Julietta
Iwake up in Ace’s arms, and the room is dark. Looking towards the window on the other side of the room, I see why, it’s night time. I feel a little better after sleeping all day. Last night had me feeling... Things were going so well, and then out of nowhere, shit hit the fan. I’ve never felt so scared, alone, and helpless in my life. I couldn’t do a damn thing about it, which just about killed me. When Bella grabbed my hand, I didn’t feel so alone. Sometimes I feel like she stronger than me these days, even after everything she’s had to endure in the last few months. Then I saw Ace and Gio and relief washed over me. I’ve never needed a man to save me, but when that appalling man’s hands were all over my... I needed Ace to save me and protect me, more than I’ve ever needed anyone. I needed him, to breathe. The desire to feel safe in his arms was overwhelming. Once I was, I finally took a deep breath, that I had been holding on to from the second that man got too close.
That despicable man knew things about me that only Bella and Ces know. He knew my deepest, darkest secrets and he wanted to use them against me. I am the weakest link after all and they know it.
The things he said and the way he touched me... I now know how Bella felt to be violated by that bastard, Antonio. The helpless feeling of not being able to defend yourself is the worst and I never want to feel that way again.
“How are you feeling, gorgeous?” Ace asks me, and I lift up my head. He tucks a piece of loose hair behind my ear and runs the back of his hand slowly down my cheek. How did he know I was awake?
“Like I don’t want to remember or talk about it. Please just hold me and tell me how your Church went? And how Bella and Gigi are doing?” I practically beg. I don’t want to think about last night ever again. I need a distraction.
“Fine,” he grunts, not happy I won’t talk to him about my feelings. He won’t push me, though. He’ll wait until I’m ready.
“Bella and Shorty are okay, now. I need to tell you a few things and I need you to stay calm for me, babe. Can you do that?” His eyes are scrutinizing me, waiting for my reaction to his words about my girls.
Now, what the hell happened? I’ll see her after he tells me. I gape into his eyes for a few heartbeats. “I’ll stay calm, as long as I can stay like this,” I whisper, calming my racing heart for the bad news that I know is coming.
He combs his fingers through my hair, relaxing us both while he talks.
“Shit, I don’t even know where to start. I know you don’t want to talk about last night, but I need to say some things about it.” He pauses, and I nod and rest my chin on his chest. He’s watching me cautiously.
“The Macks declared war last night with our Club. After trying and thankfully failing to take you and Bella. Which means I have to leave in a couple of days to deal with them. Beast and Blaze will be going with me, so Bella and Shorty are going to need you, at least it will help keep your mind distracted.”
I hate that he has to leave me, but I get it. I’m no stranger to the men leaving us women to fight a war. If his Club feels this is something they have to do, who am I to stop them. I’ll miss him, but I’ll survive a couple of days without him. I’ve been on my own for a long time, so I know I’ll be fine. Plus, I’ll have my girls with me.
I wait patiently for him to finish and tell me why my girls are going to need me.
“When Cindy was on her way here, Antonio’s goons found them and tried to knock Cotton and Romeo off the road. His goons ended up separating Cindy from the guys and forced her to the side of the road. They gave them a message to deliver to Beast, Bella, and the Club. Anyway, the goons scared the shit out of Shorty. Beast was the only one she would allow to take her from the car. She’s scared for Bella. Bella freaked the fuck out when she saw her sister and heard he was close.
“Sam had to sedate her after that to calm her down. You can talk to her tomorrow about it and see them. It’s late and you haven’t eaten. I had Red bring up some food. Do you feel like eating?” There’s more he needs to tell me, I can see it in his eyes, but he’s afraid to tell me just yet. Or, he’s hiding something from me and I don’t like that. I don’t like being kept in the dark.
“You have more to tell me, don’t you?” He waits for a minute to answer me, feeling out my mood.
“You need to eat, then we can talk more.” I don’t want to wait. I’m not hungry anyway. I’m still tired, even though I’ve slept all day. I don’t want to leave this bed or his arms for the rest of the night.
“I’m not hungry, so spill it. I don’t like being kept in the dark, you know that. So, just tell me, now.”
He’s worried about how I’m going to react, I can see it. He doesn’t want to set me off. This is bad. I can feel it in my bones. What did he do that I’m not going to like?
“Before Church started this mornin’, I made a decision to make a claim of sorts.” He’s being vague about this. What kind of decision did he make that I might not like?
He stays quiet, observing me as I put the pieces together. He didn’t, he wouldn’t without speaking to me first, right. No, he knows I can’t be with him. That can’t be it, can it? Then I see his expression change. This shithead did do it. He fucking did it without speaking to me, asking me what I wanted. He has to fix this and now.
I jump off the bed and out of his arms, glaring daggers down at him, pissed. How fucking dare he.
“You claimed me without my fucking permission! What the fuck, Ace? Who the hell do you think you fucking are, asshole? Take it back! Take it all back! I am not going to submit to you or your club! Take it back now, asshole, and let me go!” I scream at him in his own damn room, pissed the fuck off, and not giving a shit. I’m furious that he had the nerve to do this behind my back. How dare he do this without asking me? Especially, after he had me sedated, by Sam, without my permission, after what happened last night with those men...
Most of all, I don’t want to be owned, not by him or any man. I will not let a man dominate me. I know what he’s into – control, mostly in a sexual manner - and I’m not going to let him own me or take my free will. He needs that kind of control, and I can’t give it to him. I won’t give my freedom over to any man. Ever! I own myself, damn it! I can take care of myself.
I don’t need a man. I don’t need a man to control me. I don’t need a man to... love me. I just need my family. What’s left of it, anyway? Bella, Gigi, Ces, Lorenzo, Val, Romeo, and Bash. They are all I need in my life to survive. Those five men are enough to handle and take care of.
Ace gets up from the bed and stands a few feet in front of me. Now, he’s glaring down at me.
“Jules, that’s enough. It’s a done deal. You’re mine, now and forever. Deal with it. We can figure all this shit out. I’m not asking you to change or submit to me. Maybe in the bedroom with your pleasure, but not anywhere else. I love your sassy mouth, your stubbornness, the way you challenge me and tell it as it is. I love the way you take care of Shorty, Bella, and everyone you care about. I love the way you’re so protective of your girls. I love the way you are so passionate about designing. I love...”
I cut him off from saying any other words. I’m not ready to hear it. I can’t listen to him any longer. My heart can’t take this whatsoever. I need to see Bella. I need to talk to my bestie and clear my head. I need to be away from him.
“Ace, stop it now! This, us, we’re never going to happen. I’m leaving here soon, and you have to accept that. So please, just shut the fuck up!” I scream at the top of my lungs at him to get it all out of my system.
I think I do love Ace in some way, but I will never tell him that. We can never work. We come from two different worlds. Not that that’s a bad thing, it’s just a fact, and he needs control because of it. Honestly, so do I, but in a different way.
He doesn’t need me, not when he has Maggie, that bitch will do anything for him. If he cared so much about me this whole time, he wouldn’t have been fucking her. He would have taken care of himself like Gio did for Bella. That’s love, Gio waited for Bella to be ready and he made it all about her. My bestie got to have a due over because he loves her so damn much.
Ace will just end up breaking my heart in the end. I know it. I can’t have my heart broken any more than it already has been. After losing my parents, then Aunt Amelia and Uncle Dominic and what happened to Bella... I shake my head of those thoughts.
I can’t have him leave me too. When my brothers are found and do what they need to, to that monster. I’m going home with them. As much as that’s going to hurt my heart leaving Bella and Gigi, I know it has to be done. I don’t want to, but I have to.
Tears fill my eyes and start streaming down my face uncontrollably. The pain in my heart is unbearable. I never thought I would feel pain like this about leaving all the new people I care about in my life and my girls.
I turn around immediately, away from his view. I can’t let him see me this... Vulnerable, broken. Mai mostrare debolezza, (Never show weakness), that’s what us girls were taught our whole lives.
“Jules, stop it. Now!” Ace yells at me as I turn away from him. “First, from now on, you will call me Hunter. Second, Jules... I know you don’t want to hear this. I love you and that scares the shit out of me too, babe. I didn’t grow up like you. You know, with the happy family and all. I had to fight my whole life to survive, and take care of not just myself, but also my baby sister after she came into this world. I never knew what this kinda love was or could be. Not a love like the one I feel for you. Not the kinda love that I see in Beast and Bella’s eyes when they look at one another.” He pauses, and I feel him coming closer to me. Placing his hands on my hips from behind me.
I know all about his childhood and baby sister and he knows about mine. When you spend a lot of time with a person, and you connect like Ace and I have, you tend to find yourself talking. He’s easy to talk to and I find myself telling him things I never thought I would. He said it’s the same for him. He tells me things he’s never told anyone, not even the guys.
His warmth fills me and causes me to shiver. My breathing hitches and he continues in a low tone.
“Babe, when I saw Devil with his hands on you and...” He stops not wanting to say the words, and then he continues. “And what they had planned... I’ve never, in my whole fuckin life, felt the way I did at that moment. Not ever... Not even the day I lost Brookie.” I’m frozen, listening to his heart breaking behind me. I know how much it still hurts him to think about her and that day. I want to hold him and take his pain away, but thinking about that dirty man is too much. Thinking about the way he touched me last night, and the things he said he was going to me. I just want it all to go away. I wish we could go back in time before those revolting men came near us and touched us. I don’t ever want to feel that way or be in that position again. In a position where my free will has been taken away from me.
Last night, was the first time in my life, I was ever threatened. I’ve never had my life or safety jeopardized in any way. I never want to feel that way again. That’s why I want to go home. To the safety of my condo. I want to be safe in the comfort of my own space, in my little cocoon, like I was before... Before Antonio raped Bella and turned our world upside down.
“The fear and rage I felt from losing you before I ever really had you... it consumed me, and I was scared to death. I don’t fear shit and nothin’ scares me but losing you made me feel those two foreign emotions,” he whispers in my ear as if he’s afraid to hear the words out loud. His voice is so shattered and it’s killing a piece of me inside. He’s wrecked inside, and the agony is consuming him. I don’t want him to hurt. Him hurting like this... tears at my heart, slaying me. I turn in his arms, wrapping my arms around his waist, and burying my face in his chest. I can feel him shudder under my touch and then he relaxes. He wraps his arms around me, smashing me to his chest.
“Jules... I don’t ever want to feel that way for the rest of my life. I want to protect you, love you, and hold only you for as long as I walk this God forsaken earth. Please, let me love and protect you?” I can hear the pleading in his voice. He wants this, needs this. He truly does love me, and that scares the fuck out of me. It scares me so much, it’s almost paralyzing. A part of me wants this, but the fear is overpowering me and taking over that part of my brain.
“Jules, babe, please say you’ll be mine and let me love you and take care of you. We can take this at your pace. I will do whatever you want, just tell me you’ll be mine. All I need is you, not all that other shit, the kinky stuff that scares you.”
I need to know one thing before I can let my guard down any more than I already have.
“What about Maggie? I know you’ve been with her since I’ve been here. She told me all about your time with together. Won’t you need her, want her for those things, if I don’t give them to you?” I whisper into his chest, loud enough for him to hear my words.
“I have not been with Maggie. I don’t know what that bitch has been spewing, but I can assure you of one thing. I haven’t been with any of the whores that have walked into this Clubhouse. Not since the night before I heard your voice on Beast’s phone for the first time. I don’t need her or want her. I only want you, Jules. Babe, it’s been only you in my heart since that day. Your voice alone did things to me, then seeing you for the first time... it’s only been you. You are the only woman I have allowed myself to love. The only woman I’ve ever been in love with, babe.”
As I melt into his touch, taking in his words, the walls around my heart start to dissolve, slowly.
I want to deny him, deny me this happiness, but I can’t any longer after hearing his declaration. His words are breaking me down, fast. He makes me feel things, things I don’t know if I can live with or without at this point. I need him more than I care to admit to myself and he needs me. To be honest, it scares the ever-loving shit out of me, but I do want it. Him.
However, for some reason, my heart won’t allow me to say the words.
I know what he’s into sexually and I don’t know if I can give him what he needs. I don’t know if I can truly make him happy. Not enough to give over that kind of control to him, to own me the way he craves. He says he just wants my pleasure, but will it stop there, will that be enough for him? Or, will he want me to submit to him, completely!
First, I’m not as experienced as he is in that area. Not at all truthfully. I know nothing about being in a sexual relationship - or a relationship at all for that matter - let alone playing with all the kinky stuff. I don’t know anything about that lifestyle – BDSM - except for what I’ve read. You know, as in Fifty Shades. I have to admit, though, some of it does intrigue me, but most of it freaks me the fuck out. I honestly don’t know if I can do all that stuff with him. I’ve never even kissed a boy, let alone been touched by one, in my secret garden. I’ve only touched myself.
On the other hand, my heart is telling me, demanding me to trust him, and dad always told me to follow my heart. I know in my heart of hearts, Ace would never hurt me, and he would be true to his word. He would go at my pace and never do anything I wasn’t fully comfortable with, sexually.
I want to do that, trust him fully, it just hasn’t registered in my brain, yet. I just need to live for me once and do what I yearn for. What my heart desires. That is to be with Ace and try this relationship thing.
“Babe, I know you’re afraid because I’ve felt the same way from the beginning. But, almost losing you last night... I can’t go through that again. I can’t let you go. I can’t let you not be in my fuckin’ arms every day and night for as long as I breathe. I can’t let you walk away from me, this, us, whatever we have. I will do anything to keep you. Anything, babe.
“When you’re in my arms, a peace washes over me, and I feel... whole for the first time ever. When you’re in my arms, I want things I never thought I would, like a partner to share my life with, a family to hold, love...
“Jules, you have me seeing a future beyond my Club. One I never thought could exist. A future full of more love than one person can handle, more love than I deserve to have in my life. A future with a family of my very own. An ol’lady, kids and grandkids. Babe, I want all that with you, only you.”
I hear his words, but most of all, I can feel them in my heart and soul. I can picture a future with him, kids, us growing old together, grandkids to spoil, all of it. The more he talks about our future together, the more I want it to become a reality.
“The day I left Brookie, I put up walls. Brick fuckin’ walls around my heart that I never wanted to come down. After leaving her the way I did, I resolved myself to a life of misery that I deserved. I don’t deserve you or any happiness, but I’m a selfish sonofabitch, and I want it all. Even after all the fucked-up shit I’ve done in my life, you’re good and you’re still here with me, and I feel... happy and loved. You snuck into my heart and shattered my defenses without me knowing. Babe, you can bet your sweet ass, I’m going to fight for you, for us all the way to the fuckin’ alter. Jul, I’m not going to give up on you or let you go. You can fight me all you want, but I’m not going to walk away, ever! So, if you have to bring on all your sassiness, stubbornness, thick head, and attitude, bring it all on, baby. I will continue to love you and fight for us with every breath I have in me. I love you that much and so much more. If I have to move heaven, earth, the moon, the stars, and the fuckin’ planets, by God, I fuckin’ will. We are worth it. You’re worth everything I have.” He finishes his speech and waits patiently for me to absorb all his words and finally answer him. I’m in awe of his heartfelt words. My heart skipped a beat and is now pounding in my chest just like I feel his doing against my shoulder.
I take a few minutes to absorb his words and feel them in my heart and soul. I want this and him saying he will fight for us that means the world to me. He unequivocally feels this in his heart and wants to step up and be the man I truly need. The man I need to hold me every day and night until we take our last breath on this earth. Through the good and bad that is sure to come.
In a matter of minutes, he has convinced me to allow him to love me and me to love him. It’s not fair to deny us this. As much as he deserves this, so do I. I have sacrificed my whole life for everyone else - not that I minded - but now it’s time I let my heart take over and be happy. Now, it’s time, to let myself love and be loved.
I wipe my tears from my eyes and take a few deep breaths before looking up into his gorgeous, dreamy, glistening, blue eyes. I can see so many emotions running through them, fear, pain, anger, wanting, lust, and most of all love. I can’t hold back any longer. I clear my throat and give it to him. Here it goes, all my raw and true emotions.
“Ace, Hunter, I need you to stay quiet and hear me out for a minute, please. Then I’ll give you what you want. I promise I will, if you still want it when I’m done,” I say and move away from him. He nods for me to continue and that’s just what I do. I step further away from him, needing space to clear my thoughts. I pace the length of his room and keep my head down.
“First, you’re right. I’ll give you that. I’m terrified of the way I feel about you. You scare me more than anything in my life. Some days I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.
“Second, I am petrified of you, of us, of being us. I have lost so many people I care about in my life. Everyone I have ever loved has left me - in one way or another - or will soon, and then I’ll be on my own once again. But, I do have feelings for you... If I... if I were to ever lose you on top of everything... I don’t know if I could endure losing you. I think if that were to happen, it would be like losing my heart and that would destroy me for good.” Tears threaten to fall from my eyes again, and I turn away from him. Giving him my back once again to control the emotions I’m feeling in my heart.
“From the moment, you stepped into my apartment, and we made eye contact, I felt...” I swallow the lump in my throat. “I felt an instant connection to you, to your soul. I knew from the moment our eyes met what it was. You are my Gio. That’s what scared the shit out of me. I couldn’t drop my walls out of fear all these months. I’m not like Bella in that way. Too many people in my life are counting on me, and I can’t let them down.
“I want to love and be loved. It’s all I’ve ever wanted since I was a little girl and Bella would talk about her dreams of being with Gio.” I pause to compose myself. Now, it’s time to get to the heavy truth of mine.
“Coming here after everything... hearing about your lifestyle from Maggie. What you like and don’t in bed.” I shake my head.
“I’m not like you in that aspect, not at all...” I wipe my eyes and straighten my spine. I raise my chin as I say these next words. I need to look him in the eyes when I tell him my secret, that up until last night I thought only Bells and Ces knew. I turn and stare him straight at him with a defiant look in my eyes.
“I’m not as experienced as you. I’m not sexually experienced like you by any means.” I take a shaky breath, to gather my thoughts and courage to say my next words, but he cuts me off.
“Babe, I know you’ve never done any of the kinky stuff I’m into. I’m okay with all that. In time, I will teach you and we’ll take it from there, all you have to do is ask, though. I...”
“Stop!” I scream to shut him up. “Hunter, you’re not listening to me. I know nothing about any of that because I’m a 23-year-old virgin. I’ve never even kissed a boy other than Ces. Not like that counts, he’s more like a girlfriend and it was just on the lips,” I say and have to look away from him. The intensity in his eyes glaring back at me is beyond anything I can handle. I have to give him my back again.
He knows all about Ces, Bella told Gio and he had to let Hunter and Blaze in on his little secret. We asked them to keep his sexuality a secret from the other guys. I’m not sure how comfortable the men around here would be knowing he’s into men and not women. I don’t want to have my best friend hurt, he’s not a fighter, he’s more of a lover to all. Ces has the biggest heart of anyone I have ever met. Bella and I are his girls and he protected us all these years and took care of us.
When he came out, at 18, his family disowned him, he’s been living off his trust fund, his grandparents left him, to pay for school, his apartment, and other things. He receives a monthly check like me.
My father set it all up for my sister and me when he was sick, to make sure I would always be taken care of, without having to depend on a man. I receive $10,000.00 a month to pay for my schooling and living expenses. Ces gets the same amount and I’m sure Bella and Gigi will receive the same from Uncle Dominic and Aunt Amelia’s estate, once that mess gets taken care of by her brothers.
I hear him take a few deep breaths behind me as he takes in my admission. Which one I’m not sure. It could be me being a virgin or it could be that Ces and I kissed. I’m not quite sure how he truly feels about Ces, I get a bad vibe from him on that. Either he does like gay men or it’s just jealousy towards him.
I’ve never indicated any of this to him before. Why would I, we weren’t together, and he had no right to know, neither did his brothers. He always accepted my boundaries and never even tried to kiss me. Well, he did try that once, and I ran away from him. Bella and Ces are the only ones that know all my secrets, and that sleazeball last night. He seemed to know I was untouched. His buyer knew too. How they did, I’ll probably never know.
I know this has to be a game changer for him. He’s not going to want me now. Virgins are clingy and possessive. I’m not that type of woman by any means. I’m independent. I may love him, but I don’t need him.
I will trust him, though, and when I trust, it’s with everything in me. When I give my trust to a person, it’s for life.
Oh, fuck, who am I kidding? I need him, but only to love me and hold me, nothing more.
Now, the ball is in his court. If he can handle my admission and we can move forward, maybe we can have a bright and shiny future together. And a family of our very own.