Chapter Eighteen
AUSTIN
The final finishing pieces had been delivered to the penthouse, and I stood in the center of the living room, eyeing everything with satisfaction. The wall of windows with its spectacular view of the skyline still dominated the space, but now, completely furnished, it was a warm and inviting place. The soft neutrals of the living room furniture balanced with the bright rugs and pillows. I wondered who would end up living here.
The beautiful view beckoned me, and I stood gazing into the dark night sky, but it wasn’t the glittering lights I saw. Rhoades invaded my thoughts. I wanted to know where he was when he wasn’t with me, what he did and who he was with. Hearing him talk about his father and James, I understood why he closed himself off to people. Self-preservation. We who’d been there understood. I did.
He’d forced me to examine my own actions and face my truths. I’d become too quick to judge and dismiss. My self-preservation was cheating me out of life. Not everyone wanted to hurt me. Rhoades had chipped away at my hard exterior to discover it was a brittle shell at best, leaving me vulnerable, my soft core exposed, and instead of curling up to protect myself, I remained open.
By encouraging the freedom to be my complete self, Rhoades had given me the wings to fly. Where I’d first only seen dominance, I now saw strength; his quietness hid the force of his personality. His smiles brightened my darkness.
My phone buzzed.
“Yeah? Hello? Frankie?”
“Yeah. I got home a little while ago and saw the messages from James. Are you going in tonight?” I heard him stretching and murmur something to someone. Aaron. My hand gripped the phone.
“Yes. With all the decorating and stuff, I feel bad for neglecting James, so I was happy to help him. Um, you going in?” I’d bet not. Now that Aaron was back, Frankie would make excuses.
“Yeah. I told James I’d be in and that he should put me on more. I miss it.” He cleared his throat. “So I went to the police station to withdraw the restraining order. Aaron’s gonna be at the club tonight. Are you gonna have a problem with that?”
I heard the pleading and knew Frankie wanted my acceptance. Keeping as nonchalant a tone as I could, I turned my back to the windows and answered him. “No, I’m good. Like you said, it’s your life, and we all gotta do what we think is right.”
He expelled a noisy breath. “Thanks. I-I don’t want this to come between us. You’ll see. It’ll be different. We’re talking more, and it’s been really good.”
Until it’s not. But I forced myself to be positive. Hell, if I could fall in love with a real-estate developer, maybe Frankie’s ex could change as well.
“Okay. So I’ll see you later.”
“Wait, what’s going on with you and Rhoades?”
Hearing his name brought a smile to my lips. “It’s good.”
“What? Tell me.” Excitement bubbled in Frankie; I could hear it over the phone.
“When we see each other. Tonight. Gotta go.” I clicked off and immediately received a text.
You know you want him.
I texted back, Shut up, but put a winking emoji too so he’d know I was joking, and I laughed when I got an emoji with a tongue sticking out. In a good mood, I turned out all the lights and locked the door. Tomorrow I’d show Rhoades the finished apartment and then start planning for the shelter renovation. First to get through tonight and seeing Frankie’s boyfriend. I was glad to have Rhoades at the club to distract me.
Who was I kidding? I laughed to myself. I was glad to have Rhoades, period. Maybe I should tell him that. The thought sent a shower of nerves down my spine.
“Austin.” Frankie flung his arms around me, and I held him close, hugging him tight.
“Hey. Feels like it’s been forever since I’ve seen you.”
“I know. It sucks.” He kissed my cheek and went back to putting on his eyeliner, swaying to Rhianna blasting from his phone. I searched his body for any marks or bruises and saw nothing. Relieved, I faced my mirror and styled my hair, poofing out the curls, then lined my eyes with a thin black liner and slicked on a little gloss. I was done with my makeup. All I needed was to rub on some body oil.
“You want?” Frankie held out the glitter. His shoulders sparkled, and his brown eyes looked huge with their frame of long dark lashes.
“Nah. I hate how it ends up getting all over everything. That shit’s hard to get off.”
Frankie giggled. “Don’t I know it. Aaron picked me up one night last week, and we got stuck in traffic on the way home. I was so horny, I went down on him on the Belt Parkway. That shit got all over his dick and balls.” His eyes danced. “I think he’s still got some stuck in his pubes.”
I wanted to join in with everyone’s laughter. I wanted to make jokes about it with Frankie. But I couldn’t. Not yet. And Frankie knew it too as he gave me a side-eye when he saw my reaction. His lips tightened, and my heart hurt. Why did life have to be so fucking hard?
A knock sounded on the door, and James poked his head inside. “Austin?”
“Yeah?” I glanced over my shoulder and watched James enter with a bouquet of red roses. The chatter around me quieted.
I couldn’t quite figure out James’s emotional state; his face remained a study in neutrality, but curiosity burned in his eyes.
“These came for you.” He laid the flowers on my dressing table and stepped back. I touched the velvety petals while the others crowded around me, babbling questions.
“Who are they from?”
“Ooh, do you have a secret admirer?”
“So pretty. Is there a card?”
No, but I didn’t need a card to know they were from Rhoades. No one else knew why I wore a rose when I danced. And for him to send them meant so much. He listened to me—my hopes and dreams, my past and feelings of self-doubt…and still wanted to be with me.
“Should I get a vase?” James picked them up. “You don’t want them to dry out and die.”
“Thanks. They really are beautiful.” I let James snip the band that held the roses together and place them in a narrow glass vase he’d filled with water from the sink in the bathroom. He placed them on the table in front of me, and I sniffed their rich fragrance. They brought back times with my mother, and instead of sadness, I felt her warm, comforting arms around me, almost like a sign that my life was finally headed in the right direction.
The music began pounding, our signal that it was time to go onstage. I stood and adjusted my gold shorts, making sure the lace from Rhoades’s jock peeped from their waistband. Was he out there now, waiting in the shadows where he usually sat watching me? I couldn’t wait to get out there. Even when I’d been with Chris, I’d never been as anxious to be with him, to see him after being apart for the day as I was with Rhoades.
“Let’s go, let’s go.” Laughing, I grabbed Frankie’s hand and pulled him with me.
“Are we good, Austin?” He squeezed my hand tight, voice pleading. “Please?”
I loved Frankie, and I realized that I was treating him exactly as I didn’t want other people to treat me—as someone incapable of making life choices. I hadn’t known Frankie when he was with Aaron before, so I had to be his friend and trust him.
“You’re my best friend, and I love you. I’ll always love you. So yeah. We’re good.” I kissed his cheek. “Better than good.”
Still holding hands, we danced down the hallway and out to the club floor. Men in suits crowded the bar and filled the banquettes.
“Gold mine tonight,” Frankie whispered in my ear, so I could hear him above the music. While I nodded in acknowledgment, to me, they all looked the same. All except for that one man sitting in the back, whose laser focus was on me. From the first. Always.
“I’ll see you later.” Without waiting for Frankie’s answer, I walked through the crowds, feeling like Moses as the people parted before me until I stood before Rhoades’s table.
“Hi.”
“Hi.” His eyes glowed, and the thrill of desire pulsed through me. “You look good.”
I lost myself in his smile, rocked by how deeply he reached inside me. “You look even better.”
“I am better, now that you’re here. I’ve been waiting for you.” He stood and picked up a rose which had been lying on the table, extending it to me. “Did you like my gift?”
“I did.” I took the flower from him and twirled the dethorned stem between my fingers. “They’re beautiful.”
“You’re beautiful.” His heated stare drew me closer, and I placed my hands on his chest.
“Thank you for understanding what they mean to me.”
“I want to understand everything about you.” His arm encircled my waist. “Learn about you.” He kissed me, and the club music faded away, leaving behind the music of our beating hearts and breaths. “Map your soul. Listen to your desires.”
It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him how I felt. But not here. “Can we talk later? I have to go back to work.”
“Austin.”
Still within the circle of Rhoades’s arms, I faced James. “I was just telling Rhoades I have to go back to work. I’m sorry.”
“And I came to tell you I have enough dancers here tonight, so you can leave early. I’ll make sure you get paid.”
“No.” I shook my head. “That’s not fair. I don’t work, I don’t get paid.” Rhoades remained silent, his breath hot on my neck. “Besides”—I relaxed against Rhoades, no longer afraid to display my affection for him—“Rhoades owes me payment for the penthouse. I finished it tonight.”
“You didn’t say anything. I’m dying to see it.”
“Why don’t you go now?” James said, surprising me with his faint smile. “It’ll save me having him take up a table and drinking up all my expensive scotch.”
“Do you want to? I have to change first.”
Amusement twinkled in his eyes. “That remark is going to cost you, little brother. And I’ll wait. As long as it takes.” He squeezed my shoulder and picked up his glass from the table to swirl the scotch before taking a drink.
Now that I knew the two men were related, I could see the resemblance, although Rhoades was heavier set and dark while James was fair and lean.
At Rhoades’s comment, James’s brows shot up, and his glance shifted from Rhoades to me and then back to Rhoades again. “Um, Rhoades? He knows?”
“Yes. I told him.”
“I see.” James stared at me thoughtfully. “Well. Imagine that. You actually took my advice. Welcome to the family, Austin.”
“I have no idea what the hell you’re talking about. But that’s nothing unusual with you.” Rhoades’s attempt at pretending annoyance failed miserably, mainly because he couldn’t keep the smile from his lips.
“I’m happy for you, big brother. Don’t ruin this special moment between us.”
“I’d complain to the management about harassment, but…” Rhoades tipped his glass. “Check yourself, James. Let Austin and I work things out together.”
I remained silent, fascinated by their conversation. There was so much they weren’t saying, but I assumed this was a well-worn argument between them. “I’m going to go shower and get changed. James, thank you for the night off.”
“Who am I to stand in the way of true love?”
“James.” Rhoades rebuked him sharply. “Shut up. You don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ll wait right here for you, Austin, whenever you’re ready.” With that declaration, he turned his back to James and sat at the table.
My smile died, and I hurried to the back to change, allowing all my insecurities and anxiety to eat away at me. To my surprise, James followed me and touched my shoulder before I could enter the dressing room.
“I’m glad you know. You’ve been good for him. Keep doing what you’re doing.” His eyes met mine, and I could see real emotion there. Despite what Rhoades might say, James cared about him, and I hoped they could reach a place where they’d have a true relationship as brothers.
“Thank you, but we haven’t talked about anything. It’s pretty new for the both of us.” I wasn’t willing to talk to James about my feelings for Rhoades before talking to Rhoades himself first.
“Don’t let him hide. He’s good at that. Even if it’s hard. We’ve been doing that for years with each other, but I can deal with him because after all this time I know him, and I don’t let him get away with his bullshit. You shouldn’t either. Make him say it to you. He needs to. And you deserve it.”
This might’ve been the longest conversation I ever had with James and the most important. He loved Rhoades. That was obvious. And I believed that Rhoades cared about James, but maybe giving James a part of his heart meant losing the respect for his father and betraying the love he had for his mother. I knew I didn’t have the answers.
“Uh, yeah. Okay.” I closed the door, and within ten minutes I’d showered off the oil and changed back into my black leggings and hoodie with the words “Live Love Dance” emblazoned across the front in bright red. With my bag over my shoulder, I exited the dressing room and returned to find Rhoades waiting with his coat. We left the club and walked out into the cool evening.
Felix waited in the car, and after Rhoades opened the door, I climbed inside. Once Rhoades had settled in beside me, we took off.
“I’m anxious to see the apartment. You impressed me so much with what you’ve accomplished so far.”
“Thanks. I think it came out beautifully and really showcases the place, but I’ve never seen it completed at night. I’m looking forward to it.”
I felt as though we were dancing around the real issue between us. That neither wanted to take that first step to saying what was on our minds and perhaps in our hearts. The risk was tremendous, but what of the risk not taken?
The traffic was light, and in less than fifteen minutes we pulled up in front of the Charles Street condominium. I joined Rhoades on the sidewalk, and we stood together gazing up at the skyscraper. I felt him take my hand in his, entwining our fingers, and I gave him a smile. He squeezed my hand but didn’t let it go. For me, it was the first time a man had held my hand in public. Something tight loosened in my chest, and I drew in a shaky breath.
With my hand still held firmly in Rhoades’s, we walked into the building and took the elevator up to the penthouse. The door slid open to the apartment, but for once the skyline lights didn’t call to me. Their beauty was overshadowed by the dozens and dozens of red roses, some in large bouquets, some in single-bud vases, set all about the apartment.
I stood transfixed, my chest heaving with the ricocheting emotions I struggled to contain. “You’ve accomplished the impossible. You’ve made me speechless.”
He pulled me close as the roses filled the air around us with their rich fragrance. “Then let me say it. I love you, Austin. I waited a long time to find you. The man who not only caught my heart…but owns it. Now. Tomorrow. And I’m hoping forever.”
My heart burst from my chest, soaring to the sky. I didn’t need to be that gilt-edged warrior fighting the world, growing dull with anger and bitter ideals. I blinked against my stinging eyes. “Before I was yours, I belonged only to myself. I didn’t understand that loving you wasn’t losing me. I’m only sorry I didn’t realize it sooner.”
He held me around the waist. “Can you say it? I want to hear you say the words.” His eyes sparkled. “I remember that night we first kissed. In the back room of the club.” He touched my face, his fingers trailing over my jaw. “How I wanted you. And that was before I got to know who you were. And now?” He kissed me on the mouth, his lips firm and warm, tasting of hope and future promises. “I want you even more. No deal, no piece of property, nothing could ever mean as much to me as you. If I had to give it all up and only have you, I choose you.”
I’d only ever wanted to be loved for me. Who I was. Only I didn’t know what that meant until Rhoades burst into my life.
“I’m glad you didn’t give up on me.” I grasped him by the nape of his neck and kissed him, savoring the bite of scotch on his tongue, warmed by the heat of his mouth. “I love you too. So much.”
“Show me what you’ve done. I’ve already seen the living room.” He palmed my ass and gave it a squeeze, murmuring against my lips. “Which way to the master bedroom?”
“Crazy man.” We’d hardly made it into the apartment before I’d fallen under Rhoades’s spell, and still stood in the doorway. “It’s this way.” I took him by the hand to lead him past the shining kitchen island and the wall of windows to the spacious master bedroom in the back of the apartment. A large king-sized bed dominated the room. I’d chosen a navy silk bedspread and a padded silk headboard with swirls of sea greens and sky blues. A bedroom should be a sanctuary, and I’d put in a grouping of soft-suede furniture with beautiful lighting to relax and read.
“This is beautiful.”
I walked the room with him, our feet sinking into the plush rugs laid over the gleaming hardwood floors. “The bathroom is this way.”
“I’m not all that interested,” Rhoades said, nibbling on my neck. “Want to try out the bed?”
I moaned, his tongue licking a hot wet stripe up my throat. “We can’t. It’ll get messed up.” But I met his lips with mine and gave him little resistance when he tugged down my leggings. I kicked off my sneakers while he undid his pants and toed off his loafers.
“It’s okay. I know the owner. He won’t mind.”
Continuing to undress, he soon stood naked in front of me except for those sexy black briefs that barely concealed his bulge. My insides melted, and I reached out to touch his naked chest. Fuck. I wanted him so much.
He covered my hand with his and put it over his heart. Together we felt the pump of life under our joined fingers, and I pulled away my hand only long enough to pull off my hoodie. Rhoades grabbed me and tossed me on the bed, then jumped me before I could do little more than let out a squeal of excitement.
“I love you.” The glow in his eyes had replaced the wary darkness. “I want to make love to you. I need to.”
“But the apartment—”
“Fuck the apartment.” He rubbed my stiff dick, sending me into a paroxysm of desire. My hole clenched and physically ached to be filled.
“Oh, God.” My head thrashed back and forth on the bed. “Oh, God. No, fuck me. Fuck me.”
“You’ve taught me well.” Rhoades bent to lick the crown of my dick before going farther down to tongue my balls, leaving me a writhing, pleading mess.
“Please.” I slapped at the bed, fingers curling into the spread to twist it into a knot. “We should get under the covers, so we don’t mess up the bed.”
“Don’t worry,” Rhoades countered with laughter in his voice. “I’ll take full responsibility.” The point of his tongue poked into my hole, and greedy for more, I pushed against him.
I didn’t care if the Queen of England owned this apartment. A burning path of fire snaked through me as he licked around my hole, and I heard my harsh cries echo in the room when he added his fingers to stretch me further.
“Oh fuck, fuck me. Please…I don’t have a condom. But you know I haven’t been with anyone else since Chris. And I was tested in the hospital after my fight with him.”
It took a second for my racing heart to steady enough for me to brace myself up on an elbow and meet his gaze.
“And I haven’t been with anyone in four years…since Lance.”
“I want you inside me.”
Nodding, Rhoades gave me a brilliant smile, then spitting into his hand and using his precome, wet his cock, which jutted out before him, reddened and heavy. That incessant ache pulsed through me again, and I lay back, holding my legs wide. When I felt the first touch of the rounded head of his dick against my hole, I pushed and winced at the burn as he made his way past that tight-muscled ring.
“Sorry,” he panted. “Fucking hell, you’re so tight. Don’t want to hurt you.” Slowly he sank until he was seated completely inside me, and I could only breathe in short rapid gasps. I almost panicked at the incredible fullness, the sweet, hot, incredible slide of naked flesh against flesh, and I struggled against the sparks electrifying every nerve under my skin.
Then Rhoades began to move in earnest; his hips flexed, and our bodies surged against each other. In and out. Faster and harder until he pinned my hands above my head, thrusting so deep and hard, I could feel him touch my heart, which burst open to accept his love and return it.
“Say you’re mine. Say it.” He let go of my arms and buried his face in my neck, biting and licking away the sting. I grasped his shoulders, my fingers sliding against the sweat dripping down his back.
“I’m yours,” I said and wrapped my ankles around him, pressing my heels into the small of his back while he drove into me, hitting the bundle of nerves that made me cry out and see stars. “Yours. Yours.”
“Mine.”
One last furious plunge and I spun apart, my world exploding into a white expanse of touch and sound. A moment later I felt his hot come spurting deep inside me, and I held him tight, milking his dick until he pleaded with me to stop.
“Please. I have to…I need…” He flailed a moment, then collapsed, twitching and trembling, still buried inside me.
“I know,” I whispered, as overwhelmed as him. “I know.”
Our hearts pounded and our breaths came rapidly, but peace settled between us, as if something magical and monumental had been decided. After a moment, Rhoades kissed my shoulder and withdrew, cuddling me close. I shook with laughter.
“Do you know how long it took me to make this bed perfect? And now I’ll probably have to order a new comforter since we seem to have gotten stains all over this one.”
“I don’t think the owner will mind.”
I rolled over to face him. “You’ve already sold the apartment? All my work was for nothing?” A bit dismayed, I sat up. I’d counted on people seeing the work I’d done and hopefully contracting me to design for their apartments as well.
“Well, that depends. I like it, and since I bought the apartment and hope you’ll come live here with me, you’d get to see it every day and use it for inspiration for your next project.”
I blinked. “What? You bought this place? Why, when you have the whole brownstone? You’ve lived there forever.”
“Exactly. Let’s take a shower.” He got out of bed and I followed, his come trickling down my thigh. The marble bathroom boasted a spa tub and steam shower. I’d made sure to place high-end toiletries from the Bliss spa, never dreaming I’d be using them myself.
Rhoades turned on the rainforest showerhead, and steam rose. We stepped inside, and Rhoades squirted shower gel into the palm of his hand and began to massage me. It felt so good, a groan of pure satisfaction slipped from my lips.
“Imagine us doing this every morning when we wake up together and giving each other massages in the tub at night. We need a place to begin a fresh start. Not only for you but myself as well. My home has nothing of you there. It’s all me and the memories that live within the walls. This place will not only be mine, but yours. Ours.” He kneaded my shoulders, and I sagged against him, my arms clinging around his neck. “Stay with me. Come live with me.”
“And be your love?” I slanted a grin up at him as I quoted Christopher Marlowe.
“Yes. Be my love.”
The hot water rained down over us, and I got caught up in his unblinking, intense stare. How could I say no? What we had between us was undeniable.
“I already am. Your love, that is. And yes. I’ll move in here as long as I can contribute to the expenses.” He opened his mouth as if to protest, and I shook my head. “It’s not negotiable. And you will be paying me for the work on the shelter, right?” I stood under the spray, letting it rinse off the suds from my body. Rhoades turned off the water and handed me a fluffy towel, then wrapped one around his waist.
“Yes, of course. And another new project as well I’ll need you for.”
I stood dripping on the mat, toweling myself. “Oh? What’s that?”
“Let’s get dressed first.”
I sent him a sharp look, but he missed it as he turned his back to me. Once I was thoroughly dry, I returned to the bedroom to find him standing in his underwear, and though I was tired and had the best orgasm of my life not half an hour earlier, a frisson of lust rippled through me. Something about Rhoades in his black briefs did it for me.
“Uh…”—my mouth was suddenly dry—“what did you want to say to me?”
“I need a drink. Want one?”
I nodded and followed him, not bothering to put on any clothes. As if my body had reawakened after a long sleep, I was incredibly horny and couldn’t take my eyes off the roundness of Rhoades’s ass as he walked. He opened the refrigerator, took out two bottles of the water I’d left from when I was working, and handed one to me.
“Your friends across the street from your apartment won’t have to worry about their store anymore.”
In mid-swallow, I coughed. “Don’t tell me. You bought the building.”
“I bought the block. It’s prime for redevelopment, what with all the people wanting to live in Brooklyn now.”
Hoping he’d understand what I was about to say, I set the water bottle down on the counter. “You know you can’t simply buy a building every time you see an injustice.”
“Why not?” He huffed out his displeasure. “I have the money, and it’s a business decision. For years all I thought about was making money. Money on top of money. The obsession grew unhealthy and fed my depression after Lance died. I didn’t care about the city I lived in except what it could do for me. Now I’ve not only awoken to having you as my lover, but to what I can do to help people. In this case, I will admit there was bit of a personal edge to it.”
I quirked a brow. “Because of me and my friendship with Chanan and Vijay? You shouldn’t let your personal life affect your business decisions.”
His gaze flitted away from me. “Let’s sit.” He took my hand, and we crossed the kitchen to the living room and sat on the sofa facing the windows. As always, the view mesmerized. “This had to do with you, but not because of your friends. I’ll admit it was the initial reason I wanted to help, but…”
I’d never seen Rhoades at a loss for words and nudged him with my knee. “Go on. What? Now you’ve got me dying of curiosity.”
“The building was owned by a partnership. Your father was one of the partners. I went to see him today.”
The room spun around me, and I felt dizzy and nauseated. “Umm…what? You saw my father?” That word “father” tasted foreign on my tongue.
“Yes. I made a deal with him.”
“A deal with the devil, you mean.” I scrubbed my face with my hands.
“No. Because I didn’t have to sell my soul. I did, however, let him know what I thought about him as a person and a father. He wasn’t pleased with what I had to tell him, but by the end, he signed the papers, which was all I cared about.”
I lay back on the cushions and stared at the ceiling. Rhoades slid his arm around my shoulders. “Being able to tell him I was in love with his son was a benefit I didn’t anticipate, but that’s the effect you have on me. Knowing you’re mine means you aren’t ever far from my thoughts.”
I hated myself for asking, but I couldn’t stop myself. “Did…did my father say anything about me?”
Rhoades’s eyes clouded, and without him even answering, I knew. But the fool in me wanted to hear him say it.
“I’m not expecting it to be positive.”
“You know I think you’re incredible.”
“I’m gathering he doesn’t share your opinion.” And though I thought I was past it, it hurt to know my father would spew his hatred for me to Rhoades.
“Don’t.” Rhoades cupped my cheek. “Don’t let him come between us. He doesn’t deserve the space in your head.”
“You’re such a good person.” I kissed his palm.
“Well…” He pulled away from me, sitting up with his shoulders slumped. “I have to tell you something. It might change your opinion of me.”
“Doubtful.” I thought to make a joke, but seeing Rhoades so torn, I curbed my tongue. “I’m sorry, go on. I’m listening.”
“Tonight when I spoke with your father, I offered to give him his initial investment back, no questions asked. He refused and laughed at me and wanted twenty million more—almost double what he paid.”
“Sounds like him. The original robber baron.”
Staring straight ahead, Rhoades continued. “Well, something in me snapped. Knowing what he did to you and your mother…I-I blackmailed him. I told him if he didn’t give me what I wanted, I’d go to his wife and reveal his visits with hookers.”
It came as no surprise the man was as unfaithful to this wife as he’d been to my mother.
“I hated having to stoop so low, but I couldn’t help myself. The only person he cared about was himself.”
“I’m assuming you had the proof to back up your words.”
“James is working on it, and while we didn’t yet have the physical proof, I let your father think I did.”
I flopped back, staring at the ceiling. Unusually tentative, as if he were afraid of my reaction, Rhoades touched my hand. He had the strongest moral compass of anyone I’d ever known, and I knew how much it must’ve burned him to have to deal with a man like my father. “I’m sorry. I hate that being with me forced you into this position.”
“Don’t be. It was a choice I made, and though I’m not proud of it, I wanted to. You didn’t make me do anything. I did what I did because I love you.”
My heart leaped. How often had I hoped to hear words like that?
“I love you too. I wish it didn’t come to you sacrificing your integrity.”
“And I’d do it again without hesitation. I validated my behavior with the realization that I’d never do this for any other reason than it was him and what he did to you and your mother. And while it doesn’t make up for his treatment of you both, at least he’s living in fear that at any moment his life can fall down around him like a house of cards.”
Maybe it was a strange sort of gift, but what Rhoades had done freed me from living a life of anger and revenge. I didn’t need that anymore. I didn’t need my father. I’d rather exist on joy and the physical pleasure I’d discovered with Rhoades.
“I thought I’d care that he didn’t love me. It should mean something that my father would use me in a power play. But it doesn’t. That’s good, right? It means I’ve finally exorcised all the demons. I’m finally free.”
Rhoades slid his arm around me and held me to his chest. “You are. Free and strong. The strongest man I know.”
I might’ve been a club dancer shaking my naked ass for people to see, yet sex had never meant much to me. Until now. Until Rhoades. With a touch of a finger, he could send me spiraling to unimaginable heights. And I wanted to do that for him too.
“You know what I love most about you? Aside from your generous heart and the kindness you don’t ever boast about?” I traced the firm bulge in his briefs, loving the jump of his thick cock under my hands.
His breathing turned a bit unsteady, and faint red patches stained his cheeks. His eyes glazed over. “What?”
“How you become undone whenever I touch you. All that reserve melts away, and you can’t hide from me.” I hooked my fingers in the elastic of his briefs and pulled them down, letting his straining cock break free. The scent of his desire hit me, and my mouth watered. “I love making you lose control.”
I slid my mouth over his cock and took him deep, to the back of my throat, the taste of his salty precome bursting over my tongue. I kept the pressure on his shaft as I bobbed up and down while I squeezed his balls. I licked around the thick, smooth crown, lapping at the slit. Beneath my hands and mouth, Rhoades trembled and shook, and it spurred me on to move faster and suck him down harder.
“Oh fuck. Oh, God.” He clutched at my head and began to thrust into my mouth, hard. I grasped hold of his hips and lavished his cock with my tongue and lips until he exploded, shooting hot jets of cream down my throat. I swallowed every last delicious drop and sat back to see him completely spent, chest heaving, face flushed.
“Like this.” I wiped my lips with the heel of my hand and sat next to him, laying my head on his chest. “Exactly like this.”
The lights twinkled outside the windows, and I fell asleep against his shoulder, his breath tickling my cheek.