Now
“Good girl,” he says, and his mouth twitches into a smirk before falling away to the neutral mask he wears often. His head tilts to the side as he studies me from his position. He’s no more than ten feet away, but the silence seems to stretch out the space between us, making it feel like miles.
“Say something.” The words leak out of me.
He doesn’t reply but instead walks toward the door, and my stomach plummets. Bile rises to the base of my throat. I was wrong, so wrong about him. The room spins as his hand reaches out for the doorknob. I don’t blame him; I’m ruined. I’m the spoiled milk that has been sitting on the counter for years. Curdled, sour trash. Tears fill my eyes as I sway, unsure of how I’m still standing because I can’t feel my feet. The numbness has settled over me, somehow comforting in its familiarity, like an old unwelcome friend.
The lock on the door clicks, and Dex turns to face me. His brows climb as he takes in my face, his eyes filled with fire. His neutral expression turns to something much darker. I can see it—the anger. I think that’s the only emotion he wears with ease. He stalks toward me like a predator, all lethal grace. He stops when his toes are mere inches from mine. I know because I’m staring at them.
I can’t move. My eyes slowly track up his tightly coiled body to his chest, but I can’t bring myself to meet his eyes.
“I think we’ve danced around the truth long enough,” he says as his hand slides up my arm and over my shoulder.
I’m expecting him to tip my chin and force me to meet his eyes, so I’m caught off guard when instead, it wraps around my throat, and I find myself stumbling backward. I hit the wall, knocking the breath out of me just before the pressure increases. Not squeezing to choke, but pressure over the vein in my neck, making me dizzy. He captures that last breath as his mouth descends on mine. Pleasure skitters down my spine, lighting me up. His body presses into mine. I can feel the coiled tension beneath his skin. Our tongues tangle and fight for dominance, but now we both know who will win.
He grips my thigh with bruising force and pulls it up to his hip. Then his fingers skate over the back of my leg in a whisper-soft touch. The contrast does strange things to me. A strangled moan escapes me as his fingers deftly slide under my shorts and dip into my core.
Dex releases a growl that vibrates through me at every point of contact. His lips break away. “You can’t fake perfection like that.” His voice is rough and carries a razor’s edge. “How far can you go?”
“Give me everything,” I rasp out. My fingers dig into his shoulders. I curl them, pressing my nails in hard enough to draw blood, and I pull. “Fuck me.”
His reaction is instant. I hear the tear of fabric, and his hand is gone from between my legs. The other hand around my throat pushes higher until my toes barely graze the ground. My heart is a band of wild horses, racing through open plains. He grunts as my hands press harder into his shoulders to relieve the pressure on my neck and breathe. Then his knee is shoving my other leg out of the way, and I can feel the heat of him as he lines his cock up to my entrance.
“Admit that you love me,” he demands.
My eyes lock on to his. They’re so dilated that they look like black holes eclipsing turquoise stars. But I see it, lying beneath the hunger—pure unadulterated adoration. This man has met me every step of the way. His quiet calm and understanding has opened my soul. He never flinched, never drew back, just accepted me for what I am. I’m a misshapen puzzle piece that never found a good fit. He has wrapped himself around my life and clicked into place. I feel giddy as I realize that he’s everything that I need and all that I want. I couldn’t deny how I feel if I wanted.
“I do.”
“Say it, Firebird.”
“I love you.”
He slams into me so hard, I cry out, the heat of him burning through me like wildfire. He stills inside me. The sound of his labored breath fills the void between my sharp gasps. His eyes still pin me in place, watching. I’m staring death in the eyes because this man has the power to kill me.
“I’ll kill for you. Anyone who threatens you. Anyone who tries to come between us… I’d warn you that I’m a dangerous man, but I think you know what I am. So perfect. You fit who I am and what I want to be like a glove. You. Are. Mine.” He punctuates the last word with another thrust that has me crying out again.
I’m going to combust. Each stroke of his cock is like a licking flame. I feel like a real firebird as his fire consumes me, razing through the fractured pieces of my soul—the dark and the light, creating a new unified landscape that is entirely his.
“Yes,” I scream. “Harder. Don’t be gentle. Make me feel you. Make me yours.”
His mouth is back on mine in a flash, and his hand releases my throat, only to punch through the drywall next to my head. He pulls on the edge of the hole as he grants my wish, pounding into me. Yes. It’s breathless and tender and hard. Like he’s making love to me in his own way. Our way. And it’s perfect.
“Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me,” I chant along with his brutal thrusts. “Dex, you feel so good.”
I’m not even sure why I’m talking. I’ve never done this, but something about him makes the words spill from my lips. A need to voice all the dirty thoughts he inspires.
His hand not currently tearing out the drywall sneaks in between us, his thumb finding my bundle of nerves. It circles lazily, so at odds with his punishing pace. It pulls me to the brink of release, but it’s not enough to tip me over. My mind follows that lazy circle pattern, scrambling my brain. A smirk takes over his face like he knows. The pressure’s building and building. He leans forward, running his tongue up my neck, and nips my ear.
“When you come, I want to hear you scream my name. So I know it’s branded on your soul,” he whispers in my ear. His voice rough with lust and strain only pushes me higher.
I’m Icarus soaring way too close to the sun.
“Come,” he commands, watching me with those eclipse eyes. His fingers come together, pinching the swollen bundle of nerves.
I scream his name in a broken staccato to the rhythm of his hips and the waves of bliss that roll over me. He grunts and speeds up as he meets me in our temporary heaven.
He pulls me to him, and I’m wrapped around his body like overcooked spaghetti, sticky and limp. Leaning over the bed, he deposits me there. We groan together as he pulls out. My legs twitch with the friction. He pulls off my shorts as he stands and discards my sports bra, too. I watch him through hooded eyes as he drops his shorts… and my brain falters.
He’s motionless as my eyes travel from where the tail of the dragon rests on top of his left foot. It wraps around his calf and thigh, disappearing behind his hip. I’m distracted by his hardening cock for a moment before I move up. One wing stretches up to the side of his neck, and the other curves around his body, ending on his right hip. He has Audra’s name over his heart, and I melt a little at that. He has various other tattoos over his arms and body, but my eyes reach his face and catch sight of his look. It’s smoldering. He likes my attention on him.
My mouth goes dry. I lick my lips, and he falls to his knees, yanking my ankles and dragging me down until my legs are off the bed. He pushes my thighs apart, his tongue darting out to moisten his lower lip. I’m hypnotized by the tiny movement until he leans forward, and I realize what he’s doing. I bring my legs together, trapping his head to stop him. He growls and looks up at me.
“You came in me,” I say, slightly scandalized by his intentions.
He grins, exposing those dimples. “I know. I was there, but now I’m about to find out what that heaven tastes like.”
He forces my legs apart, and his mouth is on my sensitive folds in a blink. The heat of his tongue parting me adds to the sensation. I’m so sensitive I can feel the texture of his tongue. A moan spills out of me in response. His chest rumbles, the vibrations ricocheting through my body, breaking apart every thought in my mind. Knowing that he’s lapping up the evidence of both of our pleasure and that he likes it, is blowing my mind. It’s animalistic and carnal.
He pushes two fingers into me and curves them in just the right way. I can feel the pressure rising. His other hand moves to my breast at the same time his pinky penetrates my puckered hole as he pinches my nipple roughly and sucks hard on my clit. The stimulation is overwhelming. My back bows off the bed as a scream of pleasure erupts from me.
“Yours. I’m yours,” I pant.
Halfway up the crest of pleasure, he’s gone. I’m roughly pushed over to my belly, and he grabs my hips, lifts, and is back inside me before I come down. My orgasm stretches out in waves punctuated by the crude slap of skin on skin as he drives into me. Holy fuck. My whole body convulses and spasms with the overload of stimulation. It feels like I’m falling as my vision dims. Black spots and flashes of light are all I see as I claw at the sheets to get away. He only tightens his grip and picks up the pace. When his fingers brush over my belly, heading for that special spot, I know I’m going to die. What is he doing to me?
He presses my clit lightly with a circular motion and down in tandem to his thumb invading my ass. I choke on a scream as my limbs give up the struggle and the last of my vision blinks out. Stars. That’s what the tiny sparks of light look like, and my body feels weightless. Euphoric. I know where I am. I read about this when I was trying to give a voice to my peculiarities. I didn’t expect this. I feel everything as Dex comes with a groan, his weight pressing me into the mattress briefly before he rolls off me. Floating. Boneless.
I can’t think.
A phone rings. My spent body couldn’t move to answer it if I wanted to. When it stops, another round of rings takes its place. Dex sits up and walks to the bathroom. I take a moment to appreciate that the god of chaos that rules my life decided to wait until after that blessed moment to stir shit up.
“Hello?” Dex answers.
I roll my head so my ear faces the bathroom. It’s about as much effort as I can muster.
“It’s done?” Dex asks. “Good. Yeah… yeah. No. Okay. I’ll see you in the morning.”
I blink several times, vaguely registering that my hands are beginning to tremble. I curl in on myself until I’m no more than a ball. Tears fill my eyes.
At some point, Dex ends the call. But all I hear around me is silence.
“Hey,” Dex says as his hand lands on my thigh. I jump at the touch, and he fills my field of vision with a frown. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” I whimper. “I will be.” I wipe the tears from my face.
His fingers trail my cheek.
“I’ll be okay.” I push his hand away and curl up further.
“Hey,” he says, forcing me to meet his eyes. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
“It’s the loss of endorphins.”
“That’s why you’re crying?”
I nod. “That. And because Nic and I dumped a load of shit at your feet and you didn’t say anything. Then next thing I know, you’re demanding that I tell you I love you and fucking my brains out. I still don’t know how you feel about any of it. Any of this. Does that add clarity for you?”
“Fucking your brains out seems like a pretty good review.” He smirks, and I roll my eyes at him. “I love you, Maddie. The good, the bad, and everything else. There’s nothing you or he could’ve said that would change that. When is that going to get through to you?”
I can see it. Shining in his eyes is a look of utter reverence. And I know it’s meant for me.
“Now,” I answer.
“Now?” he echoes in question.
I nod.
“Come here.” He pulls me into his arms. His lips brush across mine softly. “I love you.”
“I love you, too, Dex,” I respond, and he squeezes me tighter.
“Good, because I gotta surprise for you, Firebird.”
“You do?”
“Yes, I do. It’ll make you fall for me even more.”
“I’m not sure that’s possible.” I manage to muster a grin through my exhaustion. “But I love surprises. When do I get it?”
“In the morning.”
I realize now he has his jeans on, but the top button hangs open. Fuck that’s sexy. I know for sure in this moment that I’ve a new fetish—him. I grow incredibly aware of the fact that I’m stark naked still and he’s staring at me with those ocean-colored eyes overshadowed by desire. Goddamn. This man is intent on killing me. But what a way to die.
Then
I tossed restlessly alone in the bed at the back of the tour bus. Jared hadn’t come back, and I was worried about him. Everyone else was asleep. The generator hummed in the background. At a bump and a curse, I sat up. The door to the bedroom opened, and Jared stood there. He looked like hell warmed over.
He shut the door quietly behind him and started removing his clothes without a word. I lay back down and turned away from him. I didn’t have anything to say to him. I felt the bed dip as he crawled in behind me. His arm came over my stomach and tugged me to press against his chest. I stiffened in response.
“I want to say I’m sorry, but I know that’s not enough,” Jared said quietly.
“Where’ve you been?”
“Sitting behind the set trucks, feeling sorry for myself,” he sighed. “You know there are videos of your encore performance all over YouTube already?”
I didn’t answer.
“I’ve watched them over and over, feeling like an asshole for the shit I’ve said to you. You don’t deserve this.” He brushed my hair away from my neck and trailed little kisses there. “I think you’re right. I need to talk to someone.”
“Really?” I asked, rolling over to face him.
“Yeah.” He gave me a sad smile. “Will you forgive me? I can’t lose you, Maddie.”
His eyes were glassy with unshed tears, and my heart softened toward him.
“I know this isn’t you, Jared. Something’s wrong. If you promise to see someone, then yes, I’ll forgive you. I want to get through this, with you. Get our life back. I love you.”
I ran my fingers through his hair, enjoying the quiet moment. He kissed me softly. The kiss deepened, and he rolled up over me.
“God, I love you so much, Maddie. I couldn’t live without you.”
“You don’t have to,” I whispered wholeheartedly.
He kissed me again as he pulled me to sit up, breaking only to tug my nightgown over my head. Our lips and hands became frantic, seeking each other, the warmth of our bodies soothing over the rough edges of emotional wounds. He pushed me back on the bed, his palm gliding down between my breasts to my stomach. A trail of tingling sparks lit up my skin in its wake. Would his touch ever stop having this effect?
I was so afraid of what we were becoming, but it was moments like those that reminded me why we were so worth it. I loved him with every inch of my soul. I pushed all those emotions into our physical connection. Lips pressed and caressed, tongues twisted and tangled, hands felt and grasped, holding on to the shreds of our love beneath the landslide of shit we’d faced. The boat was sinking, but we could still make it to shore if we pointed ourselves in the right direction. I had hope, and I clung to it as much as I clung to him in the stillness of the night.
Our breaths competed in the silence between us as he lined up at my entrance.
“I love you,” he whispered as he filled me up.
I squeezed my eyes tight, fighting back the tears that threatened to fall. Something about him—us—ripped my heart to tatters. I knew I couldn’t live without him, but we were slowly drifting apart and clinging desperately to each other to stop it. His pace was slow, languishing in the depth of feeling that resided in each touch. It was love, pure and simple, and I could feel it down to my bones.
Jared was broken—we were broken. But mending wasn’t impossible. I needed him to save me. To pull me up from the depths I fell into with every fight, every cruel word. It was just hard to know who was compromising themselves in the moment of forgiveness when you were a part of the problem.
I could feel his pace quickening as he neared release. My hand slid between us, as I raced to meet him there. Running my fingertips over my sensitive nub, I met him on the edge of bliss. We groaned together, and his weight pressed down on me as the edge wore off. His labored breath was heavy in my ear.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“You’re forgiven,” I replied. Looking for a change of subject, I grasped at the first thought to cross my mind. “The stalker called me when you left the trailer.”
“What did Officer Martinez say?”
“Shit! I completely forgot to call him about it. I started cleaning up after I got off the phone, and it just slipped my mind.”
“Call him now.”
“It’s the middle of the night.”
“If they can run a trace on the call, it’s probably better to do it sooner than later. You know that well enough after what happened in New Orleans. Call him, Maddie.”
I knew he was right. I’d waited until the next day to report the stalker’s appearance as my cab driver. And they weren’t able to trace the call for whatever reason. I picked up my phone and dialed the number.
“Hello,” Officer Martinez answered, sounding still asleep.
“It’s Maddie Dobransky.”
“I’m up,” he replied. “I assume he made contact again.”
“Yeah, a phone call. He used one of those voice modulator things so I couldn’t identify his voice.”
“Can you bring your phone down to the station? I can meet you there in twenty minutes.”
“I’m actually in Chicago right now.”
“Oh, yeah. That’s right, you’re on tour.” He chuckled. “I sometimes forget that I’m on a rock star’s speed dial. I can run a trace on your phone records in the morning. Just have your lawyer contact me, I’ll wait up. He’s definitely escalating. If we’re quick enough, we might find something to work with in your phone records this time. We can finally get a detective assigned.”
“Can I be honest with you?”
“Absolutely.”
“I don’t want anyone working on this, but you. You’ve been the only one to believe me from the start, and I don’t want some kiss-ass trying to work my case because I’m famous now.”
“Uhhh… well, that’s something you’ll need to share with the captain. I don’t really have that kind of sway.”
“I’ll talk to my lawyer and see what we can do.”
“Sounds good. Try to get some rest.”
“I will. Thank you. Bye.”
No sooner did I hang up the phone than it started ringing again, vibrating in my hand. This call was from Sloane.
“Hello,” I answered.
“You have to come home,” she said without preamble.
I would’ve thought she was joking, but I could hear the edge of panic in her voice. “What’s wrong?”
“Holly’s in the hospital,” she choked out through obvious tears.
“I’m booking a flight right now.”