Fashionably late? More like anxiously early . . .
A few hours later, Mark was with the twins at home. They were lying on Samantha’s bed, where he was reading them a story and doing his damnedest to ignore the fact that his heart had been torn in two.
I don’t love you . . .
“Daddy.” Samantha put her hand over the words on the page. “We’ve got another question.”
Oh good, another question. He did his best not to groan. Ten minutes ago he’d had to answer a bunch of them on what had happened to River. How she’d almost died, and what would’ve happened if she had. Which had brought on the question of what would happen if he died . . .
Or went away, like their mom.
That was always a tough one because the fact was that Brittney could get on a plane and visit. She could call. Hell, she could text or e-mail, but she didn’t. After that hard discussion, Sam’s questions had gone in another direction, but no less easier to answer. She and Sierra wanted to know specifically where had Delaney come from if River hadn’t pooped her out. He’d told her River’s belly, which she’d accepted—but Mark knew he was on borrowed time.
He just hadn’t realized how borrowed.
“So the baby came out of River’s belly,” Sam said slowly and paused, clearly giving him a minute to change his story. He didn’t, so she went on. “But how exactly?”
Jesus. “Well,” Mark said slowly, trying to bide time, because when the hell had his babies become old enough to worry about such things? “It’s a really long story.”
They both smiled and nodded. They loved long stories. Shit.
He looked around for another adult. An adultier adult than him, someone more qualified to deal with this, but unfortunately he was on his own. “There’s a birthing canal. That’s where the baby came from.” He inwardly winced, afraid of the next question, but to his utter shock they both accepted this with a sage nod.
Mark thought he was home free, but unfortunately he wasn’t that lucky. Sierra nudged Samantha, who said, “Oh, right! We have one more question.”
Okay, one more. He could do this. “Shoot.”
“Are you going to give us a baby sister with Lanie?”
He tried to curve his mouth into some semblance of a smile. “The two of you aren’t enough?”
Proving that he was no actor, both girls’ smiles faded and they looked at each other for a beat and then back at him. Sam pushed his hair off his forehead in a very tender gesture. “Daddy, are you sad?”
The breath backed up in his throat. “Little bit, pumpkin. But it’s nothing for either of you to worry about.”
Sam slipped her hand in his. “I like that you live with us all in the same place now.”
At this, he found a real smile. “I like living with you.”
“Are you sad ’cuz Lanie’s leaving? I heard Grandma telling Auntie Alyssa.”
He wasn’t sure what to say to that. He wasn’t just sad, he was decimated, when he hadn’t realized he could even be decimated.
Sam crawled into his lap, followed by Sierra.
“We want to hug you,” Sam whispered. “’Kay?”
He felt the sharp sting of emotion behind his eyes and in his throat. “Very okay.”
They wrapped their little arms around his neck and squeezed the air out of him, and he was nearly undone as he pressed his face into their hair.
Just then, Delaney let loose with a wail that said she was starving or wet or both, and she was going to bring the house down if someone didn’t get to her right away. He pulled the covers down and waited while Sam and Sierra slid beneath. Standing up, he kissed them each. “Good night,” he said softly. “You’ve been to the bathroom, you’ve got water, you’ve had a story, so I don’t expect the pitter-patter of little feet until morning. Got me?”
“Got you,” Samantha said.
“Good. Love you,” he said and headed for the door, stopping short when not the usual one voice but two little voices said “Love you, Daddy” in unison.
He whipped back around and stared at Sierra. “Did you just . . .”
She smiled shyly and he felt his heart squeeze tight and his eyes burn as he strode back to the bed, yanked her out from beneath the covers, and hugged her to him, pressing his face into her hair, hoping like hell he didn’t start crying like Delaney. Then Samantha jumped at him as well and he squeezed the hell out of them both for as long as he could before they squirmed to be free. And since Delaney was still screaming, he shut the bedroom door. And if for a beat he leaned back on the wood, eyes closed, trying to compose himself, no one was the wiser.
He knew Lanie had left the hospital and River’s bedside reluctantly, and only because River had made her go, to be with the baby. The baby she’d told Lanie was hers if anything happened to her.
Mark would like to say he didn’t know how that felt, but he’d ended up raising his two girls without a mom, so he did know. He knew the fear, the panic, and the dead certainty that you were going to fuck it all up without a backup.
Except he did have backup. He had his family at his back, always.
Lanie didn’t have that. Or rather, didn’t want it, since she’d cut him and his entire family loose.
He could only hope that she wouldn’t run from Delaney like she had from him.
He entered the small upstairs den, which his mom had turned into a temporary nursery. Delaney was pissed off, red in the face, and waving her fists. Scooping her up, he brought her in close to share his body heat. “Hey, munchkin,” he murmured and just as his girls had always done, she stopped crying to hear him better.
“I’m guessing you’re wet and hungry and pissed off at the world,” he said. “Yeah?”
“Neither,” his mom said softly, coming in behind him. “I changed and fed her a few minutes ago.”
“Lanie?”
“Since she looked like death walking, I sent her to bed, told her I’d watch over the baby for a few hours.”
So she hadn’t left. At least not yet. The amount of relief that sent through him was ridiculous. “You look like death walking too,” he said. “I’ve got her, Mom.”
His mom kissed him on the cheek and left.
He carefully set Delaney back into her bassinet and sat in the rocking chair in the dark corner of the room, where he tipped his head back and closed his eyes. He was still there an hour later when soft footsteps coming into the room woke him.
Lanie.
Not seeing him in the corner, she went straight to the baby bassinet. “Hey,” she said softly. “Look at you, you’re awake and being so good.”
The baby must have given her some reaction because she laughed softly, the sound tugging at Mark’s heart. He began to stand to let her know he was there, but she dragged a chair close and sat, leaning in to put her hand inside the bassinet.
She was as exhausted as the rest of them, he knew, or she’d have certainly noticed him in the corner. “If you can’t be with your mama right now,” she said quietly, “you should know that you’re in the best possible place. The Capriottis are . . . wonderful. I mean, don’t get me wrong, they’re nosy as hell and they’re going to be all up in your business all the time, but they . . .” She shook her head. “They work hard and they love even harder. All of them. They’ve been good to me, all of them, but especially Mark.”
The baby cooed at her.
“I know,” Lanie said on what sounded like a soggy laugh. “He’s smart and strong, inside and out. He’s a cop and was a soldier, so he’s also pretty badass— Wait, scratch that! That’s a bad word and I’m going to try real hard not to teach any of those to you.” She sighed. “He’s tough as nails on the outside; he’s had to be. But on the inside . . .” She shook her head. “He’s guarded. At first I thought we were alike there, but it turns out that he knows when to let down that guard and show what he’s made of. He’s steady, the calm in the storm . . . and he never lets a situation dictate his actions. He’s taught me so much,” she murmured. “And you probably think that this story is going one way, but it’s not. See, I imploded my whole life, my relationship with him included. I was so stupid. But you’re not going to be stupid, okay? You’re going to listen to all my mistakes and do better than me, right?”
The baby cooed again and she laughed softly. “Is it wrong of me to admit that I’m relieved that you look like your mama? Not that I’m ever going to talk bad about your daddy to you, that wouldn’t be right, but . . . I’m just glad you look like . . . well, you.”
The baby made another soft sound, like she was listening intently and trying to talk.
“I envy you, you know,” Lanie said. “Well, not that you still have to face middle and high school, but that you have a clean slate. You haven’t screwed up your life. You’ve got it all out in front of you with a mama who’s going to love and accept you, no matter what. Because that’s how she rolls, Delaney. She’s not going to spend your impressionable years resenting your presence. You’ll grow up cherished and adored, and that’s how it should be. And then someday you’ll let the right people in because you’ll know how. You’ll have great friends and family, and maybe you’ll even fall in love. And if you’re lucky, which you will be, that person will fall in love with you too. Not that you’ll need that love to complete your life. No, it’ll be more like . . . icing on the cake.”
The baby was staring up at Lanie with luminous blue eyes, clearly fascinated by her voice.
“That’s where I’ve made most of my mistakes,” Lanie said, gently touching the baby’s cheek. “I let the wrong man in and that backfired in a big way. Then I let the right man sit outside my brick walls because I was afraid.” She shook her head. “I’m still getting it wrong. I don’t want you to do that, I don’t want you to suffer and then have regrets. I’d like you to learn from my mistakes, but life doesn’t work that way, so I’ll just say this. Do what I haven’t managed yet. Follow your heart. Trust it. I’ll do my best to walk you through it. I won’t fail you, Delaney. I promise.”
The baby’s eyes slowly drifted closed and Lanie smiled sadly. “And when the person you love more than you’ve ever loved anyone before tells you how they feel about you, don’t be afraid to give them your feelings back, okay?” She gave a little sniff. “Because that’s something I’m not sure a relationship can come back from.”
The hell with staying quiet, Mark thought, and stood up. “Lanie.”
She jerked around, trying to quickly swipe the tears from her face. “Mark,” she gasped. “I . . . didn’t see you.”
He stepped out of the dark corner as she stared at him. “How much did you hear?”
“Everything.”
She winced. “I’m sorry,” she said. “About a lot of things, but mostly for fighting you and your family’s easy acceptance and love.” She met his gaze, letting him see her regrets, loneliness, sadness. “I’m not trying to give excuses, but it’s taken me a while to believe I deserved—” She shook her head. “But then River believed in me so much too and . . .”
“Did you mean it, Lanie? What you told the baby?”
She closed her eyes for a beat and then opened them on his. “Yes. But I’m not like you, Mark. The depths of what I feel for you is nothing short of terrifying.”
“And yet every day you show up,” he said, catching her hand and slowly pulling her in, pressing her palm to his chest over his heart. “What do you think the definition of courage is?”
“You,” she said, surprising him. “You were a soldier. You spent years overseas fighting for your country. And then you came home and faced being a single dad with the same ease.”
He had to laugh. “Ease isn’t exactly the word I’d use. For any of my life.” He paused. “I’ve been scared plenty of times. What I’ve never been is fearless. If you can run into a battle unafraid, you’re not courageous, you’re just a dumbass. It’s knowing the price you’re going to pay and being willing to pay it anyway that makes you brave.”
“See? You are the bravest man I know. And . . .” She swallowed hard. “I’m trying to learn from that. From you.”
He’d spent a lot of years learning how to control his reactions, but there was no controlling his heart in that moment as it took a good heart leap. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying . . .” She stepped in closer so that they were touching from chest to thighs. “I’m saying that I don’t want to keep running. Not from you.”
He stared at her. “Which means . . . ?”
“I love you,” she said softly but without any hesitation, her voice firm and knowing, the words a balm over his wounded soul.
“What turned the tide in my favor?” He cupped her face. “My two little heathens that interrupt us night and day? My insane family that constantly sticks their noses into our business? Or maybe it’s the impossible hours I work?”
She gave him a small smile. “Would you believe all of the above?” She slid her hands up his chest and wrapped her arms around his neck. “But it was also that you saw me at my worst. You saw me when I had one foot out the door and was ready to blindly run off and leave everything because I was scared, and you still looked at me like I was one of the most important people on earth to you.”
“Because you are.”
“Right back at you.” She slid her fingers into his hair. “You know that, right?”
He smile was slow and warm and sexy. “I do now. We make a good team, Lanie. Say you know that.”
“I know it. I love it. And I love you, Marcus Capriotti, so much.”
WHEN RIVER WAS released from the hospital, Lanie picked her up. She’d somehow managed to talk the entire Capriotti family into letting her go alone, not wanting River to be overwhelmed, thinking that mama and baby might need a few minutes of quiet time before being inundated with the whole clan.
Once they were in the car, River buckled into the backseat, the baby safely in her car seat next to River, Lanie carefully pulled out of the hospital parking lot and onto the street.
“Hey, Granny,” River said after a few minutes. “Did you know they can give you a ticket for going too slow?”
“I’m not going too slow.”
“If you were going any slower, you’d be going backward.”
Lanie didn’t speed up.
At a red light, River spoke. She was twisted to face the baby, smiling at her like she was talking right to her. “So . . . when are you leaving?”
Lanie glanced at her in the rearview mirror.
“I heard you and Mark fighting,” River said. “The night I almost . . .”
Bled out on her cottage floor.
The light turned green and Lanie put her eyes on the road as she pulled out into the intersection. “I’m not. Leaving.”
“But you said you didn’t want the extra work.”
“I changed my mind,” Lanie said. “I told Cora I’d stay for as long as she needed a graphic designer.”
“How long is that going to be?”
Lanie slowed for the next intersection even though she had a green light.
River rolled her eyes.
“Cora offered me a permanent job,” Lanie said.
River gasped in delight, reminding Lanie of Samantha. “So you got your head out of your ass?” she asked, clapping in glee. “You’re staying? Are you going to marry Mark and live happily ever after?”
“Seriously, you’ve got to stop watching Hallmark and Lifetime.”
River was smiling. “Come on, say it. Tell me.”
“Yes. I’m staying.”
“And . . .” River pressed.
“And . . . I’m going to make a go of this thing with Mark.” She couldn’t say it without grinning wide like an idiot. She clapped a hand over her mouth. “I don’t know what that is,” she said from behind her fingers. “I can’t get rid of the smile. It’s been there since last night.”
“It’s happiness about your happy ever after.”
“You’ve got to stop saying that,” Lanie said. “You’re making me nervous. I don’t want to jinx it. Let’s call it a happy for now, okay?”
“A happy for now,” River said, looking thrilled. “I like the sound of that. I could live with that.”
Lanie met her gaze in the rearview mirror. “You’ll get your chance.”
River looked out the window and didn’t comment, and Lanie got it. She knew River felt as if she’d blown things with Holden, who’d had to leave to go back to his post. He’d waited as long as he could, staying until they knew River was going to make it after her surgery.
“Hey,” Lanie said softly. “I’m the queen of messing up a good thing, but mistakes happen and they can be forgiven. Cora told me that and she was right.”
River looked at her pensively and slowly nodded.
Lanie pulled them up to the winery and helped River out of the car, turning back for the baby carrier. “I’ve got her,” she told River. “You’re not to lift anything more than a tissue for a week, remember?”
River bent over Delaney and kissed her little nose. “You’re in good hands with Aunt Lanie, baby.”
Aunt Lanie.
There were worse things . . . She found herself smiling with pride as they headed inside to find most of the family in the front reception room, where there were streamers and balloons and a huge banner that read WELCOME HOME, RIVER!
Cora, Mark, and the twins were there. No one else.
“I told everyone else to stay at work,” Cora said. “I figured you needed a quiet homecoming.” She walked up to River and hugged her tight. “Welcome home, honey.”
River burrowed in and wrapped her arms around Cora. “Thank you,” she whispered.
Lanie heard a sniffle and didn’t know if it came from River or Cora, but she suspected both.
Mark took the baby carrier from Lanie and set baby Delaney on a tabletop. Then he reached for Lanie’s hand. “Hey. You good?”
Lanie squeezed his hand and nodded.
“Lanie, Lanie, Lanie!” Sam yelled in greeting.
Lanie sank to one of the chairs so that Sierra could crawl into her lap. Lanie wrapped her arms around the girl and leaned over Mark to his other side where Samantha was sipping on red punch, complete with a red mustache. Lanie puckered up for a kiss and got a raspberry-flavored one. “Hi,” she whispered to the three most important people in her world.
“Hi!” the twins said in unison, with matching grins.
Lanie’s heart skipped a beat. She loved hearing Sierra talk.
Mark was only slightly more restrained than his girls. He wrapped an arm around her and gave her a slow, not-raspberry-flavored kiss that would have had her knees buckling if she hadn’t been sitting down. “Love you,” he said easily and then playfully tugged a wayward strand of hair.
“Love you back,” she said with equally shocking ease.
His smile said he could see her surprise and was amused by it.
“Our dance recital’s in two weeks,” Samantha said excitedly. “You’ll come?”
“Wouldn’t miss it,” Lanie said.
“Good, ’cuz on the calendar in the office it says you’ll be gone. You won’t be gone?”
Lanie needed to change the calendar pronto. “I won’t be.”
“You’ll be here?” Samantha asked, apparently needing a two-step verification.
“There’s no place I’d rather be.”
“That’s good, ’cuz Daddy’s life doesn’t work without you in it.” Sierra smiled at her daddy. “Right, Daddy? That’s what you said to Grandma this morning when she asked.”
Mark, not looking embarrassed in the slightest, nodded as emphatically as Samantha had. “One hundred percent right, baby.”
Lanie leaned in past the girls’ faces. “Close your eyes,” she told them both. “I’m going to kiss your daddy real quick.” She did and then whispered against Mark’s mouth, “My life doesn’t work without you in it either.”
“I know.” He smiled that just-for-her smile, the one that never failed to warm her from the inside out. “But it’s nice to hear,” he said. “So . . . how do you feel about forever?”
Samantha bounced up and down in glee. “I love forever!”
Sierra nodded vigorously. She was back to talking, but clearly only when she felt it necessary.
Lanie stared at the three of them, her heart full to bursting. “I love forever too.”
“Then welcome home.”