CHAPTER 5
Ashlyn
I grab my suitcase from the conveyor belt and my nerves start to get the better of me. It was easy enough avoiding Josh by pretending to nap on the plane, but now that we’re in Vegas it’s a whole different story.
“Let me grab that for you.” Josh says in my ear, making me shiver from his gravely tone.
“I can handle it myself asshole.” I walk towards the group wheeling my suitcase behind me.
“Hold up Ash!”
I spin around and pin Josh with a glare. Just looking at him takes me back to that night and I can’t keep the thoughts from invading my mind.
“Where do you see us in five years?” I question feeling slightly unsure if I even want to hear his answer. Most guys I’ve dated have answered, “Why don’t we just focus on today? Why worry about the future when nobody knows what tomorrow will bring?”
“Well,” he brings my hand to his mouth and kisses my knuckles. “I see us just like this Hellcat. You and me always. And the spankings, always the spankings.” He gets that wicked gleam in his eyes that causes goosebumps to rise up my spine.
My heart melts at his words. For the first time in a long time I can see the future, I’m not planning my life day by day anymore. Josh is my forever. Finally, I found a man that treats me right that I can’t get enough of.
I angrily shake my head. Who the heck does he think he is bringing all these old feelings and memories up inside of me? Just because shit was messed up with his ex, he expects me to take him back just like that? As if all those months of hurt, pain and the obvious fact that he didn’t choose me will just be forgotten?
“What do you want Josh? I think I said everything that needed to be said back home. Just forget I’m even here.” I look down at the ground hoping to come off annoyed instead of upset.
“Listen Ash…”
“Come on bitch you can ride with us to the hotel.” Savvy exclaims while she links our arms together. As we walk away I lean my head on her shoulder and take a deep breath.
“Thank you.” I whisper.
“You know I always have your back. You also know that I think you should tell him about the baby. The longer you keep it a secret, the bigger chance it will blow up in your face. Plus, he’s going to start noticing.”
I know Savvy’s right but I can’t bring myself to tell him. Before I could justify it in my head that he was with the woman he chose and their baby, but now I don’t have an excuse. The longer I wait the guiltier I feel. I plan on telling him when we get back home after the charity event, I just need to figure out how.
As we make our way out to the SUV’s I glance towards Josh. When our eyes meet I immediately look away. He doesn’t need any mixed signals from me and I need to get out of this funk.
The drive to the hotel doesn’t take long. When we get into the lobby Zander hands us our room keys and pulls a giggling Savvy towards the elevators. Guess I don’t have my buffer anymore. I make the decision to put my big girl panties on and make my way over to Josh.
“Hey after you settle in can we talk?”
He looks at me with wide eyes and nods his head yes. Clearly, I caught him off guard.
“Yeah of course. I think our rooms are next to each other. Why don’t I come to yours in a half hour?”
“Sounds peachy…” I mutter as we get on the elevator.
He wasn’t lying, our rooms are right next to each other. Thanks a lot Zander. I know this was his doing.
I unlock my door and walk inside, finally able to take a deep breath. I can do this, we can be cordial.
I’m putting my last items from my suitcase away when I hear a knock at the door. My heart starts beating erratically and I try taking a few calming breaths before I answer. Those people that promote meditation… what a crock.
I open the door to find a shy looking Josh on the other side standing with his hands in the pockets of his jeans. As he looks downwards it gives me a chance to look him over for the first time today. He’s such a Texas boy as I glance at his cowboy boots and continue my path upwards towards his thighs in jeans that fit him to perfection. I know what those thighs can do, I’ve experienced them first hand. Under that tee shirt his body is like a dream. The ink that swirls around his arms makes my mouth water, they’re truly beautiful and I remember licking every inch of them. As I meet his eyes, he’s watching me intently. Damnit!
“Come on in…”
He walks in and props himself up against the TV stand. Why does he have to look at me like he still cares about me? He makes it so hard to hate him.
“Don’t look at me like that… I’d rather you close your eyes.”
“Look at you like what Ash? Like I care for you…like I love you? If you’re telling me to look at you another way I can’t. I said it back home and I’ll say it again. I’m going to prove myself to you and win you back. You give my life meaning and I refuse to give up hope of a second chance.”
“Oh, isn’t that grand? You drop me like a bad habit for some other woman but now…now you can’t live without me? What kind of shit is that?”
“That choice was the biggest mistake of my life and I’ve regretted it every second after I walked away from you.”
“What the fuck ever. I don’t want to talk about this. I invited you over so that we can call a truce. Because whether I like it or not, your brother is my best friends husband. We were friends once and I think we can be again.”
“That’ll be a start-” I cut him off.
“No start Josh. That’s all I am offering because that’s all I can give. You can take it or leave it.”
“I’ll take you any way I can get you Hellcat.”
“Don’t call me that.”
I head for the bathroom and will myself not to cry. My bladder’s full any way so I might as well be in here for something. When I come back into the room I find Josh sitting on my bed looking at his phone.
“I just got a text from Z, he wants us all to meet up for an early dinner around five. Does that work for you?”
Of course, my stomach decides to growl like there’s a wild animal trying to escape.
“Starved.” I burst into a fit of laughter.
Josh gets off the bed and faces me with a giant smile on his handsome face.
“I missed you Ash.”
“Besties for life.” I exclaim hoping I’m fooling him. “Okay playboy I need to freshen up from the flight before dinner. I’ll see you down there.”
“I’ll see you.” He walks over to me and wraps his strong arms around me. I didn’t think all of this through. I stick my ass out trying to pull my stomach off of his so he doesn’t feel my tiny bulging belly. I know I’m being paranoid but I can’t take any chances. He pulls back and looks at me skeptically.
“Sorry I… I have to take a shit. See you later.” I run into the bathroom and lock the door.
I look in the mirror and laughter bubbles up my throat. “I need to take a shit?” Did I really just say that out loud? I wash my face and reapply a little make up. Before leaving I also brush my teeth and throw on some more deodorant. All these nerves have me sweating like a beast.
I grab my purse and leave the room heading for the elevators. As I walk around the corner I yell and clutch my hands to my chest when I see Josh standing with his back against the wall looking at his phone.
“Sorry I didn’t mean to scare you. Everyone has already headed down and I told them I’d wait for you.”
I cross my arms across my chest and narrow my eyes all while trying to get my heart rate to slow down. “And Savvy was okay with this?”
“She suggested it after I told her we’re friends again.” He gives me a big toothy grin causing me to roll my eyes. Of course she’d sell me out. Fucking Benedict Arnold.
As we step into the elevator I notice Josh is still on his phone. He is obsessed with playing online poker which is funny seeing as we’re in Vegas and he can actually play real poker.
“I think you have a gambling problem, you should seek professional help buddy.”
He looks up at me smiling. “I’ve never played with real money Ash. I just love the game.”
“Apples and oranges.”
“You are the only person I know that says that. It’s never going to catch on you know.”
“Why the hell do I want it to catch on? This isn’t Mean Girls and the word isn’t fetch.”
“I love that about you…” He stops himself. Mother fucker! Why did he have to say love? I clear my throat and look at the ceiling of the elevator. The awkward silence is interrupted by the ding alerting us we have arrived in the lobby.
As I book it out of there, power walking through the lobby, I don’t stop until we’re at the hotel restaurant. The Maître D’ takes us to the table and when I look around I almost lose it. The only two seats left are of course, together.
“Jay get your ass up I need to sit here.” When I reach his seat, I pull him by the ear until he stands up and moves to the side. I sit down and look around at everyone staring at me.
“What? I didn’t want the air conditioner on me…” I pray there is a vent above where I was supposed to sit.
“First of all, ouch. What the hell was that for? Second, figure out what you want to eat, I’m starving!” He walks around the table rubbing his ear and sits in the vacant seat next to Josh.
Savvy shoots me a wide-eyed look and I shoot her one right back and mumble “Benedict” under my breath. The waiter arrives and everyone starts to give their order.
“I would like to start with an order of fried pickles and a bowl of clam chowder…then I’ll have the prime rib with extra mashed potatoes and gravy on top, hold the veggies…and I’ll give you my dessert order later, thanks.” I unroll my silverware and place the cloth napkin on my lap awaiting my delicious feast. I hear a throat clear and look up.
“Save some food for the rest of us. Are you high? If so, share that shit.” Jay says.
“I’m not high you pot head. Can’t a girl be hungry? It’s not my problem you eat like a girl.” I sass.
“I don’t eat like a girl. The ladies appreciate this killer bod.” He stands up and flexes his arm. He’s looking behind me, so I turn and see he’s got the attention of a table full of girls.
“Seriously. How? I really don’t get it.” I mumble.
“The ladies know if you’ve got it, and I’ve got it baby.”
“Jay.” Josh warns.
“Dude calm your tits, she had her chance but she chose you.”
The table goes silent. Well, it just got awkward real fast. I’m debating walking over there and cutting his dick off when I hear Jay order a round of shots for the table. Isn’t that just great? This guys trying to ruin my life.
Savvy leans over towards me. “You know you ordered enough food for the table. If you want to remain under the radar do what any sane pregnant woman does, binge eat in private.”
“Then you’re hitting the store with me for a whole bunch of goodies after dinner. I can’t survive unless I eat every two hours. Breakfast was the last time I ate because of all the traveling and I feel like I’m going to die.” Savvy starts laughing. “And I hope you plan on drinking a lot tonight because we are going to have to pull the old switcheroo.” The smile slips from her face but she nods in understanding. They need to think I’m drinking but in reality, Savvy will be drinking both our drinks.
I’m chatting with Kyle about his college life when I notice Josh staring at me. I give him a small smile and continue chatting again. Friends… I can do this.
Our shots arrive to the table first. Everyone holds them up in cheers starting to clink them around. I’m just sitting here trying to figure out what to do. Then it hits me.
“Holy, is that Mike Tyson?!” I exclaim pointing to the other side of the room. When everyone turns, Savvy shotguns her shot and passes it to me, then grabs my full one.
The boys turn back around as I take my empty shot glass in hand. They look confused but they burst out laughing.
“I think you need to get your eyes checked Ash, unless you think Mike Tyson is a 65-year-old white guy with glasses.”
“Not cool Ash. I seriously thought Mike Tyson was here.” Jay grumbles.
I just shrug my shoulders feigning innocence as I fist my shot in my hand so nobody can see that it’s empty. As everyone picks up theirs, our dinner arrives. I’m starving and want to dive in, but have to wait for these jackasses to make a toast. Real men don’t toast, let me eat.
I moan as I take the first bite. “This food is unbelievable! These fried pickles are the bee’s knees. I’d offer you guys some but I don’t want to share with you assholes.” I continue eating the little pieces of heaven before moving onto my dinner. When I look up I notice Zander chuckling before placing his hand on Josh’s shoulder.
Once again Savvy leans over towards me. “You might want to pipe down on the sex show, poor Josh looks like he’s about to combust in his seat.”
I don’t embarrass easily but I can feel my face heating up. When I look over to Josh I see him adjust something under the table and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to guess what. I dive back into my prime rib and can’t be bothered. At least I try to act like I’m not embarrassed. It’s hilarious when it happens to Savvy, not so much when the tables are turned on me.
Before dinner’s over, the guys end up ordering two more rounds of shots. That wouldn’t be bad but Savvy had to ingest six shots! God help me, she’s a light weight on a normal day.
“You know what Zander? I’m going to stick a fucking knife in your shorts for the fight. Then when you get taken to the ground you can shank him.” Savvy slurs while thrusting her hand forward in a slicing motion.
“I’m pretty sure that’s illegal Sav, and the fight’s not for another couple of months. Did those shots give you short term memory loss?” My jaw’s starting to hurt from clenching it. I need to get her out of here. She gets very chatty when she drinks and I clearly didn’t think this whole situation through.
I stand up and gesture for her to do the same. “Alright Sav, let’s go to the bathroom.”
“Oh right, that’s a normal thing that’s supposed to happen. Frequent urination. I’ve got your back girlfriend. Lead the way mamma.”
“It’s the buddy system.” I hear Jay explaining to the table.
I roll my eyes and grab Savvy’s hand leading her to the bathroom. She stumbles a few times but I manage to keep her upright. When we get through the door I prop her up on the bathroom counter.
“Savvy listen to me girl, you need to puke.”
“What? Why?” She asks appalled.
“Because giving you alcohol is like truth serum and you can’t be sprouting the truth sister. Therefore, we need to get it out of you. What better way than to purge?” I feel like my plan is genius.
“Fuck that noise. No way in hell am I throwing up.” She’s waving her arms around likes she’s trying to swat a fly.
“Savvy, we can do this the easy way or the hard way…”
“No way-” I cut her off by throwing her into a headlock and dragging her into the handicap stall. It’s not hard because she’s so drunk and can’t put up much of a fight.
“Stop I’ll do it! I’ll do it!” She concedes.
“I’m glad you chose the easy way. Get to it.” I cross my arms over my chest and wait.
“What do you want me to do? You know I’m not a puker, plus I have a great gag reflex, just ask Zander.”
I roll my eyes and try to think of what we can do.
“You just need to shove something far enough down your throat and your gag reflex will kick in at some point, right?”
“Maybe? What do we have that’s long enough? You can go get Zander. I’m sure he’d be willing to lend a hand so to speak.”
“Come on Savvy. Why can’t you handle your alcohol like a normal person, just this once?” I look around the bathroom stall and see nothing I can use. The plunger off to the side is not even remotely close to an option.
“Just shove your fingers down until you puke woman.”
“No way, that’s gross. Can you, do it?”
“So, you don’t want your fingers down there but you’ll gladly take mine in your mouth?” I walk around the stall turning my neck from side to side like I’m warming up for a fight.
“Alright lean over the toilet. Don’t bite me either!”
As I insert two fingers into her mouth, she closes her lips around them and sucks.
“What the hell Savvy? This isn’t a blow job! Just open your mouth for Christ’s sake.”
“Sorry…”
As I start again, I slowly insert my two fingers in her mouth. I make sure to push on her tongue as I move them towards her throat trying to trigger her apparently nonexistent reflex. They move up more and more…and more and more…She wasn’t lying when she said she doesn’t have a gag reflex. I pull my hand out in defeat after playing with the bulb at the back of her throat with no luck.
“Okay this isn’t working and now I’m thoroughly grossed out. Also, Zander’s a lucky man. I tip my hat to you Savvy, that’s some skill you have there.”
“Why thank you!” She curtseys and almost falls to the ground.
“Here’s the new plan. We’re going back to the table and you’re going to say you just got sick in the bathroom and need to go back upstairs. I’ll bring you back to my room and we’ll watch a movie or something. Deal?”
“Deal.” She throws her hand towards me like she wants to do a cheer. Really Sav? I’m screwed. We just need to get to the table and get this over with.
When we get back to the group, Zander gets up and comes over to us.
“Is she okay? She can’t hold her alcohol, but three shots? She looks like she’s has had ten.” Zander is adorable being all worried over Savvy. It’s times like these I’m so happy she found him.
“She’s fine but I’m going to take her upstairs to nap it off. She isn’t feeling that great.” I grab her elbow and start to lead her away.
“What? I’m fine. I want to stay Ash, don’t make me leave. I don’t need you mothering me.” Savvy starts laughing her ass off.
“Baby what’s so funny?” Zander wraps his arms around Savvy as she laughs so hard tears fall down her face. He walks her back to the table and sits down, pulling her onto his lap.
“Mother… baby. Might as well let her practice on me, the baby will be here before we know it.” When Savvy finishes, I look over to a wide-eyed Zander.
“Ash, I’ve decided if it’s a girl we’ll train her to be a nerd. We don’t need our baby on one of those tacky MTV shows. No way. Luckily, she’ll have some bad ass uncles and not to mention an overprotective Daddy. Oh, and let’s not forget a chastity belt.” Savvy starts picking around the table eating people’s scraps like she didn’t just drop the biggest bomb.
Oh my god, what do I do? I’m going to murder her!
“Oh no.” Savvy looks remorseful. She should, she just spilt the beans about the bambino. “Zander that was a secret. How dare you tell everyone!” Savvy looks over to me with wide eyes. “I’m sorry Ash I don’t know how he found out. I didn’t tell him anything I swear.”
“Hold the phone! Ash when the hell did you get knocked up? I’m so confused.” Jay yells loud enough for practically the entire restaurant to hear.
“Yeah, I think I need to hear this story. Preferably in private with a lot of fucking explaining.” Josh abruptly stands up, scraping his chair loudly on the floor causing people to turn in their seats.
I cover my face with my hands and take a few deep breaths trying to calm myself down. I feel a hand on my shoulder and look up to Kyle standing next to me.
“Come on Ash lets go for a walk.” He looks over to Josh. “I strongly urge you to calm the hell down while we’re gone man. And remember who you’re talking to, the mother of your child who doesn’t need to be stressed out right now.”
“If it’s even mine.” Josh spits out.
“Really Josh? There hasn’t been anyone since you asshole.” I get up from my seat and walk out with Kyle. I shouldn’t look back, but I do anyway. Josh is fighting to get past Zander and Jay who are blocking his path to me.
“Ash, wait!” I hear him yell.
“Faster, faster little boy.” I urge Kyle. Josh is so angry right now I don’t want to get into it with him.
“I’ve got your back, let’s go find somewhere to sit down and you can explain all of this to me.
When we get to the lobby I turn and face Kyle. “Go help out your brothers with Josh. I’ll be fine. I’m going to take a walk around the strip and let Josh cool down.” I try to smile but it doesn’t reach my eyes.
“Are you sure? You shouldn’t be alone right now Ash.”
Kyle is the sweetest Cage. “Don’t worry about me. Go ahead and tell them I’ll be back later.”
I exit the lobby and start walking down the sidewalk. A little ways down I come upon an ice cream parlor and walk in taking a seat near the front windows.
How dare Josh think this isn’t his baby. Does he think I went from him to somebody else the next day without a care in the world? What kind of shit is that? I think what kills me is the fact that I know this isn’t him. He’s sweet and considerate, well, most of the time. His calm demeanor takes a back seat when he’s in the bedroom. As the flashback hits me I try to stop it but I’m helpless to it.
Sprawled out in bed I half lay on top of Josh. We’ve been relaxing in companionable silence for a while and enjoying each other’s company. There is so much to be said, but what just happened really hasn’t sunk in yet.
It was a big deal deciding to take our relationship to the next level. I didn’t plan on taking the leap tonight but it felt so right, we felt so right.
“Hellcat?”
I look up and meet Josh’s gorgeous blue eyes. “Hi.”
His eyes soften as he looks at me. “Hey.”
“We need to talk.”
A worried look passes his face and in an instant, it’s gone, and so is Josh who’s creeping down my body. He kisses around my belly button and looks up at me with a mischievous smile.
I throw my head backwards into the pillow when he spreads my legs apart and begins kissing his way up my thighs. As much as I love this I just want him inside me. I sit up and crook my finger at him, telling him to come up towards me.
He crawls up my body and when he’s in reaching distance I weave my fingers through his hair and eagerly dive my tongue into his mouth.
“I’m not a machine Ash.” He growls.
“I beg to differ.”
I sit up and grip his cock then slowly sink down on his impressive length.
“Fuck Ash…”
“What can I get for you?”
How long has the waitress been standing there?
“Can I have a large chocolate chip cookie dough with whipped cream and jimmies please?” At least I know what I want.
“Pardon?”
“Chocolate sprinkles. Sorry, I’m from New England.” I laugh.
“Of course, coming right up.”
When she leaves my table I get up and head for the bathroom. I place my hands on the counter and stare at my reflection. So much has changed in such a short time frame. My reflection looks the same, I still have the same long brown hair and my lively blue eyes are staring back at me like they have so many times before.
Thinking about Josh and his doubts makes my stomach turn. Crap, I’m going to be sick. I run for the stall and empty the contents of my stomach into the toilet. Fried pickles are not very pleasant when regurgitated.
I rinse my mouth, wash my hands and head back to my table. When I sit down, the waitress is walking up with my ice cream. Surprisingly I’m hungry again so I eat half of it. I’m not a complete heathen.
My phone lights up with a text message. I look at the time and I’m surprised to see that I left the hotel almost two hours ago.
Savvy: Where are you?
Me: I’ll be back soon.
Savvy: Ash I feel horrible. Where are you? I’ve had six cups of coffee. I’ll come to you.
Me: I’m fine. Leaving now. I should be back in 20 minutes.
After I pay my bill I make my trek back to the hotel. I’m anxious as hell not knowing what I’ll be walking in on. What kind of mood or horrible things will Josh say to me when he sees me again?
You know what? Screw him. If what we shared means nothing to him, if he doubts me that much, we don’t need him.
*****
As I enter the lobby and head toward the elevators I hear someone yell my name. I spin around and see Josh sitting on a stool at the bar with his brothers waving his arms like a lunatic. Savvy rushes over and pulls me to the side.
“I don’t think you should go over there. Since you left Josh has hit the bar pretty hard and his head isn’t in the right place right now.”
“How is he taking it? Was he really upset with me?” I question.
“I want to lie to make you feel better, but he’s really angry. After being burned by Marybeth, well, that betrayal is still fresh in his mind. I know he’ll see things clearly in the morning, just give him some time.” Time. Fuck time. If he doesn’t believe me now, where does that leave us?
“Savvy, how can he question me? I know I didn’t tell you all the specifics, but after everything we’ve been through, how could he think so little of me?”
“I know, it’s a really messed up situation and I told him that. Zander wasn’t happy that I said anything. You may end up with a roomie tonight because we’re not seeing eye to eye on this situation.”
“I didn’t want this to cause problems for you. And I definitely didn’t want you getting caught up in the middle. I’m so sorry.” I feel like all I do is cry these days.
She gives me a sympathetic smile. “I always have your back girl. Now let’s go upstairs and rent a movie.”
I nod my head as we walk over to the elevators. When we get on I look back towards the bar. My eyes meet Josh’s and I crumble inside. I never thought Josh would look at me with such disgust.
“Ash, we need to talk.” Josh screams through the place as the elevator doors shut.
Savvy pulls me into her side as I lean my head on her shoulder and start to shake as tears glisten down my cheeks. “I’m so sorry Ash, this is all my fault.”
“He was going to find out eventually. No matter how I told him, he was always going to doubt me. It just sucks, I expected so much more from him.” This is the final straw with Josh. Never again will I entertain the idea of a future with him.
When we reach my room, I open the door and kick my shoes off.
“So, what movie do you want to watch?” Savvy asks.
“Anything with blood and guts, my heart can’t take anything mushy.”
“Don’t worry Ash, everything will work out.”
I sure hope so.