Gunnar
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When Vidalia is nine months pregnant and hours away from giving birth to our first son, she asks me if I’m still attracted to her. She lists off all her unattractive qualities like bloated ankles, a forever flushed face, and her big, round belly. Vidalia even claims to look like a tomato. I know she wants verbal reassurances. Compliments, promises, and other sweet words, but I’m not great at any of that stuff.
My genius way of proving my wife is sexy is by fucking her for a solid hour. Vidalia beams with satisfied bliss when the first contraction hits, and I give my dick a mental high-five for having such power.
Shawn is smaller than I expect. Holding him in my arms for the first time, all my earlier confidence disappears. How can I care for such a tiny person? Vidalia points out how he looks just like his daddy and is probably made just as tough. Her words calm me, and I eventually figure out how to hold him without fearing my little man will wiggle free.
Our cat, Sue, hates the baby and refuses to share a room with him. The dog does better, but he wants outside every time Shawn cries. Vidalia doesn’t care about the animals’ disinterest in our kid. She’s just relieved he never becomes allergic to them.
By the time Cassie comes along, I’ve gotten the hang of the chaos of parenthood. I can corral my toddler son while burping my infant daughter. When I get home each afternoon, my job is to keep the kids busy, so Vidalia can focus on cooking dinner.
“Yum,” Shawn says whenever the wonderful scent of his mama’s cooking reaches us outside.
No way could my boy understand how not so long ago Vidalia could barely make spaghetti. Each week, she tries a new recipe from the internet. I never know what delicious meal she’ll come up with, but I do know we’ll enjoy a pie on Sunday.
“Making traditions is important for the kids,” she tells me one evening.
She’s right, of course, but I also know Vidalia needs to create traditions for herself too. Once the kids are older, I plan to introduce her to the wonderful world of RVing. My parents and several of our friends back in Ellsberg had a tradition of spending summers driving to various American landmarks. Now it’ll be my kids’ turn to see the country.
When Vidalia’s pregnant with Cassie, we buy a lot of land near Mom and Dad’s place. The rental was always too small for my tastes. Now with an active toddler, two pets, and a baby on the way, the house has gotten claustrophobic.
We still don’t move into the double-wide until Vidalia’s about to pop with our last son. Those last weekends before Drew is born, I work on putting up a fence around the property to keep kids and pets from running off. Shawn and Cassie hang out nearby, building with their toy tools while Grampa Judd and Uncle Jox help me install the fence and a deck out back. Vidalia watches us from inside where she knits booties for Heidi’s new daughter.
After Drew is born and we move into the new place, Vidalia announces she’s done with the baby making business.
“Turns out having three kids and as many pets is a lot of work,” she says, collapsing next to me in bed one night. “I would like to get a few birds.”
Laughing at the idea of birds surviving with a cat in the house, I greatly overestimate Sue’s prowess. In fact, she hides under beds or sits in abandoned rooms almost every minute of the day. People terrify her except when we’re taking a dump. Then she can’t get close enough.
Vidalia buys two parakeets a few months after I adopt a second dog. The beagle mix howls whenever a Harley revs. Nothing like having the club guys over to talk shop, only for the dog and my younger kids to howl like crazed banshees.
“At least, Fred lets me know when you’re home,” Vidalia says one night while breastfeeding Drew, who stares at me as if I’m a threat.
“Or when anyone with a motorcycle rides by.”
Giggling, she adds, “Or when a fire engine is near.”
“He’s a good dog, but I think Rock wants to punch him in the face with his doggy paw.”
This gets Vidalia laughing again. I swear that no matter what I say or do she knows how to make me feel amazing. It’s her gift, but my wife has many of them. Though she still can’t sing.
My oldest kids don’t take after Vidalia or me personality-wise. Cassie has my sad eyes while Shawn inherits his mom’s freckles. They both look more like my mom than anyone else, but no one in my family loves sports like the kids. Even as toddlers, they’d rather watch a soccer game on TV than cartoons. By the time they’re old enough to join sports teams, I realize I’m about to raise kids who are nothing like I was growing up. Every weekend and most weekdays, I’m sitting with Vidalia and often, Grandma and Grandpa at a sports game or practice.
Drew, well, that boy is shy and wary of strangers. His eyes are blue like Vidalia’s, but otherwise, he looks just like Dad and me. The kid stands apart, watching people, studying for weakness, judging everyone.
“He might be a sociopath,” Heidi warns me.
Before I can defend my kid, she starts laughing at how easy I am to irritate. No matter how old we get, I’m still her older brother, and she’s still my annoying kid sister.
Heidi and Jox join us for our summer RV trips. Axe turns out to be a big-headed nerd who’d rather read than work on bikes or chase a ball. Their daughter, Onyx, is a girly girl in a way Heidi never was growing up. Neither kid seems to have any inclination to join in the family’s business one day, but I still got my eye on Drew. Despite his shyness, he’s as loyal as a pit bull and will retaliate against anyone who messes with his family.
“The apple didn’t fall far with that one,” Dad tells me one summer evening while we grill outside and Vidalia bakes another array of delicious desserts inside the house. “Wouldn’t be surprised to find out he abducts his future wife one day too.”
Yeah, my family never lets me live down how Vidalia and I got together. I probably wouldn’t either, if the roles were reversed, but I know I did right by her and my heart. She might have been drunk on jello shots when she first kissed me, but fate isn’t always pretty. Sometimes, love starts with a sloppy kiss and grows during a sorta abduction. The result is the only part that matters, and my journey results in a better life than anything I ever imagine.