Little thieves are hanged, but great ones escape.—Russian Proverb
MY DREAMS WERE FILLED WITH NIK… I wasn’t sure why he felt so familiar in them, like I could laugh with him, cry with him, and he would embrace me, wipe my tears away and tell me everything would be okay.
His heat surrounded me, and my gaze sought the clock. It read two a.m., which meant I still had a few more hours in his arms. My heavy lids closed.
“It hurts!” I screamed. “So bad.”
“Did you know…” He sounded apologetic. “That some philosophers believe pain is only another state of consciousness? That we can transcend it, if only we allowed our minds to see past the pain?”
“How?” I clenched my teeth together. “How do I see past the pain?”
“Focus on my voice,” he urged, making another slice across my arm. “I will stop when you stop reacting.”
“But—”
“Please.” He sounded like he was in pain. “Please, just try.”
“Why? You’re the one who can stop everything! You’re the one hurting me!”
“What if I promise you pleasure after the pain… what if I promise you something more?”
My vision blurred as the man in the white mask tilted his head, examining me, studying me.
“I said I’d try.”
“I’ve drawn little blood, Maya.”
“I’ll have scars.”
“Scars help us remember… they also, serve as a way to make us forget… I give you scars on your arms in order to imprint something new… it is impossible for your brain to recall events that never occurred. Therefore, I must cause the occurrence, understand?” Another slice. I screamed. “It will not stick if I do not cause either pleasure or pain.”
“I choose pleasure.”
He chuckled darkly. “They all choose pleasure. And I always choose pain.”
“But…”
“For you…” I could almost imagine his smile behind the mask. “I’ll gift you with both. The pain must happen. Otherwise, we will both be killed. But I can give you pleasure so that when you dream… it’s not of darkness…” He reached for my hand and sucked each finger before kissing my open palm. “But of light.”
I jerked awake with a gasp.
Nikolai was immediately gripping my shoulders, tipping my chin toward him, staring into my eyes like he expected me to turn into a monster or something.
“Sorry.” I gulped as my heart slammed against my chest. “Weird dream…”
“Tell me…” His voice was hoarse, his hands digging into my arms as he pulled me back into his lap. I sat with his body wrapped around mine, his chin resting on my head while he rubbed up and down my arms. “What haunts your dreams at night?”
I shivered. “Pleasure…” I sighed. “And pain… always together.”
“Some would say they are one in the same.”
“You’re a doctor,” I stated dumbly. “What do you think?”
He was quiet. I swore I could almost hear the wheels in his head turning. “I’d have to say that one cannot exist without the other.”
“Hmm.”
My body felt heavy, but I wasn’t sure why, almost like I’d had a drug-induced sleep, maybe that’s what sex did to a person.
Just remembering the way being in his arms had felt, had goose bumps popping up all over my skin.
“Are you cold?” His mouth found my temple.
“No.” I grinned. “Just thought of a really great way to forget about the weird dreams… if you’re up for it.”
“Maya,” he growled against my ear, his hands already roaming freely all over my naked body. “Can’t you tell? When it comes to you… I’m completely powerless to say no.”
“Does that mean I can finally ask questions?”
“If you can speak then I’m clearly not as good in bed as I thought.”
His hands flicked my breasts before he chuckled against my neck, flipping me onto my stomach as he whispered against the back of my neck. “But sure, ask away.”
The delicious pressure of having him on top of me was almost unbearable, I couldn’t see him, but I could feel every hard length of him as he entered me.
“I—”
“Yes?”
I had questions so many questions, and narrowing it down just seemed, pointless, but if he said he’d answer one…
“How long have you worked for my father?”
He increased his movements. I cried out as he answered. “Since you were sixteen.”
“You…” I clenched my thighs together, fighting him, holding him off. “You were only twenty-three.”
“I was around your age now when I began working full time for your father, yes…”
“What does he have over you?”
Another thrust. “I’d think you would know that by now.”
“What?” My vision blurred as pleasure exploded all over my body.
“You.” He slowed his movements pressing a kiss to my bare back and whispering, “It’s always been you.”