Do not make me kiss and you will not make me sin—Russian Proverb
THE FLIGHT HOME WAS UNEVENTFUL. I kept thinking Nikolai would kiss me but every time I leaned in, he brushed a kiss across my cheek and told me I needed to go to sleep.
“What is with you and sleep?” My eyes watered as I let out a huge yawn and tried to cover it up with the back of my hand.
Nikolai’s eyebrows shot up. “Tired?”
I glared.
With a light laugh he lifted me into his arms and walked me back toward the bedroom. “I’ll sleep right next to you. It’s been a long day. Rest.”
“But I want to kiss.”
“And have you yawn while I give you an orgasm?” he joked, his mouth curved into a gorgeous smile. “Doesn’t really do much for a man’s ego, Maya.”
“Your ego’s just fine, Harvard.”
“I had that coming.”
“You did.”
“Sleep.” He kissed my forehead. “By the time you wake up, we’ll be back in Seattle and you’ll feel rested.”
“Fine,” I grumbled. “But don’t leave. I feel safer with you next to me.”
“You shouldn’t,” he said in a tired voice.
“Why?” I flipped over on my side and faced him, tracing the outline of his face with my fingertip. “You would never hurt me.”
“What if I already did? Would you forgive me?”
“But you haven’t.” My head was starting to throb. “You’ve never hurt me, and I don’t believe you’re capable of it.”
“What if I’ve hidden that side from you… stupidly believing that if I had you fall for the man you see in front of you, you’d accept even the darkest of secrets?”
“You told me to sleep, and now you’re talking about secrets.” I shook my head. “Whatever secrets you have, you can trust me.”
“And if my secrets hurt us both?”
“Then we figure them out together.”
“If only…” He sighed, flipping onto his back and putting his arms behind his head. “…it were that simple.”
“But—”
“Rest,” he instructed tapping two fingers to my temples. He was right… I was sleepy. I couldn’t keep my heavy lids open any longer.
“I’ll be right there,” Nikolai said into the phone. “We just landed.”
I stretched out on the bed. We’d landed? And I wasn’t in a seatbelt? Was that legal?
“Told you that you were tired.” Nikolai’s smile was tight. “I’m going to have someone drive you back to the apartment. Something has come up at the clinic.”
“I’ll go.” I shot to my feet feeling, then got dizzy as they made an impact on the floor.
“You’re drunk on sleep. You’ll be absolutely no help.”
“Please?” I felt like he was pushing me away, like he had no choice, and I wasn’t going to let him, not if I could help it. I was pulled to him. I felt like maybe he needed me just as much as I needed him, possibly more.
He hung his head. “Fine, but…”
“I know I’m not wearing black.”
“How’d you know?”
“You have a thing with blood getting on white.”
“I do.” He seemed surprised I’d put two and two together.
“Actually, you just have a thing with blood being spilled, but I think it goes back to you being a doctor. Maybe it seems wasteful.”
“Maybe.” He was lost in his thoughts, or appeared to be so as he took my hand in his and led me down the stairs of the airplane.
Within thirty minutes we were downtown at the Pier clinic. Jac was waiting for us inside. The minute she set her eyes on me, she frowned. “What’s Maya doing here?”
Nikolai opened his mouth to speak but I interrupted him. “I begged him to let me work. I didn’t want to get sent home by myself.”
“Home?” She repeated. “You’re living together now?”
“No.” I felt my face flush. “Not exactly. You know what? I’m still really tired I think I’ll go sit by the computer while you two talk.”
Jac seemed, angry. Her frown was permanent, her hands shook. I turned away and headed for the computer. She walked briskly behind me, the heels of her boots slamming into the floor.
“The two new patients have been entered into the computer. Why don’t you go greet them by the door like a good assistant while I talk to Nik?” Venom laced her every word.
I stood on wobbly legs and made my way down the pristine white hall as lights flickered on above me.
Two knocks on the door.
A large body guard with a shaved head was leaning against the brick wall, a cigar hanging out of his mouth. “Bout time.” His words were cultured with a thick Russian accent. It reminded me too much of my father. I stepped back in a learned fear.
“Vyydite iz avtomobilya suka!” He spat, loosely translated get out of the car, bitch. Great. Maybe I should have gone home like Nikolai suggested.
The car door jerked open, two long tan pale legs that went for miles stepped out, the legs were attached to a tall gorgeous blonde in a skin tight black leather dress, her blue eyes flashed in recognition. She looked from the man to me, then back to the man. “Is this a joke?”
“Um, if you’ll just follow me.” I tucked my hair behind my ear and held the door to the clinic open.
“Bitch.” She spat at me, pushing past and stalking down the hall to the right exam room. I didn’t go in with her, she paused in the doorway and turned back to me. “You don’t remember me do you?”
“I’m sorry…” I winced. “I don’t know you.”
“Oh, that’s rich.” She rolled her eyes. “Don’t tell me your dad brainwashed you like he did your mother.”
I stared at her blankly. “I’m sorry miss, I think you have me mistaken with someone else.”
“Maya.” She cackled out my name. “You know I always wondered if he ended up using you like he did the rest of us, but apparently not since you work for the doctor. Then again, he works for him too so you’re still a whore, just a different type of one.” I lunged for her, but Nikolai grabbed me by the waist and set me on the other side of the girl.
“Maya, why don’t you go check in with Jac, hmm?”
“Fine.” I swallowed down the anger and marched down the hallway in a fury. When I reached the receptionist desk, Jac was already sitting there in the chair, her eyebrows rose when I sat with a thud and pulled up the spreadsheet.
“Got your panties in a twist?” she asked, her face appeared lighthearted but her words sliced through the air, almost like she was being passive aggressive.
“Not now, Jac.”
She shrugged and leaned back in her chair while I scrolled through the appointments, found the correct time and went to mark the girl’s first visit.
It was her third.
Hadn’t Jac said they rarely made it past the third?
“She’s…” I whispered then narrowed my eyes on the name. “Galina Ivanov.” A vision of a little girl speeding by me on a red bike pushed forward to my consciousness.
“Galina wait up!” I yelled laughing after her. “Friends aren’t supposed to cheat in races!”
“Beat you!” She giggled, her blond pigtails flying into the air. I finally caught up to her and crossed my arms.
“That was mean!” I scolded her, half tempted to push over her bike.
“Sorry, Maya. Best friends still?” She held out her pinky finger.
I shook it with my pinky and giggled. “Best friends forever, Galina, you know it!”
“Girls!” Mother called. “Come on in for a snack… Maya, you must change your clothes before your father gets home, you know how he feels about getting your clothes dirty.”
I grumbled out a response and linked arms with Galina as we made our way into the house.
Impossible. I pushed back from the desk. I was having some sort of… meltdown or something. Why was my brain suddenly remembering that? And why was Galina in the clinic?
Panicked, I didn’t even think about the rules. I had to know. I ran down the hall with Jac calling after me.
When I found the correct exam room, I pushed the door open and gasped as Nikolai inserted a syringe into Galina’s arm.
Her eyes were open.
Like she was awake.
But she wasn’t moving.
“Maya,” Nikolai said in a detached voice. “Is there a reason you’re in here?”
“I know her.”
He froze, his movements pausing midair as he slowly met my gaze. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”
“Galina.” I pointed at the motionless girl. “She was… I think… I think we were friends, when I was little. I had a red bike and she had a red bike, they both had baskets…” I tried to pull from the memory but it was slipping away.
Nikolai set down the syringe. “Don’t focus on the whole picture, focus on the details, like what the air smelled like, tasted like, did she hold your hand? Did you laugh?”
“You believe me?”
“I do.” His eyes were sad.
“I’m sorry.” I shook my head. “I don’t… I can’t remember anything else.”
His shoulders tensed. “Alright, since you were friends you may as well stay in here during the procedure.”
“Procedure?” I repeated.
“She’s in an altered state of consciousness,” he explained. “I oftentimes hypnotize the patients so that they don’t remember anything that takes place afterward, they feel pain in the moment but don’t remember they’ve felt it after. Hers will be brief, I need to draw some blood, and blood always makes her faint.”
“You hypnotized her?” Fear trickled down my spine.
Nikolai licked his lips. “Yes… because at least in her altered state if I ask her a question she can answer in the affirmative, and when one is relaxed…”
“Ask her about me,” I blurted, knowing full well that I was losing my mind or having some sort of breakdown. What alternate universe had I walked into? One where I had fragmented memories of a girl in pig tails? And why wouldn’t my body want me to remember? I had no idea the car accident had done so much to me.
Nikolai shook his head. “No, that could be dangerous.”
“Please?”
With a heavy sigh, Nikolai snapped his fingers, watching me out of the corner of his eye. Something was so familiar about his movements, like a dance, like a dance he’d taught me and I’d memorized. “Galina, it’s Nik… how do you know Maya?”
“Petrov.” Galina said in a pained voice. “He thought I was pretty.”
The room seemed to tilt around me, leaving me breathless, blood pounding in my ears.
“Said I could make money once my parents died.”
Nikolai drew another vial of blood and pulled the band off her arm then pressed a cotton ball to the inside of her elbow. “What happened, Galina? You can trust me.”
Galina shook her head vigorously then started bucking off the table.
Cursing, Nikolai snapped his fingers again and said. “Sleep.”
She stopped moving.
I was horrified, not by what he did, but how easily he did it… had he ever done that to me? Would he?
I couldn’t look at him.
Fear and guilt gnawed at me while I stared at her expressionless face.
“My father… he wouldn’t… do you think?”
“He owns several lucrative businesses that have to do with girls just like Galina… I don’t just think, I know. I help as many as I can, Maya, and that is all I can safely tell you.”
“Okay.” I took two steps toward the door. “I’m… I need to go home.”
“Tell Jac I said it was okay to close early and take you.”
“Thank you.” I nodded and walked away, because I didn’t know what else to do, and screaming seemed to be out of the question since finding my voice was near impossible.
What was he involved in?
What type of lie had I lived?
And the bigger question… would I have ended up like Galina… had I stayed with my father?