I put the “I” in anxiety.
River knew she couldn’t ambush Lanie and force her to go back to being . . . whatever they’d been. Almost close friends? Yes, River was sure of it, and she missed her, wishing . . . well, wishing for a lot of things.
She’d never in a million years have imagined that coming here to Wildstone would lead to the most amazing time of her life, to the most amazing people she’d ever met, Lanie being the most amazing of them all.
Not that Lanie felt the same way at the moment. And River couldn’t relax until she’d made things right.
But she had no idea how to do that.
For days now she’d tried to catch Lanie when she was on the move in the hallway between the offices, employee room, or bathroom. But it was as if the woman was wearing her own invisibility cloak.
Finally, Mia gave River a long look when she paced the hallway for the thousandth time. “You okay?”
“Fine,” River said. “Why?”
“Because you’ve walked ten miles in the past few days.”
River managed a smile. “The baby’s restless.”
“Or . . . ?”
River blinked. “Or what?”
“Or you’re waiting for Lanie so you can beg her to be your friend again.”
River sagged. “How did you know?”
“Because you talk to yourself.”
“I talk to the baby.”
“Oh.” Mia looked sympathetic. “Look, I like you. A lot. So I’m going to talk to the baby too, okay? And if you happen to listen, well, then, that’s not really my fault, right?”
“Um . . . right,” River said, surprised when Mia hooked a chair with her foot and dragged it close, then sat in it. Head lowered, she lightly knocked on River’s belly. “Hello, anyone here?”
River laughed. “You know she can’t answer yet, right?”
Mia lifted her head. “She?”
“That’s what the sonogram says.”
Mia smiled and then started talking to River’s belly. “First of all, you should know you’ve got a great mommy. Maybe she’s made a few mistakes, but she’s trying real hard to fix them. Which is amazing because most people don’t own up to their wrongs, much less try and right them. I hope you learn from her, ’cuz she’s pretty great. But if you could do one thing for me . . . maybe tell your mommy she’s not alone. She’s never alone.” Mia lifted her gaze to River’s.
River tried not to cry. And failed. “Thank you,” she whispered.
“For what?” Mia got to her feet. “Just saying hi to the baby so she recognizes me when she comes out. This one’s going to have a lot of people who care about her.”
River’s throat was too tight to speak, so she just nodded as Mia headed out. “Mia,” she managed.
Mia turned back.
“Do you think she’ll ever forgive me?”
“I think Lanie’s a very smart woman. When she gives it some time, she’ll get it.” Then Mia pulled a candy bar from her pocket and handed it to River. A Snickers.
Lanie’s not-so-secret favorite.
“You think I can bribe her into being friends again?” River asked, amused in spite of herself. “Because I stalked her, got a job where she works, and got close to her, all without telling her that oh yeah, we shared a rat-fink bastard of a husband and I was here only to steal back my ring.”
“Well, I didn’t say it would be easy,” Mia said. “But you do have one thing on your side that you haven’t considered.”
“What’s that?”
“You aren’t the only one who wants to put your past behind you. There’s common ground there, and where there’s common ground, you can usually find forgiveness right behind it.”
“You and I are the same age,” River said in marvel. “How do you know so much?”
Mia’s smile was tinged with sadness. “The way we all learn stuff. Hard-core experience. I know we’re supposed to be grateful for all the mistakes we make, but mostly I’m just grateful that thoughts don’t appear in bubbles over our heads.”
When Mia was gone, River headed back to the front building and by sheer luck nearly plowed into Lanie.
“Hey,” River said breathlessly.
“Hey.” Lanie tried to go around her, but River was wide as a house. Heavy as one too. She put herself right in the way and there was no going around her.
Lanie stopped and sighed.
“I don’t know how to beat around the bush,” River said. “So I’m just going to come right out and ask—what are the chances you’re going to forgive me before I have this baby?”
“River, please don’t do this.” Again, Lanie made a move to go around her, but River planted her feet wide.
“I’ve got a Snickers bar.”
Lanie hesitated. “Just one?”
“Yes, but it’s a family size.” She pulled it from her pocket, sending a silent thanks to Mia.
Lanie opened it right then and there and took a big bite, sighing, closing her eyes to savor it.
River started to speak, but Lanie held up a finger. She took another bite and looked to be in heaven. “Yeah, it hits the spot every time.” She opened her eyes, saw River still watching her, and sighed before breaking the Snickers in two to offer the other half to River.
“Chocolate’s bad for the baby,” she said. “But I miss it so much.”
“Sorry.” Lanie slid it back into her pocket. “Guess it’s been a while for you.”
“For a lot of things,” River said.
Lanie looked at River’s belly and blew out a breath. “We slept with the same man. I don’t know what to do with that.”
“Me either,” River said quietly. “But I swear I didn’t know about you.”
Lanie nodded. “Me either.”
They were quiet a moment but suddenly the quiet didn’t feel quite as awkward.
“And honestly?” River said. “The last time I slept with Kyle I had a Snickers bar in my car and I couldn’t stop thinking about it.”
Lanie looked at her doubtfully.
“No, I mean it. He was trying to be sexy and kept asking me what I wanted, but all I could think was that I wanted my damn Snickers.”
Lanie actually let out a low laugh at that, startling River. Then she shook her head. “I’ve gotta get back to work. I know you know I’ve been avoiding you. I just . . . need time. I need to think. You okay with that?”
Did she have a choice? “Yes.”
“Thank you.” And then she was gone.
River went back to work. She felt lighter than she had before. She stayed off her feet as she’d promised Cora and Dr. Rodriguez, and at the end of the day, Holden showed up at her desk. “Ready?” he asked.
“For what? A nap? Because then yes, I’m ready.”
Holden picked up her purse and slung it over his shoulder. A big guy wearing her purse should’ve looked ridiculous.
Ridiculously handsome. “What are you doing?” she asked in shock.
“Taking you on a date.”
“But—”
“We’re going out to dinner. There will be candles and wine and no drive-through.” He grimaced and glanced at her belly. “Well, candles and fancy sparkling water,” he corrected. “Not wine.”
Ridiculous. Silly. And dammit, sweet. “Holden—”
“But first we’re going somewhere that’ll put a smile on your face.”
“You can’t know that,” she said. “I’ve given up smiles right now.”
“Trust me, you won’t be able to resist this.”
He took her to the local SPCA, where they sat together in a big playroom and had a playdate with a bunch of puppies.
Simple.
No strings.
He knew she didn’t want someone to take care of her. He knew she wanted to stand on her own two feet. And he also knew that sometimes it was just nice to have company while you were adulting as hard as you could.
They had dinner, and after that he brought her home to her cottage full, content, and somehow feeling happier than she had all week.
She saw the look on his face though. He wanted to kiss her good night. He wanted that and more. “Thanks for tonight,” she murmured. “It’s been a long time since I spent a night doing something other than worrying about my future.”
His gaze went serious. Well, it was always serious—except, it turned out, when he was cuddling puppies like he’d been born to do the job, letting them crawl all over his big, muscled self. But he was even more serious than usual at the moment. “Thought you understood by now that you’re not alone, River.”
“So people keep saying,” she said lightly, belying the fact that her heart had leapt hard. There was just something about the stoic, quiet-but-not-shy guy standing in front of her, so close that she could see the dark blue rim around the lighter blue of his irises. He was tough, impenetrable. And not vulnerable. She wanted to soak that up. And okay, yes, maybe she also wanted the things she saw in Holden’s eyes. But that would be selfish, and she no longer did selfish. “I thought you understood that I need to be alone right now.”
“To figure your shit out,” he said, quoting her with the smallest of lip quirks.
“You think it’s dumb.”
“No, I think you have to do what you have to do. But I also think there’s no reason to be alone while you’re doing it.”
She drew in a shuddery breath. It’d be so easy to invite him in, to give in to that warm, welcoming heat in his gaze. In fact, her body overruled her brain and she reached behind her to open the door and . . . She caught sight of Lanie sitting on her loveseat, clearly waiting for her. River blinked, and felt something slide into her belly.
Hope.
“Holden?” she whispered, gaze locked on Lanie. “I’m going to need a rain check.”
His gaze swept past her to the loveseat. He squeezed River’s hand, his eyes coming back to her. “If you need anything, you know where to find me.” Leaning in, he brushed a warm kiss to her temple.
And for the briefest of beats, she clung to his hand, needing to borrow his strength. He brought their joined hands to his chest and it was like he’d actually infused her with that strength she’d needed, because when he left, she was able to walk in calmly. “This is a surprise.”
Lanie met her gaze. “Cora let me in. I didn’t think we needed an audience of well-meaning, nosy Capriottis.” She smiled wryly. “Turns out my need to hate you is overruled by my need to get answers. I really need some of those, River. I’m guessing we both do.”
River nodded. “I’m ready,” she said and hoped that was really true.