“Where are we going?”

Liam has decided to take me out to dinner tonight and to be honest, I’m a bit nervous. I don’t know exactly how to behave, what to do, what to say. We’re together every day, it’s true, but alone—it’s so intimate.

“There’s not a lot of choice here, but what is important is that we spend a little time alone together, don’t you think?”

Alone. Exactly.

Liam has to have read the anxiety in my eyes, because he stops in the middle of the street and stands in front of me.

“Is something wrong?” he asks me.

“Nothing. Everything’s fine,” I lie. I’m just nervous to find myself alone with him.

“Rain,” he admonishes, before giving me a light kiss on the forehead, “you can tell me everything.”

“Okay, let’s say I’m a b-bit nervous,” I confess.

“Nervous? Of having dinner?” he asks, raising his eyebrows.

“It’s not about the dinner…” I say and he seems to not understand. But after a few seconds, his eyes widen and he opens his mouth as if to say something, but then closes it again and he smiles at me, holding me tight in his arms.

“You have nothing to be afraid of, Rain. I said I want to do things the right way, remember? We aren’t going to do anything you aren’t ready for.”

“O-okay.”

“Okay?” he asks, still smiling. “Trust me.”

And I trust him blindly, as if I had known him my whole life, as if I could put my life in his hands.

~ ~ ~

We go to a place called Aqua Restaurant which is directly in front of the port. From there on clear nights it’s possible to see the Ireland Eye, an island in the middle of nowhere. It’s an uncontaminated land where nature is the only thing to admire.

The air is brisk and heavy with the smell of rain, but we sit on the terrace under a heat lamp. Liam knows I enjoy breathing in this air and the view is truly spectacular, with the light pots illuminating the street below us, the infinite space the North Sea seems to occupy and where the heavens and the sea intertwine in a brilliant watery mirror.

I love these places more than anything, I feel like they belong to me, I feel at home—the only home I’ve ever known.

We eat in peace, having fresh fish caught this morning, a filet of Haddock with baked potatoes and asparagus, accompanied with a glass of white wine. We talk about the pub, the guys, the city and how calm it is in this little village, it just seems perfect to start from zero.

The atmosphere is almost magical: I feel like I could talk freely about anything that passed through my head, without worrying about stuttering or getting confused or feeling inadequate. I feel like I’ve always known him, even if in reality, I only just met him a few weeks ago. Between us, there’s a connection that goes beyond words and time and everything else. There’s complicity, understanding there’s—I don’t know how to explain it, but I know there’s something unique that we aren’t able to perceive.

“So, tell me something about your family,” I ask him.

The atmosphere changes dynamically as soon as I ask about his life. His clear eyes cloud over like the Irish sky, ready to change at any moment without warning.

Liam sits straight in his chair and gets lost in his thoughts.

“Not much to say. We haven’t seen each other for a long time, since before I left. Let’s say I don’t have a great relationship with them, that’s all. It’s just me.”

I understand he doesn’t want to talk about it and I don’t insist even if, I confess, I’m sorry he doesn’t get along with his family. I can’t even imagine not seeing Aaron for a day, much less not have him in my life at all. Aaron is my family, together with the guys who are so important to me. I can’t imagine how it would feel to be so alone like Liam is.

“And what about music? Would you like to start up again? Don’t you miss that life?”

Another bad conversation topic. Liam closes up and only speaks to me in monosyllables that are meaningless. The only thing he lets out is that for now, he’s happy as things are, he doesn’t want to go back to music and is done with that life.

I don’t want to press him to open up to me if he doesn’t feel like it, so I limit myself to smiling at him and I finish my coffee before I can do more damage. I don’t want to ruin this night.

Afraid that I may have broken the spell, we head toward the bridge, without holding hands.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to be intrusive.”

“You weren’t. It’s just I don’t want to talk about the past, that’s all. I’d like to think just about the present. About this moment, about you and me,” he says, stopping to take my hand and bringing it to his lips. He brings me toward him and gives me a timid smile before brushing a hand through my hair.

“You’re beautiful, Rain.”

I blush and instinctively lower my gaze.

“I’m serious. I’ve never seen anything more beautiful.”

I shake my head. “I don’t believe you. Who knows how many women—” and I stop short. I feel stupid and jealous at the same time.

“Other women? You don’t even know what you’re saying. There are no other women. There never have been…” And he blocks up, and he too looks down. The muscles in his face tighten.

“I can’t believe you’ve never had a relationship,” I say nervously, confused by his words.

“No woman has ever made me feel like I do now with you, Rain. No one.”

“But you barely know me—”

“—It’s enough for me. Your eyes, your smile, your sincerity—the way you look at me, as if I were the only man on the planet. And then your infinite sweetness, your tenderness, how kind you are to everyone, even the drunks at the bar.” He sighs and pauses. “I don’t know how to tell you, Rain.”

“W-what’s that?” I swallow hard.

He thinks about it for a few seconds, then shakes his head and changes the subject.

“Wanna come with me?” he asks, imploring me with his eyes. “The pub should be closed by now, unless Aaron is waiting in the dark with a machete, I’d say we can go back, what do you say? I’m not ready for this night to be over.”

I’m not ready either, so I nod and I follow him.