I DIDN’T KNOW what it was exactly that made me decide to tell Reid the truth. It could’ve been the desperate plea for help that I heard in his voice, or the way his eyes looked up at me, so full of sadness and doubt. But the time for hiding the truth was over. I’d never wanted to lie to him, but here he was, trying to piece the puzzle of his life back together, and I’d be damned if I didn’t give him what he wanted. What he deserved.

Coming back into the living room, I took a seat on the couch closest to where Reid sat in the recliner and rested my arms on my knees. There was a good possibility he’d hate me when I’d finished saying my piece, but for once, I wasn’t thinking selfishly. The man I loved was suffering, and if there was something I could do to help him, then I was going to do it. It’s what I should’ve done in the first place.

Not wanting him to think I had anything else to hide once the truth was out, I looked him straight in the eye. “I’ve gone about this all wrong, Reid. I’ve confused you even more, and for that, I’m so very sorry. I hope you’ll forgive me.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I promised your mom I’d help you, be there for you as a friend, but Reid… I can’t do that anymore.”

“But I told you last night was a mistake, and I wasn’t thinking clearly. Why can’t you—” His words came to an abrupt stop, and his brow furrowed. “Wait, did you say you promised my mom you’d be friends with me?” When I didn’t answer, he said, “Ollie, you know my mom?”

“Yes.”

“How?”

“We met in the hospital after your accident.”

“You mean after my surgery.”

“No. I mean after your accident. While you were in a coma.”

“What? How?”

I steepled my hands on my knees and blew out a breath. “Because I’d snuck into your room to see you. To make sure you were okay. I shouldn’t have been in there at all, but I just…couldn’t help myself. Your family walked in before I could leave, and then…”

“Then what?” Reid asked, his voice shaking.

“Then you woke up.”

“Okay,” he said, staring down at the coffee table, and I could practically see his mind working to put together what I was telling him, but there was no way he’d be able to manage it. Not without all the pieces.

God, can I do this? Tell him the truth and risk losing even the promise of having him in my life at all?

But I didn’t have a choice. If I had any love or respect for Reid, then he deserved to have the answers. I only prayed he wouldn’t hate me or look at me in disgust once all was said and done.

“So you met her then, but that was months ago. I don’t get why you’d promise her you’d befriend me. Do you normally take on sad charity cases?”

“You’re not a sad charity case,” I said, my tone coming out a lot firmer than I’d intended. “And there are things you need to understand about the months you don’t remember. About the time between your accident and the surgery.”

“How would you know anything about those months?”

“Because I was there.”

He startled. “What?”

“I was there.” I let the information sink in a bit and said, “You spent…a lot of time with me.”

Reid was shaking his head as he looked at me in disbelief. “I did?”

“Yes.”

“Okay,” he said, looking down at his clasped hands, and I could see the wheels turning as he processed what I was telling him. “Okay, so…I’ve been here before?”

“You have.”

“Which is why I knew about the step. About the hallway.”

“It is.”

“Oh God,” he said, and cracked a smile as his eyes welled with tears. “Then I’m not going crazy.”

That he’d even doubted himself for a minute racked me with guilt. “No. You’re not.”

He laughed and wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his t-shirt. “And the tacos? You made them for me? With your own seasoning?”

“Yeah, I did.”

“Did I think they were as good as you bragged about last night?”

Shit. “You didn’t get a chance to try them.”

“Why not? Did you burn ’em?”

I shook my head. “That was the night I took you to the hospital.” As Reid’s smile fell, I rubbed my jaw. “You were having headaches. Horrible headaches. It turned out to be something more serious than expected.”

“Was that the night I had surgery for the bleed?”

“Yes.”

“So…you saved my life twice.”

I didn’t answer, letting his deduction linger in the air as a confirmation. Lost in thought, he traced circles on the arm of the chair, while I had to force my leg to stop bouncing up and down from anxiety.

Reid’s fingers stopped moving, and his head shot up. “But…the bowling.”

“You remember bowling?” I wondered what exactly had him looking scared shitless when that had been such a good night. In an attempt to lighten things, I said, “You were terrible. I’m assuming you remember the gutter balls.”

He swallowed hard. “That’s…not…” His chest began to move up and down at a rapid pace.

“Tell me,” I said.

“Were we…friends?”

“Yes.”

“Just…friends?” His breathing was coming so hard that I thought he might hyperventilate, but when I reached toward him to try to calm him down, he jerked away.

“Reid, just breathe. I’ll explain everything, but I need you to calm down. Do you need a bag?”

“No, I don’t need a bag,” he snapped. “I need the truth. I remember”—his face pinched as he shut his eyes and took a deep breath—“I was jealous. Of a guy in a red shirt.”

My heart beat wildly in my chest, as the memory of that night came hurtling back in vivid clarity.

“Why would I be jealous of a guy, Ollie?”

“I didn’t know you were jealous then.”

“Then? What does that mean?”

“It means we became…close.”

There was a beat. “Close? Like best friends close?”

I shook my head. “Not just best friends, no.” Reid stared at me, and I couldn’t tell if he wasn’t comprehending, or if he was in shock. “Do you understand what I’m telling you?”

“No,” he whispered, but his face betrayed the lie.

“Do you remember anything else? About me? About us?”

“Us,” he repeated, clenching his jaw. “No, I can’t say I remember any ‘us.’ Is there something you’d like to fill me in on?”

I could already feel the tide turning, Reid’s defensive walls going up even as he listened. The open mindset wasn’t there, though, which meant no matter what I said, this was not going to turn out well.

With a sickening sense of dread in my gut, I said, “Let me just say first that I’ve always had your best interests at heart, Reid. I swear to God. I would never do anything to hurt you or force you to do anything you don’t want to do. I never have, and I never will.”

“Right. Sure. So can we maybe skip to the part where there’s an ‘us’? Because I’d really like to hear what the fuck you say I chose to do while I was temporarily out of my head.”

Fuck. He was angry. Confused. Alarmed. And so very angry. I’d thought about showing him the note I carried around from him in my pocket, but there was no way I was giving him that sacred piece of the puzzle tonight. Not when he was like this.

“I care about you, Reid. And for a while there…you cared about me too. That’s all that matters.”

His nostrils flared as he stared at me, his jaw clamped shut so tight that I thought he might break a molar. When he spoke again, it was through clenched teeth. “I don’t…believe you.”

“Okay.” I didn’t know what else to say, because there wasn’t anything. He could choose to believe me or not, but something told me he already knew the truth and just didn’t want to face it. It was a hell of a lot to take in, I knew that, and so I kept my mouth shut even though I wanted to refute his words. I wanted to tell him how much he meant to me, how much our time together had changed my life. I wanted him to remember the days he spent laughing with me and the nights he’d spent in my bed. More than anything, I wanted him to know us again. To remember the song he played just for me, and to feel him touch me again just because he wanted to be close. But I was already pushing my luck. I’d never expected to be having this conversation with Reid, and the fact that he’d remembered anything at all about our time together was a gift, even if it didn’t feel like one at the moment.

“You’re trying to tell me you were my…” He cursed, unable to say the word.

“Boyfriend?” I suggested. “Lover?”

His eyes widened, and he jumped to his feet. “This is insane. You’re insane. I don’t think it’s me that’s lost my mind here.” He stumbled past the coffee table, tripping on the rug in his haste to leave.

“Reid, please don’t go. Just stay so we can talk this out—”

“Pretty sure we’re done with this conversation.”

“Reid—” I followed him down the hallway and caught up with him as he swung open the door. “Wait, please.”

He spun around and held his hand out, and if looks could kill, his eyes would’ve cut me in two. “Get away from me. I don’t want you coming any closer. And I don’t want you to follow me. I mean it. Just leave me alone.”

“You know me, Reid. I’m not the bad guy here. Just let me explain—”

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “You’re wrong. I don’t know you. I don’t even know myself anymore. And more than that, I don’t think I want to.”

Then he backed away before turning and running out of my house—and out of my life. And this time, I had a feeling it was for good.