Chapter Nine

 

 

BRIAN PACED up and down the emergency room hallway, fighting his stomach, which was trying to climb out his throat.

He wasn’t going to give in to it, though, as he hadn’t back at the club when Chris had gone ass over teakettle down the stairs and landed with a crunch at the bottom. The ambulance had been there in minutes, and they’d gotten Chris onto a backboard with a collar around his neck. Chris had still been out.

Brian paced a little harder and glared at the nurses’ station, telling himself to go to the door and back one more time before he bugged them. Again.

What was taking so fucking long?

Jesus, he’d spent every day since Chris had told him the truth worrying that they were going to paralyze Chris with their pushing, and then Chris went and fell down the stairs while they were out having fun. They hadn’t even been drinking.

If Chris’s back was fucked up from the fall….

Screw it. Brian made a beeline for the nurses’ station.

“Excuse me again. I need to know how Chris Allen is. Is he awake yet? Can I see him?” He wasn’t going to let her fob him off this time.

“Sir, I….”

“Get the fuck out of my way.” Rob hit the nurses’ station with a growl. “I’m Dr. Allen, and I have Chris Allen’s most current medical information. I need to speak with the doctor on call immediately.”

Brian gave a little sigh of relief. Rob being able to bandy the word “doctor” about in front of his name could only help. He’d called Rob from the ambulance, and he had to bite back his “took you long enough.” It wasn’t Rob he was pissed at.

“Yes, doctor. Give me a minute and I’ll buzz you in.”

“Thank you.” Rob looked at him, nodded once. “Fucking taxis were scarce as hell. Was he conscious at all in the ambulance?”

Brian shook his head and took hold of Rob’s arm. If they were letting Rob in, they were letting him in. “He moaned some, and I thought he was going to come to. They haven’t told me a fucking thing.” And he’d tried throwing his weight around too, told them he was Chris’s gymnastics coach, but the little nurse hadn’t been impressed. At all.

“Okay. Okay. I’ll find out what’s what, Brian. I’m a doctor. I’m family. I’m his fucking next of kin. I won’t leave you in the dark.”

“I’m going in there with you.” He’d had enough of waiting around. He had to know if Chris was okay. Or… if he wasn’t. He needed to know that too. “Come on, Rob. I don’t care what you tell them. I’m going in there with you.”

“If it’s not too serious. Was he bleeding?” The door buzzed, and Rob started moving through, confident as anything. “This is his coach. He’ll be the one who can answer any questions about what happened.”

Rob was good; he’d give the man that.

“No. There wasn’t any blood that I could see. He was pale and so damned still.” So fucking still. It had scared the shit out of him. It was still scaring him.

There was a shitload of hustle and bustle in the room where Chris was, and Rob paled. “You stand right here, Brian. I mean it. Don’t give them a reason to eject you. I have to see him.”

Brian swallowed hard and nodded. Shit. It didn’t look good. Oh fuck. Fuck. He wasn’t religious, but he started praying right about then.

It took Rob about twenty minutes to come out, eyes serious and still. “They’re taking him for a full-body CT scan and calling a neurologist. We’re going to have to wait for the results. The good news is that his spine looks to be intact and his vitals are good.”

Brian closed his eyes and swallowed hard. God, this sucked. So fucking hard.

He opened his eyes again, met Rob’s. So like Chris’s and at the same time not. Brian knew he’d never mistake them for each other. “What are the odds he’ll be able to get back to training?” It would kill Chris if a stupid fall down the stairs sidelined him.

Rob blinked, stared. “What? Look, right now I’m working on ‘is there brain damage and will he be Chris when he wakes up?’. We’ll worry about gymnastics after that.”

“Brain damage?” The words ended up almost shouted. Brain damage? Fuck. Oh God. He hadn’t even…. Fuck. His stomach was back in his throat, and this time he wasn’t sure he could fight it back down.

“Easy. Easy. Breathe.” Rob pushed him down, head between his legs. “Don’t you fucking freak out on me, man. You have to get it together.”

His hands clenched on his knees as he focused on getting the breath in and out of his lungs for a moment or two. God. This wasn’t happening.

He lifted his head again and nodded. “It’s okay. I’m okay.”

“Good man. He’s going to be okay.” Rob closed his eyes a second.

“He has to be.” Which was probably a pretty stupid thing to say, but dammit, Chris had come through one accident, had pushed and shoved and brought himself back up. It was not fair if he was knocked down again. It wasn’t. “How long is this CT thing going to take? Do they have any idea when he’s going to wake up? Can I see him?”

“The test itself is short. They’re admitting him, and you can stay in the room. I’m going to go meet with the neurologist.” Rob sighed. “You need to call our folks. Tell them what happened.”

“Their number’s on Chris’s phone, yeah?” Rob nodded. “Okay. I’ll do that.” He was so not looking forward to this call. God, he wished he had something to tell them. Something positive. “Thanks, man. I was going crazy out there, not knowing what was going on.”

“Tell them he’s in good hands, you don’t know anything, and not to come here.” Rob stopped, took a breath. “And you’re welcome. You’ll know when I know. I’m heading up.”

“Okay. Where do I find him?” Rob had said he could stay with Chris, but at this point, he had no clue where they’d taken his lover.

And he needed to see Chris again before he did anything else. He needed to.

“There’s going to be a hospital person to get you, get his information and stuff. Mom has him covered by insurance until September. They’ll tell you which room.” Rob was up and going, looking completely at home in the hospital.

Brian leaned against the wall, wishing that was something he didn’t know, wishing that this had never happened.

Okay. Enough indulging in wishes. Chris’s phone was heavy in his pocket, and he took it out, searched the directory for Chris’s folks’ number. Make the call and then go see Chris. He could do that. He could cope.

And through it all, he could pray.

 

 

BRIAN SAT holding Chris’s hand.

Still unconscious, but at least the collar and spine board were gone, making Chris look less scary. Less broken.

He was waiting. Waiting for Chris to wake up. Waiting for someone to come and talk to him. Waiting for Rob to come back.

Fucking waiting.

And there wasn’t anything else he could do.

“Come on, Chris. Wake up and I’ll get you chocolate. Brownies. Homemade ones, yeah? And we can add midnight runs to get pizza for those nights you get munchy.”

Come on, come on. Wake up.

“He’s got a serious head injury, Brian. There’s swelling and damage, but nothing’s broken. There’s a hairline crack in his skull.” Rob stood at the door, face pale as milk. “I’ve talked to Mom and Dad. They say…. Well, he’s going to get better before they can move him back home, right?”

A hairline crack. Serious head injury. The words swirled around in Brian’s head. “No. No, that can’t be right.”

He held tight to Chris’s hand. Please, wake up, he begged silently, not sure if he meant Chris or himself. If this was all just a bad dream….

“People come out of this type of injury every day.” Rob stepped in, eyes huge. “Every day. Can…? I need to…. Do you mind if I…?”

He looked at Rob, really looked, realizing that this wasn’t just a doctor, wasn’t just a guy. This was a man looking at his twin who was hurt, unconscious.

He nodded and made himself let go of Chris’s hand, made himself step back and let Rob go to his brother.

As much as he was worried and hurting, it had to be even worse for Rob.

Rob stumbled forward, grabbed Chris’s hand, and started whispering. “Goddamn, Chrissy. Not like this. You can’t fucking do this. We are going to be old and grouchy together, you and me and our lovers, right? Going skiing and boating and being trouble. Please, Chrissy. You gotta.”

Brian blinked back tears, hands curling into fists. This was easier when Rob was the doctor, all efficient and calm and reassuring.

“Come on, Chris,” he said, moving to stand next to Rob. “You listen to us. You come back. Don’t you dare quit on me now. You beat the fucking vault—are you going to let a few stairs get to you?”

Rob nodded. “You gotta wake up, Chrissy. I know you can hear me. I saw your scans. I know you’re dizzy and scared and probably can’t figure out what happened, but you fell, and you need to try to remember how to wake up.”

“Just come back and we’ll help you figure it out,” Brian said. “You won’t be alone, Chris. Not this time. Forever, remember?”

He’d promised to stick by Chris no matter what, and he’d meant it. He would. No matter what.

“The competitions are waiting for you. Brian’s here. Mom and Dad said they’ll come. I’ll stay.”

“So much love, Chris. You can’t stay away in the face of that.” Brian blinked, hand squeezing Chris’s thigh. “And you’ve got something to prove to all those naysayers and doubters—I know you do.”

Brian wasn’t sure if Chris’s sigh was an answer or simply coincidence, but it made him feel better, made him believe.

“Yeah, they’re still out there. Nothing’s changed.” He leaned in and whispered. “And I know you want to pick back up where we left off. We were on our way home, Chris. You remember that?”

He’d do everything he could for as long as he needed, to get Chris to wake up.

They kept talking, first Rob, then him, until the nurses came to check this and change that. Rob stood back, sighed. “Do you want to go home and sleep?”

He shook his head. “No.”

He wasn’t going anywhere. He belonged right here with Chris. For as long as it took.

“No, I’m good. You go ahead. I’ll let you know if there’s any change.”

“I won’t leave him.” Rob sighed. “There’s a physician’s lounge, though, and I need to find it. That chair there pulls out into a bed.”

“Thanks.” He nodded and, on impulse, gave Rob a hug, holding on to the other person who knew how special Chris was, who needed Chris to come back as much as he did.

Rob’s breath hitched, arms coming around him to hug him back. “He’s going to be okay.”

He held on tight. “Yeah. He is. He’s Chris.”

“Yeah. He’s the baby. Seven whole minutes.”

That had him chuckling. “Go tell him. Maybe he’ll wake up and growl at you for saying it.”

“That would be good.” Rob grinned. “I’d even let him win the argument.”

“God, I’d like to see that.”

He let Rob go, and they turned back to Chris. “You hear that, Chris? He called you the baby.”

He thought he saw Chris’s fingers move. Maybe.

Maybe.

He nudged Rob. “Did you see that?”

“See what?” Rob moved over to the bed. “Chrissy? Can you hear me?”

Brian put his hand on Chris’s thigh again and squeezed. “Come on, Chris. We know you’re in there. Chris? Come on, lover.”

Chris’s eyes moved under his eyelids once, then again, like he was dreaming.

“Shit, I’m going to call the neuro,” Rob said. “You keep talking, man.”

He nodded. “Until I’m hoarse.”

Brian grabbed Chris’s hand. “I know you’re in there. Come on, Chris. God, I want to see those eyes of yours. One green and one blue. I never knew anyone with eyes like that before, and now I know two people. Of course there’s only one pair I really want to see now. I mean I like Rob and all, but he’s not you. I want you, Chris. I need you, yeah?”

He rattled on, talking about practicing and loving and things they’d done together. Kept talking and praying and insisting—to Chris, to God, to himself, to anyone that would listen—that everything was going to be just fine.

 

 

CHRIS COULD hear voices chattering at him, low and constant, pulling him up and out of the fog he seemed to be in.

He wasn’t sure if he wanted to wake up. In fact, he was pretty sure he didn’t want to, but those voices wouldn’t stop.

“Your folks are here. Rob called; he’s at the airport getting them. I need you to wake up before they get here, Chris. They want to take you home with them. I need you to wake up and tell them you’re okay, that they don’t need to drag you across the country to get well.”

“Come on, Chris. Open your eyes again for me. You did it once yesterday. Come on now. I know you’re in there. I do.” There was a soft chuckle. “Do you really want me to go back to reading you stats?”

His cheeks moved as he grinned, the action feeling odd and uncomfortable.

“Hey! Chris? See, I knew you were in there. Don’t think I won’t do it either. Although I suppose it would be more fun to tell you what I want to do to you. Might be my last chance, with your folks on their way and all. Although frankly, at this point, being able to look into your eyes’ll be enough.” Brian’s voice dropped low.

“I want to get you home and pick up where we left off. You know, kisses and touches. God, I love touching you. Your skin is amazing, and your musculature…. The way you move under me….”

“Bri….” He frowned, trying to open his eyes, knowing that he knew how.

“Oh God.” He could feel pressure on his hand now—Brian squeezing it. Why was he squeezing it so tight? “Yeah. It’s me. You like that, yeah? Like the way I love you? I do, you know. And God, you’re so beautiful. So fucking stunning. Let me see your eyes.”

“Um-hum.” Chris swallowed, licked his lips. “Dry.”

Brian laughed. “You want some water? I’ve got a cup here with ice. Well, it was ice—it’s cold water now. It’s even got a straw.”

Something pressed against his lips. “Can you suck?”

It was harder than it should’ve been, but he could, gasping a little at the sensation—cold and good and more.

“Not too much, now. You have to sip slowly. I’m not sure why, but that’s what they always say, isn’t it?” The straw disappeared. “You gonna open your eyes for me?”

It was damned bright when he managed it—too bright, but he did it. He opened his eyes. “Bri.”

“Hey. Chris. Hi.” Brian looked like he was about to start crying, but he was smiling and laughing too. “Hey. Welcome back.”

Welcome back from where?

“Hey.”

Brian took his hand again and squeezed. His eyes held Chris’s. “How are you feeling?”

“Fuzzy? Throat hurts. Wha’ happened?”

“You don’t remember? I’m not sure if I’m supposed to tell you or not. I guess I should call the nurse.” Brian leaned past him and pressed the call button lying next to him. “You hit your head and have been out for nearly three days.”

“Three…. Rob. Did he stay?”

“Yeah. He’s picking your folks up at the airport. I don’t know what I’d have done without him—having a doctor to throw around his title really makes a difference.”

“My folks?” Okay, now he was a little scared. Maybe more than a little. “Bri?”

“You got pushed at the club and fell down the stairs. You’ve been unconscious since. I tried to convince them you’d come out of it soon and be right as rain, but they wanted to be here. Well… I’m pretty sure they’re wanting to take you home with them. So I’m glad you’ve woken up and can make your own decisions.” Brian smiled. “It’s okay. You’re awake now. It’ll all be okay. I promise.”

“No. No, I don’t want to go back. I want to stay here with you.”

Brian beamed at him, looking relieved. “You don’t know how good that is to hear. And you kind of needed to be awake to say it.” Brian leaned in over the side of the bed, hugging him. “I’m so glad you woke up.”

Chris nodded, then winced as a dull pain started throbbing in his skull.

Brian backed off, slid a hand over his head. “You okay? Where’s that nurse? They’re going to want to know you’re awake. Probably kick me out of here, though, while they look you over, so maybe I’m hoping they’ll take their time.”

“I’m right here. Is he awake?” Gladys, a big, wonderful heavyset nurse who always had a grand smile, came in.

“Yeah. Yeah, he is. Look.” Brian grinned and squeezed his hand. “And he’s okay. Tell her you’re okay, Chris.”

“My head hurts, and I want something to drink, please.”

He wasn’t sure about okay, really.

Brian brought the straw back to his lips. “I only let him have a little bit when he first woke up.”

Gladys chuckled and beamed at them both. “Oh, now that’s a good sign, it is. Do you know your name, son? Where you are? The date?”

“Chris and I’m in the hospital and… August?” It was still August, right?

“August 22, actually.” She took his hand and counted his pulse while looking at her watch. “You remember what happened to you?”

“No. Brian told me, but I don’t remember. I remember dancing.”

“Oh, dancing sounds like fun, honey. Was it Brian you were dancing with?”

He chuckled, groaning a little as that made him hurt again. “Brian doesn’t share.”

Brian’s hand stroked his shoulder. “Oh, you remember just fine.”

Gladys’s eyebrow rose, and she chuckled as she put a blood pressure cuff around his arm. “I’ll get your vitals and then go get the doctor.”

“Can I have some juice, please?” Chris asked as Gladys set about measuring his blood pressure and pulse.

Juice and a pain pill and sent home?

Now?

“I think you should stick with the water until the doc has a chance to look at you, honey. It won’t be long. I’ll go fetch him right now. Things are looking good, though.” She gave his arm a motherly pat.

“Thanks,” murmured Brian, moving back to the chair pulled up close to the bed and offering Chris the straw again.

Gladys gave them both a wink and headed out, the door closing quietly behind her.

“I’m ready to go home, Bri.”

“And God knows I’m ready to take you. I think Rob would kill me, though, if we didn’t let the doctor look you over first. And I know your folks would.”

“You’re right there, Brian dear.” Mom came in with a rush, a huge tote bag on one arm, knitting needles poking out. “You’re awake!”

“Yeah. Hey, Mom.”

“Chrissy. How long have you been conscious? How’s your pain? Have you tried moving yet?”

Rob made his head hurt.

“Robin, let your brother be. Where’s the doctor in charge? I’d like to speak to him immediately.” Ah. Dad. Mr. In-charge.

Brian stood but kept a hand on his arm. “The nurse went to get him. She said Chris’s vitals looked good, but the doctor had to take a look before he could have juice or anything.” He gave Chris’s arm a little squeeze. “But he’s awake and he knows who he is and where he is. Isn’t that great?”

“It is. Hey, baby.” Mom sat on the other side of his bed, settling in with that “my son” look on her face.

Brian didn’t back down at all from Chris’s mom, staying right there with a hand on his arm even when Chris’s father cleared his throat rather obviously. Looked like Brian wasn’t going to be pushed off to the side.

He sighed, searched for Rob’s eyes. Rob saw him, nodded, and grinned. “Okay, you two. The doctor’s going to be in soon. Don’t get settled.”

“We only just got here, Robin.” His father puffed up and patted his leg. “How are you feeling, then? Ready to come home? Your mother’s dusted your room and washed your sheets.”

Brian’s hand tightened on his arm.

“No. I’m staying here. I have a competition in October.”

See him. See him be an adult.

“A competition? You can’t be serious. Son, has the doctor explained what happened to you yet? You won’t be competing anymore.”

Mom nodded in agreement with his dad.

No. No. He looked over to Brian, searching for the truth there.

Brian squeezed his arm. “I don’t know, Chris. They said you had a hairline skull fracture. I’m not sure what that means. Let’s see what the doctors say, yeah?”

Chris turned away from Brian. No. No, there wasn’t going to be any let’s see. No. He was going to compete. Goddammit.

Brian’s fingers tightened, and he bent to give Chris a kiss above his ear. “It’ll be okay, Chris. It’s going to be okay.”

“Wait and see?” His father’s voice boomed. “I don’t think so. You might have been killed! You can’t honestly be thinking about risking a third time!”

“Mr. Allen, this accident had nothing to do with gymnastics. Chris fell down some stairs.”

“Good God, what the hell is going on here?” The new voice belonged to the doctor, the man frowning at them. “There are way too many people in here. Why doesn’t anyone who hasn’t just woken up out of a coma leave—I need to take a look at Chris.”

“You heard Dr. Fry. Move it or lose it.” Rob sounded almost tickled. “Did you get some sleep, Vic? You looked tired as hell yesterday.”

Christ, Robbie could get to know anyone.

“I did, thanks, Rob. You can stay if you like.”

“I’d like to stay too,” Brian said. “I’ll be quiet and stay out of the way like I have been.”

The doctor started to shake his head.

“Vic. This is important. Please, ask Chris what he wants.”

Rob gave him a look, and he nodded, trying not to wince. “He’s my partner. Please, doctor.”

“All right, but everyone else is going to have to clear out of here.”

Robbie led Mom and Dad out, and the doctor moved in. “So, Chris, it’s nice to finally meet you. I’m Dr. Fry.”

“Hi. Can I compete? Can I go home?” Could he get up and walk around?

Dr. Fry chuckled. “Are you always this focused?”

“Yes,” Brian answered quietly. “He’s also the best damned gymnast there is because of it.”

Chris nodded, the wince slipping past him, and Robbie patted his shoulder. “It’s okay that it’s hurting, Chrissy. You’re going to be sore, and you’ve got a drain tube to ease some swelling. It’ll ache.”

“Ignoring pain’s another thing he’s good at,” Brian said quietly.

“Well, pain is your body’s way of telling you to slow down, to stop for a bit.”

The doctor shined a light in both eyes, probed his head, which hurt like hell, and looked at the notations the nurse had made on his chart.

“Gladys said that you didn’t remember the accident, but that you were coherent, knew your name, knew it was August, that you were in the hospital. I need you to be honest with me now—are you confused about anything?”

“I…. Can I get up? I mean, can I walk?”

“Don’t you remember how?” Rob touched his foot, and his toes curled, leg jerking up.

Oh!

The movement felt good, right, and he nodded. “Yes. Yes, I do.”

Now.

Dr. Fry chuckled. “Something tells me that you’re going to be a hard patient to keep in bed. Are you really feeling up to trying to get up? Because if you are, I say go for it.”

“I… I can try.” He nodded, pushing himself upright.

Oh.

Oh fuck.

Dizzy.

Dizzy.

Shit. He…. Oh.

Hands helped him back down, that light in his eyes again.

“Maybe after a meal. He’s under 8 percent body fat—he’s got no stores.” Rob didn’t sound scared, which made him feel better.

“Under 8 percent body fat? You are dedicated, aren’t you?” Dr. Fry turned to Brian. “The best, you say?”

Brian nodded. “Yeah. He’s amazing. Natural talent and this unbelievable focus. He pushes and doesn’t give up.”

“Well, Chris, the skull fracture in and of itself shouldn’t stop you, but I’ve seen your file, and you’re already taking a huge risk. I’m not sure I can recommend that you continue following this course.”

“Life is risk, doctor. Everything is. I need this.” Yes. Yes, that was what he needed to hear.

“Yes, life is a risk, but there are ways to minimize that risk, Chris. I’m not trying to take anything away from you. I’d rather not see you back here.”

The doctor patted his shoulder. “I’ll have Gladys make sure you get something to eat, and then you can try getting up out of bed again, okay? You’re doing great.”

“When can I go home?”

Rob grinned. “The drain comes out in a couple of days, man, and we can keep Mom and Pop out of here every so often, huh?”

Oh. Yeah.

Dr. Fry nodded. “If you’re doing well, I’ll be by day after tomorrow to discharge you. You make sure you get plenty of rest until then. I’ll prescribe something for the pain, to take as needed, and I’d like to get another head scan to be sure we haven’t missed anything.”

“Okay. Can I have some juice?” He’d hate to have to kill someone for a drink.

“Yeah. You send your twin brother here out there to talk to your folks and get you your juice. No traveling for you until you’ve had something to eat.”

Dr. Fry made some notations on his chart and then shook Chris’s hand. “Don’t give the nurses too much grief, and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I promise.” The room swam a little, and Chris closed his eyes. He could do this.

He could recover.

Again.

Rob’s and the doctor’s voices faded away.

A moment later, Brian’s hand slid along his arm. “Hey. That was better than I was expecting.”

“Yeah? You’re going to stay with me, yeah? Help me win?”

Brian sighed, sliding his fingers on Chris’s cheek. “You’re still determined to do this, are you?”

“Yes.” More than ever. Hell, anything could kill you; this accident proved that.

“Well, I’m not letting anyone else stand with you. Not as your coach, not as your lover.” Brian smiled. “I don’t share, remember? I’ll help you win.”

“Good.” Good. He relaxed deeper into the mattress, eyes getting wet as his tension let go.

A soft kiss brushed across his forehead. “It’ll be okay, Chris. We’ll stick it out together. I promise.”

“I’m sorry.” He started to float off again, letting go of his worries, his stress.

“For what? Getting pushed? Coming back from wherever you’d gone in your head? Being a stubborn ass?” Another kiss pressed against his skin.

Brian’s fingers were so warm as they stroked his cheek. “I love you.” The words floated over him, wrapped him in Brian’s warmth.

“Love you. Come hold me a minute?” Just a minute. So he could go back to sleep.

“Yeah. I’d like that.”

Brian’s leg slid against his, his warm arms wrapping around Chris. Holding him.

“Tell me about my new floor routine. Help me remember.” He’d dream about it. Maybe, when he woke up, he’d get some juice.

Brian chuckled. “You’re obsessed.”

But Brian’s voice continued, soft and even, as Brian went over the routine, chasing him into sleep.