Holy fuck, I sucked Kam off…and now I was pacing his apartment, too afraid to wake him up and see the confusion and disbelief in his eyes that most likely mirrored my own. I knew what he’d probably think—that I was being my impulsive self and just using him as a diversion from my ex. Or maybe he’d say something about being a rebound; he was always expounding on shit like that, and most times he was right. But it wasn’t like I hadn’t consistently been dismissing my urges. Urges that had been steadily building the more time we spent together.

But this time…this time felt almost like a compulsion, like I was drawn inexplicably to him. And like I was simultaneously salvaging something just for me.

He’d been so sexy and gorgeous all on display like that, his cheeks flushed as if he was embarrassed that his cock was so hard. It was just too tempting.

Plus, I had this urge to please him, to take away some of his worry, if only for a little while. I didn’t know what the hell had come over me.

But Christ, the noises he made and the way he pulled at my scalp… Holy fucking hell. And that hole—pink with dark hairs that matched his hair and legs and groin. I wanted to lick it and make him lose his mind.

I stopped pacing and fisted the countertop until my knuckles turned white. Maybe it would be okay. Maybe it didn’t have to become a big damn thing between us. Shit, had I just ruined our friendship? I sank to my elbows and took deep breaths, trying to calm my racing pulse.

Unfortunately, it was time for me to wake him up before we were late. I thought about ditching our plans, but I didn’t want to disappoint our friends. Besides, Kam seemed to be looking forward to it. Thais didn’t celebrate traditional American or Christian holidays, considering that most of the country was Buddhist, and Kam’s family kept Thai Kitchen open for takeout on Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve, which made a lot of sense since the neighborhood had a large immigrant population. But it also meant Kam would be alone during the holidays, so it would be good for him to spend time with his friends, especially now.

I found Kam in his room in the most adorable position, and it instantly calmed my pounding heart. His face was slack, his mouth hanging slightly open as if he was in a deep, relaxed sleep. If I had anything to do with him finding some peace when he’d been restless all month, then I was glad to have done it.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” I whispered close to his ear. “It’s time to get going.”

After the few seconds it took his brain to process my words, his eyes flew open, and he lifted his hand to rub the sleep out of them. “Damn, sorry. Didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

“No worries. Let’s get you dressed.” His eyes blazed briefly before red dotted his cheeks. It was as if suddenly he remembered what we’d been doing just an hour before and how very naked he was beneath the covers.

I pretended to ignore his reaction as I reached for a button-down shirt and jeans from the closet. No need to rehash what happened when we had plans.

“Okay to wear a pair of loose jeans?” I considered for the first time whether it might feel too stiff and awkward to sit in for a couple of hours with a bum knee and an arm in a sling. He’d mostly been in sweats and pajama pants the past few weeks. “Will they be uncomfortable?”

“I can do it,” he said as he tried sitting up, using one hand for leverage. “Have to start getting used to it.”

As I helped him slide into his underwear and jeans, I ignored the flutter in my stomach as he lifted his hips and my fingers brushed along his length to zip his fly. It helped that our gazes didn’t meet during the task, but it made me feel on edge.

I could feel tension between us but no anger from his side, which was a good start. If he had any regrets, we could agree to never speak about it again.

He asked to brush his teeth one last time, so he leaned heavily on me down the hallway, still in the fog of sleep. I thought for sure that would be enough exertion for the day and that he’d beg off our plans. But he took a deep breath after glancing at himself in the bathroom mirror and made a comment about being famished, so we headed out the door.

He seemed out of it, and maybe that was because he didn’t get out of the apartment very much. But I couldn’t help thinking it was because I’d sucked him off and given him one hell of a good orgasm. But it just as well could’ve been that I had placed him in an uncomfortable situation.

I parked in the condo parking lot and helped Kam out of the car. He insisted on hobbling toward the building on his own. It had more to do with him feeling self-sufficient than anything else, and I got that, so I didn’t dispute it. He was right. He needed to practice getting around by himself more.

In the elevator, we avoided looking at each other, possibly both of us hoping to sidestep any sort of conversation right before dinner with friends. I knocked on Tristan’s apartment, and West swung open the door. “Hey, good to see you. How are you feeling, Kam?”

“Better, thanks. Your amazing cooking got me off my ass, that should tell you something,” Kam responded with a smirk, and West grinned and thumped him on his good shoulder.

I could hear soft music playing in the background and the sound of female voices, which told me we were the last to arrive.

Kam struggled awkwardly through the cluttered, narrow hallway, but I didn’t offer to help because no way I wanted him to feel like I was treating him with kid gloves in front of friends.

Thankfully we had other people to focus on as we were greeted by Tristan and the other guests. “Lovely to see you both again,” Judy said.

The last time we’d seen Judy and Sheri was on Tristan’s boat during the Air Show for Labor Day. I had finally broken it off with Stewart and was feeling pretty down at the time, but Kam came with me and we had fun together. In fact, it was always that way with Kam. He seemed to be there for any big thing going on in my life even if it was with a simple supportive text during a rough week.

I handed Tristan the bottle of wine Samantha had picked up for us the day before and then bent down to pet his dog, Mack, who had waddled over to us, tail wagging. “Thanks so much for having us. It smells amazing in here.”

“Glad to have you,” Tristan said as he glanced over his shoulder to the kitchen, where West was checking the temperature of the bird.

“Let me know if I can do anything,” I offered.

“The table is already set, and the food is about to be served, so how about you open this bottle of wine?” Tristan replied, and I got to work, grateful to have my attention diverted momentarily.