The courage to wheel down that ramp and across the drive to the barn almost tapped Sara Beth out. No, she wasn’t weakened physically by it. Emotionally… well, that was a different story.

 

Since talking with Rosie, Sara Beth finally understood that she needed Johnny. She didn’t have any friends and he made her feel… like she could love herself again. Even while she saw herself as broken and without value, Johnny didn’t seem to notice the legs or even the weakened forearms. He held her hand or spoke to her like she could irritate him with just a glance – giving no pardon to her because of her disability.

 

A dip between the paved drive and the cement jammed her front wheel. She rocked back and forth to dislodge it. But nothing. She threw her head back and closed her eyes. Come on. Not right now. It was hard enough to make it that far.

 

Maybe if she tried rolling the larger wheels back and forth while moving her body, she might be able to dislodge the tires. That might work. She thrust her chest forward and then pushed on the wheels and heaved back at the same time.

 

Too much force toppled her backwards and the chair upended – with the stupid wheels still stuck.

 

“Oomph.” The air knocked out of Sara Beth and she gasped for a moment, clutching at the sore spot on the back of her head. Clinging to the wheel rims had saved her a worse fall, but how did she get out of where she’d fallen? She’d end up in some horrible fallen-and-can’t-get-up infomercial. Crud, what did she do?

 

Ego beaten and left for dead, she leaned up on her elbows and pulled until her legs dislodged from the seat, coming to flop beside the wheels. She glared at the worthless limbs. Oh, how she wanted to cut them off sometimes.

 

Other times she wanted to… walk.

 

“What am I doing?” She whispered to the grass and her lifeless lower limbs. Everything was turned upside down and not just literally.

 

How was she going to get back inside? What did she do? Scream?

 

Considering the open options and short of just standing and walking the heck out of there, Sara sneered at what she had to do. She inhaled deep and hollered loud. “Help! Can someone help?” Heat flooded her face and she hoped Michael came running, or even one of the older ranch hands. Not Johnny. Please, not Johnny.

 

A moment passed and then the barn door slid open. Of course, Johnny burst through, searching left and right. Spying her on the ground, he rushed to her side. “Oh hell, Sara Beth, what happened? Are you alright?” He checked her form and then righted the chair, removing it from the uneven surface between the pavement and cement. Kneeling beside her again, he crouched low enough to slide his arm beneath her legs and hoist her up in a cradle hold. All that before she could answer.

 

“I’m fine. I bumped my head, but it’s nothing.” Sara Beth chewed on her lower lip as he settled her back into her traitorous seat.

 

He’d left the door open and she couldn’t help but try to see around him for a peek inside.

 

Glancing over his shoulder, Johnny looked back at her. “Do you want to go in?”

 

“No, that’s okay.” She waved her fingers at the ground. “Thank you again, for…”

 

“Of course.” He tucked his hands in his pockets as if trying not to reach for her and turned toward the door. “Well, I better get back to it.”

 

“Wait.” Sara Beth’s shoulders tensed. She didn’t want to beg for him to like her, but that seemed to be the way it was going.

 

He paused, watching her with wariness dragging his mouth down at the corners.

 

“I’m sorry. I… I want to tell you so bad why I need to get to know Lisa, but I can’t. Not yet. I just… I just need you to trust me on this, okay?” Her secret about Lisa threatened her sanity. She didn’t know what she was doing anymore. She didn’t have a reason to be mad at Johnny. He might have a good reason to be upset with her, but she didn’t want him to pull away. “I want our friendship back. I miss you.” The last part hurt. She’d never allowed herself to care about anyone enough to miss them, except her mom and Rosie.

 

The truth about her affections for Johnny stung and that made Sara Beth more than a little irritated.

 

“I miss you, too.” The angles of his face softened and he stepped toward her enough to make her feel less alone. “But I have to protect myself. She’s not a good person. Not like you are.”

 

The barn door swayed a little in the breeze and Sara Beth tensed, unable to answer Johnny. Too much of her ached at not seeing the horses in so long. But what did she do? Even touching them wasn’t likely. She couldn’t reach high enough to brush them or comfortably rub their necks.

 

Pasting a polite smile on, Sara Beth wheeled her seat toward the house.

 

Stopping halfway to the ramp, she turned. “You know what? We can still be friends. Just don’t come around when Lisa’s here. Is that okay? She had to offer a simple enough Band-Aid for the problem, or she’d never get any peace. Everyone would just have to ignore how temporary the solution was.

 

He leaned his head back, gazing at her from under the dark brim of his hat. “You won’t be in therapy forever, right?” His gray eyes sparked with interest and a slight hint of promise.

 

“Right.” She didn’t add that she hoped she had a sister forever. Her experience with people didn’t lend credence to the suggestion that Johnny would be around long – no matter how amazing that spark promised to be.

 

Her gaze flickered beyond him, then back to his face. She rubbed her neck, trying to ease the knot that threatened just between her shoulder blades. “I’m sorry, it’s hard…”

 

“Let me take you inside. We’ll go slow.” He stepped once toward her, pivoting on his hind-positioned foot as if to suggest she could do it, but more likely allowing her to decide.

 

But Sara Beth couldn’t bring herself to make the move. “Thanks, but I want to ride them too bad. “ She shrugged. “I want to so bad.” Awkward laughter covered the whimper she almost released. “But look at me, right? Seeing those animals reminds me of my limitations too much, you know? I’m not strong enough…” She waved her hand, scrunching her nose. “For facing that yet.” The hardest part was that maybe – and most likely – she missed the horses – even Sugar – more than she’d thought possible. What if they didn’t even remember her? Her only friends.

 

Admitting her fear hurt – even if it was only to herself – and she winced with a smile on her face.

 

“Are we friends, then?” He taunted her with an arched eyebrow and curved lips.

 

Sara Beth ignored the tingle in her stomach at his teasing, at the way even the shadow of his hat couldn’t hide the golden hue of his eyebrows. “Of course. What else would we be?” She didn’t dare to hope for anything more. What would she say? Oh, Johnny, I wished upon a star that you might like me – even with wheels for legs? Get real.

 

“Okay, then let’s trust each other, too.” He approached her, spinning her to the house, the muscles in his forearms rippled. “I think if either of our feelings change, then we need to let the other one know immediately. Deal?”

 

Half-turning in her seat, Sara Beth offered her hand. Their fingers curled around each other’s palms as they shook. “Deal.” Their skin connected and lingered a second longer than necessary. But Sara Beth politely ignored it. What else could she do? Beg him to look past the limitations of paraplegia so they could be together? She most likely could never have children or have a job.

 

She wouldn’t be offering him much and asking so much of him in exchange.

 

It wouldn’t be fair to appeal to his pity. She’d feel crappy$$ and he would resent her. Who wouldn’t, right? She’d end up trapping him in some kind of relationship where he stayed because he pitied her and she’d want to run him off because she could shower in his charity.

 

Soon they’d end up hating each other. But he wouldn’t leave her because he didn’t want to be that guy. And she wouldn’t leave him because she didn’t want to be alone.

 

Oh, she could see it all now. 

 

Things would go downhill fast. And she didn’t have the best brakes on her chair.