T Minus Zero…
Tuesday
“Meet me for dinner?” Xander asked when Mercedes answered her cell phone the following afternoon.
“Where?” she asked as she clutched the phone in her hand. At the mere sound of his voice, her spirits lifted for the first time all day.
She’d spent way too many hours fretting over the fact that Xander had left her alone for most of the day. That and why he seemed to be putting distance between them.
She listened while he rumbled off the name of the most romantic, not to mention the most expensive restaurant in downtown Dallas. It wasn’t his favorite place, but he knew that she liked it.
“What time?”
“Seven thirty.”
Mercedes knew she probably paused a little too long because Xander followed up with, “Logan and Sam will be meeting us there as well.”
Ok, so clearly this wasn’t meant to be a romantic evening out. Not that she had expected it to be.
She’d only hoped.
“I’ll meet you there.”
“Oh, and Mercedes…”
Mercedes waited for Xander to finish, but he didn’t. Unable to bear the silence any longer, she asked, “Is something wrong?”
“Nothing at all. I just… I think we need to talk. See you at seven thirty.”
With that, the call disconnected, and Mercedes fumbled her phone. They needed to talk?
Shit. Shit. Shit.
That couldn’t be good.
Was he still pissed at her for disappearing before he got out of bed that morning? He’d certainly appeared angry when he showed up at her door partially dressed, but she thought he was fine when he left a short while later.
In her defense, their five days were up as of that morning. She probably could’ve argued that point last night and spent the entire night alone in her own bed. But she’d chickened out, wanting – no, needing – one last night with him.
Great.
Now she was rattled as well as out of sorts. Her mind was coming up with a myriad of things that could be wrong, including Xander’s disappointment in her. She’d failed last night, she knew that. The scene had gotten completely out of hand. She’d pushed both Clarissa and Xander hard; harder than she intended.
Seriously. It had all been done in fear. Fear of what she was beginning to feel for Xander. Fear for what she wanted from him. And she had almost pushed them to the point of no return. Had it not been for him, that’s exactly where they would be right then. And there wouldn’t be a dinner invitation. Business or otherwise.
Placing her phone into the cup holder, Mercedes gripped the wheel with both hands, trying to keep her hands from shaking.
This was it. Xander was going tell her thanks for the memories, but he preferred that they go back to just being friends. Or worse, maybe he was going to tell her that he couldn’t even be friends anymore.
Breathe.
Mercedes took a deep breath as she came to a stop at a red light. She was overreacting. She had to be. Xander hadn’t seemed at all upset when he left her alone in her condo after their heated discussion. It wasn’t quite an argument because Xander hadn’t pressed the issue and he never once raised his voice.
Even though they hadn’t kissed and made up, - but why would they if their time was officially over – he had wrapped her in his arms and held her before he turned and walked out the same way he came. He wouldn’t have done that if he was going to tell her he didn’t want to at least be friends, would he?
No. Xander wasn’t made that way. He was as straightforward as they came. He would’ve called her to the carpet, addressed the issue at the time.
So what did he want to talk about?
Putting her foot on the gas pedal, Mercedes focused on the drive to the restaurant.
Although she hadn’t eaten anything all day, she wasn’t sure she could eat now if she was forced to.
He wanted to talk.
They needed to talk.
And so what if he did let her down easy. It wouldn’t matter. She had known from the start that this wasn’t going to work.
Keep telling yourself that.
It didn’t matter that he’d made her feel things she’d never expected. It didn’t matter that she’d let herself fall just a little bit in love with him. None of it mattered because it was just a deal. An experiment. And she knew from the beginning that it would come to an end.
So why did she suddenly want to cry?
~~*~~*~~
Xander waited at the bar of one of Mercedes’s favorite restaurants for her to arrive. He’d spent the better part of the day traveling – a trip he hadn’t been able to put off – and when his jet had landed just an hour before, he had called her up and asked her to meet him for dinner.
She had graciously accepted, although he had sensed reluctance in her tone. It wasn’t until he informed her that they’d be meeting with Logan and Samantha McCoy that she seemed to relax. What that was about, he had no idea, but he hadn’t asked either.
He should probably thank Logan for calling him with the last minute dinner request because otherwise, he’d probably be drinking at home.
Alone.
“Another,” he told the bartender when the man made his way over.
“Yes, sir.”
Xander was tired. He was stressed. And he was anxious to see Mercedes even if he did have to spend dinner discussing business with Logan. Mercedes’s presence would make it all worth it.
Although it had technically been five days since they’d embarked on this adventure, Xander wasn’t ready for it to be over. He found that he enjoyed Mercedes’s company, and being away from her, even for a few short hours, hadn’t been the highlight of his day.
A soft hand touched his back and Xander turned to see Mercedes standing beside him. “Hey,” she greeted. “You ok?”
Better now, he thought to himself. But he said, “Hungry. You?”
“Starving, actually.” It was a lie, he could tell, but he didn’t call her on it. “Are Logan and Samantha here yet?”
Yes, he had definitely come to the right conclusion. Mercedes was happy to have Logan and Sam along tonight. Probably because she was looking to put some distance between them, and Logan and Sam would act as a nice buffer.
Not that he blamed her. After last night, he wasn’t sure how she would respond to him today. That was partially why he’d given her some space by informing her he had to go out of town. What he had wanted to do was invite her, but he knew she had needed some time to herself.
So he had graciously given her the entire day in the hopes that the time she had to herself would allow her to realize... Hell, he wasn’t even sure what he hoped she would realize. That he loved her? That she loved him? That being with her was exactly where he wanted to be, regardless of who was dominating who.
Apparently a full day to herself didn’t seem to be long enough if the way she was glancing around the room was any indication.
“They’re on the way,” he informed her. “I asked them to meet us at eight.” It was only half past seven, so they still had some time. He’d done that on purpose also. “Have a seat,” he said, keeping his tone firm as he pulled out the high-back barstool beside him.
Mercedes gracefully took a seat next to him, and when the bartender returned with his drink, Xander allowed her to order for herself. Although he could’ve easily made the selection for her. She ordered white wine, her usual M.O. at this particular establishment.
“How did things go today?” Mercedes asked the question, but she didn’t look at him.
“Could’ve been better.” He had no intention of going into detail about his day. He wanted to talk, but not about business. As it was, he would have to delve into business with Logan shortly.
Ever since last night, when they’d arrived back at his condo, Mercedes had been avoiding him. Well, not entirely, because they had spent more time together, mostly in the bath where he’d enjoyed running his hands over her curvy, wet body. But even as he made her come with his fingers, he had felt her retreating from him.
She probably hoped he wouldn’t notice.
He noticed.
It was hard not to when he had woken up just that morning at five o’clock – about an hour later than normal – to find Mercedes gone from his bed.
Needless to say, he hadn’t been happy. His mood had darkened even more when he found that she wasn’t even in his condo. Rather than calling her, Xander had pulled on a pair of shorts, didn’t bother with a shirt or shoes, which was very unlike him, and made his way down to her floor and beat on her front door until she answered.
She opened the door, her hair wet, her face scrubbed clean. Yes, she’d gone back to her place to shower, and that had been like a kick in the nuts. Mercedes had made the message very clear. Their time together had come to an end.
And after the scene they’d shared at Devotion… that bothered him more than anything.
He knew she wouldn’t want to talk about what had happened last night when he had used his safe word just to call a halt to the nightmare that they were venturing closer and closer to. But he had wanted to talk about it.
Not just about that though. There were some other things he needed to say to her. Important things. Things he wasn’t willing to keep in any longer.
But he didn’t address the elephant in the room. There would be time later, and he intended to address the issue, but he also planned to do so in private. For now, he simply asked, “What did you do today?”
“I took a client out for a few hours.”
That wasn’t much of an explanation, but he hadn’t expected much more than that either. She wasn’t looking at him, seemingly fascinated with her wine glass and the people sitting around them. He ached to put his arms around her, to pull her close and to assure her that there was no reason for her to be freaked out.
If only it would help.
Knowing Mercedes, she would come up with another excuse to disappear on him and right now, he just wanted her to be close. It was enough.
For the moment.
“Your table is ready, sir.” A young man dressed in a suit, sans the jacket, stood to his left as he spoke.
Xander nodded his head and pushed to his feet, waiting for Mercedes to join him. When she did, he placed his hand low on her back and guided her toward the back of the restaurant.
To his surprise, Logan and Samantha arrived just a few minutes later. After a quick round of greetings, the four of them took their seats and proceeded to order drinks when the waiter approached.
A drink was all Xander cared about. His mind was elsewhere – namely back at Devotion, still chained to the wall while Mercedes did whatever she could to get a rise out of him. It had worked. Just not necessarily the way she thought it had.
What she didn’t seem to understand was that he had no interest in those scenes anymore. More importantly, he had connected with Mercedes in a way he hadn’t even known possible and as far as he was concerned, there was no one but her for him.
A woman’s submission was something he craved like a drug. He couldn’t explain it. Didn’t necessarily care to either, but what had transpired between him and Mercedes last night had defied reason. It had gone so far beyond submission, Xander didn’t even have a name for it.
He feared that’s what scared Mercedes the most. She’d been anticipating topping him from the very beginning. And yet, it seemed as though she had turned her sights on Clarissa after she had successfully secured him to the wall.
And then he had ended it all with one single word.
“You said you had a business proposition for me.” Logan’s deep voice broke through Xander’s thoughts, pulling him back to the moment.
He glanced over at Mercedes to see whether she was aware he’d been thinking about her. She still wasn’t looking at him, but her interest had peaked when Logan spoke up, so he knew she was paying attention.
“I do,” he told him, tossing back what was left of his drink. It was time to focus on the task at hand. There’d be time to address Mercedes later.
He hoped.
~~*~~*~~
Mercedes spent two hours of her life hanging on to every word Xander, Logan and Samantha spoke while she picked at the food on her plate. She had purposely not made eye contact, hoping Samantha would catch on that she wasn’t in a particularly chatty mood.
While the three of them had chatted it up, Mercedes had only partially heard what they were saying, not because she wasn’t interested in the new business venture that Xander had proposed. No, she was having trouble focusing because she was doing her best to keep her thoughts from getting away from her. If that happened, she was pretty sure she would break down and cry.
The thought pissed her off.
She didn’t cry. Ever. It was easier to keep things bottled up, to never get her hopes up, to never anticipate anything other than what she could do for herself. Yet here she was, wishing like hell Xander would tell her he wanted more than five days. That he realized in that short amount of time that she was the one he wanted.
No, she didn’t like what that said about her either. But she couldn’t deny the hope that had flared deep inside of her when he’d used his safe word, saving them all from disaster.
But he hadn’t wanted to talk about it.
Sneaking out of Xander’s condo before dawn wasn’t the best idea, she had known that at the time. When he had arrived at her front door, insisting that she talk to him, she’d pushed him away yet again. It had been a test of sorts. One he failed miserably.
Or maybe she was the one who had failed.
Rather than stay and talk, rather than push her to open up to him, Xander had given in and walked away. Giving her the space she had asked for.
But why not? Their time was over. He didn’t owe her anything and vice versa.
After he left, she had spent the better part of the morning in her home office and the afternoon with a new client who seemed genuinely interested in purchasing one of the luxurious downtown condos she’d shown him. Even now, Mercedes had a hard time remembering which places she’d shown him.
Considering her state of mind after what had happened last night, Mercedes was grateful her client had been so agreeable. Had he not been, she wasn’t sure what she might’ve done.
Aside from that brief reprieve from her overwhelming thoughts, Mercedes had spent the day in a fog.
She blamed Xander.
The man had left her completely out of sorts. Especially after he’d taken her home from Devotion and cared for her so sweetly. They’d shared a bath and to her surprise, he hadn’t questioned her about what had happened during their scene. She’d appreciated that more than him soaping her up and then using his skilled fingers to make her come apart twice more before they finally fell into bed.
At least she hadn’t had the dream last night. The one that included the shell of a man she’d come to care about more than she was willing to admit. The same man that she had set out to dominate, to prove to both of them just who she was, and failed.
She figured she wouldn’t be having the dream again because she feared Xander had worn her down and her need to dominate was fading like print on old newspaper.
She was a fucking submissive. Wait. Scratch that.
She was his fucking submissive.
The notion was like a slap in the face and Mercedes wasn’t at all happy. Up until last night, she’d been able to tell herself that she just needed the opportunity to dominate Xander. To prove to him that she was merely acting when she submitted to him.
Yeah, well, they’d both learned the cold hard truth, hadn’t they?
Mercedes had submitted to him. Not just once, but many times. Including one time without any provocation on his part.
In fact, last night at Devotion, she had focused more of her attention on Clarissa and less on Xander. Because she knew deep in her heart that she didn’t want to dominate him.
She was in love with Xander Boone.
Head over heels in love with him.
Never in her life would she have thought herself capable of falling in love for real. And definitely not with a Dom.
Then again, it did explain the series of bad relationships she’d had over the years. She’d obviously been going about it all wrong for her entire life.
During the day, when she had been showing one condo after another to a man who had more money than sense, she had come to realize that she had been working diligently to be something she wasn’t. A Domme. She had wasted years of her life trying to dominate men because that kept them at a distance; it refrained them from having any power over her.
The way her father had when she was just a child.
And now she had no power whatsoever.
But worse than that, she feared that Xander thought less of her for it. If he were as interested in her as he acted, he was probably rethinking now that he knew she was weak.
Mercedes knew the type of women he dated. They were all strong willed, even if they submitted to him sexually. They weren’t the meek submissives he tended to play with from time to time at Kink. The women who held his interest wouldn’t just roll over and give up.
God, she hated this pity party she’d thrown herself. She wanted to get out of her funk, but the day had only continued to get worse when she realized Xander had never called. At least not until he needed a date to a business dinner with Logan and Samantha.
Oh, sure, she had tried to sound relieved, but the truth was, she had been disappointed. Xander hadn’t been planning a romantic dinner for just the two of them. He hadn’t had any intention of spending time with her.
Or maybe this was his way of letting her down gently. Moving their relationship back to a platonic – slash – business friendship. He probably hoped she wouldn’t even realize it.
“What do you think?”
Mercedes focused on the faces around her and realized Samantha had asked her a direct question. Since she had absolutely no idea what they were talking about, she felt like a fool sitting there staring at her.
“I’m sorry. If you’ll excuse me,” she muttered, reaching for her clutch and rising from her chair.
At the exact same time, both men stood, neither of them reclaiming their seats until she was several feet away.
Rather than run to the bathroom and break down in tears like she first intended, Mercedes did something worse.
She took off out of the restaurant and straight to her car. And as soon as she was safely inside, the tears broke free and didn’t stop, even when she walked through her front door.