksgiving, Grayson and I are still in bed even though it’s almost noon. It’s a cool and rainy day, the dark clouds casting a soft gray light across his entire room, but we’ve been too wrapped up in the covers and each other to care what the weather is like outside. Grayson has already brought me to ecstasy twice in the last twelve hours — once last night and once this morning—but here he is again, face between my thighs and legs hooked over his shoulders as he tries for number three.
I moan as he slips one finger just barely inside me, sweeping his tongue hot and flat over my clit at the same time. It’s so sensitive after all the action it’s had lately that just him blowing on it makes my entire body tingle. He works his finger slowly, knowing I’m tender, and takes his time building my pleasure. It’s almost like I’m in a dream, a weird state of feeling everything and feeling nothing at all, my eyes low and lazy, heart stuck somewhere between a gallop and a flat line.
“Please,” I whisper, tugging on his hair to pull him back up my body. He plants kisses across my skin the entire way — on my hips, my ribs, my breast, my neck, until he eventually settles between my legs, capturing my mouth with his.
“Please what?”
I dig my heels into his backside, aching to have him inside me again.
His grin is devilish as he kisses me harder, the tip of him running the line of me, the tease nearly killing me. “I want you to come again.”
Everything goes hazy at those words, like a zap to all my senses, effectively muting them before sparking them all back to life at once. “I don’t know if I can.”
“You can,” he answers quickly, and then slowly, with every centimeter stretching me wider around him, he slips all the way inside me. “You will.”
The way he feels inside me without a barrier between us overwhelms me every time. My eyes flutter shut, back arching up off the bed as he withdraws slowly and opens me wider the second time he pushes inside. We’d used a condom the first few times, but since we’re both clean and are exclusive to each other, we’d decided we wanted to have the full feeling of just the two of us.
And, God, what a feeling it is.
Grayson groans when he finally stretches me to fit all of him all the way inside, dropping his face into my neck and sucking the skin there. “Fuck, you feel so amazing, Cassie.”
He works me slow and steady, so different from the way he took me mercilessly last night. It’s as if he’s matching the slow tempo of the rain pattering on his windowsill. In and out, a kiss and a touch, a sigh and a moan, a boy and a girl.
When he gently rolls until I’m sitting on top, thighs straddled on each side of him, his hands find my waist as he helps me ride, guiding me to match the rhythm he had before. I lean forward over him, elbows braced on either side of his head as I kiss him, wondering if he feels the way I do in this moment. Pure bliss.
When he starts rocking into me deeper, friction catching me in the perfect spot, I feel my orgasm mounting. But it feels just out of reach, like my body is too exhausted to extend a hand out even one inch farther to capture it.
“I’m so close,” I breathe into his mouth, kissing him again as he flexes his hips.
Grayson speeds up, just a little, just enough to turn embers to fire. As it catches, billowing through me like an explosion, I gasp against his kisses, whimpering, pleading — for what, I’m not sure. And when the fire has run its course, I collapse, heavy on Grayson’s chest as he kisses me softer, slowing his pace.
I rest for a moment before pushing up off his chest to sit straight up, riding him slow again, ready to bring him with me. He’s already close, I can tell by the way his face twists up, his eyes closing as his hands grip my hips tighter. When they work their way up to grab both of my breasts, he curses, bucking into me with more force, and then he comes, my name a breath of a whisper on his lips.
Best. Sunday. Ever.
We both groan as I roll over, breaking our connection and spreading out in the sheets next to him as I try to catch my breath. Grayson just reaches his pinky out to graze mine, our eyes on the ceiling, hearts still racing.
“Be right back,” I say, kissing his cheek before hopping up and limping to his bathroom. I’m so sore, so I take my time, relieving myself first before running a warm wash cloth along where I ache the most.
When I make my way back into the bedroom, Grayson still hasn’t moved. He beckons me over to the bed and I crawl back under the sheets, letting him pull me under his arm with my head resting on his chest.
“I wish I could stay in bed with you all day,” I say wistfully, watching the rain wash down the window through his sheer curtains.
He kisses my hair, running his fingers gently through it. “I do, too. I’m not even a little bit ready to play at this coffee bar tonight. It’s probably going to be slow with the rain, anyway.”
“At least you don’t have to study,” I grumble.
He laughs, pulling me in for one more kiss before I stand, searching for my clothes. I find my cotton boy shorts first by the foot of the bed and tug them on.
“Are you going to the Greek library again?” he asks, chin propped on his hand, shamelessly watching me as I pull my lacy bralette over my head and adjust it into place.
“Yeah,” I answer with a sigh. “I practically live there now. Adam is meeting me there in a few hours, though, so at least I’ll have some company.”
I pull my Kappa Kappa Beta tank top over my head, and when my eyes find Grayson’s again, his smile is completely gone, his body tense.
“You’re hanging out with Adam tonight?”
“Studying with Adam,” I correct him. “Not exactly my version of hanging out or having any fun whatsoever.”
Grayson is quiet a moment as I search for my jeans.
“I don’t like it,” he says finally.
I sigh, finally spotting my jeans draped over his desk chair. I swipe them off and tug them on one leg at a time. “He’s my friend, Grayson. And we’re just studying. I thought you guys were cool now?” I’d watched them shake hands the night of the Halloween party, and though I knew they’d never be best friends, I hoped they could at least be cordial.
“I can study with you,” he tries.
“You’re busy tonight. And literally every night until my final.”
“Well, isn’t studying more of a solo sport anyway? Maybe you should just hang out in your room.”
“Grayson,” I deadpan.
“Well!” He huffs, throwing the sheets off him and yanking on his boxer briefs before running a hand through his hair, frustrated. “Try seeing this from my point of view, Cassie. How would you feel if there was a girl I knew before I met you whom I spent time with? Alone. Without you. A girl who you knew had more than friendly feelings for me.”
“Adam doesn’t—”
“Cassie.” He stops me, face flat as he challenges me to finish my sentence.
Sighing, I sink down onto the bed next to him, pulling my hair into a braid over my right shoulder. “It’s just… I care about him, too, Grayson. He’s one of my best friends, and I’m sorry if that hurts to hear but it’s true. He’s been there for me through a lot of tough times and…” I shrug, not sure what else to say. “I don’t want to upset you, but I don’t want to lose my friendship with him, either.”
Grayson’s jaw tenses, but he pulls me to face him, taking both my hands in his. “I’m not asking you to not be friends with him, okay? I just… what if, at least for a while, you see him when we’re all together? It would make me feel a lot more comfortable. Please,” he pleads, eyes earnest. “You’re going to see him at Jess’ Friendsgiving thing when we’re all there. Can you study with one of your sisters? I know it seems silly to you, but it matters to me.”
Those last words squeeze my heart. I try to put myself in his shoes, imagine how it would feel if he had an Adam, and I had to know they were alone together in an empty library. I know I’d be uncomfortable, too, even if he assured me they were just friends.
Jealousy is an untamable beast.
“Okay,” I concede. “I’ll cancel with Adam and tell him I decided to study off campus.”
“Thank you,” Grayson says, smile back as he brings my hands to his lips and kisses them. “Now go study, future Dr. McBee.”
He pops me on the ass as I stand and I swat at his hand with a laugh, grabbing my backpack off his desk. But when I’m outside, balancing an umbrella in one hand as I type out a text to Adam with the other, I can’t help the sick feeling that washes over me. It feels a little like abandoning Adam, like making a choice I never intended to make between two important people in my life.
Of course Adam writes back right away, completely understanding, even cracking a joke at my expense. Because that’s who Adam is — kind, forgiving, always there, even when I maybe don’t deserve him to be.
Grayson said he only wants me to see Adam in group settings for now, just until he’s comfortable. But will that day ever really come? And if it doesn’t, do I have a right to be upset?
Can I have a strong relationship with my boyfriend without sacrificing my friendship with Adam?
I don’t have the answer.
And something tells me I wouldn’t like it if I did.