The following Tuesday I had a golden doodle in the tub, shampooing his reddish-brown fur and pretty much myself as well as he flailed and attempted to flee the small space.

“Shhhhhh,” I spoke soothingly to him. “We’re almost finished, and then you’ll be clean and smell good.”

Even though I still showed up at Kam’s to check on him this past weekend, we were rarely alone. His mom and aunt had shared their Friday evening with him, and Samantha had brought Olivia over on Saturday once they got back into town. His daughter begged to stay the night, and even though Samantha protested, I told her it would be fine since I planned to sleep over as well.

The gratitude in Kam’s eyes was more than I could take. We set him up on the couch and pushed the table toward him so we could play Uno, put together a puzzle, and color in Olivia’s princess book. It was the first time I was with Kam and his daughter for more than a couple of hours, and honestly, it was a blast.

We finished the night watching a kids’ movie with colorful trolls, and when both Olivia and Kam fell asleep, I felt a strange stitch in my chest as I watched them. Olivia was curved against his chest, her little fists folded beneath her chin. The unconditional love between them was something I longed to have someday, I realized.

As soon as I carried Olivia to bed in her room down the hall, I helped tuck Kam in as well. I almost slept on the couch on mere principle until Kam convinced me otherwise. His knee brace propped on a pillow practically created a barrier between us on the mattress, he reasoned, and besides, I’d get a better night of sleep in his bed.

Once I got home on Sunday, I was beat from all the visiting with Kam’s loved ones. But it felt good—really good. I’d almost forgotten what it was like to have real family around. Which made me feel guilty about my relationship with my mom. I looked forward to having some heart-to-hearts with her in a couple of weeks, if it were even possible.

Stewart was up to his old tricks again—texting and calling to have a follow-up discussion—or maybe the last word, which wouldn’t surprise me—but I ignored him again. This time there was no guilt, only relief. I knew I should block his phone number, but for now his messages were a blistering reminder of just how overbearing he could be.

“I’m not sure who’s wetter—you or the dog,” Tristan quipped when he walked through the door, carrying lunch, and effectively pulling me out of my thoughts.

“Right?” I replied, twisting the nozzle to end the bath. I tried to reach the towel before the golden doodle shook himself dry, but I was unsuccessful, and water splashed the front of my clothes. It was a hazard of the job, so I was used to it, but the smell of wet dog was not always pleasant.

Tristan stood at the counter, pulling from a bag the soup and sandwich orders he purchased for our lunch from the local deli. My stomach rumbled while I toweled off the dog and placed him in the holding pen. The morning had flown by yet again.

“Did you have a good weekend?” he asked as he handed sandwiches through the half-door to Brin and Brooke. Yesterday I’d been over on the day-care side, and it’d been so busy, I hadn’t even had time to catch up with Tristan since Thanksgiving. “We had plenty of leftovers to keep us fed. But West said you were at Kam’s most of the weekend?”

“Yeah, I helped with Olivia because it would be really hard for him to have her all on his own,” I said as I washed my hands and then headed to reach for my hummus on pita sandwich.

“That’s really awesome of you,” he replied, and then there was an awkward pause as words seemed to hang from his lips. I took a bite of the pita to do something with my hands, but I could almost guess what was coming.

“You and Kam,” he finally said. “You looked…pretty cozy.”

I immediately felt my defenses go up, but there was no way he could know about anything we’d done together. “Nah, we just enjoy each other’s company; you wouldn’t understand.”

When he didn’t respond, I looked up at him.

“Wouldn’t I?” he asked in an amused voice.

I averted my gaze, feeling mortified. Of course he would know. He and West had been friends first and looked awfully cozy too before they realized they were in love. But that wasn’t the same as me and Kam. We were friends who had gotten to be even better friends and had one misstep where we hooked up. It happened. I was sure it did in many cases. And probably made things awkward for other people, but not us. We’d work through it.

I glanced over at the day-care side to search for the dog I was taking home with me tonight. She was a miniature pinscher I’d boarded before, and I was sure Kam would think she was cute. Christ, he was always in the backdrop of my mind.

“Want to meet us tonight at Bent for karaoke night?” Brin asked as he wrestled a tennis ball from a black Labrador’s mouth.

Normally I was all for hanging with my friends, but since I’d been taking care of Kam, I found that I didn’t even miss it. Then I heard Kam’s voice in my head, making me promise to take a night away from my caretaker duties.

“Maybe,” I replied, and Brin and Tristan shared some sort of knowing grin between them. What, had Brin noticed too that Kam and I had grown closer?

As if I’d conjured Kam up, my phone buzzed with a text from him.

Hey, how’s it going?

Good. How’s your day?

I waited for him to finish texting, but he was definitely getting speedier.

Samantha took me and O to see a Lego movie. I came home and crashed.

Well, at least you’re taking small steps.

True. So listen…

My stomach tightened as I waited for him to continue.

Jerome’s heading over tonight to talk about our plans for the remainder of the month. I’m hoping that once I get this knee brace off, I can return to work at least on a part-time basis.

Cool, I managed to type around that same funny feeling I had as when he announced at Thanksgiving dinner that he was returning to work.

What was my problem? Did I not want him resuming his place at Spin Cycle? It was a ridiculous thought, yet my gut clenched with a strange feeling of loss. And the loss was my nightly visits to his place. They gave me purpose, and I loved spending time with him. Fuck, I needed to sort this out. I should’ve been feeling relieved, not…abandoned. Not like the real world was encroaching on my time with him.

So honestly, he can help me get settled and whatever else I need.

You sure? I typed as warm bile hung at the back of my throat.

Yep, you deserve time away from playing nursemaid.

Whatever. I rolled my eyes even though he couldn’t see me. Well, guess that’s cool because Brin invited me to go with him and Nick to karaoke night.

This time his response seemed to take forever. Except it was only two words: Have fun.

Huh.

And I tried to enjoy myself that night, I truly did. I met my friends, and we sang bad karaoke and laughed our asses off. I had a couple of drinks and even danced with a hot guy.

He can be my rebound, I decided as he got really handsy with me on the way to the bathroom and practically sucked a hickey into my neck as he pressed me against the wall. But my heart wasn’t in it. Or my cock. I mean, don’t get me wrong. His dick felt nice pushing up against my hip—long and stiff. He’d even offered to suck me off first, but in the end, it just felt all wrong.

It’s because of Stewart, I reasoned with myself all the way home.

And it wasn’t until I lay in my own bed that night, half-drunk and with my hand down my boxers, that the truth became shockingly clear to me. I gasped as I thrust into my own fist. I didn’t turn that guy down because I was still hung up on Stewart.

It was because I was hung up on Kam.