Me: It’s going to be a great day.
Anxiety: Let me show you how wrong you are . . .
When Mark woke, it wasn’t to the warm, sensuous glide of Lanie’s limbs around his body, but to her trying to shove him out of his own bed.
“You’ve got to go,” she whispered.
He cracked open one eye. It was two in the morning. “Hmmm,” he murmured into her hair and pulled her into him, smiling at the feel of bare skin. He cupped her sweet ass and started to roll her beneath him, but she shoved at him again.
“Mark! Wake up!”
“I’m up,” he said and flopped to his back.
“Yes,” she said, eyeing the part of him that was most definitely up. “But that’s not what I meant!”
He snorted and sat up. “You’re panicking.”
“Yes! Join me, won’t you?” She yanked on his T-shirt and slid out of the bed. The cotton fell over her curves and made him sigh. Apparently round two wasn’t on the calendar.
She pulled him off the bed, tossed his clothes at him, and pushed him to the door.
“Shouldn’t I actually put these on first?” he asked wryly.
She stood there, arms crossed, toe tapping while he pulled on his board shorts. “Where’s the fire?” he asked.
“We can’t sleep in the same bed in your family house.”
“Actually, there hasn’t been all that much sleeping involved,” he said. “There was some nice begging, though, especially when I—”
“Oh my God.” She put a hand over his mouth, but she was laughing now. “I absolutely did not beg.”
He chuckled because she had so begged. Sweetly. Sexily. And now that he was thinking of it, he wanted to hear her do it again. And again . . .
“Look,” she said. “We agreed it’s okay to do . . . what we did. But sleeping together is different. It’s more. It’s . . . intimate.”
He felt his smile fade and he pulled her in for a hug, resting his jaw on the top of her head. “You need your space.”
She paused, and then pulled back and stared at his chest. “Yes. I need space.”
He lifted her chin and what he saw in her eyes made his heart constrict. “Us not getting involved emotionally is on me, Lanie,” he said. “Not you. Never you.”
She nodded, but he knew she didn’t understand and he felt like such an asshole. “Please tell me you believe me.”
“I—”
They both froze at the knock on the door, though Mark didn’t need a peephole to know who it was. At night his children tended to turn into dehydrated philosophers who needed lots of hugs. And yep, right on cue came . . .
“Daddy?” came Samantha’s little voice. “Me and Sierra are thirsty.”
He’d been a soldier. He was a cop. Both required catlike reflexes and instincts that had saved his life more than a few times. He was quick on his feet and he slept with one eye open. And yet in that moment, he was frozen. Not because his kids had found him in a questionable situation, but because for whatever reason, Lanie honest-to-God believed she couldn’t trust love, and he’d just cemented that in her head for her.
The girls knocked again. Lanie jabbed a finger at the closet and added yet another push that was far more like a shove so that she could go greet his adorable little heathens and protect him.
Not happening. It was time someone protected her for a change. So he gently nudged her into the closet and put a finger to his lips. Then he opened the bedroom door and looked down at his favorite heathens plus one oversized dog, all looking hopeful.
They were the cutest little night owls he’d ever seen, who didn’t seem to need any sleep no matter what time he decreed bedtime was. Sometimes even after he’d put them to bed, they’d come looking for an excuse to get into his bed, claiming to need water, a story, whatever they could come up with, and it was his own fault that he’d let them. But after all they’d gone through, he’d spoiled them some. They deserved it.
“Wait a minute,” he said. “I can’t possibly really be looking at my two favorite short people because they’re in bed, long asleep, dreaming about ponies and kittens and rainbows.”
They giggled and tried to push their way in, Gracie leading the way, but he held firm. “Not tonight, sweet things. It’s way past your bedtimes—”
“But Daddy,” Samantha said. “My sock fell off and we’re thirsty.”
“There’s two water bottles by your beds. Where’s your aunt Mia?”
“She fell asleep. We wanna story.”
Sierra nodded eagerly, smiling at him so adorably that he felt his chest pinch. She was finally getting her two front teeth in and she was clutching the teddy bear he’d given her last month, looking at him in overt adoration that he still wasn’t sure he deserved. Bending, he scooped them both up and started down the hall toward their bedroom, Gracie on his heels.
“But Daddy—”
“Shh,” he whispered, hugging Samantha in tighter. “Don’t wake up the house, baby.”
“But—”
“Samantha, if you wake up Grandma, I’ll tell her it was you who ate her last cupcake.”
Sierra giggled at this empty threat because they all knew it’d been him who had eaten the last cupcake. But Samantha stopped talking and set her head on his shoulder.
He quickly glanced back. No sight of Lanie. Three minutes later he had the girls tucked into bed. “When you’re teenagers,” he said, “I’m going to wake you guys up in the middle of the night to tell you my socks came off.”
They laughed and cuddled in. He kissed them each, told Gracie to “guard the babies,” and went back to his room and directly to his closet.
It was empty.
He let out a slow breath. Yeah, he deserved that. He padded out of the room and down the hall. It was a cold night and he was barefoot and shirtless but he had to make sure Lanie was okay. He got to the row of cottages just in time to see her step inside her dark one.
Fair enough. Mad at himself for hurting her, he went back to the big house.
He’d honestly believed that he could keep his heart safe. But that had been before Lanie slid in beneath his barriers. Now the only thing he was sure of was the one thing he didn’t want to admit to himself.
She was going to have him breaking his every rule for her.
HIS ALARM WENT off three hours later. He had an early shift, which turned out to be long and busy. It was late that night before he got away, and after checking on the girls, he went to the cottages—power had been restored—and knocked on Lanie’s door.
She answered in the shirt she’d stolen from him.
He met her gaze. “Thought maybe we needed to have a conversation.”
“Not even a little bit,” she said politely.
“Lanie—”
“I don’t want to talk, but there is something else I do want to do.”
“Anything,” he said.
She pulled him inside and to her bed.
OVER THE NEXT week, Mark worked ridiculously long hours thanks to a flu running through his staff, visited his girls as often as he could, even if it was just watching them sleep, and then ended up in Lanie’s bed.
Where they hadn’t done much talking, although there’d been a lot of murmured “Oh, please” and “Do that again” and “Don’t stop.”
One day things finally slowed down enough at work that Mark was able to take his lunch break at the winery. He tried to do this the same day a week that coincided with the twins’ half day at school, offsetting all the nights where he didn’t get home before their bedtime. His job wasn’t ideal that way, but it was a hell of a lot better than being overseas and not present at all.
Still, the dichotomy between the insanity of his work life—which most days meant slugging through the worst of what humanity had to offer—and then coming home and having to empty the dishwasher and braid the girls’ hair like a normal person, when he felt anything but normal, was harder than he’d imagined.
But it was what he’d been dealt.
Today, on his way into lunch, his mom waylaid him before he made it out to the patio.
“I asked Lanie to extend her contract,” she told him.
“You did? When?”
“Two weeks ago.”
“You didn’t think to mention it?”
“Why would I?” she asked, cocking her head to watch him carefully. “You’ve denied the fact that there’s something going on with you two, and I run the winery, which makes her my responsibility, not yours.”
True enough. “And she said . . . ?”
“That she’d think about it.” His mom looked worried. “You do realize she’s been here six weeks already and only has a few weeks left, right?”
Mark blew out a breath and stepped out onto the patio.
Everyone was there. Everyone was always there at two very full tables. Lanie, as usual, sat all the way at the far end. River was with her. River looked up and met his gaze, her own quickly skittering away, also as usual.
She’d been here five weeks now, and everyone loved and adored her, and . . . she’d not said one word directly to him. When he talked to her, everything about her stilled, and she looked anywhere else, as if she was desperate for him to go away. He had no idea if it was because he was male, or because he was a cop.
Lanie didn’t look at him at all. About six hours ago, he’d had his mouth on every inch of her body—and vice versa—and yet apparently they were only nighttime bed buddies now.
Because you told her this was all you had to offer.
Yeah, this was all on him. He tried to catch her eye and flash her a reassuring smile, but she didn’t notice him.
Or pretended not to.
He grabbed a plate and went to her end of the table. Samantha and Sierra saw him and went nuts, climbing all over him. He went through their routine of hanging them upside down off his shoulders and tossing them around for a minute before setting them back at their seats, both grinning happily from ear to ear. Nice to have someone always happy to see him.
“They light up when you come home,” his mom said, handing him an iced tea.
It was funny to him that he’d come from this big, crazy family where he’d spent most of his growing up years just wishing for a space of his own where his sisters couldn’t hound him or steal his shit. He’d never imagined a family of his own, but Sam and Sierra had come along and he wouldn’t change that for anything.
He felt his chest tighten at the thought of ever walking away from these two little crazy pods of life that were more important than anything. He knew he’d step in front of a bullet for them, he’d do whatever it took to give them the life they deserved.
He glanced at Lanie, who was still doing a bang-up job of ignoring him, and felt another tug on his heart. She was becoming important too.
“Daddy?” Samantha was standing in her chair because she always stood when she could sit, just as she always ran when she could walk. “You going to sleep in your room tonight or in Lanie’s again?”
Everyone froze, and he did mean everyone, some with utensils halfway to their mouths, which were all gaping wide open in collective shock.
“’Cuz we’re not allowed to have sleepovers on school nights, remember?” Sam asked. “Makes people tired.” She caught Mark’s expression. “And grumpy.”
Lanie had frozen with everyone else. River reached for her hand.
Shockingly, it was Mark’s pesky little sister who came to his rescue. Mia smiled at Samantha. “You mean when we had the power outage and Lanie borrowed your dad’s bedroom. But that was only for that one night, pumpkin. Hey, did everyone try my lemon bars? Because honestly, I’m thinking of marrying them and having their babies. I mean, I’ve already given up on men anyway, so—”
“No, I mean all the nights,” Samantha said. She smiled at Mark. “You and Lanie have sleepovers. Right, Daddy?”
“Seems like a certain two little someones are night-wandering again,” Cora said, her smile a little forced as she stood up and gathered some dishes to clear. “And since you’ve been naughty and not following the rules on top of telling fibs, you can make it up to us grown-ups by helping me clear the table.”
“It’s not a fib, Grandma,” Samantha said. “Daddy, tell her.”
He loved this child. He did. He loved her to the moon and back, but at the moment he wouldn’t have minded having two mute twins. He met her warm chocolate gaze and had to sigh. He wouldn’t lie to her, but even if he could, he’d never do that to Lanie, because he had the feeling that denying what was going on would hurt her far worse than just admitting it. “You’ve been snooping,” he said. “Which is a big no-no. But you’re not lying.”
Sam had the good grace to look slightly ashamed. “Sometimes I get thirsty.”
Uh-huh. He stood. Everyone was still staring at him.
And at Lanie.
He hated that for her. “Listen,” he said to the entire bunch. “This has been . . . well, a whole lot of fun today . . .” He walked over to Lanie and pulled her out of her seat. “But we’re out.”
“Where are you taking her?” his mom wanted to know.
“You know, Mom, much as I enjoy a good inquisition, I’ve got to go back to work and I’m not about to leave Lanie out here with the wolves.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” his mom said, affronted. “We don’t blame her for this nonsense.”
“Nope, we blame you,” Mia said. “Men are dicks, all of them.”
He looked at Alyssa, and she shook her head. “Don’t look at me to save you. My silence doesn’t mean I’m on your side. It means your level of stupidity at getting caught by this gang has rendered me speechless.”
Mark blew out a breath and bent a little to see into Lanie’s eyes. “Hey, you okay?”
“Well, of course she is,” his mom said. “What the hell’s wrong with you?”
He jabbed a finger at everyone. “This subject is being dropped right now. Everyone get me? No one brings it up when I’m gone, no one even thinks about it, capisce?”
“Daddy, Daddy, Daddy,” Sam said, jumping up and down, clapping her hands. “Kiss Lanie good-bye like you do in the mornings!”
Could one actually feel an aneurism coming? He crouched low and gave each of the twins a kiss. “Okay, peanuts, time to give the adults a minute, please.”
They skipped out.
Cora raised a brow. “Reminds me of the time you got caught with a girl in the school locker room,” she said and shook her head. “Straight A’s, in the National Honor Society, and yet in trouble every single day. The principal had me on speed dial.”
Lanie snorted and he slid her a look.
“Having a hard time picturing you as a nerd,” she said.
“Because I wasn’t. I cut classes and smoked weed in the school locker room.”
His mom gasped in horror. “Marcus Antony Edward Capriotti! You smoked marijuana?” She sucked in a breath, her eyes narrowed. “Did you smoke in this house?”
Jesus. How had they gotten here? “Do you really want the answer to that question?”
“So much for being the one who can do no wrong,” Alyssa said with glee. “Can’t wait to tell Bae.”
Mia rolled her eyes when Alyssa took out her cell phone. “Bae?”
“It’s my new nickname for Owen. If you have pet names for each other, it keeps the love alive, you know.”
“What I know,” Mia said, “is that the word Bae is the Danish word for poop. You’re not doing another of those silly cleanses, are you? ’Cuz they’re killing your brain cells.”
“I find them helpful,” Alyssa said. “You should try one with me.”
“Drinking Bloody Marys is as close to a cleanse as I’ll ever get.”
Suddenly came the sound of a car starting up in the parking lot. Mark looked around.
Lanie was gone.
“Nice going,” he said. “You’ve all chased her off.” He started to go after her, but his mom grabbed his hand.
“She’s just going to town to pick something up at the print shop. She’ll be back. Leave her be for a moment to think.”
“You’re sleeping with that wonderful girl,” his grandma said, her hand to her chest. “My heart’s happy. When’s the wedding?”
There was a collective choked sound. Some, wiser than others, dug back into their food, but only a few, because the Capriottis loved nothing more than drama.
“Mom,” Cora said without taking her gaze off Mark. “Not now.”
“But—”
“Mom, love you,” Cora said. “But this is my child, so I get to be point on this. I know my son. He’s an unmovable tree unless he wants to be moved.”
Mark raised a brow, but she cocked her head, daring him to say otherwise.
“You’re so certain she’ll be back?” he asked.
“Of course. I don’t hire quitters. I might have an idiot for a son, but that woman’s at the top of her game, and I’m paying her to be. She’ll be back in spite of you. Once she’s had some time alone, she might even forgive you for being an idiot.”
Someone began a slow clap. Uncle Jack. The others joined in, laughing.
“You’re all a bunch of lunatics,” Mark said in disgust.
His mom hugged him. “We’re Team Marcus, that’s all,” she said. “We want to see you happy.”
“I woke up plenty happy. You all sucked it right out of me.”
Mia laughed and opened her mouth, but Alyssa wrapped an arm around her neck and covered her little sister’s mouth. “That’s not what we’re trying to do,” Alyssa said. “We just want you to know it’s okay to be happy. It’s not okay to close yourself off because you made one stupid choice about one stupid woman.”
“We know what you gave up to be here,” his mom said quietly. “You gave up everything.”
“Not everything,” he said. “There are men who’d kill for what I have right here.”
His mom squeezed his hand and smiled, but her eyes were still worried. “I agree with you. So why on earth wouldn’t you drop your silly rule and let someone into your life?”
Mark turned his head and gave Alyssa a death glare. “It was a secret for a reason,” he said. “You’re all on me to let a woman into my life. But we’re not talking about an anonymous woman here, we’re talking about one of the winery’s employees.” He shook his head. “And in case you’ve forgotten, there are two little girls inside the house who already had one parent desert them. I’m not going to do the same.”
“If you think that by loving a woman you’d be deserting your children,” his mom said, “I’ve taught you nothing at all.” She stepped a little closer and got right up in his face. Which she had to crane her neck to do, but somehow she managed to make it feel like she was two feet taller than him. “And sidenote,” she said. “This wouldn’t be coming up at all if you yourself weren’t clearly feeling something for Lanie.”
“Mom.” He shook his head. “There’s a difference between sex and love, and the reason I know this is because the day I turned sixteen, you sat me down and threw a box of condoms at me and told me that until I knew my heart as good as I knew my other body parts, it was just sex.”
“The condoms were because you’d gotten caught and nearly arrested in the backseat of some girl’s car. You were back there with her and her best friend, and everyone’s parents wanted me to castrate you.”
Alyssa snorted but shut up when both Mark and Cora gave her a level glare. She lifted her hands in surrender. “Hey, don’t look at me. What do I know about such manners? I’m an angel with a great husband. I’m also Mom’s favorite.”
Cora ignored her. “Listen to me, Marcus. That woman challenges you, and we’ve all been amazed at how she is with the girls. She treats them like adults and they eat it up. She loves them and they love her. So why can’t you just drop your stupid rule and let yourself be happy with her?”
“Because the last time I dropped my ‘stupid rule,’ I ended up being a single parent to twins, of whom one still isn’t speaking.”
“Mark,” his mom said softly, looking behind him.
He turned around and shit, there stood Sierra, silent, staring up at him with those soulful eyes. Fuck. “Hey, munchkin—”
She whirled and ran off into the house.
Fan-fucking-tastic. Lanie was gone and now so was Sierra, two of the most important females in his life, hurting because of him.
He pulled out his phone as he strode into the house, calling Lanie.
Not only didn’t she answer his call, she ignored it. “Call me back,” he said to her voice mail. “We need to talk.”
Someone “tsked” and he turned to face his grandpa. “What?”
“Nothing.”
“Look, Grandpa, I’ve got a lot on my plate, so either get it off your chest or keep it to yourself.”
“Women don’t like to be told what to do.”
No shit. “I didn’t tell her what to do.”
“You told her that you two needed to talk. You can’t go in like that, barrels blazing. They’ll circle around to your six and stab you dead.”
Mark’s eye started to twitch. Good. He was going to stroke out. It would save him a lot of trouble.
“All I’m saying,” his grandpa said, “is that you have to nicely ask if she has time to have a chat. And then you let her come to you. Otherwise, you’re a sitting duck.”
Shaking his head, he went upstairs and found Samantha in her room playing a game on the kid tablet Mia had bought for her.
In the meantime, his phone remained ominously silent. “Hey, baby. Where’s Sierra?”
Samantha, without taking her gaze off the screen, shrugged.
Mark sighed and then crouched before her, having to put his face between hers and the screen to get her attention. “Hi.”
“Hi, Daddy.”
“Do you remember the other night when we were talking about the difference between adults and children?”
“Yes. You told me I couldn’t stay up all night like you get to.”
“And why is that?”
“Because adults are old and have experiences. They get to do what they want. And when I’m old I’ll get to do what I want, but I’m not old yet.”
Close enough. “Good. Remember that the next time you leave your bed in the middle of the night. Where’s Sierra?”
She hesitated. “I don’t know.”
“You always know.”
Samantha’s gaze skittered to the shut closet door and then back to Mark’s.
Nearly outsmarted by a pair of six-year-olds.
He moved to the closet and opened the door. Sierra was lounging in her hamper of dirty clothes, playing on her tablet. She didn’t look up. Like Sam, she had unruly curls—although they were a slightly softer version in the same dark brown color of his own hair—but her unique, quiet, old-soul temperament was all her own. “Hey, you.”
She was engrossed in her game. Or pretending to be. Mark lifted her out of the hamper and then sat in her place with her in his lap. The hamper strained under his weight and they didn’t quite fit, but he made it work, leaning back against the closet wall with various pieces of clothing hanging in their faces.
Sierra giggled and, in spite of himself and his worries, he smiled at the sound. “Baby, you need to know that I love you with all my heart.”
“Hey,” Sam said from the bed.
“I love both of you with all my heart,” he called out and then looked at Sierra. “I don’t care if you don’t want to talk. That’s okay. But I do care if you choose to never talk again because I miss your voice very much.”
Sierra stared at him, eyes luminous.
“So I need to know,” he said softly. “Are you ever going to talk again?”
She paused, thinking about it before giving him a slow, single nod.
“Good,” he whispered, jaw pressed against the top of her head.
Sam came into the closet and climbed into his lap too, and then his heart felt too big for his chest as he hugged them both tight.