Welcome to the Back of Book Shit, aka the BoBS. This is the part of the book where I tell you some of the backstories to my books. Holy… fuck. I really never thought I’d make it this far. There were so many obstacles laid in my path to finish this book that I almost gave up.
You see my grandmother, who I called Mamaw, told me that if things are meant to be, then your path becomes easier—things work out effortlessly. If you keep running into obstacles, then someone or something is trying to tell you that you’re on the wrong track. And in some ways, I think she was right, and that held true for these books. Well, most of the time I think that whole adage is pretty on point, but for this book, it was all about the timing.
When I finished this book, I had no clue how much I didn’t know about publishing. You can listen to indie authors talk about it, you can read about it, and do thousands of hours of research, but there is no substitution for firsthand experience. And getting to this point has been a rollercoaster ride for sure. It wasn’t until I found a fantastic support system through a group of authors on Facebook, that I started getting the answers I needed. And if life didn’t throw up all those roadblocks, then I wouldn’t have noticed them before I was ready to publish. Since finding that group, things have almost magically worked out for me, not that it didn’t require effort, but it just started falling into place.
But I promised you the backstory to the duet so here goes…
I may have mentioned it once or twice, that I was once a military wife. And during that time we were assigned to live in Korea, which was both an exciting adventure, and scary as fuck for someone who had only left her home state of Texas few enough times that she could still count them on one hand.
It turned out to be one of the greatest, most life-altering experiences of my life. I do believe in fate to an extent, and I think that me and the friends I made there were fated to meet each other and inspire each other. They have definitely inspired me.
The whole idea for these stories, The Falling Small Duet and the spin-off Seven Hummingbirds series, was inspired by meeting and being part of a close-knit group of friends from all different walks of life, with vastly different interests. The only thing we had that tied us together was an intense loyalty and love. And after finding that, I knew I had to write about it.
But more than that was watching more than one friend deal with a spouse who had PTSD or TBI. The effects of which are different for everyone, but the result is the same—it’s painful and hard for the family to live with, to endure, and to love despite the endless pain, anger, and frustration.
Three of my closest friends from Korea, all dealt with this in very different ways, with very different outcomes. There was a part of me that felt every bit of their pain as I watched them endure what they did. So, I took elements from each of their stories and wrapped it into Jared’s story, and that was where the ideas for Falling Small started.
In derby terms, falling small means to land in a way that you lessen the risk of tripping up other players and incurring a penalty. For me, that very much fit this story because Maddie’s constant struggle was trying to take on Jared’s fall and lessen the effects and the pain for everyone else around them. Which is a very typical reaction of anyone in that situation.
It was personal for me because while I didn’t have to deal with someone suffering from PTSD, I did have my own struggles scattered among the pages. My own heart laid bare, and it was tough to put it all out there. I’ve spent fifteen years falling small for my kids, keeping them protected and loved while coping with mental illness and addiction in our family. It’s not like you can walk away. If the person had cancer, you wouldn’t abandon them, so mental health shouldn’t be a deal breaker either, but it’s hard—it takes its toll.
It’s difficult to discern at the moment whether you’re compromising yourself or doing the right thing. And for me, I had to let go of the guilt, let go of the misconception that I was the root of the problem, and to learn to love myself again. I read a poem back then called Dear Woman by Michael E. Reid, it inspired me to pick myself back up from the pieces I had become and find myself again through my writing and lots of deep soul-searching. It was a piece of wisdom that I tried to impart through Maddie’s actions and her overall story arc.
I sometimes wish I had Maddie’s support system. I do in some regards, but my friends are scattered across the globe now, and it’s just my kids and me on our own, for now. But I have a good feeling that things might start looking up for us sometime soon.
One of my biggest goals with my books is to be realistic about the complexity of life in general. There are no good guys, and there are no bad guys. Well, we’ll still have to wait and see what the Hummingbird is all about, but for this duet, there isn’t a black-and-white storyline. Everything in life is shades of gray. There are always two sides to every story.
And if you got pissed at Maddie for finally giving in and sleeping with Law at the end, ask yourself: if you were in her shoes, neglected and abused, then faced with someone who came at you with complete adoration, you’d have a hard time saying no too. Because it’s a fundamental need to want to be accepted and adored.
That need to be understood drives us all, it is the very heart of human nature.
The other part of this was inspired by a blog post I read years ago on the three types of love. The article maintained that most people will fall in love three times. The first love is your ideal. What you believe that love and relationships should look like based on family values and societal norms. The problem with these relationships is often a lack of chemistry, and in the end, you lose interest over time, or the incompatibility begins to cause issues that lead to the relationship’s demise.
The second type is generally instigated by the shortcomings of the first, and you go out looking for someone that fulfills that need for a chemical connection alone. These relationships are often intense and fiery, full of great sex, and lots of arguments. When that one goes up in flames, because they all do eventually, you’ll be more self-aware and open to meeting the third and final type of love.
The third type is often called the soulmate. These are the ones who have one foot on both sides. They fit the ideals of what a relationship should look like, fit into your family values, and you have intense chemistry. This is your forever love and if you’re lucky enough to find it—hold on tight and never let it go.
That article hit close to home for me, because I had been there, stuck in a repeating evolution of the first two, unwilling to learn from my mistakes, so in a way, this story was trying to impart some wisdom on that front.
Law took on a life of his own when writing him. He had more personality than he was ever meant to have and for that reason alone, I really don’t know what the future holds for those three, but they’ll have their final showdown by the end of the series. You will have an answer.
And I really can’t wait to share the rest of the girls’ stories with you. The inspiration for each comes from very different sources, but I think you’re going to love them if you stuck with me this far.
Thank you so much for reading. I love you guys so much for sticking with me through this epic tale. You make every minute I spend writing worth it, you make every sacrifice my family had to endure to see these books published worth it, just by buying and reading my books. And as long as you stick with me and keep buying books, I will continue writing them. I have an endless well of inspiration to draw from.
Until then, be you. Stay original.
Rebel