It’s 11 o’clock sharp and elevenses, our daily routine. We were both up late this morning, so I wander into the conservatory still in my pyjamas with a large patterned towel wrapped round my head. It’s like a greenhouse, and I go from window to window pulling down each blind. I slide open the patio door to allow the little bit of air that is circulating out there to enter.
“Coffee?”
I turn and watch Gabriel place my mug on the table.
“Yeah, needs to be a strong one this morning.”
He smiles knowingly, though never mentions his mother or Jase once.
“Oh, by the way, what’s this?” he asks, sliding a red envelope from the pocket of his denim shorts.
I sit down at his side, take the envelope from his hand and pull out the invitation.
Smirking, he tilts his head. “This wouldn’t be something you were trying to hide from me, would it?” he enquires.
I feel my face heating up. “Hughie’s retirement party, oh God, I’d completely forgotten about it,” I lie, crossing my fingers behind my back.
I mean really, when they sent the invitation did they honestly think I’d turn up with Gabriel? As if he’d want to go anywhere where Josh might be. It’s amicable between Josh, Michelle and me, and I get the occasional message from them on Facebook and I ‘like’ photos of Savannah and sometimes leave a comment, but it was a while ago that they both sent Gabriel a friend request, and to my knowledge he never accepted either of them.
“With your mum and Jase here?” I roll my eyes. “I had no idea how long they intended on staying, but are you honestly telling me you’d want to go?”
Gabriel takes a long sip of his orange juice and sits back, crossing his ankles.
“I don’t know. After last night, maybe a dance and a drink would do us both some good. I’ve got nothing against Angela and Hughie, and as for Josh, what’s the chance of him being in England? He’s probably in America with his head buried in his business.”
“You never know, he might want to be here for his dad, so there’s always a chance he’s flown back.”
He shrugs. “Worse-case scenario, I guess, but even so, it’s not like we’ve got to sit next to them. It will be a nice night for us, and give us chance to talk.”
This is totally not Gabriel. I know he hates big functions and despises crowds, but I also know he knows me and how much I miss Angela and Hughie. I launch forward, straddling his lap, and throw my arms around his neck. Then I pull away and playfully punch his arm.
“Thank you, you big softy.”
“Piss off, Tash; go back and drink your coffee before I change my mind.”
He tries to keep a straight face, but I spot those give-away creases either side of his mouth. Shuffling my ass, I slip off his lap wondering what the hell I’m going to wear.
I relax back into the soft cushion, sipping at my lukewarm coffee, and glance out at our wonderful garden with its lush green trees. I think every bird in the neighbourhood pays us a visit. My eyes are pulled away from the bluetits playing in the birdbath due to Larry scratching at the patio door, which is not quite open wide enough for him to slip his way through.
Our eyes meet, and Gabriel’s thinking the same as me; neither of us can be arsed to get up. I close my eyes and lean my head against the side of the cushion. I think he purposely wants me to hear the long breath he lets out, though I still don’t open my eyes. I smile to myself when I hear the patio door sliding along its rail. He is a big softy.
“So much for enjoying the scenery.”
I squint between my lashes and see Larry is squatting at the far end of the garden, his little bow legs wide apart.
“That’s great, Natasha, your dog’s taking a crap…”
“Maybe it’s a sign I should get off my arse and do something. Maybe it’s time I pop round to see Adrianna and Danielle.”
“Think I might come with you,” Gabriel pipes up, running his fingers up and down his face. “Give us five; I’ll run upstairs and get rid of some of this stubble.”
“Don’t go shaving it all off again; it has a way of tickling me in all the right places.”
I can’t miss how quickly his eyes widen.
“No, Gabriel, it wasn’t an invitation, and no thank you, I’d rather go alone.”
His forehead creases into a frown.
I reach for his hand and squeeze. “I’m not being funny, honestly I’m not, I just thought on the way home I’d pop into town, try to find myself a nice dress and maybe a new pair of shoes.”
“In that case, it’s probably best you do go on your own. I don’t fancy being dragged round the shops for hours on end like that time you decided you needed a new winter coat.”
After popping into see Adrianna and Danielle, and going into town, I didn’t get home until 6:30 p.m. and spent the next hour or more getting myself ready.
The invite stated 7 o’clock, but it’s 8:30 p.m. by the time we’re pulling into the car park. After driving round for five minutes trying to find a space, Gabriel manages to squeeze our Mercedes between a small grey van and a Mini Cooper, which makes trying to get out a joke.
I smile at Gabriel, curtsey and, holding onto the hem of my dress, twirl round.
“Not bad,” he utters, giving me the thumbs-up and an extra-large smile.
I’m more than happy with my off-the-shoulder scarlet-red dress, although I wish I’d bought the matching bolero; however, it was twenty degrees at the time and stupidly I thought it would stay warm. I was wrong; although it’s the middle of summer there’s an undeniable chill in the air. I trip up and glance down at my shoes; they’re so tight. What was I thinking? I’ve only walked from the house to the car and can already feel blisters bubbling up on my heels and little toes. At least they’re sensible, and being flat means the heels don’t sink into the coarse white shingle, so they do have some pluses, and Gabriel finds flats a massive turn-on, which is good enough for me.
I don’t mention that I’m cold and just rub my hands up and down my arms; the next moment I feel his lightweight jacket resting over my shoulders, and he gives me a quick peck on the cheek and takes my hand. We’ve only taken a couple of steps when he nudges my arm and nods towards a group of men standing not far from the main entrance.
My stomach feels as though it has jumped up into my mouth and I roll my eyes. It’s Josh; he just has to be here, doesn’t he? I guess it’s not the end of the world, but seeing him still leaves an unsavoury taste in my mouth; I have no idea how Gabriel feels. The last time we saw Michelle and Josh we parted on good terms, but there will always be that connection between us. He’ll always be my ex and I’ll always be his, and although we’ll smile and be civil, there’s just no glossing over the past.
“Tash! Gabe!” Josh lifts his hand, acknowledging us both.
He’s standing with one of those fat American cigars hanging from his mouth. I blink and look again; Josh, smoking? Like me, he was always so anti it before.
My eyes move to Todd, Josh’s cousin, who also lifts his hand to acknowledge me. I smile through gritted teeth; he was one of those people I couldn’t take to, with one of those faces that I only have to look at and it annoys me.
“Good luck trying to find Mum and Dad. Oh, and you’ve got no chance of getting a seat, it’s heaving in there. If you can manage to find Michelle, her mum and dad are probably only staying for another half an hour. Savannah’s getting tired, so they’re going to give her a bottle and take her home. When they go, have their seats and come and sit with us.”
“Great,” Gabriel mutters under his breath.
I squeeze his fingers tightly. “Take no notice, we’re bound to find seats somewhere.”
We make our way into the grand hallway. I stop for a while and look around; the people scurrying about take away the ambience of the place, yet its memories still manage to spark a warm affection deep within me.
It’s awkward with so many of Josh’s family milling around, but, not wanting to appear rude, we both smile. Bypassing the large white pillars, we enter the dining room. Josh wasn’t wrong when he said the place was heaving. I glance at the bunting hanging across the walls, and the helium balloons floating up from the backs of chairs. Tables are laid out with an assortment of finger food, and my mouth waters upon seeing a large chocolate fountain; all I need to find now are the strawberries to accompany it. So much for the usual DJ; instead, a quartet of middle-aged men is playing quietly in the corner.
We look around for a good few minutes, but neither of us manages to locate Angela and Hughie. Fortunately they see us, and both holding onto a glass of red wine, they smile and make their way over to join us.
I can’t help taking a step back when Hughie opens his arms for me to walk into. It’s only been nine months and I can’t believe how much he’s aged in such a short time, his piercing green eyes lacking their usual lustre and all those extra wrinkles he’s acquired. Thank God he’s leaving Josh at the helm and finally agreeing to retire. Angela, on the other hand, looks amazing. I think the change of hairstyle has softened her features, and, always embracing her fuller figure, the kingfisher-blue cocktail dress she’s chosen for the evening more than compliments her curves.
After Hughie’s arms release me, Angela gives me the usual kiss on each cheek. There are far too many guests for them to hang around talking to us for long, and after about five minutes Angela’s eager to mingle, pulling Hughie by the arm of his shirt. I don’t know why, but I was expecting there to be an atmosphere between us, yet it felt just like old times. Before they disappear between a wall of bodies congregating round the buffet table, Hughie manages to point out Michelle and Josh, who are sitting at a table not far from the musicians.
I take a step forward, but Gabriel grabs my arm, pulling me back.
“Hang on, Natasha, how about we have a look round first and see if there’s a couple of chairs lying about?”
His warm fingers slip from the arch of my back and squeeze my ass and I smile up cheekily, with Gabriel’s jacket wrapped around me wandering eyes aren’t able to see what it conceals so nicely. I guess his hope is to embarrass me and make me blush, but it doesn’t work. Instead it’s his cheeks that redden when I return the favour by pinching his ass and it’s my hand that gets pushed away.
We walk the perimeter of the dining room, checking every table more than once, but there isn’t a spare chair to be seen, so we make our way back towards the buffet table. Gabriel spots Michelle, who’s waving at us, wearing a red dress that’s pretty much identical to my own. I smile and wave back, but I don’t think I’ll ever feel totally at ease in her company. She’s no longer a threat to me, yet somehow I still feel that she is. Her flawless looks don’t help, and I’m looking at Gabriel to see if his eyes are on her or me.
Josh gets to his feet and pushes two chairs away from the small round table. I raise my eyebrows when he clicks his fingers to catch a waitress’s attention. He orders us a large bottle of champagne; he always used to drink Jack Daniels and coke. He’s nothing like the Josh I remember; there’s a whole different air about him and the way he carries himself. He has perfectly groomed hair, and he’s wearing one of those fashionable beards that a lot of men seem to be raving about. I can’t put my finger on it, but he’s not the same person I knew for all those years. He was always Mr. Ordinary, whereas now I can imagine him with a title. I’m not sure if it’s his age or the fact he’s taken over his father’s business, but he’s grown up, the ordinary replaced by a sense of importance that’s almost intimidating.
As we seat ourselves he tells us we’ve missed Michelle’s mum and dad by seconds. Apparently, Savannah had fallen asleep in her grandma’s arms. Josh tells us they aren’t staying much longer either, probably another hour, as they only landed this morning and jet lag was setting in.
The waitress brings over the bottle of bubbly, but since Gabriel’s driving he can only have half a glass. Josh takes a sip from his own glass and grabs a handful of nuts from a small bowl.
“So,” Gabriel pipes up, “how’s America treating ya?”
“Believe me, it’s a damn sight better than living over here.”
Michelle’s opinion doesn’t seem to marry up with Josh’s, since she’s sitting back in her chair shaking her head.
I raise my eyebrows. “What’s not to like?”
“Well, for me, it’s about not having my family out there. Especially since having Savannah I get lonely, I miss them. Mum’s voice at the other end of the phone just isn’t the same.”
Josh seems oblivious to her feelings, though, and is now engrossed in business talk with Gabriel.
“I couldn’t imagine being miles away from my family,” I say.
“Obviously you aren’t going anywhere with Adrianna about to drop.”
Josh butts in. “Speaking of Adrianna, how the devil is she? She was big carrying Logan, so I bet carrying twins she’s the size of a house.”
I snort into my glass, surprised he’s managed to hold onto his humour.
“I was expecting to see her tonight,” he adds. “I did send an invitation, and to the right address.”
“Our old address.” I smirk. “Guess it wouldn’t be possible for you to forget that.”
He looks down into his lap and I look down into mine. I shouldn’t have said that; the atmosphere between us now feels more than a little awkward.
“Yes, she told me she got your invite, but she’s been so busy she hasn’t had chance to reply.”
“Oh, I thought I might have said something at her wedding to piss her off; knowing Adrianna, she’s still holding a grudge.”
“No, honestly, she has been busy; it’s a long story.”
He leans forward, resting an elbow on the table.
“I’m all ears.” He smiles.
I breathe in deeply, holding it for a few seconds. Is this really something I want to talk about? And should I confide in Josh and Michelle? Gabriel must pick up on my unease, as he rests his hand in mine. He nods.
“Go on, you may as well tell them.”
I take another deep breath.
“Danielle,” I begin, “managed to find cheap flights to Turkey and a decent hotel. Adrianna came round for a coffee, walked in and out of the kitchen patting her belly, and said that it was the last chance they had of taking a holiday, to sit in the sun, walk along the beach and paddle in Marmaris’s warm sea. But it wasn’t just the holiday that meant so much to Adrianna, it was the fact that Mum and Dad were going too. The last family holiday she could remember was years ago; Dawlish, when we were both kids.”
I feel my throat dry up as I continue, looking up under my eyes towards Josh.
“Well, to cut a long story short, the holiday was going great until they met up with Asim, Logan’s father, and that’s when things get hazy. Adrianna won’t tell me what happened, and whenever I ask she just breaks down and says she can’t talk about it. She and Danielle flew home as planned, but on separate flights. Mum and Dad have booked a room at the hotel indefinitely, and as for Logan, we don’t know where he is; all we do know is that he’s somewhere in Turkey with his dad.”
Josh’s right elbow joins his left and he leans his head in his hands.
“So what’s happening to get him back?”
I shrug. “Your guess is as good as mine. All I know is that the case is being dealt with by the Foreign Office, although they don’t appear overly worried, as Asim contacts Adrianna every day and Skypes her once a week.”
Josh refills his glass. “What about our authorities? What are they doing?”
“Nothing … they can’t.”
He rocks back on his chair. “I don’t get it, why not?”
“Don’t ask me, I’m not into all this legal bullshit. Honestly, Josh, I don’t know anything apart from what I’ve told you.”
His stare shifts to Michelle, who links her arm through his and then pulls him up off his chair, leading him towards the small dancing area.
“Awkward or what? Well, at least you managed to get rid of them.” Gabriel grins cheekily. “If you fancy a dance, we could join them?”
“No, ta, dancing is the last thing on my mind.” My legs feel heavy, like my mood.
“How was Adrianna when you popped in earlier?”
“She was evasive when I mentioned Logan, so I guess there still isn’t any news, I only stopped for an hour, I was hoping to cheer her up, but I didn’t get the chance. I didn’t really get a word in; she just sat on the settee with her feet curled round her and droned on about backache, which she said gets worse at night, stretch marks and sickness. After about fifteen minutes she waddled into the kitchen to make us a coffee but couldn’t drink hers, her heartburn was too bad. I usually feel her stomach, but she didn’t seem too keen today, said they weren’t moving as much as they had been so she couldn’t see the point. I asked if she’d rung her midwife to check everything was okay, and she said she’d been given a kick chart to log the babies’ movements. Out of curiosity I asked if I could see it.”
“And?” Gabriel probes.
“She just snapped, literally bit my head off.”
He shakes his head. “What the hell does she expect? She’s carrying our girls, you’re bound to want to know everything’s as it should be.”
“You’d have thought so, but I left there feeling really uneasy and detached from our babies.”
“Oh, Natasha.” Gabriel grabs me round the neck in a headlock.
“Piss off.” I push him away and cross my legs. “I don’t need your sarcasm or your sympathy; what I do need…” I say, gazing towards the buffet table, “is a good dollop of that chocolate fountain and a couple of nice fat strawberries.”
Josh and Michelle are swaying, wrapped up nicely together as we bypass them and head towards the food. I make my way over to the chocolate fountain. Gabriel was only a couple of steps behind me, but when I turn to pass him a serviette he’s been caught by Todd; rather him than me. Todd was always the biggest gossipmonger going, and I would try to avoid him whenever I could. I walk the length of the table and back down the other side, searching for the cocktail sticks, but cocktail sticks or not I’m going to have my dessert. I turn round and see that Gabriel’s still with Todd, so I take a glass bowl from the top of a stack, glance to my left and right, and then position my bowl under the dark-flowing chocolate until it is half full. I flinch as a hand is placed on my shoulder.
“Oi, short arse.”
“Josh,” I blow out.
His eyes lower to my dessert bowl.
“Guess some things never change; ladylike as ever.”
I remember the all-you-can-eat Chinese buffets, where he’d fill plate after plate with sweet and sour, whilst I’d pick at my curry and rice, making damn sure I left enough room for the chocolate fountain. Several times Angela and Hughie accompanied us, though since Hughie despised Chinese he would have a plate of chips and then, like me, tucked into the chocolate fountain. We’d lick our fingers and run them around our empty bowls, and from the look on Angela’s face I don’t think she saw the funny side, but it tasted too good to care. I smile at the memory, but don’t let Josh see.
“Don’t go creeping up on me like that,” I tell him with a frown. “I nearly dropped the fucking bowl.”
His eyes almost jump out of his head, and I find myself twizzling the ends of my hair.
Josh wags his finger. “Didn’t anyone ever tell you that you’re supposed to hold the strawberries underneath the chocolate.”
“Well, if there were cocktail sticks on the table, maybe I would have.”
Josh’s lips twist into a sarcastic kind of grin and he points to where they are sticking out of a small ceramic container. I roll my eyes, turn my back on him, leave my bowl on the table and return to my seat. Here I am, sitting empty handed, and there’s Michelle sitting opposite with a white oval plate filled with slices of honeydew melon and a sprinkling of raspberries. I feel quite pleased I left my bowl behind, as if I’d brought it back I can only imagine what she would have thought, silently counting the calories I was consuming.
I close my eyes and hold my head in my hands when I realise that Josh has brought my bowl over, which is now brimming with chocolate, and two large strawberries. He drops his serviette and lowers his dessert plate onto the table, drags his chair away from Michelle and sits next to me. I raise my brows and wonder if they’ve had cross words, but when I look at Michelle she’s smiling. As my glance returns to Josh, I see that he’s sitting back in his chair with his legs crossed.
“Me and Michelle,” he begins, resting his hands in his lap, “we’ve been talking and think there might be a way we can help Adrianna get Logan back.”
I screw up my face. “How can you possibly help?”
“Money, that’s how. Money talks.” He winks. “And then there’s the added bonus of knowing the right people.”
My eyes widen. “Josh, you’re the owner of an interior design business, not an elite member of the FBI.” I titter.
“Believe me, it’s different living in the US; it’s all about hanging round with the right people.”
I force myself to smile, but it’s not a meaningful one; it’s just there on my face because I feel it should be. Legal matters aren’t cheap, and putting money upfront to get Logan back sends pound signs rolling round in my head. But then maybe it’s true what I’ve heard on the grapevine, that Josh really has made his first million. I contemplate his offer, but it feels like every time there’s a problem I go running back to either him or his family; Adrianna’s wedding and the mortgage on our house. Granted, I no longer live there, but giving it to Danielle and Adrianna was my choice, and at the end of the day it was still money he paid out upfront. That small word ‘no’ is on the tip of my tongue, but is it really my decision to make? Yes, Logan’s my nephew, but he’s Adrianna’s son, so maybe it’s her Josh should be asking. I look under my eyes at Michelle, who’s still smiling, so I guess she’s not against the idea. But if Josh were to speak to my sister direct it would leave me out of the loop, and I’d prefer it that way.
“Okay, so what have I missed?”
I glance up into Gabriel’s eyes. Josh pulls his chair back round the table and sits by Michelle. Grinning, Gabriel leans forward and scoops up one of my strawberries, sucking it into his mouth.
“Ay, cheeky,” I squeak, slapping his hand away. “You’ve been hanging round by the food for ages, so where’s yours?”
He glances back towards the buffet table.
“Compliments of Todd, I didn’t bother. Everywhere I went he followed; talk about getting an ear bashing.”
“Good old Todd,” Josh mutters. “He’ll never change. As long as that bloke’s got an ear to bash and a story to tell, he’s happy.”
Michelle sits playing with her phone as Josh discusses his financial offer with Gabriel. With Michelle seemingly preoccupied, my eyes wander. I locate Angela, hopping between guests. After a couple more moments peering between heads, I catch sight of the back of Hughie’s silver-grey shirt as he stands in front of the chocolate fountain, checking nobody’s watching before filling his own bowl with chocolate. I can only imagine the telling-off he’ll get when Angela finally catches up with him. I notice Todd has managed to tag onto to someone else, though if he’s bugging them he’ll leave everyone at our table alone.
Hearing the screech of chairs, I look back to Josh.
“I think after our early flight, the champagne’s gone and finished me off,” he says, taking Michelle’s hand. “Oh, and before I forget, I’ll give Adrianna a bell in the morning. Does she still have the same number?”
I nod. “She does.”
Josh reaches across the table and Gabriel stands, shaking his hand. He pecks my cheek while Gabriel pecks Michelle’s. As she passes, I take her arm and we hug.
“You don’t mind about the money?” I whisper, feeling her arms tighten around me.
“I’m a mother myself, remember, so no … and anyway, it was my idea.”
I take a step back and smile.
Hughie must have seen them leaving, as he took Michelle by the arm and accompanied her out of the dining room with Josh a couple of steps behind them. I angle my chair so I can watch the band play and the dance floor. The chocolate in my bowl is slightly more congealed now, but it tastes so nice and I chip away at it with my spoon. Gabriel’s hands are clasped together in his lap and he’s making no attempt to speak, so I ask if everything is okay. He reassures me that it is, but I know him too well. He manages to make small talk when Hughie pops over for a chat, but falls silent again when he leaves us alone.
“Are we going to sit in silence all night, or are you going to tell me what’s up?”
He swills the champagne around his glass.
“It’s just that Logan feels like my nephew, and don’t get me wrong, it’s great Josh offering to help, but I just feel it should be me dipping my hands in my pocket. But my pockets are empty.”
“If you feel that strongly about it, maybe I should send him a text to say thanks but no thanks.”
“No, because that wouldn’t be fair on Adrianna. This isn’t about me or my feelings, it’s about getting a little boy home safely.”
My eyes immediately sting and tear up. “Oh, Gabriel…” I grab his hand.
“Natasha…” He prods the top of my arm. “Sod off and finish your chocolate, and when you’re done, how about we forget everyone else and you get up off your ass and dance with me?”
He always seems to know the right thing to say and is a softy deep down, though he manages to hide it well with his witty banter and sarcasm.
“After you dance with me, we’re going to sit down and have a long chat.”
I frown; it sounds kind of ominous.
“You’ve got to be kidding. With the band playing, we’ve got no chance.”
“Great,” he mutters, and now it’s Gabriel who’s frowning as he takes my hand and leads me towards the dance floor.
I pull on his arm.
“Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, fine. What I have to say can wait till tomorrow, or another day.”
Without heels it’s kind of awkward dancing with Gabriel since he’s so tall, and despite him leaning forward I’m still unable to clasp my hands around his neck. He grabs either side of my waist and lifts my feet off the floor, leaving them to dangle.
Feeling embarrassed, I look round to see who’s watching.
“Gabriel, put me down.”
But he just laughs and lifts me higher. I flinch.
“Nobody’s watching us, nobody cares.”
I wrap my arms around his neck and very slowly he takes us round and round the dance floor.