Mercedes knew she shouldn’t have been all that surprised by Xander’s abrupt phone call but she was. It wasn’t his fault either. She felt as though she was walking around in some sort of alternate universe, confused about where she was and where she was going. Imagine walking around on the ceiling and trying to figure out if you were the one upside down or the furniture was.
That’s how she felt.
Printing out the comps she had pulled up as soon as Xander left, she grabbed a pencil, her cell phone, and the paper now sticking out of the printer. She didn’t know if it had been ten minutes or not, but she was ready to get this over with.
It was a regular occurrence for Xander to summon her to his office to discuss business, and usually she’d be prepared for anything he could throw at her. But this time she felt strange as she rode the elevator to his floor.
When she stepped up to his front door, she was tempted to knock, but she knew that would’ve also been weird, so she turned the knob and walked in. Closing the door quietly behind her, she took stock of the living area. Empty, just as she expected.
A few seconds later, she was walking into the conference room – which, by the way, Xander had never requested that they meet in.
“What are you looking at?” she asked as she moved closer, watching him stare out of the floor to ceiling windows, his hands thrust in his pockets in a typical Xander fashion.
“Just admiring the view.” He turned slowly to face her, and a smile crept across his lips. “However, this view is considerably better.”
Mercedes rolled her eyes. Now this was getting ridiculous. She had thought for sure he’d be over this by now.
Maybe the guy just needed to get laid, she didn’t know.
Watch her, pet. Watch while she lowers herself onto his cock. Just like I want to see you doing to me.
Shit. A chill raced down her spine at the memory of his words from the night before. She could still hear the rough gravel of his voice, evidence that he’d been just as affected by what happened as she had.
But it didn’t matter. She couldn’t help him.
Maybe it would do him some good to go to the club tonight instead of her. She’d be more than happy to back off if he needed to head out and release some of the tension that was clearly building up.
She wanted to tell him as much, except the idea of Xander with another sub, or any woman for that matter, made her stomach churn.
A sudden snap had her glancing down to her hands. She’d broken her pencil right in half.
Fucking great.
At least it hadn’t been her cell phone she had snapped right in two.
Looking back at Xander, she noticed he was on the move, and she went the opposite direction, keeping the small conference table between them at all times. She didn’t wait for him to ask her to sit, she just dropped right into the chair closest to the windows. Expecting him to take a seat on the opposite side, she immediately regretted having sat down when he remained standing.
Crap.
“Nervous?” he asked, his eyes darting down to the broken pencil in her hand, his hands still casually inserted into his pockets.
“Not hardly,” she lied.
“You don’t like that I’ll admit to admiring you, do you?”
Frustrated that he wouldn’t let it go, Mercedes met Xander’s gaze head on and said harshly, “Whatever, Boone. There’s no one to impress anymore; you don’t need to try and flatter me.”
Xander was beside her in a flash. His abrupt movement startled her, causing her to drop both halves of her pencil, the papers and her cell phone onto the table. As he loomed over her, she looked up at him, her body stone still, her eyes wide, and her mouth slightly open as she tried to figure out what the hell he was going to do.
Before she could come to a conclusion, he was taking her hand, pulling her to her feet and then backing her up a few inches until she was flush against the window he’d been gazing out of just a few minutes before.
How the hell had that just happened?
“What are you doing?” she asked, her voice low, her anger apparent. “Let me go.”
“No. Not until we hash this out.”
“Hash what out?” she asked as she tried to push him away unsuccessfully. Albeit, she hadn’t been using as much force as she should have, not to mention Xander Boone wasn’t going to budge unless he absolutely wanted to.
Xander gripped her hips gently, holding her in place with relative ease. He wasn’t going to hurt her; she knew that. And she wasn’t at all scared of him. She just wasn’t sure she could hold out being this close to him. Not after everything she’d been feeling since last night.
The man, despite all of the warnings that she’d always given herself where he was concerned, drew her in, made her want things she shouldn’t want, and he’d proven that effortlessly at Devotion. But she still had time to turn things around, to ignore everything that had happened between them and move on with life as normal.
When she stopped pushing against him, he loosened his grip, and she surprised herself when she stopped putting up a fight.
“So talk,” she said after a long, deafening silence.
Xander moved, and Mercedes glanced down as he reached for her hands, linking his fingers with hers before lifting her arms up over her head and pinning them against the glass.
Ok, this was not good.
When she looked back up into his eyes, Mercedes knew he would see more than she wanted him to. She couldn’t deny the fact that her body was humming. Being this close to him, his hands holding her so easily in place, was doing funny things to her insides. Sort of the way things went last night.
Again, there was the problem. She had to remind herself of the most important thing.
She. Was. Not. A. Submissive.
Not at all.
And that’s what Xander wanted.
Her entire life revolved around her hard earned control – in and out of the bedroom. There was no room in her life for a man who wanted to order her around, to insist that she do what would please him. As the pathetic tale goes: been there, done that.
“Young lady, you will not be leaving this house.” “I don’t recall approving you to wear that.” “Get off the goddamn phone.” “You won’t get a penny from me. If you want it, work for it.” “Dammit, Priscilla, I didn’t give you permission to buy her that.”
Her father’s words rang inside of her head, the constant orders and restrictions, his infallible ability to ensure she never got what she requested. He’d rode her hard from the time she was little, never giving her an ounce of freedom because he had preferred to keep her and her mother under his thumb.
She damn sure wouldn’t let any man control her like that again. It was the very reason she left home as soon as she graduated from high school even though her father had moved out the day she turned eighteen.
“Please don’t,” she whispered to Xander now, the words more a plea than a command. She did not want to fight with him, and she found that her resistance to him wasn’t nearly as fortified as she’d once believed.
“Don’t what?” he asked, sounding way too curious.
“I don’t want to do this,” she told him.
She didn’t want to do this, no matter what her traitorous body was projecting.
Shit, who was she kidding? She did want this. She wanted him up against her, wanted to feel the warmth of his body the way she had last night. Even while she had slept alone in her bed, she’d ached for this man although she knew there was no chance in hell that she would ever cross over to the dark side.
“I’m not asking you to do anything.”
“No?” Mercedes glared at him.
Infuriating Dom.
He was asking for everything, and he very well knew it. They’d been friends for too long. She knew how he operated. And what that said about her, because she’d allowed him to manipulate her to this point, she didn’t want to think about.
“Fine. Then how about this? I can’t do this,” she told him. “You know I can’t, X. It’s not who I am.”
Xander unlinked their fingers, but he kept her pinned with her arms still above her head, one giant hand circling around her wrists while the other moved down to cup her cheek. To her horror, she leaned into his touch.
“But you want to, don’t you?” he asked, his tone gentle.
“No! I don’t. I already told you that!” she yelled.
When Xander merely stared back at her, Mercedes fought the urge to scream at the top of her lungs. It was either that, or to break down in tears because this man – this Dom – was wearing down her resistance. Clearly she wasn’t as convincing as she was trying to be.
He didn’t say anything for a long time, and Mercedes realized what he was doing. Damn it. He was pulling that psychological, manipulative bullshit on her. Xander was letting her think it through, giving her time to come to a decision on her own. It’s the way he operated, how he handled all of his subs. He would never force anything on anyone which meant if a woman wanted something from him, she’d have to agree up front.
Damn it.
“Let me go,” she ground out through gritted teeth. She was not going to give in to him. No way in hell.
Xander didn’t budge. He just continued to pin her with his hand on her wrists and his beautiful eyes peering down at her, probably reading her mind if she had to guess.
That wasn’t good either. Especially considering the questions running loose through her brain.
If she were so adamant that she didn’t want this, why was her body burning for him? Why was she feeling things she hadn’t felt in… well, in years? Why was she suddenly wanting to relive what she’d felt last night when he was touching her?
God, this was too confusing.
Staring back at him, she suddenly hated herself for allowing him to wear her down, but she knew that she couldn’t lie to him. She wasn’t built that way. The truth was the only way she knew, because without the truth, what was left?
“Tell me, Mercedes. Tell me that last night wasn’t just a demonstration. You felt more, didn’t you?”
“Maybe. I don’t know,” she finally said, rationalizing her thoughts. She didn’t know anything anymore. In the span of one night, he’d flipped her world upside down, and she didn’t know which way she was going anymore. The emotions that churned inside of her were unexpected and left her hovering on the brink of insanity.
“Tell me this,” he prompted. “Last night, what did you feel?”
What did she feel? An easier question would be what didn’t she feel. He’d made her feel more in twenty minutes than she’d felt in years, and that scared the shit out of her. She wasn’t looking for anything. She was content with her life and what he represented was nothing more than danger to everything she’d created for herself. And she knew that one wrong decision could very well damage their friendship beyond repair.
Was she willing to risk it?
Mercedes looked away, breaking eye contact with him. He didn’t allow her to disengage though. He just curled his finger beneath her chin, turning her head back so that she was facing him, and she let him.
“Tell me,” he ordered as he dropped his hand to his side.
“I’m used to being in control. You know that.” He didn’t say anything, so she continued. “I’m in control of every aspect of my life – business and personal. And that includes my sex life. I control my destiny. I decide what and when. That’s who I am, Xander. What we did last night goes against who I am.”
“But you enjoyed it.”
It wasn’t a question.
This time Mercedes didn’t look away. “Yes. I did. Are you happy now?” she bit out. “That doesn’t change anything. I still crave the control.”
Sort of.
“Do you?”
She hated when he did that. She didn’t want to talk about this.
“Yes, dammit,” she snapped. “What happened last night…” Mercedes closed her eyes briefly and then reopened them, a renewed sense of purpose filling her. It was her turn to get answers. “Remember that night at Kink when you volunteered to let Mistress Desiree demonstrate on you because no one else had the balls to do it, how did that make you feel?”
“Like I was in someone else’s body,” he told her, his answer surprisingly honest.
“Then you know exactly how I felt, X,” Mercedes stated firmly.
“When are you going to stop lying to yourself, Mercedes? To us both?” he argued, his voice low, his tone even. “I was with you, remember? You came apart at the seams when we were together.”
Yes, she did. Against her will.
Ok, no, not really. But still.
“And you think that’s all I need? An orgasm?” Mercedes tried to pull away again, but Xander held her wrists more firmly.
Xander opened his mouth. Closed it.
She wanted to know what he had to say. But then actions replaced words and Mercedes found herself giving in to something she’d dreamed about since the moment Xander put his hands on her last night.
As he looked into her eyes, he tightened his grip on her wrists just as little and moved his free hand up, his knuckles lightly grazing her nipple as he did. Then he was sliding his fingers into her hair, cupping the back of her head, as he leaned down, pressing his lips to hers.
He was kissing her.
For the very first time.
And sweet mother mercy, the man could freaking kiss.
Mercedes was pretty sure her knees were going to give out.
Contrary to the heated argument they were having, Xander’s lips were soft, his hand gentle as he held her.
She hesitated only briefly before she gave in, kissing him back with delicious intent. Her legs weakened, her body ignited with sensation as the kiss penetrated her bloodstream, moving through her entire body in a rush.
It didn’t take long before the passion of the moment overwhelmed them both.
Holding her head firmly, Xander controlled the kiss, and she let him. It would serve no purpose to try to top him. He wasn’t going to allow it. And, truth be told, she wanted to remember what it felt like to be dominated, to let go of the control, to concede to someone else for even a brief moment.
Just this once.
She pressed up against him involuntarily, unable to stop herself. What this was between them wasn’t normal. It wasn’t run of the mill. And dammit all to hell, it wasn’t only about sex although it would appear that way from the outside looking in.
But what most people didn’t realize about her was that she used her Domme status to keep her distance from people. The habit had been ingrained in her since she was a teenager, growing up in an abusive household with an overbearing father, then reinforced time and time again through a series of bad relationships when she was older.
Being in control meant she didn’t have to give up anything, didn’t have to answer to anyone, and being a Domme in the lifestyle she coveted meant she could be satisfied physically without ever having to give too much of herself. As far as emotional ties, there weren’t any. Because she didn’t allow them.
But this was Xander. Her friend. A man she admired, a man she suddenly craved which meant she would want more. Nothing about Xander was easy, and if she gave in to him at all, even one tiny bit, she feared she’d lose a part of herself that she’d been holding on tightly to for as long as she could remember.
The kiss lingered, the passion between them fanning the flames as she was engulfed by the same overwhelming sensations that Xander had instilled in her last night when he’d used nothing more than his hands and a flogger to send her careening into the abyss.
Seemingly unwilling to let go, he consumed her, tasting, teasing, seeking all that she was willing to give him.
And she let him.
Long minutes later, when he pulled back, Xander remained steadfast, holding her wrists, palming her head gently as he stared down at her. Why that made her feel good, she didn’t know.
But she did. She felt… safe in his arms.
It had been an incredibly long time since a man had looked at her the way Xander was looking at her now. Maybe it was her fault because she’d refrained from taking on a full-time sub for a couple of years now, disinclined to commit to something she didn’t think she was ready for again.
The only thing she knew was that she shouldn’t feel good. She wasn’t supposed to want this.
And that was the main reason she had to push him away.
There was a long pause before Mercedes reluctantly said, “If you’re looking for a submissive, I suggest you consider taking Sam on. I think she’ll satisfy that urge and you’ll both get what you want. Hell, you’ll even get a threesome out of the deal, and we all know how you feel about that.”
Did that make her sound jealous? God, she hoped not, but she couldn’t help herself. The idea of Xander dominating Sam, the thought of Sam crushed between Logan and Xander made her crazy, but she knew if she didn’t push him away, she ran the risk of pulling him close, and it wasn’t in her best interest to do so.
“You, not Sam,” Xander said brusquely, his words coarse as though he were just as affected by this as she was. He brushed his thumb over her cheek, but he didn’t finish his sentence.
“Me what?” Mercedes finally asked when it was clear he wouldn’t go on. Sucking her bottom lip between her teeth, she waited.
“I want you,” he finally said, the gravelly tone of his voice had pleasure igniting beneath her skin.
Mercedes’s heart did a somersault, but she stopped it mid-flip, refusing to give in to the promises she could hear in his tone.
“That’s bullshit, and you know it,” she argued, trying to keep her voice even. “I’m a challenge for you, X. That’s all I am. I’ve seen the women you play with. They’re meek and… they don’t pose much of a challenge. Hell, most of them aren’t even true submissives, they just want a shot at your money.”
“If you think I’m looking for a woman who doesn’t challenge me, then you don’t know me as well as I thought you did,” he replied softly.
Mercedes forced her eyes away from his. He saw too much.
“Look at me,” Xander demanded, this time he used only his words, not his hands.
Her eyes darted up quickly, too quickly. She knew he saw that she was still hovering on the fence that separated undecided and hell no, this is emotional suicide.
“Let me show you,” he pleaded gruffly. “Five days. Starting right now. That’s all I’m asking for.”
“Five days?” That was all? Shit, that was only the beginning. “You think you can turn me from a Domme to a submissive in …? Wait, why five?” she asked curiously, all other thoughts coming to an abrupt halt.
Xander smirked, a glint of humor in his radiant smile. “Five’s my lucky number, you know that.”
She did know that. Just like seven was her lucky number. And twenty-three was Shane’s. They’d had a long conversation one night over a bottle of vodka. That had been interesting.
But it wasn’t the point.
“Xander—” she stopped herself, trying to realign her thoughts once more. Calming down, she followed up with, “I like being in control.”
“Do you?” he asked, sounding unconvinced and rightfully so since he still held her up against the window and somewhere along the way she’d forgotten that she had pressed her body up against his, her breasts against the hard planes of his chest.
But it didn’t matter that she was physically attracted to this man. This Dom. She did like being in control. And she was good at it. She was successful. She was independent. And she’d kept the attention of more subs than she cared to count through the years. They kept coming back. It didn’t seem to matter that she never promised them anything. That said something about her; she knew it did. But it didn’t explain these mixed up emotions churning in her belly.
She wasn’t giving up yet though.
“Are you saying you want to top me? That in five days I’ll just hand over the reins to you?” she asked. “That’s a little optimistic, X. Even for you.”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” he answered easily that time, his restraint palpable.
Having him dominate her was something she’d never even considered until last night at Devotion. Since then… well, since then she’d thought about little else.
Confusion overwhelmed her. No matter what she wanted, regardless of whether she gave in to it or not, it still didn’t explain what Xander’s ulterior motive was.
“Why me, X?” Knowing she was moving into dangerous territory, Mercedes stared into crystal green eyes, searching for the truth. He didn’t answer her question, so she continued. “And once you break me? Once I’m nothing but a puddle at your feet? Then what? Are you telling me you wouldn’t get bored with me like you do all the others?”
Mercedes knew him. Xander hadn’t had a serious relationship since the day she’d met him. He played at the clubs, took some of them home, but they never lasted more than a week at the most. He claimed that it was due to work. He didn’t have time for anything else.
Right.
Mercedes wasn’t willing to give up the friendship they’d developed for a few days of sex.
No matter how good she suspected it would be.