Chapter Sixteen
AUSTIN
It took me a moment to wake up. I didn’t want to, and who could blame me? The bed was soft, and the sheets were warm and smelled like Rhoades. And damned if I didn’t like the smell and taste of him. Especially on my skin and in my mouth.
“Mmm.” Soft lips and a scratchy cheek touched my face. “I’d love to kiss you, but I’m sure my breath smells.”
“I’ll chance it.” His lips pressed against mine, curved in a smile. “I’ll take a chance on anything if you’re with me.”
Damn. When he said things like that, it made it almost easy to admit how hard I’d fallen. My insides turned to mush while I grew hard. And he knew it too. I groaned when he grasped my dick and his and began a rough jerking rhythm that soon had me grabbing hold of his shoulders and bucking into his touch.
“Oh, yeah. Oh, God…” I moaned, shocked at how quickly he brought me to the brink. Then he kissed me, and I forgot everything, including how to breathe. The pressure built, and I writhed against him. Seeking. Needing.
“That’s it. Come on.”
That quiet intensity of his was sexier than any dirty talk; the yearning in his eyes mirrored my own.
“I want you. Only you.”
For a moment I panicked, wondering how this could have happened to me. As if he read my thoughts, Rhoades kissed me again. “Don’t fight it any longer. Don’t fight what we’ve become to each other.”
“I’m not…I don’t know.…”
“I do. I know I’m yours. And I want you to be mine.” His expression turned predatory. “Mine.”
His mouth captured mine at the same time he squeezed my dick, and I came hard, splattering come between us. I shivered, and he wrapped his arms around me, yet I was free as a bird to soar to unimaginable heights. I’d spent months denying him…myself…the undeniable. That it could only be him. Rhoades. Love wasn’t a stranglehold. I got lost in Rhoades and still found myself.
“I am. Yours. But I’m warning you, I’m not easy. I’m moody and not a morning person. I’m independent and don’t answer to anyone.”
Amusement danced in his eyes. “Is that so? Maybe I should rethink this, then.”
Two could play at that. “The hell you will.” I pushed him down and straddled his hips, his hard cock lying warm between us. “But I’ll be your best friend. You can always trust me to never lie or cheat on you.” I kissed his throat, thrilling to the beat of life beneath my lips. “I’ll always be there for you.”
“Always?”
That word held heavy meaning in the sizzling air between us. I’d spent so many years fighting to be myself, I’d almost forgotten who I was. Rhoades helped me rediscover the man I’d hidden away.
He cupped my jaw, and I nuzzled him. Me. Nuzzling against him like a fucking puppy. I was out of character and out of my mind, but he upended me to a place I never thought to find myself.
In response I kissed his palm and wiggled down to his chest, my lips never leaving his skin. I wanted him to know I was aware I hadn’t been the first to own his heart. But I would be the last.
He smelled of comfort and forever, and I slid my lips over his cock, licking around the tender crown. His fingers tangled in my hair, and eager to take him deep, I sucked him down until my nose was buried in his curly pubes. The taste and smell of him sank into my bones and blood, while the silkiness of his shaft contrasted with the rough scrape of his thigh against my cheek. His groans filled the air as I licked up and down his cock.
“You like that?” I didn’t wait for an answer but repeated what I’d done. Faster. Harder. His pleasure had become mine. His desires, ours to discover.
“Now, please.” His fingers curled in my hair, holding me in place as he came, shooting hot and creamy down my throat. I swallowed it all, listening to his erratic breathing slow, feeling his body shudder, then grow still. Even when he came, Rhoades held on to himself. I wanted him to lose control, to see the wildness in his eyes.
“That was amazing,” he said, his eyes still closed. “You certainly make waking up worthwhile.”
“Well,” I said lightly, crawling up the bed to slide in next to him, “if I’m going to wake up at this ungodly hour, I need incentive. And you’re pretty good.”
I liked how he automatically put his arms around me. When Chris held me close, it was possessive to the point of pain. Like he needed to show me I was his property. The total opposite, Rhoades pulled me as close as possible and stroked my hair while I lay with my head on his chest, listening to the comfortable thump of his heart.
“I’ll let the ‘pretty good’ comment slide until I get my strength back and show you what ‘damn good’ is.” He kissed the top of my head, and I chuckled.
“I look forward to it.”
“What made you finally want to be with me?” He rolled to his side to face me. “Something changed. I know it did, but I can’t figure out what.”
“You didn’t. It was me who changed. And not like you think. You didn’t wear me down or have to force me. It was the shelter. Seeing you on television helping those people with no ulterior motive other than your innate goodness opened my eyes to the man you are. And when I saw you at the club yesterday, I realized something.”
“What?” He ran his knuckles down my cheek, following it with a kiss.
“In a room crowded with people, I never stop looking for you. You woke something up inside me I thought had been killed off by all my bitterness.”
“I only taste sweet.”
He kissed me, and I smiled against his lips. “We still need to brush our teeth. It’ll be a whole lot sweeter-tasting after.”
He threw back the covers and stood. “Let’s shower and dress. I have some thoughts about the shelter I want to share.”
I jumped out of bed and stretched under Rhoades’s intense stare. “I can’t wait to hear them. I have some idea where you’re going with this.”
After showering and getting dressed, me in the same clothes as last night, we had breakfast in the kitchen much to Edgar’s shock. I wasn’t the surprise; it had been apparent he knew I was staying over as there was enough food for two. But Rhoades eating breakfast in the kitchen instead of in his room or in the library seemed to be something of an anomaly.
“I can bring the food to the library like I usually do. You don’t have to eat it here.”
I’d already taken a seat on the cushioned window bench, and Edgar gave me a cup of coffee. I was the intruder here and paid close attention to their dynamic. Edgar was closer to Rhoades than anyone, and I could learn a lot from him about who Rhoades was. We might’ve spent the night together and whispered to each other in the dark, but Rhoades had secrets he’d yet to reveal.
Instead of responding to Edgar, Rhoades asked him a question. “When was the last time I ate breakfast down here?”
Before answering, Edgar shifted his gaze to me. Rhoades smiled, and in a quiet voice said, “He knows all about Lance. It’s okay.”
Edgar’s brows shot up, and he nodded. “It was the morning Lance died.”
“The last time things were normal in this house, would you say?” Rhoades joined me on the bench and pressed his thigh next to mine. I smiled into his eyes.
“Yes, you could say that.”
“Then it’s time to bring back normal. Last night was the first night I slept well in four years, and it was because of Austin. It’s easy for people to say it’s time to move on, but I wasn’t ready. I couldn’t do it alone. Now, I don’t have to.”
He took my hand and laced our fingers together. Overwhelmed, unashamed and uncaring if Edgar watched, I kissed Rhoades and murmured in his ear. “I’ll be with you at every step.”
When I glanced over at Edgar, his smile was all the acceptance I needed.
“So? What do you think?”
Once we’d finished breakfast, Rhoades and I went uptown to visit the shelter. From the outside I could see the building’s neglect: crumbling brick edifice, several broken windows, and an ugly metal front door that screamed poverty. The inside wasn’t much better with its cracked and stained linoleum floors, peeling paint, and bathrooms that hadn’t been updated since before I was born, I’d hazard a guess.
“I think you have a big job. What’s lucky is that the layout is good, so you don’t need a gut job, just repairs and then a redesign. Each bedroom is spacious enough for two people to share. You have six floors with eight apartments on each floor. Downstairs on the first floor is where you can have the kitchen and a rec room, and in the back you have two large rooms that you can use for a library and computer room. And the backyard is an unexpected bonus. I’d make a garden and let the residents grow their own vegetables. It’s going to take a lot of time, but…”
“When you said you had ideas, you had ideas,” Rhoades emphasized.
“You asked. I’ll never be anything but honest.” I leaned against a stained wall. “Under the right conditions, this place could become a haven for people. After meeting Brenda and the rest of the staff, it’s not the people here who are the problem; it’s the neglect of the property by the management. Now that you’ve taken over, I think the place can become a model for other shelters.”
“I’m counting on that—since I want you to spearhead this for me.”
Dumbfounded, I blinked. “Huh? Me?”
“I didn’t think I’d ever see you at a loss for words, but yes. Not the running of the shelter obviously. Brenda has that firmly under control. I had to make it clear to her I was not taking over the shelter. And not the construction. I have my guys for that. But the design of the property, from the flooring to the paint colors to the furniture choice…down to the plates in the kitchen and the sheets for the beds. That’s going to be purely up to you. Your vision. I want you to give these people living quarters they can’t wait to come home to, that they want to call a home.”
“Me?” I repeated.
He kissed me, laughing as our lips touched. “You. What do you say? Do you want to work with me?”
“But the penthouse—”
“Is complete. And you proved yourself unequivocally capable. As I knew.”
My head spun. Last night I was flashing my ass, and today I was going to head up designing a multimillion-dollar project? I sensed he’d left some things unfinished and tipped my chin to him. “Go on. I see you’re itching to say something.”
“No, I don’t have that right. It’s your life, and you get to decide how you want to live it. No matter what, I’m here to support you. But know one thing.”
“What’s that?” Why hadn’t I ever noticed how his mouth tipped up higher on one side, giving his smile a devilish charm? It seemed there were many things about Rhoades I’d be discovering.
“Belief walks hand in hand with doubt. You have to make that choice to allow your confidence to overshadow your fear.”
I let those words sink in, and I wrestled with his hidden meaning. Was he talking about my dancing? Or us?
“Let’s say goodbye to Brenda and head out. You said you wanted to go back home and change. I hope this time you’ll allow me to take you home and not run away.”
“I’m not running away. Not anymore.”
The drive to Brooklyn to my apartment took less than forty-five minutes. When I unlocked the door, I cringed a bit, my critical internal eye seeing the space through Rhoades’s eyes. Late-afternoon sun streamed in through the window, slanting across the worn floors. I hadn’t made my bed, and the sheets lay twisted and rumpled. It sat against the far wall of the studio, but at less than four hundred square feet, it would only take two or three long strides to walk from one end of the room to the other.
So much had changed from when I’d last been there, I didn’t feel like I was the same person, or that this was home any longer. I sneaked a glance at Rhoades, a bit ashamed to have him see how I lived. He frowned at me and shook his head.
“I know what you’re thinking, and you need to stop. Addresses or bank accounts don’t impress me. I wanted you before I knew who you were. And now?” He pulled me into the circle of his arms. “I want you even more.”
“It’s funny you saying that—before you knew who I was.” I laid my cheek on his chest. “I always thought these were the days to live fully. No limits. To break free and question everything, especially myself. I’m still not sure about so much, myself included.” A month ago, I couldn’t have admitted this to Rhoades or myself.
“I couldn’t agree more. I think we never stop questioning. It’s our nature.”
“But what if all that questioning leads to nothing? No answers? What if I never figure out who I am?”
“I could be trite and tell you that you’re mine. But that wouldn’t help you with what you need. Because before you become mine, you have to find yourself.”
Frustrated, I tipped my head back to stare into his grave face. “I’m trying. I’m trying to be the best me I know how. But the more I try, the more I have to learn about who I am. When does it stop? When will I ever be enough of myself? Of me?”
Silent for a moment, Rhoades massaged my back. “I can’t answer that. I think it’s a matter of recognizing it when you’re settled in your skin.”
I snorted with laughter. “So, like the Supreme Court’s definition of obscenity. I’ll know it when I see it.”
Rhoades’s dark brows pulled together, and his lips twitched. “I have no idea how to respond to that.” But he kissed the top of my head, and I could hear the thump of his heart against mine.
“Gimme a minute to change? Then I need a juice to perk me up. Want one?”
“You have a juicer?” Recovered from my little joke, Rhoades peered into the kitchen.
“Nah. I get it from the bodega across the street.” I pulled my sweater off and tossed it onto the bed, then shucked off my pants and underwear and sat down to pull off my socks. Naked, I walked to my dresser and pulled out clean clothes. When I turned around, Rhoades stood before me, a now-familiar gleam in his eyes.
“I could use a protein shake.”
“They make that too—oohh.” I sighed as Rhoades sank to his knees and took me into his mouth, sucking me to hardness in a moment. “Fuck, yeah.”
I flung my head back, widened my stance, and let my body float into that nether land where desire ruled. Rhoades’s warm, wet mouth drew me deep, then released. His lips tightened around my cock, and his dark head bobbed up and down, his agile tongue flattening around the smooth, flared head. A buzzing sounded in my ears, and I spun out of control.
“Fuck, Rhoades. Oh, God.” I shot my load into his mouth, my legs trembling so violently, Rhoades slid an arm around my thighs to hold me upright while he drank me down. When he released me and stood up, a self-satisfied smirk rested on his lips.
“You taste better than any shake I could buy.”
I looped my arms around his neck and kissed him, my tongue poking into his mouth to meet his. I licked his lips and sucked his tongue, tasting my salty cream. I liked tasting myself on him. I liked how his lips felt soft on mine. I liked him soft and dreamy-eyed, but with that intense awareness when he gazed at me that made every nerve ending in my body tingle.
I loved him.
That one-time fantasy of Tyler almost two years ago had faded to nothingness, replaced by the reality of this man who held me as if his life depended on it. Touching Rhoades, kissing him, feeling his pulse beat furiously under my lips and his harsh breath in my ear was the reality I now craved.
“Austin.” He sighed and held me tighter. Emotion welled up inside me, and I struggled to hold myself together and not blurt out words I wasn’t yet ready to share outside of my heart.
“I’d better get dressed. I can’t go out like this.”
“Damn right you can’t.” That growly, possessive tone was one I hadn’t heard before, but instead of getting my back up and me telling Rhoades where to shove his attitude, I kissed him and patted his cheek.
“Down, boy. I’ve been dressing myself for years.” I began to dress.
Rhoades opened his mouth as if to say something, then shut it. Curious, I nudged him. “What?”
For the first time since I’d known Rhoades, he looked troubled and uncertain. “I wanted to say you’re mine and only I get to see you like this, but I didn’t think you’d appreciate it.”
“Don’t worry about it,” I said lightly and slipped a sweatshirt over my head, using the time to gather my shaky resolve. “As long as you realize the error of your ways.” I finished getting dressed, and we left the apartment.
We walked side by side to the bodega, me sneaking peeks at Rhoades next to me, annoyed at how calm and unruffled he remained while my insides churned to butter. How could this have happened when I’d sworn to hold myself close and never let go? The world had exploded and I remained standing, not broken but stronger than before.
Rhoades caught me looking at him and I said nothing, but he took my hand in his and squeezed my fingers hard. Maybe I’d been wrong all along and love didn’t make you weak but strong. Leaning on a person didn’t mean they’d steal the best part of you; instead, they became the bodyguard to your soul, walking with you every step of the way.
Vijay and Chanan were in the bodega when we entered.
“Austin, how are you? I haven’t seen you in a few days.” Chanan’s grin widened, his eyes twinkling with laughter. “Perhaps now I know the reason. Vijay told me about the apartment he helped you work on and how beautiful it was.”
“Morning. This is Rhoades—he’s a friend of mine and the developer of the apartment building I’m working on.” I pointed to Vijay. “Vijay and Frankie helped me with the setup and final staging of the penthouse.”
They all shook hands, and Rhoades pointed at the blender. “Austin told me you make stellar juices? I’d love a green juice, please.”
I snickered. “No one ever says they’d love a green juice. It’s something you do because it’s healthy and you should.”
Playing along with me, Rhoades smirked, folded his arms, and leaned against the counter as Vijay prepared his juice. “I do all kinds of things that are both very good and very, very bad for me. As you are well aware.”
My face warmed, and I muttered, “Whatever,” as Vijay snorted with laughter. When I death-glared at him, he gave me an innocent, wide-eyed look that didn’t fool me at all.
We were waiting for Vijay to make our drinks when a young woman burst into the store.
“Vijay. This came to the house.” She flung herself into his arms, and he held her close.
“Ananjee. Calm down.”
“But it’s from a real-estate development company, and it came certified mail.”
The smiles faded from Chanan and Vijay’s faces. “Let me have it, please.” Chanan held out his hand.
“Papa-ji. Maybe I should?” Vijay took the envelope.
“No. This is for me.” Chanan’s slightly trembling fingers plucked it out of Vijay’s hands and opened it.
As I watched the family dynamic unfold, Rhoades whispered in my ear. “What’s going on?”
“The landlord has been threatening to kick them out. Said he’s gonna sell the building and they’re going to knock it down and make condos.” I gave him a side-eye look. “You know how it goes.”
His expression turned grim, and we focused our attention back on Vijay and Chanan, who were now poring over the letter. Chanan stroked his beard.
“How bad is it?” I couldn’t stand the silence anymore.
“He sold the building to this company.” Waving the letter in front of him, Chanan turned his mournful brown eyes on me. “They’re not extending our lease. We have ninety days to leave.”
“Shit.” I couldn’t imagine their pain and frustration.
“May I see the letter, please? Maybe I can be of assistance.”
Rhoades tossed his empty plastic cup into the trash and held out his hand.
Vijay and Chanan looked to me for explanation.
“Rhoades is in real-estate development. Maybe he can help.”
Awareness kindled in their eyes, and Chanan handed over the letter. Anxious, we all watched Rhoades as he read through it, then addressed Chanan.
“May I make a copy of this? I know the company. I’d like to see if I can help you.”
“Of course,” Chanan said. “Vijay, make him a copy.”
Vijay and Ananjee left, and Chanan came around from behind the counter. “I appreciate what you might attempt, but I’ve learned that once these people want something, nothing and no one can stop them.”
Rhoades allowed a thin smile that if I didn’t know him, would chill me to the bone.
“That makes it even more of a challenge. And there’s nothing I love more than a challenge. Right, Austin?”
Those words held more meaning than Chanan could imagine. “Right. And there’s no one I’d rather have on my side than Rhoades.”