If her heart beat any faster, the noise might scare the horse away.

 

Stunned into silence at the kiss she’d planted on Johnny, Sara Beth tried focusing on the beautiful palomino in front of her. The possibilities strapped to that horse’s back matched the shock value for the lip-smacker with Johnny. Holy cow, the heat from his skin as they’d connected. She’d almost moaned. They hadn’t even lingered over it, and she felt like her lips might blister with the excitement.

 

And the euphoria. Holy crud, kissing Johnny or the possibility of riding that horse – one or the other, or both – would overwhelm her and she’d miss out on riding Merriweather because she couldn’t figure out where her head was.

 

Oh but her heart… her heart had focused on Johnny. And the first thing she’d wanted to do in her excitement was throw herself into his arms.

 

He stood, shuffling off to the side and out of her way.

 

Had she offended him? They kept claiming friends, friends, friends. And then she’d jumped him – definitely not how friends behaved around each other. 

 

Crud. She definitely owed Johnny an apology for how she acted. She didn’t regret it, but guys were different. She wanted to do it again and again. 

 

Carefully she rolled forward, grateful Johnny had stepped to the side. She’d hate to run over his toes. She bit her lip. Nervous, all of her fears rushing over her again, Sara Beth stalled, allowing her chair to stop on the hay-strewn stall floor. She watched the horse for any signs of trauma at her nearness- afraid to admit that she was more than a little afraid herself. “Um, is she okay, if I come closer?” She couldn’t look away from the horse. It’d been so long. Maybe she shouldn’t. It’d been so long. She wasn’t afraid of the horse, per se, just more… apprehensive? Oh crud, if she could put a finger on the exact way she was feeling, she’d make herself run screaming around the barn.

 

When Johnny brought his horses around at the house by the deck, for the most part, they were hidden by the higher railings. She’d been able to distance herself from them, but it’d been so hard – almost painful. But in a bar, inside a stall, feet from a horse… keeping her distance became next to impossible.

 

“Of course, you’re okay. Come on over and pet her. I’ll get the ramp ready for mounting.” The horse handler passed the reins to Johnny who still hadn’t said anything after her spontaneous kiss. He’d stood but hadn’t said anything and since he was behind her, Sara Beth didn’t have the guts to check him for a reaction.

 

Robbie stepped into the stall and helped push the ramp into place.

 

Sara Beth tried not to watch every movement, but the more they did, the closer she got to returning to the saddle – albeit a weird looking one.

 

Gratitude welled within her. For the first time since the accident, she didn’t hate how inept her legs had become.

 

Johnny moved to her side, bringing the horse’s head closer. “I’m sorry to spring this on you. I just…” He trailed off, softly kicking his boot in the straw.

 

Sara Beth didn’t look at him, but she grabbed at his hand and pulled it to her cheek. The callused palm scratched her skin, but not painfully. She blinked, looking up at him. Grinning, she murmured, “You know I owe you an apology.” She sobered, the words difficult to utter. “I am, so sorry. This was never a possibility to me. I didn’t even know it existed. I…” She glanced at the horse and saddle then back at Johnny, eyes brimming. “Except for thinking of myself, I don’t have an excuse. And all you did was think of me.” She smiled derisively. “That’s not much of an excuse, either. But thank you, just the same.”

 

The kindness in his eyes warmed her – even more than the looming horse ride. “Sometimes it’s okay to think of yourself. Especially after everything you’ve been through.”

 

“Well, thank you, but trials don’t give me the right to act like spoiled brat.” And she’d been doing that a lot lately. Gazing at the creamy tan coat of the horse, Sara Beth acknowledged the shame she’d tagged as anger and sadness. “Plus, here I am still arguing your thoughtfulness.” She squeezed his fingers.

 

The time had come for Sara Beth to accept that nobody had caused the accident but her. Losing her ability to use her legs had inconvenienced so many people – her sister and Michael at the top of that list. And what had it done to Sugar? Sara Beth hadn’t forgiven the horse for abandoning her – but that didn’t mean it was Sugar’s fault. When Michael had said the horse wasn’t ready, Sara Beth should’ve listened. And she hadn’t, putting Sugar and herself in danger.

 

Everyone had catered just to her wants and needs when she knew dang good and well that she wasn’t easy to be around with her moodiness and outright rudeness. Oh, she had a lot of fences to mend. 

 

“You ready to get on this horse?” The handler smiled broadly at her. He oozed confidence in the situation, not worried at all that she wouldn’t know what to do. 

 

Finally, Sara Beth would get on that horse… and her entire world would have realigned.

 

Johnny leaned down, his breath warm on her cheek. “Ready?”

 

She glanced at him, her pulse quickening – because of the upcoming ride or because of his nearness, she wasn’t sure. Had she just imagined the lingering nearness when he’d spoken to her? 

 

One thing she could guarantee – even if he wanted to stay friends, she was screwed. Falling sucked…

 

~~~

 

The back and forth rocking of the therapeutic saddle closely matched that of an American saddle, but Sara Beth had more control with her hands. Padded, the stiff back offered support without being uncomfortable and her legs were secured to the spurs so her feet wouldn’t dangle loosely about the horse’s abdomen.

 

Euphoria had diminished her self-pity, making it as insignificant as crap on a fencepost. Sure, she didn’t have normal functioning legs, but she was on a horse. By herself. And that was better than walking.

 

Johnny joined her on a different horse after she’d gotten comfortable in the ring. Robbie and the man – who Sara Beth found out had a name – Bull – talked beside the building after Bull had given full instructions to Sara Beth on how to maneuver in the new saddle.

 

Breaking into a gallop, Merriweather handled the bit without taking control from Sara Beth. Pushing the horse, Sara Beth led her into a turn and then relaxed, letting the horse slow.

 

“Whoa. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’ve already been on one of those.” Johnny drew abreast of Sara Beth on a strong russet-colored horse. “How does it feel?”

 

“So good. I can’t even believe it. I honestly thought I’d never get to go on a horse again.” She licked her bottom lip, careful to hold in her happy tears. “Thank you, again. I can’t wait to talk to Rosie about saving up for one of these.”

 

Johnny watched her, a small smile playing about his lips. “My pleasure. Is it everything you’d hoped it’d be?”

 

“Yes. But I think even more, if that makes sense? It makes it even more special that I thought I’d never do this again.” She leaned her head back, basking in the sunlight. “Is it corny that I’m glad I got to do this with you? I know we said friends, but…” Courage accompanied her on the saddle and Sara Beth found she didn’t have fear when she rode the four-legged animal. She could do anything, say anything, and the world wouldn’t stand in her way.

 

Johnny rode beside her, quietly watching the trail ahead of them.

 

Biting her lip, Sara Beth decided to throw caution to the wind. “You know, I’m confused, too. Imagine that we did get together? What would happen?” She poked her leg. “It’s not like I can do much, you know? I mean, I can ride this horse – now – but I can’t work. I have to reteach myself how to do a lot of things.”

 

Johnny met her gaze. “So?”

 

Sara Beth pulled Merriweather to a standstill. She couldn’t stop the incredulous expression from freezing her face. “So? What does that mean?”

 

Reining in his own borrowed horse, Johnny shrugged. “It means I don’t care about what you can do or can’t do.” He pushed closer to her, until he was close enough to get in her face with a little bit of leaning in. “I’m not interested in the can’ts, though. Most of the time, I hear a bunch of things that are only about you from you. ‘I can’t do this. I can’t do that. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.’ And yet, here you are. Can. You can. You just have to try. Find a way. Make it work. If you want something bad enough, you can.” He pressed his index finger to her chest, and pushed her backwards just enough to prove his point.

 

Unable to break through her astonishment to even retort, Sara Beth looked down at the reins in her hands. She waited about a full minute before speaking again. “So, does that mean you’re interested in more? Or?” Why did they have to define everything? Because if she didn’t, she’d go crazy wondering what he wanted.

 

Johnny glanced quickly at her, as if to gauge her seriousness.

 

Sara Beth maintained mock sobriety while undergoing his inspection. Once he looked away, she reached over and punched his upper arm. “You’re so funny. Calm down. I understand what you’re saying. I’m just… a little excited. Even your answer can’t bring me down right now.”

 

And it was true. He couldn’t smother her happiness. Showing her he cared held a lot more weight than the complaints he murmured about his confusion.

 

Confused, whatever. The guy liked her – no other reason for doing what he’d done. She just needed him to accept his feelings.

 

Internally, she laughed at herself. He had to accept his feelings like she had to accept hers. Dang it. The last thing she wanted to do was admit that she liked him so much it hurt. But if she didn’t, she’d be holding herself back like she was accusing him of doing.