We do not care what we have, but we cry when it is lost. –Russian Proverb
I COULD AT LEAST BE THANKFUL that Sergio hadn’t used a full dose to knock me out, only enough to make the last ten minutes seem fuzzy. It had just felt better to close my eyes and relax back against the mattress as the drugs filtered through my system, the morphine, burned along my veins. I’d always had a terrible reaction to any opiates. They typically made me sick, which was a blessing, considering I had easy access to them at all times and thought myself a chemist when it came to making my JR serum.
I wasn’t shocked he had offered her sanctuary.
What shocked me was that she declined his offer and stayed.
A smart woman would run far away, take the second chance at a fresh start and never look behind her.
There was literally nothing but horror in her past, and I couldn’t imagine the future would be roses and fairy tales either, not if she stayed with me. There would never be a time in her life that she wouldn’t be reminded of her past, of our past, and I had to wonder if it would continually impact our present, filtering into our future.
With a sigh, I sat up as much as I could. “Maya, would you please grab a hand mirror from the bathroom?”
Frowning, she gave a simple nod went to the bathroom then returned with the mirror.
“Excellent. Can you please point it at my side, angle it down, a little farther.” Her hands were shaking. I didn’t blame her. I was a mess. “Thank you.”
We didn’t speak while I nimbly and quickly sewed up my wound in perfect sutures that would leave a slight white mark as if I’d been scratched.
Maya swayed on her feet.
“Maya?” I reached for her with my free hand, I just needed to cut the thread. “Are you going to pass out?”
She tugged her lower lip between her teeth and bit, causing my body, even numb with drugs, to tighten, to flush with lust.
“No.” She shook her head. “That’s just really… hot.”
“What is?” I glanced down at my bare stomach. Surely she wasn’t referring to me being shirtless? She’d seen me naked. I highly doubted my bruised body was doing it.
“That.” She pointed to the hand still holding the needle. “You just stitched yourself up, perfectly, better than, well I don’t even know, but it’s just… sorry, is that inappropriate?”
“Very.” I nodded seriously. “Let’s be professional, Maya.” My lips twitched in a barely contained smile.
“Right.” She agreed crossing her arms. “Will that be all, Doctor?”
I let out a suppressed groan. “Hurry and cut this damn thread so I can kiss you.”
“I didn’t know Russians kissed Italians without protection.” She ran her hands down her body, damn I would do just about anything for a taste, better than any drug.
“Very funny.” I nodded toward the scissors. “Now, but before I accidently poke you.”
“Hah.” She wagged her finger in my face. “You mean like last night?”
I rolled my eyes and lay back against the mattress. “Go ahead, finish me off, kill me. I’ll wait.”
She gently crawled over me, careful not to put any weight on my body as she reached for the scissors and cut the thread. I grabbed her hand the minute it was free, bringing her fingertips to my lips, she tasted like home.
“How are you?” I wasn’t that man, the one who asked emotional questions. I’d never cared, not until her.
Maya licked her lips, studying my mouth for a few seconds before answering. “I’m hanging in there.”
“Well at least you haven’t run away screaming yet.”
“That would get me killed.”
“Your father may be too busy to kill you right now… or at least too busy to threaten us, and when he does… I don’t think we’ll have problems finding people willing to fight for us. Apparently the Italians have been bored this last week, imagine that?”
Maya shuddered. “Bored means they haven’t gotten to shoot something in a while? And seven days is a long time? Wow, talk about self control. Should we give them a medal? Or at least gift them some wine?”
I burst out laughing, shocking myself at the fact I couldn’t keep it in anymore. I’d gotten the shit beat out of me, one of my darkest secrets was about to get revealed to Maya, and I could laugh.
Because I loved her.
And when you have love—everything else seems to just fade into the background, the noise of your own heart beating, smothering out the screams of the past.
“Italians,” I whispered tucking a piece of hair behind her ear with my good hand, “do love their wine.”
She leaned down brushing her lips against mine. “And I love you.”
My body hummed with pleasure and sang with completeness at her proximity. “You can say that… after everything? Even after the fear of tonight? After finding out your parentage?”
“You had nothing to do with my mom cheating and sleeping with Petrov’s right hand man—absolutely nothing.”
“No.” I swallowed the lump of guilt. “But I knew. He was an outsider, trying to escape the pressure of his own crime family, and the sense of embarrassment he felt at being the poorest, most disrespected. I knew the information because of my father.”
“Apparently everyone knew.” Maya sighed. “In the grand scheme of things, does it really matter?”
“I don’t know, does it?”
“Not really. No. If anything it just makes me thankful that I’m not blood related to a Russian gangster.” I opened my mouth to speak but she pressed two fingers against it and whispered. “But I am in love with one.”
I wasn’t sure if it was the drugs or just having her close but my body felt warm the minute she said that. Still, she had to understand. “I won’t ever be free of it.”
Maya turned her head, giving me a view of her gorgeous long neck. I wanted to trail kisses from neck to navel, and then lower, drink her nectar until I was drunk on her. Her hand gently caressed the sickle tattoo. “I don’t think either of us will ever be free of our pasts, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have a future, right?”
My body went rigid. There was one more thing, one more secret I’d kept close to me, a secret my family had kept even closer. It wasn’t just something I could tell her, I’d have to show her the diary, explain to her the reasons, but worst of all. I’d have to make sure I talked with Jac first.
She was the loose cannon in all this, the very last part of my life that could unravel and destroy everything I held dear.
With a few simple words, strung together in one powerful sentence, my entire career would be over—my life, Maya’s life, my reputation.
I shuddered.
“Are you cold?”
“No.” I answered quickly, maybe too quickly if Maya’s frown was any indication. “I’m just thinking.”
“Well, stop.” Maya sucked on my lower lip. I let out a moan and tried to pull her body closer but it hurt to move more than an inch. She smiled against my mouth. “It’s kind of nice, having you semi-paralyzed while I take advantage of you.”
I went still for an entirely different reason as my body went from hot to frigid. She had no idea what that statement meant to me.
Paralyzed, yet awake.
Woman’s screams echoed in my head. I’d never been present for it, did that lessen my involvement? Make me any less of a killer?
“Maya, I need to talk to you about something.” I grabbed her wrist pushing her back as much as I could without letting out a sharp cry of pain.
“Words can come tomorrow,” she argued, her eyes drinking me in. “Right now, let me just love you. Whatever you have to say can wait, can’t it?”
I was too exhausted to argue. “Yes. It can wait.”
“Good.” She kissed my forehead, “Now sleep, and dream of me.”
“You’re all I’ve dreamed of… since I saw you from across the room and my heart beat… mine.” I drifted off with visions of Maya’s smile.