Paige

 

 

After helping Allie and Susanne see all the guests out and clean up, we ordered a pizza, unable to stomach another casserole. The fridge was filled with the well-meaning intentions of friends and family, but we’d eaten nothing but broccoli-rice casserole and tuna noodle for two days straight. We needed a break, and as we sat huddled around the small round kitchen table, a large pie in front of us, a moment of calm settled around us.

“You all right, Mom?” Allie asked, wiping her hands on a paper towel.

Susanne nodded. “Yeah, sweetie. We’ll get through somehow, right?” She squeezed her daughter’s hand.

“We always do,” Allie agreed.

“Where’s Cannon?” Susanne asked. “He should eat while the food is still hot.”

I hadn’t seen him in hours—not since our encounter in the garage. For all I knew, he was avoiding me. Maybe he regretted how he’d acted; I wasn’t sure. I focused on the warm slice of pizza in front of me and tried to forget the rest.

Allie nodded. “I’ll go find him.” She marched upstairs while Susanne and I continued eating in silence.

Susanne’s doctor, a longtime friend of the family, had stopped by earlier with a package of antianxiety medication. It was a sample pack with only a few doses, and Susanne had taken one earlier with a glass of water. I knew it wasn’t the answer long term, but was happy to see that she seemed a little calmer now. She was resilient and strong. I believed she would undoubtedly find a way through this nightmare.

When Allie came back, she announced that Cannon was drunk and would be down to eat later. It wasn’t like him to drink heavily, and the pizza I’d just consumed sat like a stone in my stomach.

As far as him coming downstairs, I never got to see that happen. I cleaned up the kitchen and left about thirty minutes later for home.

• • •

It was just after midnight when I heard the key turn in the lock. Sleep had eluded me. Even though my body was tired, my mind had continued to race.

I sat upright in bed. Cannon was home.

My heart rate picked up speed as he moved around the house. When he kicked off his shoes at the front door and moved toward the hall, I followed the less-than-graceful sounds of his footsteps. Then there was a loud thunk, followed by him cursing under his breath. Maybe he’d stubbed his toe? I almost giggled, but then the shadow of his tall form was filling my door frame.

“Paige?” He wasn’t quiet, clearly wasn’t afraid of waking me. There was a rough edge of need to his voice, and it called to something inside me. My chest tightened violently.

Cannon blinked as if his eyes were adjusting to the darkness, then stepped inside my room. I expected him to ask to join me like he had the other night, when we’d fallen asleep, seeking solace in each other’s arms. My first clue that this was not going to resemble that was when Cannon crossed the room and leaned over the foot of my bed, grasping my ankles to tug me down the bed.

“Paige.” He said my name again, his voice breaking.

“Yes?” I whispered.

“I need you.” The plea was so simple, and yet so visceral.

“Yes.” I moaned as his hands slid up my bare legs.

I’d gone to bed dressed in an oversized T-shirt and a pair of panties. And in about three seconds flat, he had stripped me of those. Then his hot mouth fused over mine, kissing me deeply. He tasted of whiskey and desire.

“Are you drunk?” I asked, panting as I pulled away.

“Might be. Just a little. But not so much that I can’t make you feel good.”

He nuzzled against my neck, leaving wet kisses on my throat, and desire surged through me.

“That okay, princess?”

“Yes.” I gasped, willing to agree to anything in that moment. I just didn’t want him to stop.

Cannon stripped out of his clothes, shedding them beside my bed, and then he moved over me, entering me with a soft sigh on his lips, muttering how perfect I felt.

Mixed emotions competed inside me. I wanted this, wanted him, but I wanted it to mean more than a quick midnight fuck to relieve stress. I wanted to wake up next to him, make breakfast together, kiss his perfect lips before I left for work, and share a glass of wine together in the evenings.

A tiny piece of me still held out hope, but most of me had resigned myself to the fact that I’d gotten myself into this situation—Cannon’s secret fuck buddy. I wanted to be more than a warm, wet hole, and at the thought, I started to get angry. Angry that he’d shown up drunk looking for sex, angry at the lack of foreplay.

Cannon lifted my bent knee, tucking my leg up beside my ribs so he could get even closer, thrust deeper than ever before. This side of Cannon was new—he wasn’t the gentle, attentive, playful lover whispering dirty things while he watched for my reactions. He was taking, pushing me further, fucking me harder.

“Are you going to come for me?” he whispered against my neck, his hips pummeling mine.

I buried my face against his throat and nodded.

“I love you, princess. Always have. Always will. I fought it for the longest time. But now that I’ve had you like this, I can’t go back. Won’t.”

I sobbed against his throat as his hips continued bucking against mine. “Cannon . . .” My cry was ragged and broken.

Every bit of anger melted away. It was replaced by a love so bright, it blinded me to everything else. We’d figure this out. We had to.

• • •

A noise in the living room woke me, and since I could feel the weight of Cannon’s hand resting across my waist, I knew he wasn’t the one stirring.

Blinking open sleepy eyes against the harsh light outside, I reached over to nudge Cannon’s shoulder and whispered, “I think Enchilada needs to go out.”

He grunted something unintelligible, and I could only smile. I felt the exact same way, overtired and completely sated. We’d stayed up half of the night making love, and I didn’t want to move. The first time was fast and rough, and I’d never forget Cannon whispering his love for me as he took me. The second time was slower, softer, and so meaningful. I had no idea what today held for us, but I knew we’d need to talk about what was going to happen next between us.

I stretched and noticed Enchilada lying beside the bed, still asleep. Then a voice in my living room called Cannon’s name, and I bolted upright in the bed.

Footsteps drew closer. Someone was in my house, and they were headed down the hall.

I tugged the sheet up to cover my breasts as Allie appeared in the doorway.

“What the fuck is this?” she shrieked.

Cannon’s eyes snapped open and he sat up in bed next to me, tugging the sheet up around his hips to conceal himself.

We had literally been caught red-handed. We were naked and in bed together—it didn’t get much worse than that.

Allie’s hands were shaking as she brought her fingers to her lips. “No.” She shook her head as if she wanted to wipe the image she was seeing from her brain. Her gaze locked on mine, and the hurt in her wild eyes was unlike any I’d ever seen. Her expression was more shocked and devastated than when she found out her fiancé was cheating on her.

“You’re fucking my brother?” she managed, her voice breaking on the words.

My heart plummeted, and I felt sick to my stomach. I never meant to deceive my very best friend, but here I was, in bed with her brother. It felt like the worst betrayal.

“Al, give us a minute,” Cannon said after a few seconds of tense silence. His voice was devoid of emotion, so unlike how he’d been last night, and my heart sank further.

Allie spun and stomped off down the hall. I was sure I had about thirty seconds to get dressed before she started throwing things in the living room. Lord knew I deserved every bit of her wrath. It wasn’t just that I’d started seeing Cannon; it was the fact that I’d done it behind her back. Maybe if I’d been honest with her from the start, admitted my feelings for him and sought her blessing . . .

I tugged my panties up my legs and stepped into my jeans. Slipping my discarded shirt from last night on over my head, I smoothed my just-fucked hair back in a low ponytail. Cannon pulled on his jeans, going commando beneath them.

Not daring enough to meet Cannon’s eyes, I held my breath and headed out, not ready to face Allie but unable to hide out in here with his stony silence.

“Hey.” Cannon gripped my elbow, stopping me in the doorway. “Why don’t you let me talk to her. Give her a chance to cool down.”

I shook my head. “No, it’s all right. I got myself into this mess, and it’s my responsibility to deal with the consequences.”

He nodded, his expression darkening. There was some kind of wall between us, but rather than try to figure out what was happening between us, I headed out to find Allie.

She was sitting in the center of my couch with her hands balled into fists in her lap. My first thought was that she was angry, but when I looked at her face and saw the tears dampening her cheeks, I wasn’t sure. She was obviously hurt too.

“Why, Paige? I don’t understand.”

I swallowed and lowered myself into the seat beside hers. “I am so, so sorry, Allie. It just happened.”

Allie wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand. “So last night—that was the first time?”

I cleared my throat. “No. It started before . . .” Pretty much right after he moved in, which meant we’d been sleeping together for much longer than I wanted to admit to Allie.

“But you weren’t even interested in dating. I tried so many times to get you out there more.” Allie sniffed again.

God, this was painful. I couldn’t tell her I’d fallen for her brother. Couldn’t even admit that to myself, because I was ninety-nine percent sure things between us were now over.

“I’m so sorry, Allie,” I offered again, my voice small as shame surged through me.

She hadn’t stormed out yet, so at least she was willing to hear me out. I guessed after twenty-plus years of friendship, she wasn’t going to just give up on me, as mad as she was, and there was some comfort in that.

“Can we please talk about this?” I asked. “Maybe go grab a cup of coffee?”

At least that would spare us the awkward moment when Cannon finally dressed and came out to join us. I didn’t think I was up for having to face him this morning too. Allie didn’t know it, but uncertainty swirled inside me over Cannon’s middle-of-the-night declaration.

The harsh light of day revealed the truth. Cannon had been drunk. It was the only explanation that made sense. He’d been through two tragedies in two days, losing his first patient and then his stepdad. He was out of his mind with grief, and he was intoxicated.

People said things like that when they’d been drinking. The I love you, man commentary shared between boozed-up friends was almost cliché. That’s all it was. I wanted to believe it was something more, but if he really was in love with me, he’d be out here right now dealing with the fallout, telling Allie that we were an item and not just a mistake.

He didn’t love me. I was there for Cannon in his time of need, and he was appreciative. Not if he hadn’t mentioned it today, especially not the way he’d looked at me when Allie was screaming. He looked like he wanted to get away from me as fast as he could.

Allie thought about my offer for coffee for a moment longer. I needed to get out of the house, whether she was coming with me or not. Finally, she nodded, and I grabbed my keys and phone before we headed out.

Once we were seated with two steaming mugs of coffee before us, Allie looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to say something. Only I had no idea what to say.

Admit that I cared for him? Where would that get me? Maybe it was better to let her think it was a moment of weakness, purely physical between us. Hell, maybe it had been. The truth was, I had no idea what was going on inside Cannon’s head right now. I only knew that he hadn’t tried to come after me, hadn’t told Allie to get out and mind her own business.

“I can’t tell you how sorry I am,” I said, apologizing again.

Allie shifted in her seat, crossing her legs as she studied me. “How long exactly have you been sleeping with my brother?”

“It started a little while ago. We’re friends, and then with us living together, it evolved into something more.”

“More as in . . . you care for him? You want him to make sacrifices and stay behind now?”

I shook my head. “I care about him, yes, but I would never make demands of him like that.”

Allie let out a deep exhale, her grip tightening around her mug. “I have no idea what to say, Paige. I never imagined a scenario where you were hooking up with my little brother behind my back.”

Embarrassment washed over me like a tidal wave. Unsure how to respond, I took a sip of hot coffee, burning the tip of my tongue. I was pretty sure that was karma.

I set down the mug in front of me. “What happens now?”

Allie’s gaze drifted out the window of the coffee shop to where pedestrians and college kids were navigating our still-sleepy city. “Honestly? I’m not sure, Paige. Seeing you two in bed together isn’t just something I can erase.”

I nodded. This wasn’t like the time I spilled marinara on her favorite white silk blouse. That was fixed with a visit to the dry cleaner’s, and then we were good again. I had a feeling this would take a little while. I’d broken her trust. I couldn’t just snap my fingers and make it all better.

“I need some time,” she said. “And I still need to talk to Cannon. Find out what the fuck the little dipshit was thinking.”

That made two of us.