Chapter 25 | Wade
For the first time in his life, Wade was at loose ends. His life before the island had always been on the go. He’d deliberately stayed busy. Busy had meant not having to think and confront family issues.
Frequently traveling as part of his job had kept him blissfully occupied so he wouldn’t have time to contemplate anything about his life. The noise and activity had helped Wade keep his brain switched off. The less time he’d spent in his head, or with his family, the better.
At home, forced into an extended break from work after being rescued, he enjoyed the space in his head. And missed Adam. Adam always gave him the time alone to sort through his thoughts and his feelings, and Adam was always there to talk through the revelations he had after his walks.
He missed that. He mourned everything he'd lost since leaving the island. Survival, staying alive and healthy, required vigilance. Gathering wood for the fire; keeping the signal fire pyres ready; collecting water, food, and supplies for Adam’s next attempt at food storage; there was always something to do. Even when the ‘chores’ had been done, Wade found things to occupy his time. He discovered that he did enjoy working with his hands, and solving problems.
Who would’ve ever predicted Wade could love and long for a simple subsistence lifestyle?
And Adam.
Wade enjoyed being with Adam. His conversation, companionship, and his beautiful body.
They had successfully carved out a life on the island. Thriving on the challenge to search for a way to do something easier, more efficiently, while utilizing the fewest amount of resources. Wade enjoyed finding solutions.
They’d made a great team, and their life came together comfortably.
If there’d been any other way once they got home, he would’ve seized it, but there hadn’t been. He’d reluctantly pushed Adam out of his life completely.
Cruelly rejected him.
After Adam left that afternoon, Wade couldn’t stop shaking.
His friend Irene came over, as previously arranged. She found him moody and uncommunicative and unwilling to tell her why. How could he tell her why? This wasn’t something that she would understand or accept. No one around him could understand.
Trying to convince himself that isolating himself was for the best, and cutting Adam loose was best for both of them, felt hollow.
It felt like a lie.
A lie he needed to carry in secret.
His life was just full of damn secrets. No one ever spoke about his missing brother. He had no idea where Tommy was or how his life had turned out. Away from Dreamer’s Folly, hopefully, Tommy had found love and a community that accepted him.
Wade had lost Adam just like he'd lost his eldest brother. Two gay men in his life, cast aside.
It was becoming a bitter pill to swallow. One he was beginning to choke on.
The one bright spot Wade clung to was the small shell that Adam had given him while on the island. Adam had gone back for his backpack, but Wade had never let the shell out of his sight. It was in his pocket when the boat appeared on the horizon on the day of their rescue.
He still carried it in his pocket. The bumpy touch of the outer shell comforted him. It was a reminder of the peace he knew he could find again.
One day.
Wade wasn’t in the mood to see anyone. It was a chore to talk to people and answer all their awkward questions about being stranded on an island for months. People would ask about Adam, and it hurt to think of him. Worse yet, to have to keep up with inconsequential small talk. His social circle, already very small, shrunk to nonexistent. Social expectations and all that ensured Wade couldn’t keep avoiding people forever.
A few days later, nevertheless, after taking his time to enjoy the hot running water in his shower—a luxury of civilization that he'd never take for granted—before pulling on his suit and Wade heading to the club.
A lunch date at the country club with his parents. Before being marooned, going to brunch with them was a tradition. It wasn’t a horrible experience. This would be the first time he’d seen them since he moved back to his condo. He carried a little bit of guilt over that.
He wasn’t avoiding them specifically. His mother had quizzed him, wondering if they'd said or done something. Had they not given him the space to find his balance again? Of course, they had.
“Wade,” his mother called, waving from their table by the window. He wove through the tables, stopping to shake hands and talk with the other members as social niceties dictated. They all welcomed him home. Promises of golf, of meetings, of going to some damn holiday party as the summer ramped up for the season. All so trivial. Wade kept the smile plastered on until he finally collapsed in the chair opposite his parents.
“Sorry I’m late,” Wade said. He tugged at his tie. Ties. He didn’t miss them while on the island. Even though he’d lost weight, it still felt like a noose around his neck.
“It’s fine,” his father said and motioned to the waiter to bring Wade a mimosa. “Your mother is glad that you decided to come out of your shell and have lunch with us.”
His mother shifted in her chair and adjusted her linen napkin. “I’m simply worried that you’re all alone in that condo. Irene says you’ve been a bear to deal with. She’s beside herself in exasperation.”
“I’m not that bad, Mother.” Wade frowned. Why was Irene talking to his parents about him? He supposed they’d gotten closer while he was missing and now they were apparently all concerned about his mental health. For that matter, so was he.
“That. See that?” His mother motioned to Wade and elbowed his father in the ribs. “That’s the face she keeps telling us about.”
“Give him a break,” his father said. “He’s been through a harrowing ordeal. It’s going to take time to adjust.”
Wade sighed. This lunch was going to be interminably long.
“Where’s Uncle Jeff?” Wade asked to change the subject. He didn’t want to have to defend himself and his grouchy moods. “I haven’t heard from him since I’ve been back. I think I’m ready to go back to work.”
His parents exchanged a look before his mother reached over to take his hand. “Wade. We’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you this. I know how close you were to your uncle Jeff. It’s been very hard on him, that you were missing for so long.”
Wade wanted to hurl at his mother’s characterization of his relationship with his uncle. Close wasn’t even on the board of his feelings for the man. Not when Jeff preached hatred about his brother and men like him all of Wade’s life. Not when every time Wade heard the homophobia spewing from the man’s mouth, Wade recalled how this so-called religious preaching had tortured Tommy who had since been missing for years.
Something was troubling in his mother’s expression.
“Son,” his father said, putting an arm around his mother’s shoulders. “Jeff is in the last stages of prostate cancer. He’s in a hospice, and the doctors say he possibly has another week.”
“What?” The bottom of Wade’s world dropped away. This was surreal. It was unbelievable. “When—”
His mother squeezed his hand. “Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. We wanted to tell you when you first got back but after you withdrew from everyone, it was so hard to find the time. That’s why we wanted you to come to lunch today.”
Wade had no way to put this in a place where he could process it. Yes, the man had been abusive and vile. He was still family, and now his life was wasting away in the hospital.
“I can’t…” Wade needed to move. He needed to get away to gather himself. His mother kept a firm grip on his hand. “So chemo didn’t work? Wasn’t an option?”
His father shook his head. “By the time they found it, it had progressed too far to do anything. He opted not to do chemo.”
“He’s said some bizarre things about atonement,” his mother added.
Sitting quietly at the table, Wade’s thoughts swirled uncontrollably.
“If you’d like to go see him, I’ll text you his room details. I wouldn’t wait too long, though.” His father pulled out his phone.
Wade’s phone chimed with a text. He would look at it later.
At the moment, Wade was too stunned to think about anything other than how much he wished Adam were there right now. Adam would have something to say to make him feel better about it.
But Adam wasn’t there. Never would be. That time had passed.
Wade managed to get through the rest of lunch without completely falling apart. He didn’t remember much about it since his mother kept the conversation light and meaningless. For once, Wade appreciated her ability to prattle on about nothing at all.
After promises of coming to dinner one evening, Wade slid behind the wheel of his car and cranked it.
He pulled his phone out and noted the text from his father with his uncle’s room number.
Instead of heading home, Wade headed straight to the hospice facility. Maybe he was ready to talk to his uncle. Perhaps he wasn’t.
There was no more time, one way or the other.
Uncle Jeff looked small and frail in the bed. Wade stood at the foot of the bed, his gaze following the number of tubes that flowed from his uncle’s tiny wrists to the various machines monitoring his vital signs. The attendant smiled at him and motioned to have a seat next to his uncle’s bed. “He comes and goes a lot but when he’s awake, he’s still fairly lucid. Can I get you anything?”
Wade couldn’t tear his gaze away from the unrecognizable man in the bed. “No, thank you.”
“I’ll be right outside if you do need anything.”
Wade barely acknowledged her as she left.
So there he was. The giant of a man was now a thin shadow of what Wade remembered from his boyhood. Even what Wade remembered the last time they saw each other, which may have been seven months ago, perhaps more. Wade couldn’t think back over the months because that involved recalling all that he’d had and lost in the interim. Adam.
Uncle Jeff looked tragic and sad. And he was dying in the worst possible way imaginable.
And the monster shrunk away further, leaving behind this shell of a human being.
“Wade,” the old man croaked. He lifted a small hand. A part of Wade recoiled.
Steeling his resolve, Wade pulled closer and took the man’s hand.
“Glad to see you back safe,” he said. “You had us worried.”
“Glad to be back. Mostly,” Wade said. He didn’t smile at his uncle. “Not so glad for the traffic.”
Uncle Jeff laughed, then coughed. “It’s getting damn crowded in Dreamer’s Folly these days.”
Wade realized while watching this pathetic shadow of a man, that Uncle Jeff lived a miserable life full of hatred for others.
He finally understood his uncle was just a pathetic little man, but Wade was no longer a frightened little boy.
He’d been forged in the furnace of his time on the island; tempered by his association with Adam and his acceptance of who Wade was, without judgment. Who lived his life as he believed was right and true without need for permission from anyone.
What Wade learned on the island, what he’d finally begun to understand about himself, was that he didn’t need to repress his desires any longer. He could accept himself, and that was the only acceptance he needed.
He didn't need acceptance from Uncle Jeff, or a conversation. He did want some information, however.
“Can you tell me what happened to Tommy?”
There was no response. No reaction, as if the ailing man hadn't heard the question.
Wade leaned closer. “Uncle Jeff. What happened to my brother Tommy?”
Jeff closed his eyes. Wade thought he might’ve fallen asleep.
With a weak and quiet voice, he finally whispered, “Tommy went to a city of sin out west. San Francisco or LA or Vegas. I can't remember. Your mom knows where he is.”
There was nothing more to say. Wade turned and left the room without looking back.