Cas
I’ve never seen a photograph of myself as a baby before and as I look down at the image before me, my head swims in confusion and the photo burns into my skin.
I waited day after day for her to come find me when I was a kid, and now, here she stands, and I don’t want her anywhere near me. It’s taking everything I have not to wrap my hand around her throat and squeeze the life from her.
“Get her out of here,” I order Sparky, tossing the photo at her feet.
“Castiel, please. I have so much I want to say to you…”
I pounce forward and get in her face, wanting to be close enough so she hears every word I have to say.
“There is not a fuckin’ thing you have to say that I want to hear. Leave. Now.”
She’s been nervous since she walked through my office door, she flinches more than she stands steady, but she doesn’t move and holds her resolve to talk to me.
“I’ve been waiting thirty-five years for this moment, I’m not going anywhere,” she says, adamantly.
We end up in a stare-off before I’m the first to back down. I’m not doing this now. I can’t do this now.
“You’ll wait another thirty-five years before I give you the time from my day,” I promise her.
I’m the first to back away as she stands there holding her ground. I’ve never backed down from anything, never been scared or intimidated, until now.
Her absence has been the biggest ghost haunting me and I can’t deal. I circle around the desk and grab the holdall of cash for Hank. I have shit to do, she isn’t going to rock up and start fucking shit up for me.
I make it to the door before I stop and turn to Sparky. The pity he has in his eyes is humiliating me and he needs to cut that shit out.
“I don’t want her here when I get back.”
Then I leave. I can’t make it outside fast enough. My pulse races and my mind’s swimming with too many thoughts to handle at once. Strapping the holdall to my back, I swing my leg over my bike and bring the engine to life. I have shit to do and she isn’t going to get in my way.
I ride past Jackie’s car and blow out of the club and onto the main road. I thrash the throttle and push past the speed limit. The faster I ride, the more I have to concentrate and less time I have to think about the bitch who abandoned me.
I take the turn off to Hank’s place and slow down as I ride up his drive. Owning the diner has paid well for him, he must have over ten acres of land out here. I haven’t been here before, but everyone knows where everyone lives in this town.
The man I’m here to see comes out hearing my bike and he holds himself tall as if he can intimidate me. I turn the engine off and kick out the stand and climb off my bike.
“Sparky said you’d come around, I expected you sooner.”
I ignore his sarcasm and walk up to him, shrugging the holdall off my back.
“I’m here now and we need to talk.”
“Follow me.”
I do, and he leads us around the house to the back yard. I’ve only ever seen Hank at the diner, and he’s always wearing his old, greasy apron with a hair net on his head. Following him over to what looks like an old barn, he’s wearing beat up jeans and a ripped to hell plaid shirt.
His home life is a lot different than his work life. Walking into the barn, I take in my surroundings and find Hank is a hoarder.
There are boxes everywhere, piles of books, stacks of old vinyl records. It looks like he hasn’t thrown anything away since the eighties.
“Am I not good enough to be invited into your home, Hank?”
I drop the bag onto a work bench and pull out my cigarettes. I keep my eye on him as I light up and exhale the smoke around us.
“It’s not like that, I don’t want Chrissy on my back, asking questions.”
That sounds plausible, so I nod at the bag and take another drag on my cigarette.
“Our apology for the diner,” I state.
He shows his greed and dives straight in to see what the bag contains. Unzipping it, a low whistle flows from between his lips and his eyes are vibrating as he looks up at me.
“How much is here?”
“Three hundred thousand, more than enough for you to keep your mouth shut. I’m sure you’re cashing in on the insurance as well, this is your bonus.”
A small price to pay to keep Jake off my back about it and finding the link between the diner and the club.
“To be honest, I’ve enjoyed the down time since the fire, it’s been easier knowing this was coming, but it’s making me question if I want to go back to the early mornings and grease.”
I take one last pull on my cigarette before dropping it on the floor and grinding it out under my boot.
“Do what you want with it, it’s yours to rebuild the diner or retire, I really don’t give a shit. All I need is your word you won’t say anything to anyone.”
“You mean, Jake?”
I step closer to him and he loses the smug fucking grin off his face.
“I mean anyone. This cash can disappear, your house, your wife,” I threaten, and carry on, “This cash is a kind gesture from me as an apology because you got caught in a fight that wasn’t yours, but if you disrespect my generosity, I’ll make you wish you hadn’t.”
He gulps and leans away from the bag; the money is not looking so inviting now.
“My mouth is shut.”
“Good,” I say, inhaling deeply as pain dances around my forehead, “I’ll see myself out. Put that somewhere safe and don’t run your mouth off to everyone in town about it.”
He holds his hand out as I’m about to leave and I shake it. I suppose it’s better to leave on good terms.
“See you around, Cas.”
I walk out of the barn and dig my phone out of my pocket. I hit up Sparky’s number and he picks up on the fourth ring.
“Yeah?” he answers.
I find myself unable to speak. I left that whore with him to get rid of, but I’m ridden with fear. It’s the same type of fear I had as a child, the never knowing anything where she is concerned.
I’m afraid she’ll still be there and I’m afraid she is gone. I hate it.
“She’s gone, Cas,” he says, quietly.
I get my answer when I feel relief punch me in the gut. I still can’t speak so I hang up and squeeze the phone in my hand until it feels like I’m going to rip open the skin over my knuckles.
I intended on going home but I ride back to the club and slip by my brothers unnoticed and head into my office.
I can still smell her perfume in the air, something fruity and cheap. It turns my stomach. I light a cigarette just to get rid of it and leave it to burn down in the ashtray. I’d rather be in a room full of harmful smoke than her perfume.
The last thing I need is a reminder of what she smelled like. I sit behind my desk and the first thing I see is my baby photo leaning up against the lamp.
Snatching it up, I ignore the baby and inspect the surroundings around it. The place looks filthy. The mattress is old and dirty, the walls are bare brick and it’s dimly lit. I’ve never seen a photo of what I looked like as a baby before, how pathetic is that? Alannah has boxes full of baby photos and photos documenting her childhood. Even Sparky has a box of photos he received from his father a few years ago.
I don’t have a single shred of physical evidence from my childhood. Flicking the photo over, there is a phone number scrawled across the back.
I pull out my phone and scroll until I find Slade’s number. I hit call and press it to my ear.
It rings out and goes to voicemail, I hang up and call him again. Luckily for him, he picks up my call and my mouth goes dry.
“What’s up, Cas?” he asks.
“I need you to do your thing and get me everything you can find on a Jacqueline Morris.”
“Sure, who is she?”
“It doesn’t matter, just get me the information.”
I hang up and throw the phone on the desk. With one last glance at the photo, I tuck it into my pocket and try to forget everything that’s happened today.