Chapter 12 | Wade
The next morning, Wade didn’t want to break the silence between them. He stoked the fire and lopped open the last two coconuts for breakfast. They ate in the continued silence.
What to say? Wade wasn’t sure. Last night… the confession of a secret was a great relief, a weight off his shoulders.
Wade wasn't broken, or wrong, or sick, or perverted. All words he heard from his family on a regular basis to describe homosexuals. But Wade wasn’t gay, right? Didn't he have girlfriends?
Well, not really. He had female friends but wasn't attracted to any of them, not in that way.
He had no desire for women and had come to thinking of himself as asexual. He'd decided a long time ago that he’d want sex with his wife when he was married, but not before.
That was bullshit. He knew that now.
With his history, he’d been too fearful to nurture any desires for anyone. Woman or man.
The kiss he’d shared last night with Adam was something done on the spur of the moment, in that heat of emotion while Wade worked through the bad memories. It meant nothing more.
Except that Wade had wanted to kiss Adam since they first met. He was constantly drawn to him in all sorts of sensual ways. The scent of the man distracted him when they were close.
As for looks… when Wade had the opportunity to really look at Adam, he wanted to follow up with exploratory touches.
Wade had been well aware of all of this, for days.
As always, he’d kept all of his desires under control.
But now? Wade wanted to kiss Adam again. And more.
The way Adam responded was sweet. He didn’t rush or hurry Wade, allowing Wade to explore how their mouths fit together.
All these confusing feelings on the matter… Wade shouldn’t want that again, and yet he did. It felt hollow in his chest not to have Adam pressed close.
God, he was such a mess. It was all overwhelming and crazy. Wade had a hard time figuring out which end was up for him.
He wasn’t gay, couldn’t be. He wasn't brought up that way. But he wanted Adam. Badly. And he didn’t have a clue of how was he supposed to resolve that.
Thankfully (or not), Adam didn’t press the issue at all, acting as if it had never happened.
They buried the remains of the cave’s previous occupant. Seemed like a waste of energy and resources to Wade; after all, the man wouldn’t need the cave or all the tools he’d accumulated.
But, it held meaning for Adam. It was important to him, and he had, so far, been the rock of their survival. Wade respected the line in the sand that Adam drew.
Burying the remains of the other airplane crash victims hadn’t been an option. After the high tide in the night, the bodies were gone by morning. There had been no closure there, Adam had told him.
Seeing that ‘Mr. Bones’, as Adam called him, had a proper resting place brought the closure that Adam had wanted.
It made a certain amount of sense, and it was the very least Wade could do for Adam.
The rest of their day they spent in strained conversation. Well, maybe the strain was one-sided. Wade kept waiting for Adam to push for an explanation of the kiss.
He was relieved when Adam respected his silent desire to not talk about it at all.
They made plans for gathering wood and any final debris from the wreckage they could find to build the signal fires. That was the main goal for Wade, and it allowed him to focus.
If they were going to be rescued, they needed a way to let any close passing ship know they were on the island.
But they also need food.
“Well,” Adam said, pointing with a stick, “while we gather wood for the signal fires and to keep us warm, we can keep an eye out for food options. If all else fails, we try fishing, version 2.0 with the pole Mr. Bones left for us.”
Wade lead the way as they looked for a way up to the top of the ridge, testing felled trees as viable fire sources. “Do you even know how to fish?”
“I know how to eat the fish you catch,” Adam said with a cheeky grin.
Wade had to laugh. “All right. But I think you need to learn, too. In case something happens to me.”
“Don't say that. Nothing will happen to you, Wade.”
Wade stopped. “Something could, Adam.”
“No.” Adam’s chin jutted out stubbornly. “Nothing will happen to you.”
“Will you learn? For me? It’ll make me feel better to know that you’ll be able to handle it if you need to.” Wade was not above using emotional blackmail. There was always a chance that something could happen to either of them and Adam couldn’t afford to be so damn stubborn about it. “Please?”
Adam sighed. “Fine. But not right now. Right now, I’m looking for food. Berries. More palm nuts. Even more coconuts.”
“Please no more coconuts. If I eat one more, I will grow hair like the husks.”
Adam’s laughter rang out.
Wade thought that they’d be okay.
Days ticked by as Wade and Adam felt more secure venturing further than an arm’s length from each other. They made a pact to always stay within shouting range in the event they ran into trouble. When Wade went out to gather wood for his signal fires, Adam would go with him to search for food.
From their explorations and higher vantage points, they soon found they'd circumnavigated the island. They were almost all the way around when they’d discovered the fresh water. The island was long and narrow, so even though they'd discovered the cave from one side, when they walked just a little further, looking over the edge of the small cliff, they could see where they initially washed up.
They found a spring further east of their position, which might prove to be a blessing if something should ever end up poisoning their water source.
Settling into a companionable silence with each other, Wade realized that the kiss in the cave during his bad night was something Adam wouldn’t bring up again.
Part of him was relieved about that. It was awkward and uncomfortable and not something Wade wanted to examine closer.
A small part of him felt disappointed that Adam didn’t say anything. Did the kiss mean nothing to Adam? He was always so open and forthcoming with his feelings.
The more time they were living together, mutually depended, Wade spent less time retreating emotionally.
Adam didn’t act weird about the kiss, and eventually, Wade felt like he could finally relax about it as well.
Their little homestead was coming along, Wade realized with satisfaction. They had wood, drying and curing beneath a small lean-to Wade had constructed. They widened their fire pit. Adam had even managed to patch the hole in a clay pot they found in the cave.
Adam kept their water purified and clean and tended to their food.
And when they had time, they continued to work on the signal fire piles.
“Are you sure this will work?” Adam asked as he stacked more brush and debris on the already large piles.
“Am I positive? No.” Wade couldn’t be one hundred percent sure of anything. “But the theory is sound. Up high like this, they’ll see the smoke and the flame if we build our piles big enough. Three is the universal signal for ‘need help’.”
“Is that a Boy Scout thing? Like your fire building and the bear wrestling?”
“You’re not going to ever let that go, are you?” Wade chuckled. “Just so you’re aware, we’ll need to make sure the campfire is going all the time. It doesn’t do any good to build these things if we don’t have any way to set fire to them.”
“We’ll need torches, then. It’ll be hard to get a burning log up here,” Adam pointed out reasonably.
That was a good point. One Wade hadn’t given much thought to. “That’s where your ingenuity will come in. Think you can figure something out?”
Adam dropped into a comically thoughtful pose before nodding. “I think I can come up with something.”
Dropping the last of his armful of brush on his pile, Wade stepped back to inspect their work. “Our best bet now is to settle into a routine that will involve keeping a watchful eye on the horizon.”
“We should probably do some clearing between the cave and the shore. Not a lot but just enough that we can see fairly well out to sea.”
“That’s a good idea. I need to carve out a handle to attach the stone axe head our friend left behind.”
Adam turned from the signal fires. “I have some ideas about that. Hopefully, I’ll have a solution for you in a day or so. I need to find what I’m looking for. We will run out of material to tie things with if we keep using it.”
Wade followed Adam back down the ridge and to the camp. “Want some company? I think I’ve finished my chores for the day.”