Skila

I didn’t sleep a wink all night long. I swear, if it wasn’t for the baby growing in my womb, I would have been plastered before midnight, but as it is, I decided to just drown my sorrows in a tub of Chunky Monkey ice cream and The Voice on TV. All night long, I replayed last night's events over and over in my mind. Did I really see what I thought I saw?

There was no doubt that Kiptyn had shown up drunk off his ass with a blonde bimbo in tow, but something about the whole situation seemed off. First, why was she standing on the front porch if he brought her home with the intent to sleep with her, and was what he was trying to tell me when I stormed out of the house true? Was it as innocent as a ride home?

I admit I don’t know Kip that well. I only met him a little over two months ago, but in that amount of time, I have lived with him for a month. We spent every day together. He has never given me any reason to believe he could be the type of cold, heartless man it would take to do something like I accused him of last night. In my heart, I know the truth.

I had flown off the handle. I was already upset and worried about him when he didn’t come straight home after the doctor. I knew I should have stayed there with him, but he urged me to go home. He didn’t want me to worry, I could tell, and whether he liked it or not, I was worried, not because I cared whether he played professional ball or not, or whether he was loaded. I was worried because I knew what the game meant to him. It had pulled him out of a dark place several years ago and given him something to put his energy into. He needed it.

I went home when he asked me to and re-dusted the entire downstairs. I put a load of laundry in the wash and took one out of the dryer. After folding it, I took it upstairs to put it away, which is where I was when he pulled up, or rather when she pulled up. It struck me then how strange it was for someone to be driving him home. How did she know where he lived? Had she been there before? Was she a regular?

No. Kip never dated, and from I learned about him, he didn’t usually bring the same girl home twice. So how did she know where he lived? There was only one conclusion. He must have told her, but if he was able to do that, then why didn’t he drive himself, or better yet, call a cab?

I think back over the inebriated state he was in, staggering up the stairs and leaning against walls. His voice was slurred and his eyes were bright. That explains him not driving.

My hormones have been all over the place. Some days I’m up, floating so high on life that I get on my own damn nerves, and then other days I’m low, not wanting to get out of bed at all. Of course, it’s not always the days that rotate my moods in and out. Sometimes, it can be something as small as a commercial on TV that sets the tears off, so it's possible that I let my hormones get in the way last night and dictate the way I handled the situation.

One thing is for certain. I’m not the type to just run away and cower. I'll be going back to Kiptyn’s today, and he will give me the answers I want. Afterward, we will see where we both stand. It’s time to put everything out there. There’s no doubt in my mind that I'm head over heels in love with him. He entered my life at a time when the last thing I wanted was a relationship, and he had not taken no for an answer. I had been swept off my feet.

Now I feel more betrayed than ever. I was fine before he came along. I would have made it without him. Even once I found out about the baby, everything would have been great. Of course, it’s even better having him there at every appointment. He even went and bought two baby books, one for Mommy to fill in and one for Daddy. He claimed we had different views on every memory of our journey, and he wanted to be able to document his own.

I hate to admit it, but his is already more full than mine. There are so many things that I would never write that seem like the biggest deal to him, like the first time I asked for hot sauce on my eggs, or the first time I woke up craving Sonic's chili cheese dogs. He writes everything down, like it's his own personal journal of our pregnancy.

Our pregnancy.

The more I think about it, the more certain I am that he didn’t bring her home last night to sleep with her. I’m not saying what he did was okay by any means, but in my heart, I know he was telling me the truth. I can feel it in the depths of my soul.

“Hey, lazy bones,” Lisa calls out to me, entering the front door carrying—God bless her soul—Starbucks. I sit up immediately.

“Gimme, gimme, gimme,” I say as I make a grab for the cup in her hand and she shimmies out of the way, laughing.

“What? You thought one of these was for you? Nah, boo.” She tries to hide the smile on her face, but I see it sneaking through.

“Oh, ok. Well, in that case, I guess Suzan will make a good godmother.” She knows I’m joking. I would never trust something as serious as that to someone I didn’t trust implicitly. Her hand flies to her heart.

“You don’t mean it? Really?” she asks, setting the coffee down on the end table and pulling me into a tight hug. She smells of honeysuckle, and it reminds me of our summers in Georgia.

“No, I don’t if you don’t,” I say as I pull back. She shakes her head up and down and then pulls me back in for another quick hug before grabbing the coffee and passing it to me.

“I love ya, girl. You know that, right?” Uh oh, I feel a talk coming on. I take a sip of the hot, creamy ecstasy before nodding for her to continue. “What the hell are you gonna do about that man? You know you can stay here as long as you want. I’ve never cared. Hell, we can move up to a three-bedroom if ya want so the baby has a room too.”

I cut her off before she continues. “I’m going there today. I . . . I think I may have overreacted last night. I mean . . . well. I’m going to go there today and put it all out there and see what he says. I appreciate the offer, Lisa, and who knows? I might be taking you up on it, but I’m gonna try to talk to him first.”

“Ok, babe. Just know the offer stands.”