It was Christmas Day, and just like every other year, Mae and I had been invited to Samantha’s house to spend the morning with them while Olivia opened her gifts. She was so excited by all the new toys that she began playing with them immediately in the corner of the living room. I had brought Ginger with me, and Olivia had taken to her nearly instantly.

As did Mae. “Remember Kla…in Bangkok?” I asked as I watched my daughter lean on Ginger’s flank and play with her collar.

“You were so attached to him,” Mae said, smiling at the memory. “Such a scruffy coat he had. You would sneak food to him from the street vendors.”

“Just like your daughter did with her breakfast,” Samantha added with a laugh. “Cut from the same cloth.”

As I sipped my coffee and watched the innocent joy on my daughter’s face, I thought about this time last year. Elijah and I would’ve definitely texted each other, just like we had the past few days, but not being in the same city right now felt pretty huge. My, how things had changed. I hadn’t realized just how much that messy, adorable boy had inhabited my life.

Christ, and that night before he left. We kissed until our mouths were swollen, and had my shoulder not started aching, I could’ve kept going, that was how good it felt to finally have my lips against his, my tongue in his mouth. I didn’t know what would happen when he returned, but I did know I had things that needed to finally be said.

Olivia dragged toward me her children’s makeup kit that Samantha said she’d begged for this year because of the bright color palette. I got down on the floor and pulled her onto my lap, holding her against me and kissing the top of her head. She smelled like strawberry shampoo and the sugar cookies she helped Samantha bake last night and everything good.

“Where’s Uncle Eli?” she asked as she patted my face. It would feel amazing to finally get both of my arms around her, and I was practically counting down the hours until my appointment tomorrow.

“He’s with his mom for the holidays.”

Elijah had texted that he was actually having a good time with his mom, so that was progress. I always knew they needed more time to just be together and maybe even hash things out.

Olivia rolled off my lap and reached for the makeup kit that contained glittery eye shadows, lipstick, blush, and bright fingernail polish. “She is definitely her mother’s daughter,” I remarked to Samantha, and she grinned before resuming her conversation with my mother about her new boyfriend, who’d be stopping over later.

“Uncle Eli lets me put on makeup,” Olivia indicated, holding up an eyeshadow brush, a devilish gleam in her eye.

“Oh, does he now?” I asked, scooping her up with one arm and lightly tickling her waist. There was nothing quite as perfect as my child’s laugh—except maybe Elijah’s smile, the one he seemed to reserve just for me.

After she got settled beside me, I held perfectly still and let Olivia use me as her guinea pig while I listened to the television playing a Christmas movie.

“Speaking of Uncle Eli,” Samantha said from across the room, the conversation apparently finished with Mae, “you guys are good together.”

I startled, and Olivia tsked at me for making her smudge my lipstick. “What do you mean?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Samantha and Mae shared a look. “He wanted to be there for you, take care of you after the accident.”

“So did you guys,” I rationalized, but that only drew an eye roll from her.

“You miss him,” Mae stated plainly, her stare so piercing, I could scarcely look away.

“I do,” I admitted as Olivia powdered my nose, and I nearly sneezed.

“Does he know how you feel?” Samantha asked.

I shrugged, embarrassed about being under the spotlight, especially where those two were concerned—always thick as thieves. “We’ve only just—”

“Stop being so dan thoo rang,” Mae added, which meant pigheaded or stubborn depending on how you phrased it.

“I know the past couple months have been a pain, but maybe…maybe it helped you slow down,” Samantha reasoned. It had been a sticking point in our relationship too—how much of myself I had thrown into my business and then into racing. But of course it was more than that; it always was. I was just glad we could still remain so close, even if we were never meant to be. “To look at the simple things around you that really matter.”

“Maybe you’re right,” I mumbled with closed eyelids as Olivia applied some sort of garish blue eyeshadow.

When the scrutiny was finally over, as well as the makeup tutorial, which concluded with two painted nails, I pulled out my cell.

Thanks a lot. I was your stand-in, and now I’m wearing bright-red lipstick.

Hmmmm, I don’t think red is your color. Next time I’ll have to supervise.

Believe me, she did just fine on her own.

LOL. A picture or it didn’t happen.

Hell no, I replied, and I couldn’t stop the grin from forming.

“See?” Samantha said, handing me some wipes to scrub the makeup off my face. “He makes you happy.”

Damn, she was right. It was like a pang of pure contentment in my gut every time I thought of him. A burst of raw anticipation about seeing him again. I could hardly wait.

Except if I was wrong and he didn’t feel nearly as deeply as I did, our friendship might take a nosedive into awkward waters, and the idea of losing him in any way, shape, or form made me question the notion of confessing anything at all to him. He’d been a constant in my life for years, and without him…my world would look a whole lot bleaker.

As I climbed into bed that night, I reached for the Korra sweatshirt I had folded nearby on the nightstand. When I brought it to my nose and took a deep whiff, I realized that it smelled different than the first time he handed it to me—now it smelled like a mixture of us.