The thought of falling asleep right then and there made her jump off the bed, searching the room for her clothes and collecting them quickly while Jim languidly sat up and watched her. She tried not to look at him, seeing the way his eyes sparkled as he obviously ogled her. “Are you getting an eyeful?” she asked, irritated.
Jim smiled, enjoying the view. “Maybe.”
“I don’t know how I let this happen again,” Susan muttered to herself as she dressed. Jim reached for his jeans but didn’t have a shirt to put on, and he wasn’t really in any hurry to get dressed. He knew it flustered her more for him to sit there in all his glory.
He chuckled. “‘Let it happen’. That’s a good one. I love how you delude yourself into believing you have no choice in anything. You’re always a victim.”
“And you’re always ready to jump on any woman who shows the slightest bit of interest, aren’t you?” she threw back as she pulled on her shirt.
“Actually, I’m not. I’m not exactly celibate, but I haven’t particularly messed around since Trina died, either.” He don’t know where his need for honesty came from, but he’d put it out there, and he couldn’t take it back now, especially since Susan had stopped moving and was staring at him with a shocked expression.
“You really loved her, didn’t you?” Her tone had completely changed, suddenly quiet and gentle, but Jim didn’t let that fool him this time.
He laughed sarcastically. “I like to think so, but you know people like me. We don’t have a softer side. Hell, I’m the one who drove her to drink and become an addict. She hated me as much as you do, and she couldn’t take it anymore. I guess you can’t love someone and make them hate you, all at the same time.”
Now, he yanked on his jeans, feeling an unjustified anger. Had she really thought he didn’t love his wife? Who could really believe that of anyone? He knew there were plenty of men out there who didn’t love their wives, but he wouldn’t have gotten married if he just wanted eye candy on his arm. He could have had that any day of the week. He was tired of Susan looking at him like he had no values.
“Jim…” He turned away from her. It was the first time she’d used his first name, but did it really matter? “Maybe I’ve been a little too judgmental. And I shouldn’t be, especially since I hate the way other people judge me. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have accused you of using your wife’s death like that. It was out of line.”
That was an understatement. “I appreciate the apology.”
He heard her huff behind him and could just imagine her standing there with her hands on her hips, irritated again. “Can you answer one question for me without a snide remark or a sarcastic comment?”
He grunted, reaching into the drawer of an old dresser for a shirt he could use. He’d have to make do with an oversized shirt from a rock concert dated ten years ago. He had places to be too soon to go home and change. “I can try, but I’ll warn you that you probably won’t like the answer.”
“Why me, Jim? Why did it have to be me? You could have screwed any of the nurses in that hospital, and probably most of the female doctors. Why did you choose me? Do I have ‘glutton for punishment’ written across my forehead or something?”
“No,” he said, her words cutting him deeper than they should have. She was angry and hurt, and he couldn’t really blame her. If she wanted to say things to make him feel the same, so be it. “I didn’t intend for any of this to be a punishment, Susan, and I’m sorry you see it that way.”
She growled, an amusing sound under other circumstances, and Jim heard her plop down on the bed. “I didn’t mean it like that. What’s wrong with me? I can’t even say things the way I mean them anymore.” She paused. “Why did you want me? That’s all I want to know.”
Could he tell her the truth without her laughing in his face? And what difference did it make? She probably wouldn’t believe him, and she didn’t think much of him to start with. He rested his weight on a desk that stood against the wall and told her, “Your touch is tender. I don’t have a lot of that in my life anymore. I miss it, and I had a moment of weakness because you gave that to me, even when I was acting like a dick.”
Jim stood there, waiting for her to scoff at him or laugh, but he was met with silence. What did that mean? Turning around, he chanced a glance at Susan, and he surprisingly found her staring at him with a soft expression.
“Did I really affect you that strongly?” she asked.
He nodded. “I never meant to offend you, and I wasn’t trying to take advantage of you. I reacted, and that’s all. You were working on my foot, and your hands were soft and kind. The only other person who has ever treated me like that was Trina. With her gone, I’ve got nothing but my club family. They aren’t exactly kind.”
Standing, she moved toward him, and as she stood directly in front of him, he prepared to flinch, or to be backhanded. But neither happened. Instead, she reached up and touched his cheek, and he found himself leaning into her palm, rubbing his scruffy face on it and closing his eyes. “Maybe you gave me something I needed, too,” she whispered, embarrassed of such a confession. “Maybe I’m just bored and lonely, and you didn’t treat me like someone who had no business setting lofty goals for myself.”
Considering he had no idea what she meant, Jim assumed she was talking to herself as much as to him, and he said nothing, just turned to press his lips to her palm.
“Do you think maybe we could forget the shit that’s passed between us and start over?” he asked. “I just want to be around someone from time to time who doesn’t expect me to be tough and strong as steel.” It was hard for him to say, but he at least felt less uncomfortable sharing the request with this woman, who was capable of treating him like a man instead of a beast.
She nodded. “I’d like that.” A sly smile curved her lips. “Besides, I wouldn’t mind relieving some sexual tension in my life once in a while, if you’re up for it.”
He couldn’t help but smile back. “Oh, I’m up for it. You can count on that.”