Chapter 19
In the hall, Recker led Alex down the corridor before casting her a sidelong glance. “You tell Stoney what happened behind the diner?”
Her tone was offensive when she clipped out, “No!”
“You need to talk about it to someone, Alex.”
“I talked about it with you.”
“No,” he countered. “You didn’t.” He stopped walking and grabbed her arm, turning her to face him. “But if you’re ready, I’m listening.”
“What’s there to talk about?” she snapped. “I was attacked. You saved me. Period. End of story.”
“That’s not the end of the fucking story, Alex.”
“What do you want me to say, Recker? You want me to tell you that I was terrified? That I was more scared than I’d ever been in my whole damn life? Do you want to hear how sick I felt because they were touching me? How badly I wanted to die just thinking they might do more than punch me around and I couldn’t do anything to stop them?”
Tears were filling her eyes now, and Recker felt like shit for even bringing it up, but he didn’t want Alex keeping that shit to herself. Girls needed to talk about things like that. Hell, they talked about everything else, so it only made sense that she’d need to get what happened to her out in the open and off her chest. Now, watching her lower lip tremble, he wondered if he should just leave it alone. He was willing to drop it, but Alex kept going.
“It was the most helpless I’ve ever felt in my life. I hated every fucking second of it. And God only knows what would have happened if you didn’t come looking for me.”
She angled her face away from him, but he still saw when her tears breached and slipped free.
“I fucking hate that,” she breathed, swiping angrily at her cheeks. “I hate that just because someone is bigger or stronger or because there’s more of them that they think they can take something from you. Fucking…bullies!” More quietly, she whispered, “Men are fucking bullies.”
Unable to stop himself, Recker captured her jaw in his hand and turned her face to his. “Not all men, siren.”
She blinked up at him with those big brown eyes, and he hated the emotion he saw swimming there. She looked so damn uncertain like she didn’t know whether or not she could believe him. That pissed him off because someone had done this to her, and whoever it was had come along way before Fitz and his sick fucking friends had ever gotten their hands on her.
Smoothing his thumb along her lower lip, he asked, “Who hurt you, Alex?”
She blinked up at him. Her lips parted like she was going to answer him. Instead, she jerked away and brushed at her cheeks again. “No one. Just an observation.”
For a second he considered pressing her. It’d be easy. He’d pick her up, carry her someplace quiet, and keep her there until she spilled whatever it was that had twisted her thinking on men. But, he didn’t. That little voice in the back of his mind began barking like it always did, telling him that it wasn’t that Alex didn’t want to talk. It told him that Alex didn’t want to talk to him.
He was lacking, fucked up, and flawed. Always had been, probably always would be. Hell, even if he weren’t, he wasn’t sure he wanted Alex confiding in him because getting attached to her or anyone was an avenue to disaster. He of all people knew better than to hope for a connection. The fact that his own parents had abandoned him was enough of a lesson in heartache.
Alex preceded him down the hall and quietly, he followed. Eyes on her back, he couldn’t help but wonder what it’d be like to have Alex confide in him. People’s secrets, their past, was a gift. He knew well because he hadn’t yet granted his to anyone. It was a critical part of him; it was where his flaw—the worst part of him—emanated from. The prospect of showing that to anyone, let alone, someone you were interested in was more terrifying than any enemy he could face.
Funny though, staring at Alex as she tried to force self-confidence into her proud shoulders, he didn’t feel that familiar hollowness in his middle when he thought of telling Alex how he hadn’t been enough to keep his parents around. He wondered if sharing the gaping hole in himself could be enough to get her to show him hers. He’d do it too. If exposing his sole ache would get Alex to open up to him, he’d gladly expose the source of his shame.
***
After three hours of touring the Estate and too many introductions to keep track of, Recker knew Alex’s head was spinning. He’d taken her to the cafeteria for an early dinner and had felt proud when she’d eaten all the food on her tray and had gone back for a second plate of roasted chicken, gooey macaroni and cheese, and seasoned green beans.
Conversation during their meal had been easy, mainly because he hadn’t brought up the attack again.
At Alex’s suite, she invited him in and against his better judgment, he accepted the offer. Again, he’d made sure everything was to her liking and that she knew where everything was at before he settled onto the sofa. Alex sat on the opposite end, and they talked about how StoneCrow was living up to her expectations.
“Everything is so much bigger than I expected. And the people,” Alex paused a moment. “They are way cooler than I thought they’d be to an outsider.”
“Yeah,” Recker laughed. “It’s only because the guys wanna do you and the women are too damn lonesome for female companionship.”
Alex was shaking her head. “A, no one wants to do me, and B, there are plenty of women up here.”
Recker was too distracted by her ‘nobody wants to do me’ statement to comment. Fuck yeah somebody wanted to do her, and that somebody was sitting on the opposite end of her couch.
He was staring at Alex. When he didn’t respond, she turned and looked at him, the playful grin sliding from her lips.
They held like that a moment, both staring at each other intently when Alex’s cell phone jangled loudly from where it was resting on the coffee table.
Out of instinct, Recker lunged for it, but Alex was faster.
Pulling her phone to her chest with a mock gasp, she frowned at him. “How dare you, sir! Trying to read my text from…” She glanced at her phone, “My friend Alise who has just sent me a picture of her new fabulous shoes.”
Recker's brow ticked up and his lips quirked. “You’d only not want me to see you’re your phone if you were hiding something.”
Alex snorted a laugh and chucked her phone at his head. He caught it easily.
“My life is an open book, Recker Rhodes.” She leaned back on the sofa, crossing her legs at the ankle and lacing her fingers behind her head. “Dig to your heart’s content.”
She told him her code and then beamed a smile and closed her eyes, relaxing into her pose, appearing confident that he would find no incriminating evidence in her cell.
A few minutes passed with Recker snooping before Alex cracked an eye open to peek at him. He was scrolling through her phone, and she closed her eyes again and hummed to herself. She was almost convincing in her apparent belief that there wasn’t anything worth note on her phone.
Wait!
“Uh…,” Recker drawled, eyes glued to the screen in his hand. “Do you always take pictures of yourself in lingerie?”