“Hi.”

“Hey, how—how are you?”

“I’ve seen better days. May I?”

I nod and sit up straight on the hammock making space for him.

“I don’t know where to start,” Liam tells me, looking straight out in front of him. “I’m a disaster, Rain. Maybe it’s not a good idea for you and I—”

“—I understand,” I whisper, before swallowing hard, the knot forming in my throat.

“You are simply perfect. I’m the one that’s wrong for you.”

I don’t respond, I wouldn’t be able to without breaking out into tears.

“I’ve had some problems, and to be honest, I still have them. I ruined my life, I don’t want to ruin yours too. You understand that, right?

“No,” I say, holding back the tears. “No, n-no, I don’t understand and I d-don’t agree.”

“It’s better like this, believe me. Maybe we could be friends.”

“Friends?” I say, jumping to my feet. I look right into his eyes. They are vacant, sad and melancholy, just like the first time I met him. “I don’t want to be your friend, Liam.”

He stands up too and takes my hands in his, bringing them to his lips.

“God, Rain, you have no idea how I wish I was the right one for you. I’d like to be the man you think I am, the man you want, but it isn’t like that.”

“And i—if it was?” I say, letting the first tear fall. “If you were the one I wanted?”

“Is it true?”

“I—just forget it, I’m stupid.”

I let his hands go and turn my back to him, moving away a few steps.

“Please don’t say that about yourself. You’re not stupid.”

“Maybe I am for you, Liam. I know who you were—who you are. Liam O’Reilly, talented musician, two successful albums, hooked on women, alcohol, drugs—and who knows what else. What would you want with somebody like me?”

“No, Rain, no! Don’t even think it!”

“That’s fine, I understand. Could you take me with you, on tour? To the parties, the events? No. I certainly wouldn’t help you make a good impression. I’d only embarrass you.”

“Jesus, no! It’s not like that at all. I have given up that life. I came here to start over, to leave all that behind me. I’m clean now and I’m sorry for the big mistake I made the other night. I was an idiot, but it won’t happen again, I swear. I’d just like to be better than I am, just for you,” he says finally while I swallow my tears, try to ignore my heart and this stupid love.

I turn slowly and find myself a few breaths away from him. I can’t stop shaking as I lift my hand to caress his pale, tired face. He puts his hand over mine and it doesn’t matter to me what he was, what happened or what he’s done. All I care about is him, the fact that he’s here, in front of me, even if I don’t know how long he’ll stay, how much time will pass before he realizes I’m not worth it, that I’m not the right one for him, that I can never make him happy. Now I want to brush my lips on his and feel those goosebumps I get when our bodies meet. I want his taste in my mouth and his scent on my skin.

I close the distance between us to zero and hope I’m doing the right thing, and not making a total mistake, pressing my lips against his, before closing my eyes and throwing myself into the darkness.

“Rain,” he whispers into my mouth. “I can’t back away from you like this.”

“Is that what you want? You want t-to get away from me?” I say, continuing to kiss him sweetly.

“No—I don’t want to. But it’s not right for you.”

“Shh—let me decide, please. Everyone decides for me, everyone thinks they know what I want, but the truth is I’m able to make my own decisions by myself and I’d like you, now, to leave me free to make my own choice.”

He separates from me and looks me straight in the eyes. His calm sea has become a hurricane, a torment of suffering and I want all this to end. I want to see him in peace, serene and—in love.

“I choose you, Liam O’Reilly. I choose you, okay? I don’t care what you’ve done or what you could do. Even if you decide to go someday, to go back to your other life, I choose you. I would choose you a thousand times.”

“Oh Christ, Rain—you’re making this so much more difficult.”

“Life is difficult, Liam. Choices are difficult. Love is—difficult, but we don’t close it out of our lives because it’s hard.”

“Love?” he asks, with fear and insecurity in his eyes.

“Love,” I whisper against his lips. “I can’t give you what you want, Liam. I’m not like other women, and I never will be. But my heart is yours, if you want it.”

“God, Rain—you are already giving me so much more than I could ever expect from life,” he says, his voice rising. “I am in love with you, Rain, and it couldn’t be otherwise.”

“You—lo-love me?” I ask incredulously.

“Yes.” He smiles, caressing my face. “I am in love with you, Rain O’Donovan, and it’s been so easy, so natural, so spontaneous—I don’t remember how it used to be before I met you. I love you completely, with everything I have, my heart, my head, my body—I love every little detail about you and I can’t imagine not being with you.”

“Oh—” is all I’m able to say before breaking out sobbing.

“Don’t cry, Rain. I can’t bear to see you cry, I can’t stand it.”

“I—I can’t b-believe it.”

“Believe it.” He smiles.

“You can’t love me.”

“Oh yes, I can. I love you. Just you. And I promise that I’ll do my best not to disappoint you again.”

“But—if one day you woke up and decided to settle down and have a family, I…”

He dries my tears with his lips, kissing every centimeter of my face until stopping at my mouth.

“I choose you, Rain O’Donovan, I want only you and nothing else matters to me,” he says in a warm whisper against my lips.

I run my hands through his hair and step closer to his body, to feel the jolt his nearness gives me every time. I feel that for me, something’s there, perhaps all isn’t lost and it’s there for Liam too—and maybe a little corner of happiness exists for us.

If I really am the one he wants, then I’ll take care of him, I’ll love him and I’ll help him out of whatever this thing is that is doing this harm to him. I’ll help him free his heart from the weight it carries and I’ll help him to feel lighter, freer and loved.

Liam O’Reilly, I’ll help you get your life back on its feet.

“I love you,” he whispers in my ear. “I have always loved you, Rain.” He sighs and I can barely hear it, while he squeezes me in his arms.

Don’t do it.

His eyes are imploring me from the rearview mirror.

I can’t do it.

I can’t marry him.

And while the sound of the crash hurts my eardrum, my world goes to pieces, shattering before my eyes.