I laughed as I rode, the wind whipping my hair around my face. Adrenaline rushed through me, igniting an untamed freedom. A sensation I hadn’t realized I missed until the moment I felt Apollo’s powerful body break into a full sprint.

I glanced back over my shoulder at Tucker. He was gaining on me. I hunkered down closer to Apollo’s strong body, giving him another light tap to his side with my heels, pushing his pace into a higher gear. The thrill of the race was in his blood. He was a race horse before we won him at auction.

I could feel Tucker on our heels as the familiar pecan tree came into view. The excitement of winning had me pushing Apollo harder. There was no way I was losing this race.

“I win!” I yelled, grinning widely, throwing one arm in the air when we were mere feet from our destination.

I pulled on the reins as Apollo sped past the hundred-year-old tree. Once he’d slowed to a gallop and then a trot, I turned him back around where Tucker was already stopped, waiting for us. He gave me a cocky grin that was only made sexier by the fact he was riding a horse. I’d forgotten how sexy a cowboy could be. Especially one named Tucker Monroe.

“You cheated.”

“Don’t be a sore loser, Tuck,” I teased as he dismounted from his horse. He tied Dolly up before coming to Apollo’s side. He held out his hand to me, helping me down as I swung my leg over and off my horse. I hopped to the ground, trapped between Apollo and Tucker’s strong build.

“I’m not. Just stating a fact, sweetheart. You were halfway across the field before you declared a race.”

I laughed. “Exaggerate much, cowboy?”

The left side of his lip tugged up at the corner, his eyes full of lust as he pulled me into him. The heat of his body caused a surge of yearning to puddle between my legs. His head dipped into the crook of my neck, his lips brushing along the delicate skin as his warm breath feathered over it. “I’ll let you have this one, Lottie. But if you’re gonna play dirty, don’t expect me to play fair either.”

“You never have.” I exhaled, suppressing a greedy whimper.

I hadn’t been this desperate to feel a man inside me since…well…Tucker. Sex with other men over the years had always been more about scratching an itch. With Tucker it was different. With Tucker it was necessity. My body needed him like it needed food and water. It could survive for a period of time without it, but eventually I’d die inside if I didn’t feast once again. Problem was, I couldn’t allow myself to have him again. Sex with Tucker would only lead to heartbreak. For both of us. And I’d caused us enough heartbreak for one lifetime.

I sidestepped around him, giving myself some much needed space. “You’re just mad because a city girl beat you on your own turf.”

I may have sashayed my hips a little as I walked away, goading him. Simply because I couldn’t have sex with Tucker didn’t mean I couldn’t enjoy torturing him the way he’d been torturing me the last few days. Watching his muscles constrict and his contoured abs drip with sweat as he worked on the house resulted in me constantly fanning myself. And it had nothing to do with the Texas heat like I claimed.

He chuckled, his eyes firmly planted on my swaying hips. “Baby, this turf is just as much yours as it is mine. You may live in the city now, but you’re still a country girl at heart. Whether you admit it or not.”

I threw him a blatant eye roll over my shoulder as I continued to walk to the massive trunk of what we deemed “our” tree as kids. My eyes went to the initials we carved into the bark during our “official” induction ceremony. I smiled at the memory. It had been a special day for me. A promise to each other. How naïve I was to think carving letters into a tree would somehow bond us for eternity.

He walked up behind me, his front to my back as I traced the letters. I let out a sigh, dropping my hand and closing my eyes. The memory. Him. This place. It was all too much.

“Do you remember the day we carved these?” I had no idea why I was asking him. Why I was forcing us down a memory lane I’d been trying to avoid since arriving to town.

“I remember every day with you, Lottie. Especially that one.”

I opened my eyes, turning to face him, and leaned against the tree, my legs needing the support. For many girls I imagined having sex for the first time was a tad scary. Nerve-wracking. But for me, it wasn’t. That day, I felt nothing but safe and loved. The way Tucker had always made me feel. I had no doubts about giving myself to him that night under the canopy of the tree. Not one inch of me was nervous. Baring myself to him under the wide-open skies with the stars and moon glowing above us was the most magical night of my life. Tucker made sure of that.

“You’ve always been such a smooth talker, Tucker. Always knowing the right things to say to me.”

“You make it sound like a bad thing. I’m not trying to pull one over on you, Lottie. I’m being honest with you. Something you used to do with me.”

I knew he didn’t mean his words to be harsh. But there was a bite to them. A reality to them. Or maybe I was being oversensitive knowing the truth I withheld. Either way, I felt burned.

“I’m not perfect, Tucker. I know that.”

“I don’t expect you to be, Lottie. I just want you to talk to me like you used to. What happened? What made you shut me out?”

I pushed off the tree, needing to end this conversation before I said something I couldn’t take back. Before that look of hope and adoration he still had for me disappeared forever. It was selfish. I knew that. He deserved to know. But I couldn’t deal with him hating me once he found out.

His hands flew to the bare skin of my waist, his fingers gripping my sides, firmly holding me in place. “Answer me, Lottie. I can’t go another damn day not knowing what I did wrong.”

Those words. That look in his eyes. Ended me. His forehead dropped, resting against mine. My head shook in response. He’d done nothing wrong. I was the only wrongdoer here.

“Please, Lottie.” His whisper of desperation forced me to tell him.

Without volition words flew from my mouth. “I was pregnant.” A weight on my chest lifted only to be replaced with another.

His head snapped up, both of our eyes flicking open with my unexpected confession. A whirlwind of emotions passed over his face as my heart beat forcefully in my chest, waiting for his expression to settle on hate and disgust.

“We have a—”

“No.” I blinked away the tears that threatened. “I miscarried the week before graduation. I didn’t even know I was pregnant until the baby was already…”

His hands dropped from my body as he stepped away from me. I expected that. The distance. The anger. It still tore me inside. I wrapped my arms around my midsection, feeling more exposed and vulnerable than I ever had. He took a few stumbling steps backward—his eyes blank—before turning to walk away.

“Tucker?”

“What, Lottie?” he growled, spinning on me, his eyes boring into me.

“Say something...I get that you’re hurt. And I understand you probably hate me, but don’t just walk away.”

“Oh, that’s rich, coming from you.”

“Fuck you, Tucker,” I shot back. “You have no idea what I went through!”

“You’re right! I don’t! Because you never fucking told me. You should have told me then.”

“I was trying to do the right thing.”

“For who, Lottie? For you?”

“No! For us!” I flung up my frustrated arms in defense. “How can you not see that? We were on the same destructive path as my parents. We were repeating history. Unexpected pregnancy in high school, forced to marry, destined to hate each other. I couldn’t allow that to happen to us.”

He tossed his head backward, looking toward the heavens, his hands planted on his hips as his chest raged. He leveled his head once again to look at me with cynicism in his eyes.

“I get that somehow you thought you were doing the right thing. That you convinced yourself of that, Lottie. But it’s a load of horse shit. Not every relationship is destined to end the way your parents’ did.”

He turned once again to walk toward the horses, leaving me to stew on his words.

“Where are you going?”

“I can’t do this right now. I need to get back to pick up Lily.” He mounted Dolly, clicking his tongue, steering her back toward my family’s farm.

I didn’t bother trying to catch up with him as he rode ahead of me. We both needed distance. More so him than me. I’d known this would never end well once I told him. I didn’t expect to ever see him again after today.

Arriving back at the barn, we were no longer alone. Billy stood outside, leaning against his truck, waiting for us to return. Tucker muttered something undecipherable under his breath before jumping off Dolly and leading her back into her stall. Billy walked toward us, nodding at Tucker as he passed by.

“Hey, Lottie.” He grinned up at me, helping me down from my horse.

“Hi,” I greeted him in surprise. He’d called earlier asking me to turn out the horses. “I thought you weren’t going to make it today. We took them for a ride instead of letting them loose in the field.”

“Finished up earlier than I expected. How was it?” He looked back at Tucker, who was stomping around as he removed the saddle and brushed Dolly down.

“Good. Like riding a bike.” I smiled, doing my best to ignore Tucker and hide the heartbreak I had no right to feel.

Billy helped me with unsaddling Apollo as he filled me in on his day. I only halfway paid attention, too distracted by Tucker until he disappeared from the barn. I hated to leave things unsettled between us. But I couldn’t force him to stay and talk to me. He owed me nothing, and I knew I had to accept whatever he decided. It was only fair. When I heard his truck engine turn over, my heart dropped. Any chance of us at least being friends was gone. Over. He’d never forgive me.

“What do you say, Lottie?”

“Huh?”

I looked back at Billy, who was waiting for me to answer a question I hadn’t heard.

“Do you want to go to the county fair with me tomorrow night?”

“Oh. Sure, Billy,” I agreed, looking over his shoulder at the truck disappearing down the road. I fought back the all too familiar remorse and forced a smile.

* * *

Saturday night Billy showed up five minutes early to take me to the fairgrounds. I’d made it clear we’d only be going as friends after agreeing to go with him. I had no intentions of leading Billy on. I respected him and our friendship too much. He grinned and agreed, but I still saw some hope in his eyes, making me slightly uneasy on the ride over.

I did my best to enjoy my night with him and avoid any affectionate touches. After eating some corn dogs and having a beer, we walked the midway. We played a few games before challenging each other in a friendly competition of skee-ball.

“Best two out of three?” Billy asked after I beat him the first time.

“What’s wrong, can’t accept that a girl beat you?”

“You got lucky.”

“No luck needed, buddy. I’ve got skills.”

“I have no doubt about that.” His mouth pulled at the corner with a flirty grin and hungry eyes.

“Okay,” I agreed quickly, needing to steer us back to the friends zone. “But loser buys the next round of beers.”

“And here I thought you were no longer a beer girl.”

I shrugged. “Options are limited.”

“Ouch. I hope that wasn’t a dig at me.”

“Not at all. Someday, you’ll make one woman very lucky.”

“Just not you.”

My shoulders deflated as I looked at him. “No. I’m sorry. I’m not the marrying type, Billy. And I’m not looking for anything while I’m in town.”

He nodded. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable, Lottie. I’ll drop it. You can’t blame me for trying, though.”

I laughed at his sly smirk. “Don’t worry about it. Come on.” I rotated us both back toward the game. “I’ve got some ass to kick in skee-ball.”

Billy beat me at the second game. So after winning our intense third round, I squealed excitedly, dancing around with my arms above my head, laughing and taunting him with my victory. He folded his arms around me from behind as he picked me up, spinning me around, laughing with me.

He placed me back on my feet. “Best three out of five?”

“Ha! No way, buddy!” I spun around to face him. “You owe me a beer!” I pointed at him, my smile fading as I caught someone watching us from a distance.

Tucker stood at the goldfish booth near Wes and Grams as Lily tried to win herself a fish. My stomach flipped. The fun I’d been having with Billy vanished. Billy twisted to look behind him at what had grabbed my attention. Tucker looked away, turning his back to us while he cheered Lily on.

“You okay?” Billy rubbed my shoulder in comfort.

I tore my eyes from the Monroe family and put on a smile of indifference. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

“You want to talk about it?”

“Nope. Nothing to talk about.”

“You sure?”

I nodded.

“Okay,” he relented. “Let’s get you that beer.”

* * *

After finishing our beers, we headed for the carnival rides. I refused to get on the gravity ride no matter how cute and convincing Billy was. After the food and drinks we had, I knew if I did, I’d lose my stomach on the midway. And I wasn’t willing to give the Billingsley folks any more reason to gossip about me while I was in town.

Leighton and Aaron eventually showed up, joining us as we bounced from ride to ride. We neared the front of the line for the swings when I heard my name being called in a tiny, high-pitched squeal.

“Lottie!” Lily barreled into me, hugging me to her. I smiled down at the ball of energy with the adorable smile.

“Hey, Lily.” I squatted down to her level, wondering where the rest of her family was.

I looked over her shoulder, seeing her uncles and Grams coming our way. Tucker was dragging his feet behind the rest of his family, his face hard and unforgiving.

I stood, hardening my own shell.

Grams and Wes greeted all of us with hugs and hellos. Tucker remained in the background, acknowledging everyone but me. As they all made small talk, Lily held my hand, twirling and dancing to her own music. Her carefree innocence chipped away at the uncomfortableness I felt, her smile putting me at ease.

She tugged down on my hand, garnering my full attention from the adult conversation I was pretending to listen to. I lowered my eyes with a sideways glance at her beaming face.

“Will you ride the Ferris wheel with me?” she pleaded with her big, green eyes.

“Um…well.” I stalled, looking up at an identical pair of eyes.

“Pretty please. Uncle Tuck says there has to be an adult on each side of me to make sure I don’t fall out because I move too much. And Uncle Wes is scared of heights and Grams is too old. And I’ve wanted to ride it my whole life.”

I tucked my lips between my teeth, fighting back a laugh. She was now holding my hand in both of hers, swinging our arms back and forth as she batted those bright eyes up at me. The little darling was good.

“Another time, Lily,” Tucker interrupted our conversation. “It would be rude for her to leave her date.”

Tucker’s accusatory words grated my nerves, provoking my rebellious side. “I’d love to, Lily.” I glared at Tucker. “Let’s go get in line.”

“Yes!” She bounced around excitedly.

I ignored Tucker’s obvious dissatisfaction, turning to Billy. “Hey, do you mind if I skip the swings? Lily needs an extra riding partner on the Ferris wheel.”

Billy looked over at a happy Lily and a brooding Tucker who were now both waiting off to the side for me to join them.

“You sure about this?”

I smiled reassuringly. “Yeah. It’s fine. I’ll catch up with you guys afterward.”

He nodded and I joined my new riding buddies. Lily took my hand immediately, pulling me in the direction of the Ferris wheel as Tucker followed behind us.

We stepped up to the end of the long line. While we waited, I listened to Lily go on and on about her favorite Disney princess, how she won a gold fish with the help of her uncles and named it Flounder, how she planned to give him the best fish tank in the whole wide world free of sharks, because Flounder was scared of sharks—of course—and she wanted him to feel safe and loved like her uncle Tuck had done for her.

The girl was wearing me out just listening to her. Surprisingly, I loved every minute of it. At some point in her chatty dribble, Tucker had relaxed and was watching her with adoration. Seemed she had that effect on both of us.

Lily stood in front of me, now conversing with another kid in line near us. Tucker stepped closer to my back, his chin hovering right over my shoulder. My insides tingled as his cheek neared mine.

“You didn’t have to do this.” His deep voice radiated through me.

“I wanted to,” I retorted as I peeked sideways at him.

“Well, thank you,” he grumbled.

“You don’t have to thank me. I’m not doing this for you. This isn’t about you and me.”

“It never is.”

I held back the angry words that were fighting to break through my tightly pressed lips. Removing my glare from him, I told myself to remain calm. It’s one ride. I just needed to get through this one ride.