Dying for the Rose

 

 

I don’t have much experience being chased by tigers, but I do know that when one chases you, you run. So I’m running. And my girlfriend’s running. And do you know how I can tell that my relationship might be over? Because I’m secretly hoping that she’s slower than I am.

You might ask me how I could hope for such a thing. Who knows? Relationships are complex.

I will mention, though, that she just moved into my apartment. Funny thing, when she did, she removed all of my stuff and then didn’t tell me where she put it. And sure, I really liked my stuff. But like I said, who knows why I feel the way I do? Relationships are complex.

Anyway. To celebrate our living together, she suggested that we take a safari. And like when she suggested that we move in together, I agreed. Now, I’m running, she’s running and an adult Bengal tiger is running after us.

They say that you learn things about the person you’re dating when you vacation together. It’s true. What I’ve learned about Laura is that she is fast. And I’m no slouch. I’ve stayed in shape. So how the hell did she sprint past me five seconds ago? Seriously, she’s like a gazelle.

But I guess I should be grateful for her speed. Her lead will give her the time to open the Land Rover’s door and climb in. Then, with barely a second to spare, I’ll slide in behind her.

You know what? I take back everything I thought about Laura. I’m lucky to have a girlfriend like her. I don’t appreciate her enough. From this moment forward, I’ll do better. Because that gazelle is fantastic.

And how impressed will people be when they hear how we fell in love? “It was when she helped me escape from a tiger,” I’ll say. Then I’ll turn and kiss her like couples do when they’re telling their story. It will be perfect.

Or more precisely, it would have been perfect. Because there was a minor hitch in our great love epic. And it had to do with what happened after Laura got into the jeep.

Do you know how they say that traveling together will reveal interesting things about your relationship? Well, the most interesting thing happened as I approached the open door. My girlfriend, Laura, revealed that she didn’t see us having a long life together. And she did it by closing the door behind her, leaving me outside to be eaten by the tiger. Laura has never been much for subtlety.

Luckily, this moment wasn’t the first time that my life has been in danger. It was an old, familiar feeling. The electricity that prickled my skin, the high-pitched whine in my ears, the dry mouth, the heightened senses, all of it came rushing back.

I looked behind me at my tiger. I say “my tiger” because I was sure that this tiger was going to kill me, that this was the moment I was going to die. Or… you know what? Maybe not.

Sure, 400 pounds of rippling muscle was tracking me at 30 miles per hour. But the jeep was right there. Maybe I had just enough time to reach up, open the door, and slide in.

The problem, though, was that the tiger was close. I could hear it breathing, sending chills down my neck.

A few more steps and a quarter ton of muscle would be on top of me, mauling me, making Laura the last girlfriend I would ever have. Man, out of everything, knowing that Laura would be my last attempt at love had to be the saddest part.

No. Screw that. I was gonna live. If a building-sized explosion didn’t kill me, a poorly chosen girlfriend wasn’t going to take me out.

The tiger was about to pounce when I saw my escape. The windows were up and the roof was on, but the jeep had a fourteen-inch clearance underneath it. I could slide into it feet first and roll.

I dove. The tiger’s rough paw brushed me. How hadn’t it hooked me? I didn’t know. But for the moment, I was free.

My tiger, thinking he had me, didn’t slow down. He ran into the door at full speed. The jeep jolted like it had been hit by a car. The collision was deafening.

The tiger was shaken, but it didn’t stop. It merely backed up and tried again. And unable to crawl under, it reached out its paw and swiped at me.

Its long arms grabbed me, pulling me towards it. I slid across the dirt until I heard a loud rip. He had clawed my shirt though he missed my flesh. I shimmied further back, racing to get away.

Surrounded by the smell of diesel and grease, my breath hitched. The smell burned my lungs. I recovered in time to see its paw swipe again. The wind rushed across my face. The toxic fumes were overwhelming. I’ve got to get out of here, I thought.

My muscles tensed as my eyes darted around the confined space. I could feel the chemicals slowing my thoughts. My reaction time would be next. After that, I would be as good as dead.

It was then that I had a stroke of luck: Laura started the jeep. My girlfriend’s complete disregard for my safety had offered me an escape.

Upon hearing the growl of the engine, the tiger jumped back. Watching it move from one side of the jeep to the other, I saw my opening. I could roll out the other side, jump up and get in.

Sounds like a good plan, right? I thought so. And it probably would have worked if the jeep hadn’t begun to pull away.

You know, I blame myself for this whole situation. I haven’t been making the best decisions lately. Dating a woman who was clearly trying to kill me was just one of them.

But seeing my life with a face full of dirt and a rattling engine at my back gave me a new perspective. I saw that my bad decisions had to end. Reconsidering whether the brown stuff on my face was actually dirt, I decided to turn over a new leaf. I would begin by focusing on what was important. Right now, that was my survival.

The jeep moved forward, but not very quickly. I looked around in search of the tiger. It stood crouched at the front left. I shimmied to the right.

The jeep picked up speed. I kept my eyes locked on the beast as the blazing sun hit my legs. My back was next, followed by my hands and my neck. It wouldn’t be long until nothing stood between myself and the man-eater. Before I knew it, there he was.

My chest hurt as he turned his massive face towards me. The world was slowing down, and I couldn’t breathe. It was now a race. Could he redirect his 400 pounds faster than I could climb up the back of the jeep?

As if out of the starting blocks, my body rocketed forward. It would have been impressive if I wasn’t racing a tiger. Because in half the time it took me to get to the jeep, he had contorted his striped body and was charging me.

I lunged for the ladder as he measured his speed. Just when he sprung towards me, my hand gripped the metal rung. I pulled my torso onto the roof while I felt coarse fur brush against my leg. Was it his paw? His whiskers? I didn’t know.

I couldn’t think about that now. I had to focus. The jeep was approaching critical speed, and I had to get down and hold on. In seconds, we would be moving too fast for my friend to leap again.

I couldn’t believe it. As long as no one hit the stop button, I was going to survive. Not even Laura was heartless enough to purposely stop the jeep… was she?

Miraculously, the jeep never stopped. Was it that Laura still cared about me? Possibly. Could her “not stopping” have more to do with making her spa appointment at the resort? I think that I would have to be pretty cynical to believe something like that.

I mean sure, she ran to the spa as soon as the jeep parked. And no, she never asked me if I was okay. But it wasn’t like Laura was some type of sociopath. I think I would know if I were dating a sociopath.

I mean, I might have made a few bad choices lately when it came to women. But it wasn’t like all of my girlfriends had tried to kill me… twice… in the same day. No. I was a much better judge of character than that.

But, considering what had just happened, I decided that it might be good to make a few changes. Nothing too dramatic, of course. I just needed to address the things that weren’t working in my life. And with a beautiful girlfriend, a high paying job, and a gorgeous apartment, I couldn’t need to change that many things. Right?

 

 

 

Well, how the hell did I get here? I mean, I know how I got here. I just mean… how the hell did I get here? I was alone on a ferry waiting for the boat to approach the dock. I was wearing a very expensive suit. And I was nervous.

A lot had changed for me since the safari. First off, I broke up with Laura. No surprise there. But what did surprise me was what I saw in her relaxed, soulless eyes after she returned from her spa appointment that day. What I saw was me staring back at myself.

And I’m not referring to my reflection in their lifeless sheen. I’m talking metaphorically. In her, I saw a part of me that I couldn’t see in myself. We had more in common than I wanted to admit, which meant that I had hit rock bottom.   

So as soon as I got back home, that was it. I asked her where she put my stuff, and I moved out. After five years of living in that gorgeous apartment, it was time for a fresh start.

On top of that, I left my job. I hated being a corporate recruiter. If I had had to listen to another fourteen-year-old explain why she thought that she would make a great CEO in another 20 years, I would have hurt somebody.

As a former recruiter for the Young CEO Recruitment Program at a major corporation, I can tell you that the program doesn’t work. Yeah, those kids are smart. That’s why I was there. That’s why I lived with them for six weeks, observing them, interacting with them, and evaluating them for a lifetime job that they could never understand at fourteen.

No matter what anyone says, people aren’t born leaders. Leadership is like a diamond. It forms under great stress and pressure. Fourteen is way too soon to evaluate leadership potential. I couldn’t say that as a highly paid recruiter for the world’s largest corporation, but it doesn’t make it any less true.

So, after that, I was without a job, a long-term lease or a girlfriend. I was free to start my life again. Then, one thing led to another, I answered a few questions online, and then, I was on my way to meet the bachelorette. Apparently, I was going to be on TV.

I didn’t watch TV then, and I don’t watch it now. In fact, I don’t know anyone who still owns a TV. Nonetheless, I was going to be on game show holdover from the time of broadcast television.

I didn’t know the details of the show, but I didn’t care. What I knew was that I was unemployed and being on a TV show would qualify as a life-change. Plus, it might be good for a laugh. So there I was, alone on a ferry, wearing an expensive suit and about to meet a woman whom I was supposed to compete for against other men.

Ha! The whole thing was ridiculous.

In a pose that made me feel like George Washington crossing the Delaware, I stared out into the darkness. I enjoyed the feeling as the salty sea air washed over me. And as the light in the distance grew, I saw her.

She stood motionless under a cascade of lights. Her incandescent blue dress sparkled. She was tall and fit. When I was close enough to see it, her bright smile lit up her face, making its narrow contours appear round.

Wow! I thought.

A producer back on the mainland had gotten me ready for the show. He hadn’t told me much, but one of the things he had said was that I would like her. So far, so good.

The ferry slowed as it reached the wooden dock. With barely a jolt, the magnetic locks brought the boat to a stop.

“Please step forward,” a soothing robotic voice requested.

I looked down at the door that opened to the dock. The thing I didn’t like about autonomous boats was that you never knew how much you were supposed to do yourself. When nothing lit up and nothing popped open, I opened the door and walked through.

Stepping onto the dock, I couldn’t help but look around for the cameras. Were they in the lamps that lined the dock? Were they on drones flying above? If they were, I didn’t see them. But they were supposed to be non-intrusive, right? Well, in this case, they succeeded.

I strolled forward turning my full attention to the woman. What I remembered about these types of game shows was that in the end, the winning guy was supposed to ask the bachelorette to marry him. I couldn’t even imagine falling in love with someone in such a short time. So, wanting to marry someone in a few short weeks? What a laugh.

I had asked the producer about it, and he had reluctantly confirmed. That was what I was here to do. To be honest, I didn’t expect to be here for very long.

I stepped off of the wooden planks and was greeted by a thigh-high floating robot. Giving it only a quick glance, I assumed it was my personal escort. Following it, I turned my attention to the grass that had been planted to resemble a red carpet.

The producer had said that we weren’t supposed to know where we were. Supposedly, we were on an island in the middle of nowhere, but the red grass did offer a clue.

In the last few years, red grass had become popular in South East Asia. Sure, you could now grow the grass anywhere. However, taking into consideration the warm night breezes, the flowers that formed the bachelorette’s backdrop, and how long I was on the ferry, Southeast Asia made sense.

Resolving one mystery, I focused on another, the woman in front of me. She really did have a welcoming smile. Plus, the closer I got, the more beautiful she became.

Her jade eyes popped against her deeply tanned skin. Her curves were a mixture of athleticism and femininity. She looked strong and vulnerable, all at the same time.

Wow. I had never expected to find someone so gorgeous. It was a real shame that we had to meet under such circumstances. Sure, some people thought that these types of game shows were romantic. That’s why the format had lasted for so long. But I never did.

One woman and a bunch of guys are put on a deserted island, and the woman eliminates men until she chooses who she wants to marry? Hey, to each their own, but I couldn’t think of anything less romantic.

Yet, with the chorus of chirping birds and crashing waves, the oversized flowers framing her, the blue glow surrounding her, and the smell of coconut and vanilla that became stronger the closer I got to her, I did feel my heart flutter. Remembering my snicker when the producer oversold the two minutes I would have with her, I started to wonder if two minutes would be enough.

Standing in front of her, I wished that I had planned something to say to her like the producer had suggested. It might have prevented me from staring at her like a prepubescent schoolboy.

“Hi, I’m Rose,” she said, flashing a fantastic smile.

“Hi, Rose. I’m Ford.”

I stuck out my hand as she spread her arms for a hug. We chuckled at that and then I stepped in, following her lead. With her body pressed against mine, I got a full whiff of coconut and vanilla. Damn, I loved that scent! It made me weak in the knees.

Pulling away, I got the sense that I was supposed to speak next. I imagined that she was giving me the opportunity to say whatever it was that I had prepared. Why the hell hadn’t I prepared something? Instead, my mind was adrift in her scent, and I couldn’t remember anything past my own name.

“Let me guess. I look familiar to you?” she asked, now smiling uncomfortably.

Uh oh, I thought. Nothing good ever followed that question.

I sped through my mental Rolodex of one-date wonders. She wasn’t in there. Did I forget to add someone? As uncomfortable as the thought was, at least it gave me something to say.

“I’m sorry, have we met before?”

“No,” she said, frozen in a look of confusion.

The awkward silence that followed was in no way my fault. The look on her face suggested that she was about to say something, but she never did. 

“I’m sorry,” she said eventually. “I thought you were someone else.”

“That’s okay,” I replied, even more relieved than she looked. “I was worried for a second. But I don’t think I would forget meeting someone as beautiful as you.”

The corner of her eyes crinkled with a genuine smile. It gave me a rush.

“Can we start over?” she asked enthusiastically.

“Absolutely.”

“Hi I’m Rose,” she said, sticking out her hand.

“I’m Ford.” 

We shook hands and chuckled.

“I like your suit.”

“Thank you. I like your dress,” I replied, feeling a flow develop between us. “I wonder what you would look like out of it.”

I heard it after it came out of my mouth.

Rose stared at me with her mouth hanging open. I began to wonder if I had ever spoken to a woman before. As I started to make space in my one-date Rolodex, she released a loud “Ha” and snorted.

“I’m really sorry,” I said emphatically. “That did not come out right.”

“It didn’t? That’s too bad. I suddenly really liked you.”

To my surprise, her eyes were twinkling. I had intrigued her.

“Oh. Then if you liked that, wait until I’m not watching what I’m saying,” I joked.

“I can’t wait,” she said flirtatiously. “Hey, you wanna play a game?”

“Sure,” I said, regaining my bearing.

“I’ll tell you a secret about myself, and then you can tell me one about you.”

I hesitated. “Okay.”

“My secret is that my hands were shaking so much when I was getting ready to come down here that I over-plucked my eyebrows.”

“Did you?” I asked peeking up at her forehead.

She hid her eyebrows with her hand. “Oh, don’t look.”

“Why not?” I asked, delighted by her vulnerability.

“I drew them back on, and they look weird.”

I reached up and held her wrist. She let me lower her hand.

“What are you talking about?” I asked after getting a good look.

“Are you kidding me? They’re so thick I’m afraid I’ll be recruited by wandering mimes.” 

I laughed. “Why were you so nervous before you came out here?”

“You know, meeting guys like you,” she said, showing more hints of her alluring vulnerability.

I looked at her curiously. “You do know that the guys here will be trying to impress you, right? You aren’t the one who should be nervous.”

“Even you?” she asked flirtatiously.

I didn’t know it until that exact second, but I said, “Yeah, of course.”

Her eyes twinkled in response. “So, what’s your secret?”

My chest tightened at the question. Her smile slowly disappeared with mine. Gathering my strength, I gently took her hand and looked into her eyes.

“Rose, I’m actually a mime. I’m here to talk to you about joining my wandering troupe.”

She burst out laughing.

It felt good knowing I was the one who made her laugh. Was it just me, or had I just stuck the landing? Sure, this whole situation was absurd, but damn if we hadn’t made a real connection.

“No. Come on. Tell me,” she insisted.

The burning in my chest returned as her grip on my hand tightened. I looked into her eyes. Despite her disarming smile, she was serious.

This time, the silence was interrupted by my beeping robot escort. That was it; my two minutes were up. It had to have been the shortest two minutes of my life.

I offered Rose a twisted smile as an apology and then stepped past her. I touched my fingertips to the image displayed on my escort’s scanner. Feeling a gentle pulse that adhered me to the bot, I followed it as it took me away from Rose. Once I was a few feet past my bachelorette, I took a quick look back. She hadn’t peeked back at me.

Watching her turn away, I did the same. Yep, we had definitely made a connection. No one could’ve been more surprised by it than I was.

However, the further I got from the scent of coconut and vanilla, the easier it was to remember that I was on a game show. I thought about my interaction with Rose and searched the scene for the cameras. I didn’t see any.

I then thought about Rose. As real as the moment felt, was she just a really good actress?

As I thought about it, I became aware of my breathing. My heavy breaths were accompanied by a quickened heartbeat, a strange reaction.

Feeling a light electrical tug on my fingertips, I realized I had slowed down. Speeding up, I turned my attention to my escort. I hadn’t before seen a levitating bot up close before. I think this model was called a “pawn.”

That was my guess, anyway. It did resemble the chess piece, except for its flat top. If I was right, it spoke volumes about the budget of the show. Butler bots like pawns were expensive. And so far, there was this one, the one that waited behind Rose, and probably a few others floating around. 

The limited functionality of pawns made them a luxury item. Only the top one percent of corporations had pawns as escorts. Everyone else had the non-levitating models. In my opinion, even those were a waste. You could buy a 50,000-dollar bot to offer your guest a bottle of water, or you could pay someone minimum wage to do it. Pawns were mostly prestige symbols.

I was more familiar with the pawn’s 1,000-pound robot cousins. Their weight ruled out levitation. Plus, they had the firepower to cut a tree in half.

But enough about the good ole days. They were memories of a life long gone, and on my good days, they were memories forgotten.

I was here now. I was on an island in Southeast Asia, and I had just met a very interesting woman, who, if I wasn’t mistaken, wouldn’t beat me in a footrace with a tiger. In other words, she was exactly my type.

My escort led me into the trees. The soft blue light that the pawn levitated upon illuminated the small pebbles covering the pathway. Further ahead, a series of small, white lights outlined a path. We followed its twists and turns through the woods for two minutes. At the end, we poured out onto the manicured lawn of a quaint island resort.

Made entirely of bamboo, the building had a third-world charm. I followed my pawn inside, finding myself in the main office. Although the room was empty, the check-in counter was to the left, and a few steps past the counter, a door opened onto the facilities.

Exiting the main office, we were again outside. A pool was immediately in front of us, and it was surrounded by manmade ponds and miniature waterfalls. Beyond that, it looked like there was a dining area. Further still, on the left and right, were cabins. It was a charming resort.

Scattered throughout the decorative pools were twenty-five elegantly dressed men. To my surprise, they weren’t just good-looking. They were all extremely good-looking. It was like walking onto a model shoot.

Staring at the modelesque men, I had to fight against my competitive juices. I reminded myself of my own successes. I had been with my fair share of women through the years. In fact, though I wasn’t one to brag, Laura hadn’t been the only woman to try to kill me.

“Please, introduce yourself, and mingle,” my pawn instructed before parking itself along the wall with twenty other pawns.

I scanned the space looking for a bar. Not surprisingly, when I found it, it was surrounded by guys. So, throwing my shoulders back, I meandered over with swagger.

“What’s on tap?” I asked the annoyingly handsome bartender.

“I’m not the bartender, but I can make you what’s good,” he replied, showing the contrast between his white teeth, tanned skin, and sun-bleached hair.

“What’s good?” I asked.

“Whatever I make,” he replied.

“Fire it up,” I said, unsure if I liked him.

“No, it’s good,” the guy next to me added.

I found the second guy a little less annoying. He was still way too good-looking, but it was more in an “aw-shucks” sort of way. He looked like a guy who worked for a living instead of skirting by on his looks.

“Ford,” I told him, holding out my hand.

“Kurt,” he replied, gripping mine. “And this is Brad,” he added pointing at the man behind the bar.

“And this here is an Alabama Slama,” Brad announced in a manufactured southern accent.

I took the rocks glass and sipped. It was a little sweet, but not too bad. “Alright,” I confirmed just glad to get a drink in me.

“Do you believe any of this?” Kurt leaned in to ask.

“It’s out there. Isn’t it?”

“But did you see our bachelorette?” Brad interjected. “Fine trimmings. Am I right?”

I had to admit, she was more than I had expected.

“And I don’t want to disappoint you, gentlemen,” Brad continued, “but we had a moment. I think this contest is all but over.”

“What did she say?” I asked, remembering my own moment with her.

“It was all about the eyes… and the look-back.”

“Look back?” I asked.

“You know. You turn around after you meet someone and then you look back to see if she is looking back at you.”

“She looked back at you?” I asked, remembering the look back she gave me.

“You know it.”

“And you?” I said turning to Kurt.

“I didn’t check. I guess I should have. But it was still pretty cool. I can’t really reveal what she said, but we ended up playing a little game,” he admitted with a smile.

I did not like where this was going. “What type of game?”

“I mean, it wasn’t anything major,” he blushed. “She just shared a secret about herself, and it was really sweet.”

“What secret was that?” I pushed, my stomach turning over.

“It was nothing. It was just something about her makeup.”

“And her eyebrows?” I prodded hesitantly.

“Yeah. How did you know?” Kurt asked confused. When I didn’t answer Kurt continued.

“Anyway, it wasn’t what she shared exactly, it was more the joke I made afterward. She had said that she was scared about being recruited by mimes. Then I joked that I was a mime. It’s hard to explain. You had to be there.”

My mouth dropped open. I was about to speak when Brad beat me to it.

“Well, goddamn! I made the same joke.” Brad thought for a second, laughed out loud and then went back to bartending.

Kurt leaned toward me with his eyes fixed on Brad. “Do you think he’s messing with me?”

“No. I don’t think he is,” I informed him trying to hide the ache that I felt. I wasn’t sure why I had felt anything at all. I knew that this was a game show and that nothing here was real.

I had to admit, though, the girl had skills. She must have repeated it twenty times before saying it to me. Yet, when I heard it, I would have sworn it had been the first. That bitter pill had told me everything I needed to know about Rose and the show. 

“Hey, check this out.” Brad lifted his chin, turning our attention to the beefy man headed to the bar.

“Braaad!” He slurred holding up his empty glass. “My man!”

Brad matched his volume and celebratory mood. “One more?”

The beefy guy got sentimental touching the glass to his heart. “Always, man. That’s what I like about you. You get me.”

The beefy man threw his arm around Kurt and pointed at Brad. “Have you met this guy? Greatest guy ever.”

Already too drunk to stand still, he left Kurt to hug Brad from across the bar. Brad handed him a drink instead. The beefy guy was disappointed by his unrequited hug, but forgot about it when Brad held his own drink in the air.

“Cheers.”

Kurt and I joined Brad and the beefy guy did what came naturally. Leveling the glass, the beefy guy stared at Brad for a second. He licked his lips as if evaluating the drink. Instead of commenting, he turned and reentered the crowd.

I turned to Brad, wondering if he should have given the drunk man another drink. Brad winked at me in return. “Let the games begin,” he announced with a grin.

Brad was right. This whole set up was all just a game. We chased after Rose in order to be the last man standing. Meanwhile, millions of people around the world watched us and laughed.

Yeah, I was so done. The four hours spent signing paperwork, the long flights with blacked out windows where you wake up in strange rooms, the two-hour ferry trip to the island… TV, you gotta love the glamour.

Kurt and I stepped away from the bar when Rose made her grand entrance. Looking at her again, I confirmed my original impression. She was indeed gorgeous. As she addressed the guys, I watched her closely for signs of deceit. Amazingly, I didn’t find any. She was either being sincere or she was the greatest actor ever.

“…I’m looking forward to getting to know every one of you. But, you know, this time with my clothes on.”

Everyone around me laughed. I didn’t get it.

“And when this all ends, I truly believe that I will have found the man I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. So cheers! Oh, wait. I need a drink.”

On cue, Brad stepped forward with a glass. “Cheers!” she said again, and everyone echoed her.

It didn’t take long after that before she was swarmed by guys. They talked as a group for about a minute and then Brad escorted her off.

“So what’s happening?” I asked Kurt who seemed familiar with the show’s format.

“They go off and talk. Everyone’s supposed to try and get time with her to convince her to give them a rose.”

“A rose?” I asked clueless.

“If you get a rose, you stay on the show. If you don’t, you go home. At least, that’s what the producer told me.”

“The producer didn’t tell me anything,” I added confused.

“Well, I had asked if it was like another show, and he said yes. This is a new show, so this could be a little different.”

“You’re telling me that we’re on a show where nobody knows the rules?”

“Pretty much,” Kurt said with a smile.

Staring at Kurt, it hit me who he looked like: Clark Kent, the secret identity of Superman. “So, what do you do Kurt?”

“I’m a kindergarten teacher.”

“Really? I would have guessed construction worker.” That wasn’t true. I had guessed superhero.

Kurt smiled. “Yeah. I have 20 kids in my class.”

“Do you love it?”

“I do. They’re so pure, you know. They’re all just love and energy.”

“Then what are you doing here?”

“Summer break. I’m single. Most of the teachers I work with are women and they kept telling me that I should try out for a show like this. And, I don’t know. I’m starting at a new school in a new state in the fall. So it was time for me to try something a little different.”

“I don’t know any teachers,” I admitted.

“What do you do?”

I explained to him the wonder that was corporate recruiting, and to my surprise, he found it interesting.

“It must be amazing to give a kid the opportunity of a lifetime.”

“Oh yeah. A real miracle.”

“No?” he asked surprised.

I debated whether I should share my jaded view of the kids and their parents. The parents were the worst of all because they were selling their kids into a lifetime of servitude. Sure, it was exceptionally well paid, but it’s still slavery if you could never change your mind.

I decided to stay positive. Kurt was as genuine of a person as I could imagine. I hadn’t met very many people like him. He was the type of guy that you cheered for. In the middle of a war, this guy was the type that you saved first.

“It is a miracle,” I said backtracking. “I just got a little burnt out on it.”

“I can see that happening.”

As the night went on, I found out how great of a guy Kurt really was. Not only did he have a sense of humor, but he was also sensitive and chivalrous. His co-workers were right. He was the perfect person for a show like this.

I could’ve seen him winning it all and marrying Rose out of obligation if nothing else. Hell, if I had a sister, I would want him to meet her. In my mind, Kurt was the guy who was going to win the show.

“Hey, there!” Rose bellowed, drawing my attention.

I turned and saw the beefy guy from the bar. He was buck naked and asking for some alone time with the bachelorette. I looked around for Brad and found him staring back at me with a big grin on his face.

The guy who was already talking to Rose stepped in between the two to protect her.

“You think I haven’t seen a naked man before? Then you really haven’t been watching.”

Again, everyone laughed but me. I didn’t get it. It had to be some sort of inside joke. 

“Okay, let’s see what you got,” she said, putting the beefy guy on the spot. He seemed to be caught off guard.

“Does it do anything? Does it dance? Does it do a little show? No? Because if you’re gonna whip it out in front of me and all of these guys, the least you can do is put on a little act. No? Unimpressed,” she proclaimed. “Next!”

Rose walked away leaving the beefy guy stunned.

I looked over at Brad. He could barely contain himself he was laughing so hard. Was the beefy dude just drunk, or was he high, too? Either way, Brad was obviously behind it.

Looking at her again, I had a new level of respect for Rose. She wasn’t a wilting flower. She had spunk. Admirable, I thought. She was a cool chick. I was considering asking for alone time with her when my pawn found me and led me to the other side of the big pool.

It was impressive watching the pawns wrangle us. They even got the naked drunk guy to where they wanted him. After we were standing in two straight lines in front of Rose, her pawn entered, balancing a tray of red roses on its flat top.

I did a quick count. There were fifteen roses and twenty-five guys. Ten guys would be gone. I was sure that Kurt would get a rose and the naked guy would not. But what would happen with me?

The ceremony dragged on forever. Each time Rose called a name, seconds would go by before she would then say, “Would you consider spending the rest of your life with me?” The guy then waited until their pawn blinked signaling them to step forward and collect the rose.

The first guy to get a rose was Brad. That didn’t surprise me. He struck me as someone who belonged on a game show like this one.

What did surprise me was that the naked guy got a rose. Billy, or Buck-Naked Billy, as I decided to call him, had remained naked throughout the entire ceremony. Though he appeared to sober as the ceremony stretched on, he collected his rose without a stitch of self-consciousness.

Along with those two, twelve other guys received roses. Kurt and I were two of the eleven guys left. I hoped Kurt would get the final one.

This show really wasn’t my scene. Sure, it had been interesting getting a peek behind the curtain of a TV show, but I didn’t want to be a part of this.

Kurt was the guy who deserved to be here. Hell, even if I got a rose, I was going to give it to him. He was the type of guy who deserved to find love. Me, on the other hand? Well, let’s just say that I deserved what I got.

“Ford. Would you consider spending the rest of your life with me?” Rose asked holding the final rose.

Well, damn if that wasn’t unexpected. I froze. I saw my pawn blink indicating for me to step forward. I didn’t. After a minute, the other guys turned to me. Confused, Rose spoke up.

“Your name is Ford, right?” she asked, looking straight at me.

“Yeah.”

“Are you doin’ this?” she asked, giving me a sly smile.

“Can I ask a question?” I said to everyone’s surprise.

Everyone looked at each other because there was no one there to ask. As my pawn continued to blink, the silence grew.

“I guess,” Rose eventually conceded with a chuckle.

“Why me? Because there are other really cool guys here.”

Rose smiled, but her shoulders drooped as if she had been hurt. “Don’t you like me?”

“Ahh… yeah. But we didn’t talk.”

“Sure we did. At the dock.”

I could have called her out for repeating the exact same thing to everyone else, but I didn’t. Although she was trying to appear strong, her vulnerability reflected in her eyes.

I had embarrassed her. I hadn’t considered that possibility. It was nothing I ever wanted to do. She seemed like a cool person. I had to put an end to this little scene.

I slipped out of the back row and approached Rose. “Yes, I would love to consider spending the rest of my life with you.”

Rose flashed a brilliant smile. “You sure now? I don’t wanna pressure you or anything.”

I laughed. She was funny. “Yes. I’m sure.”

Rose wiped her brow with mock relief. “Phewww.” She looked back at the guys, getting a collective chuckle from the group.

I stepped back, feeling a little embarrassed but ultimately glad that I had decided to stay. It had helped to know that she actually wanted me here and that I wasn’t just one of the masses.

The downside of me staying was that Kurt couldn’t. Kurt deserved to be here much more than I did. Kurt was a real catch. How he could still be single was beyond me.

But Rose was the bachelorette. For whatever reason, she had chosen me over him. I wouldn’t have, though of course, I knew myself and she didn’t. Now that I had taken his spot, maybe I owned it to Kurt to give the game a chance.

The pawns quickly led us away after that. My pawn took me to a cabin on the far end of the right wing. The cabin was very bare inside. It had three beds and three dressers, along with my two roommates. 

The uptight, dark-haired guy was an attorney named Adam, and the shaggy-haired scattered guy was an internet entrepreneur named Ian. Since I was horrible at names, I called them Adam the Attorney and Internet Ian.

I chatted with Internet Ian for a while and then remembered Kurt, the kindergarten teacher. I realized that I should have gotten his number. We lived within a short hyperloop of each other and could hang out when we got back home.

I left Pete, my pawn, and Internet Ian in the cabin as I rushed back to the pool. One of the great things about having no human supervision was that you could do whatever you wanted. So when I didn’t find Kurt there, I hurried down to the dock.

I found Kurt standing alone under the furthest dock lamp. I slowed when the squeak from the wet planks disturbed the silence. Kurt saw me and smiled.

“Where’s everyone else?” I asked catching my breath.

“Don’t know. The pawns took us away one at a time. I was the last one. What are you doing here?”

“I thought I should grab your number. Maybe we could hit up a bar when we get back home. I’m not going to be here very long.”

“Yeah, sure. That’ll be cool. But, you know what? You should try to win this thing. You deserve it, man. You’re an awesome dude.”

Kurt was a great guy. He was a horrible judge of character, but still, a great guy.

“Thanks, man.” I paused and stared at Kurt for a second. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Why do you ask?” Kurt replied.

“Your eyes,” I explained. “They’re really red.”

“Are they?”

I wondered if Kurt was crying because that would not have been cool. But the thought quickly left me when Kurt coughed. “You okay, man?” I asked again.

This time, he didn’t answer. He fought to catch his breath. Coughing into his hand, he bent over.

I wasn’t sure what I should do. Did he need water? Should I pat his back?

Things progressed quickly after that. Kurt fell to his knees practically coughing up a lung. A chill rushed through my body. He was choking. But on what? Could he spit it out? He hadn’t been eating anything.

“Kurt!” I yelled, my heart racing. I didn’t panic. I never panicked. But I wasn’t sure what I could do, and I was losing him fast.

Kurt fell onto his side unable to breathe. I got down next to him and stuck my finger into his mouth. He had nothing in his throat and no gag reflex.

Withdrawing my hand, I watched helplessly as his fair skin turned a putrid red. I had never seen anything like it before. He was dying, and I had no idea why.

My thoughts spiraled. ‘What do I do?’

I raced through every option from my field manual. None of his symptoms fit. Out of time, I chose one. Before I could touch him, though, everything stopped. I was too late. Kurt was lying motionless, offering only a dead stare.

I flipped him onto his back and compressed his chest, one, two, three times, and then I filled him with my breath. I repeated this again and again. Had a minute gone by? Was it two?

However long it was, it hadn’t done any good. I stopped compressing his chest, and Kurt’s muscular frame released the familiar death rattle. I knew a dead body when I saw one. My friend was gone.

I sank onto my knees staring at him. What the hell had just happened? Kurt had died and I couldn’t do anything to save him. I had tried, right? I had done everything I could, hadn’t I?

My mind spiraled. How could this happen? I didn’t know, but I knew I needed help. I ran up the dock and followed the path back to the resort. A minute later, I was standing between the two rows of cabins.

“Help! Someone, I need some help,” I yelled unsure of what else I could say.

Half-dressed and startled, the guys poured out of their rooms.

“Kurt. He’s collapsed at the dock. I need help. I think he’s dead.”

Everyone followed me into the woods. What could any of them do now? It had been up to me, and I had failed.

When the trees gave way to the dock, I was filled with dread by what I saw. Continuing to the pool of light where I had left him, Kurt was gone.

“Where is he?” one of the guys behind me asked.

I looked around, confused. I tried to answer him, but suddenly my muscles wrenched from a jolt of doubt.

I did watch Kurt die, didn’t I? I mean, it wasn’t just in my head or some type of hallucination or something, was it? It wasn’t just some projection from my past or…

No! I decided.

He had been here. I had watched as he choked. I had heard his last breath rattle his lungs. I saw him die. And now he was gone.

What the hell was going on?

 

 

 

“Kurt! His name was Kurt. I hung out with him all night. He was standing next to me during elimination.”

“You’re the guy that asked that question during the rose ceremony,” the guy with the mustache said.

“Yeah. And Kurt was standing right next to me.”

I looked at all of their faces. They stared blankly back at me. Did they think that I was making it up?

“We’re on a TV show. You really think they would let someone die on a TV show?” mustache man asked.

“And don’t you think they would stop the show and tell us what happened if someone did?” the palest guy on the island added.

I paused and thought about it. I had agreed to participate in a game show. It was TV. Nothing was real. So, could everything I saw have been an act?

Kurt, though. I could not have met a more genuine guy. Was he just an actor?

But the death rattle? That sound as the last bit of oxygen leaves your lungs. You can’t fake that. No, I watched someone die.

But the pale dude had made a good point. This whole setup was just TV. If someone had died, the producers would probably stop the show or something. The police would probably want to investigate.

As sure as I was about what I saw, I had to be open to the possibility that I didn’t see it. Or maybe, and it hurt me to even consider this thought, but maybe Kurt was just a memory from long ago.

“Ah, I can see it in his face now. This is just some mind fuck,” the mustache man decided. “He’s just fuckin’ with us.”

“He had me going for a while there,” said Buck-Naked Billy, who was still naked.

“I guess the games are starting early?” the mustached man concluded before he and the group turned around and walked away.

Well, damn. How do you like that? I didn’t know what to say. Had I spent the night talking to a kindergarten teacher named Kurt? I’m absolutely sure I did. You know who could back me up on that? Brad the bartender.

I scanned the men. Brad wasn’t in the group. That was a little worrisome. Could I have made up Brad as well? No. Clearly Buck-Naked Billy was real, and someone had gotten him drunk. So the question was, where was Brad? Everyone else was here.

I spent a few more minutes looking around the dock and found nothing. Everything about this situation was disturbing.

I took my time going back to my room. Adam the Attorney was in bed when I got there, but Ian was still up.

“So you saw Kurt die, huh?” he asked casually.

“Do you remember, Kurt?” I asked hopefully.

“Nah. There were a lot of people here. But why would you make that up, right?”

I remembered seeing Ian at the cocktail party before the elimination. He had hung back like Kurt and I had, but he had talked to a few more of the guys. I didn’t remember seeing him talk to Rose, though.

The next morning Ian woke me up, encouraging me to shower before the hordes got there. I was still tired, but I took his advice. My luggage had arrived in the three hours that I had slept, so I gathered my toiletries and walked to the communal bathroom.

Although I thought the place was resort-like when I arrived, I realized that we weren’t staying at an actual resort. One thing that gave it away was that the rooms didn’t have their own bathrooms. Another thing was the buffet-style meals. This place was more of a fancy campsite.

Though I thought I had gotten up early, half of the guys were already at breakfast when I got there. If they didn’t know who I was after my rose ceremony question, everyone knew after the thing with Kurt. So once Ian found us a table, we had the pleasure of enjoying the table by ourselves. Small talk ensued.

Ian made apps for a living. You know when you walk by a store and your contact lenses suddenly project an advertisement in front of you? Ian created that app. He’s the one you can thank for that.

As I watched him eat his scrambled eggs, I did what anyone would have done; I fantasized about his death. I mostly thought about him choking in a commercial for the eggs, but I ended my fantasy when I remembered that he was the only one talking to me.

Honestly, besides that one horrible life decision, he wasn’t that bad of a guy. He was a friendly salesman type. Fortunately, he had seen more of these types of game shows than I had, so he began giving me the lay of the land.

He hadn’t gotten far when our fleet of pawns entered the wall-less commissary. Each of them found their designated person and herded us into a circle. Seeing Pete coming for me, I scooped the last of my eggs into my mouth and joined the group.

We all stood there for a moment wondering what was going on. Looking around, I realized that Brad was missing. When he scurried in to join us, his pawn opened a side slot displaying a blue three-by-five card. Brad retrieved it and theatrically read it aloud.

“The one who bears the ring is the one who will win my heart. Brad, Ford, Freddy, Ian and Victor, you all will be the first to join me on a group date.”

“What’s a group date?” I asked Ian as the pawns lead us back to our room to get ready.

“Usually, they’re some type of challenge.”

“So, it’s an opportunity to win the heart of the princess, that sort of thing?”

“Something like that.”

“And the thing about bearing the ring?”

“It’s like a clue to what we’ll be doing.”

Okay, I was getting it. The show was like a modern version of a medieval contest to win the lady’s heart. If you won the challenge, you stayed. If you lost, you got eliminated. That seemed simple enough—all I had to do was bare the ring.

Bearing the ring turned out to be a little more difficult than I had imagined. The ring was a forty-by-forty-foot octagon. Inside was a live grizzly bear.

“Hello, my fair bear baiters,” Rose began from a wooden platform overlooking the octagon. She was dressed in a nineteenth-century English maiden costume and spoke with an accent that switched between English, Irish, and pirate. She was not good at accents.

“Your challenge, if you choose to accept it, is to retrieve my mother’s ring for me. It has been placed around this gentle bear’s neck to ensure that I could only be won by the bravest among you.”

As if on cue, the bear stood on its back paws and roared. That monster had to be eight feet tall. Its claws were three inches each, and the thousand pound beast was foaming at the mouth like a rabid raccoon.

Looking closer, I noticed a bit of twine around its neck with a gold wedding ring hanging from it. So, of course, my first thought was: Are these people crazy?

“But,” she continued. “Whatever you do, don’t hurt the bear. For it is my favorite pet. And to lose the teddy bear I grew up with would break my heart and turn me sour against the man who kills it. Who shall take up this challenge and retrieve my mother’s ring?”

Yeah, they were nuts. I was out. I did not want to take on this challenge. No way was I putting myself in a cage with a wild bear for some crazy woman’s amusement.

“I do,” Brad said without hesitation.

“I do,” both Freddy and Victor said in succession.

Rose looked at Ian and me. When we didn’t reply, she continued. “Then prepare,” she said gleefully.

Apparently, only Ian and I had sense enough to not get into a cage with a thousand-pound killing machine. Wondering who would be that crazy, I examined each of the guys who agreed to it.

Freddy was the youngest of us at about twenty-three years old. He was on the shorter side and was sculpted like a bodybuilder. His constant smile and hairless face made him look naïve but friendly. I would describe him as a classic lovable dumb guy.

Victor was leaner with more of a normal-guy look. He wasn’t bulked up or overly good-looking. He had dark, wavy hair and a three-day stubble, an unhappy waiter type.

And Brad was… I had no clue what Brad was. I guess I would describe him as the guy in a toothpaste commercial.

In preparation, the pawns gave their three men a seven-inch hunting knife each. Since they weren’t supposed to kill the bear, I assumed it was to dig their own grave. And while a pawn within the cage distracted the bear with electric shocks, the guys unlatched the cage and entered.

Once the electric shocks stopped, the bear turned to the men with a blood-thirsty look in its eyes. I think it was then that they realized that they could die. Perhaps until then, they had assumed it was a bear trained to foam at the mouth. They soon realized, though, that it was a predator looking for lunch, and they scattered.

A chill ripped through my body when I realized what would happen next. I was about to see three men get eaten alive by a bear. I didn’t want to feel sorry for these idiots. These Darwinian rejects had put themselves in this situation. Still, they were human beings.

Victor and Brad were wiry. Freddy was not. Within seconds, the bear had caught him with a swipe. The force tossed Freddy’s body. The beast then ran to the fallen man and batted him between his claws like a tennis ball.

It was horrible. How could anyone just stand around watching this?

“Hey! I’m over here,” Brad screamed to my surprise.

Was he being heroic? Was Brad trying to rescue Freddy?

If he was, it worked. The bear released the limp body, looked at Brad, and then charged Victor. Why Victor? Who knows?

Victor also had no chance. It was gruesome. The vicious animal mauled him. Victor, blinded by fur, slashed the air frantically. His swipes grew weaker.

I watched, not believing what I was seeing. Why wasn’t the bear’s shock pawn doing anything to stop it? Why weren’t the producers? Had the entire world gone mad?

I next thought of Rose perched above like a Roman emperor. I wondered if she was pleased with her horror show and turned to her. To my relief, she wasn’t. She looked more tortured by it than I was.

Resolved, I looked back at the spectacle in front of me. I didn’t know the rules of this challenge or this show. Frankly, I didn’t care. However, the last thing I was going to do was sit back and watch as someone was killed as entertainment. I would rather die than do that.

I left Ian’s side at a full sprint. Pete had placed us on the far side of the gate, but it didn’t matter. I launched myself onto the twelve-foot chain-link fence and scaled it in no time.

Balancing at the top, my heart raced. A voice in my head was screaming at me, telling me I was insane. It succumbed to the blood-curdling screams from the men below. This wasn’t a time for sanity.

Closing my eyes and spreading my arms, I entered the ring by hurling myself as far as I could go. When I landed a split second later, it was on taut muscle and matted fur.

Latching my arms around its tree trunk of a neck, my sanity quickly returned. What was I doing? I was unarmed and outmatched. I had no way to get it off of Victor. When it was done with him, it would start on me. This had to be the most stupid decision of my life.

But to my surprise, the bear did react. I had angered it. Removing its teeth from Victor’s throat, it roared.

With me clutching its neck like a lifesaver, the beast stood up. It was huge. With eight feet between me and the ground, any hope I had of escape was gone. What the hell had I done?

“Get them out!” I yelled at Brad.

With my face pressed against the scratchy fur, I caught Brad’s rescue in glimpses. Freddy was the closest to the gate, so he grabbed him first. That was the last thing I saw before the bear begun to spin.

It was furious. It wanted me off of it. Its thunderous steps shook my grip. Counting the seconds, I held on. Three, four, five… What was I doing? This whole situation was bull.

But flung from side to side, I refused to let go. The longer I held on, the more I began to believe that I could win. I had a death grip around its neck and it was staggering. I just needed a few more seconds, and then I could escape.

My fortunes changed quickly when the bear took a step forward and then missed its step back. My heart clinched before I knew what was happening. I was falling, caught between its massive weight and the ground. I was about to be crushed.

But I wasn’t. Though we were falling back uncontrollably, both the bear and I abruptly stopped.

“Ugggggggggh!” I screamed as the chain link fence sheared the skin off of my back.

When we finally hit the ground, it was with a thud. Dust plumed around us. Somehow, I was alive. Continuing to hold on as the bear returned to all fours, my chest thumped excitedly.

The stream of pain that followed, however, ended my excitement. I had padded the bear’s fall with my left arm. Something was broken. and I was slowly losing my grip.

Craaaap! I thought as the bear shook its loose skin, and I flew off of him like a tick.

I slid across the ground, losing my bearing. When I stopped, I heard something. I opened my eyes to a curtain of dust. Searching it frantically, I found the snout of the beast charging towards me.

“Hey!” I heard from behind it.

The bear didn’t stop. Just feet away, it rose, creating a wall of fur and claws. It blocked out the sun. When it fell, it was an avalanche. I rolled out of the way, escaping certain death.

“Hey!” Brad yelled again.

Was he talking to me or the bear? I wondered, hoping it was me.

Scouring the dust cloud, I found Brad. Nope, he had been talking to the bear.

With his knife in hand, Brad was crouched with arms outstretched, inviting the bear to fight. Brad looked pissed. He looked like a title contender chasing the champ. This wasn’t a rescue at all.

Since the man was clearly insane, I knew that I had to rescue myself. Looking around, I spotted Victor’s knife. It was too far away, but I had to try.

The beast lunged at me, and I rolled. It adjusted quickly, chasing me with its mouth open. Pulling my legs back, I reared and kicked, hard. My heel caught it square in the nose. It recoiled.

Here was my moment. I flipped over, crawling away as quickly as I could. I reached and grabbed at the knife. As the hilt slipped into my grip, I felt a claw rip through my calf. It tore my flesh like tissue paper. The pain sizzled through me like lightning. 

I wanted to scream, but I didn’t have the time. I knew what would happen next. In a second, it would loosen the pressure on its claw to sink in its teeth. When it did, I had to be ready. 

Slash! I sliced the bear from nose to eye. It backed off. Apparently, it didn’t like that. Well, I didn’t like it trying to eat me, so we were even.

When the beast returned, angrier than before, I got the feeling that we weren’t even. I was disappointed by that because I was out of tricks. With one less calf, I was forced to lie on the ground helpless as it reared its thousand pounds into the air.

With the bear about to crash on top of me, something unexpected happened. Brad launched his attack. He threw his one-hundred-and-seventy-pound body at the bear blade first and caught the beast in the neck.

I had to hand it to Brad. It was a great move. It never saw it coming.

Since I finally had a partner in this fight, I knew I had to act fast. While it was stunned, I scrambled onto my one leg and launched my own attack. Blocked from the gate, I had one move left. It was an impressive one.

Ignoring the pain in my leg, I sprung forward. Using the bear’s arm as leverage, I scissor-kicked up and wrapped my legs around its neck. And latched on, I was ready to bring the beast down into a rolling ball of fur.

This move had taken me forever to learn, but after years of practice, I was now a master. So you can imagine my disappointment when I jerked my body ready to roll, and the bear… didn’t budge.

Huh. That’s weird, I thought.

Still latched around its neck, I tried again. Determined, I bounced my torso harder and harder, sure that with one more try, it would fall, breaking its spirit and granting me victory.

None of that happened. Instead, I just hung around its neck like an ugly human necklace. Even the bear looked embarrassed for me. Awkward!

My move did give me one advantage, though. As long as I could stay there, I was clear of its teeth and claws. Latched around its neck, I could squeeze on its newly minted wound, robbing the beast of air and blood.

Fighting through the pain, I held on until thick warmth oozed down my leg. The smell of blood hung in the air. Was it mine? I couldn’t tell. However, I couldn’t keep my grip on it for much longer.

Fortunately, I didn’t have to. The eight-foot beast fell onto all fours, fighting to get me off of it. I wouldn’t let go.

Slowly, it lowered its head. Was it choking? Was it bleeding out? The real question was, who the hell cared? I was about to survive an unarmed fight with an eight-foot grizzly bear.

As the bear finally collapsed onto its side and slowed to a stop, my only thought was, Wow, I friggin’ rock. Well, that wasn’t my only thought. I was also thinking, Damn, I’m trapped under a bear.

With the knowledge that what I’d done was nearly impossible, I was hesitant to look up. It was never my intention to bring attention to myself. I didn’t want it, and I didn’t deserve it.

Okay, yes. I had saved two people’s lives by scaling a twelve-foot fence and fighting a thousand-pound bear barehanded. I could see how people might be impressed by that. But believe me, I didn’t deserve cheers or applause or anything like that. 

In fact, just a knowing smile from Brad, if he reached down and helped me up, would be enough. Or perhaps a discrete “Thank you” from the producers for having prevented an absolute disaster. If I had to suffer embarrassing adoration for what I had just done, that’s the most I was willing to accept.

Luckily for me, everyone spared me such embarrassment.

When I finally mustered the courage and looked up, I found that Brad had long ago left the cage. He was certainly smiling, but it was because he was handing the gold ring to Rose.

Apparently, he had stabbed the bear to cut the twine from its neck. My epic life-and-death battle had given him the opportunity to find it in the dirt.

“We have a winner!” I heard Rose say. “For retrieving my ring, you will get a one-on-one date with me so that you can tell me of your other great deeds.”

Brad smiled enthusiastically. Why? Because he had just won the friggin’ challenge.

First of all, hey! I saved two people’s lives by scaling a twelve-foot fence and fighting a thousand-pound bear barehanded! How is Brad the winner? Second of all, was everyone here completely insane?

Thankfully, not everyone was. After Rose’s pawn led her and Brad away for their one-on-one date, Ian entered the octagon. As I hardly had any strength left in my shredded calf, he helped me get out from under the now-rousing beast. And quickly closing the gate behind us, I joined the other injured men.

To my surprise, the pawns had an upgrade that I hadn’t expected. They were also triage bots. Pete approached me and scanned my leg and arm with a blue light from a side port. I knew what was coming next, and when I felt it, I couldn’t have been happier.

“Oh yeah. That’s the stuff,” I purred, feeling it.

Pete sprayed both limbs with a familiar blend of anti-coagulant, stem cells, and pain killers. It was every trooper’s friend. In spite of it being a spray, we called it “magic dust.” It was the one thing that always reminded me that we were living in the future.

Magic dust was created by the military to get troops back onto the battlefield as quickly as possible, but when it entered the commercial market, it turned the entire population into idiots. Hey, you wanna go hang glide from the window of a high-rise with your parachute on fire? Why not? Just a few sprays afterward and you’ll be as good as new!

All a person had to do after an accident was not die, and they’d be fine. Just idiots! The entire human race had become a bunch of risk-taking idiots… said the man receiving treatment after scaling a twelve-foot fence to fight a grizzly bear.

Goddammit, I had to get off this island!

In less than an hour, my calf had healed enough for me to walk on it. Looking at it, it was still bruised. But in another few hours, my calf would be stronger than when I began. Best of all, if the bots were equipped with the expensive magic dust, I wouldn’t even have a scar, inside or out.

I had to assume that my arm would be fine as well. I could move it without pain, but that was mostly because of the best part of magic dust, the painkillers. The more dust you got, the better you felt. So walking back to camp, Freddy, Victor and I were feeling really good. 

Arriving back at the resort, a couple of the guys circled us, asking what the group date was like. Freddy answered. Amazingly, he barely acknowledged the challenge, focusing entirely on Rose, how she looked, what she said.

I appreciated that the guys were sparing me the embarrassment of mentioning it. But hadn’t I saved Freddy’s life? Wouldn’t a normal person bring that up at least once? Wasn’t that an important point? I mean, you know, from a storytelling perspective.

Also, what was up with his obsession with Rose? He had seen her three times and had spoken to her twice. Half of the time that he had spent with her was spent lying on the ground bleeding out.

So, how could he be talking about her now as if he was already in love? And why weren’t the others asking about anything else?

When Ian and I were back in our room, it was time to finish our conversation from breakfast. I had to know what the hell was going on here. Was this what all of these shows were like?

“No,” he said to my relief. “The challenges aren’t usually so death-defying. The bear could have killed you, and the bot wasn’t moving to help.”

“And Kurt. That was strange too, right?” I asked him, starting to put things together.

Ian’s eyes softened before continuing. “I’m gonna be honest with you, Ford. I don’t remember there being a Kurt.”

“I spoke to him all night at the cocktail party. Kind of a Clark Kent looking guy.”

“Yeah, you said that. But I thought I saw you standing alone.”

“Brad could tell you. He made both of us drinks.”

“Hey, I believe you. I’m just saying that no one remembers him.”

“No one?”

I was about to launch into a full defense of my sanity when Pete interrupted me. The fingerprint scanner, which doubled as a display, was flashing the word “Confession.”

“It wants you to do a confession,” Ian said from his bunk.

“What do you mean?”

“You know, it’s those interviews they show before and after a challenge.”

“I’ve never seen one of these shows before.”

“Well, your producer told you about it, right?”

“No. He didn’t tell me anything. They just had me fill out some paperwork, and then they brought me here.”

“That’s weird,” Ian paused. “I wonder if it’s because they didn’t expect you to make it past the first elimination.”

“I almost didn’t. In fact, I was gonna suggest that she take Kurt instead of me.”

Ian didn’t like it when I talked about Kurt. I wasn’t sure why. Maybe he didn’t like thinking that a crazy person had access to him while he slept.

“Anyway,” he continued. “You want to try a confessional?”

“I guess.”

“You look at the space above the scanner. Give it three blinks, and then talk.”

I looked down at Pete and then back at Ian. “Wait. I’m sorry. Did you say that I look at the space above the scanner?”

“Yeah. You look at the scanner, and it will give you the topic. Then you look at the space above the scanner, wait for three blinks, and then talk.”

I looked down at Pete’s scanner. Sure enough, words appeared saying, “picked for the group date; present.” I then looked at the space above the scanner, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw a red light blink three times.

“It was alright,” I offered casually.

“No,” Ian announced from his bed. “First off, you gotta say more. And does it say a tense?”

“What do you mean?”

Ian came over and sat next to me. “See,” he said pointing at the display. “It’s telling you to talk about being picked for the group date as if it were the present. So you have to talk about it as if we haven’t gone on it yet.”

“But we have gone on it.”

“Yes. But when the audience sees it, what you say now will appear before the date. So you have to talk like it hasn’t happened yet.”

I returned my attention to Pete. I thought for a second and spoke.

“I got chosen for a group date. Hey, imagine that,” I said with a healthy amount of sarcasm.

Pete must have liked that because his message changed. It said, “Why you are excited about the date.”

Ian jumped in. “It’s telling you that you should say that you are excited about going on the date and to add a reason why.”

I looked back at Pete. “I’m excited because I’ve never fought a bear before.”

Pete blinked the word ‘disapproved’ on its display.

“See, if you haven’t been on the date yet, then how would you know that you will be fighting a bear?” Ian asked.

“Really?” I said, finding the whole thing ridiculous.

“Just be glad they’re asking you. My pawn isn’t asking me. That probably means that they’ll focus on you for that group date. They’re gonna give you a storyline for the episode.”

I didn’t know how I felt about all of that. When I came here, my plan was to hang out in the back. I wasn’t looking for my own storyline, whatever that meant.

I took all of Ian’s suggestions, and eventually Pete stopped blinking messages at me. I wasn’t sure if it was because he gave up or because he had gotten everything he needed.

I found the whole situation weird. But the only question I found uncomfortable was the one asking why I had jumped into the ring. I don’t know why I jumped into the ring. I mean, I know why, but… Let’s just say that the reason is complex.

The answer I gave Pete was, “Because it was there.” Pete flashed the question again, and I gave the same answer. I think I broke his spirit because, after that, it didn’t ask me to re-answer questions.

I spent the next few hours in bed. Although magic dust gave you quite a buzz initially, once it wore off, it left a bit of a hangover.

Riding the magic dust dragon, I stared at the ceiling thinking about something Ian had said. He had suggested that I wasn’t expected to make it past the first night.

How had I made it past the first night? Who were they expecting Rose to choose instead? Kurt, maybe. Certainly, I would have chosen him if I were her.

After a late lunch, the pawns gathered us again. With Brad back from his one-on-one date with Rose, we were all there. A pawn handed a card to someone to read. I think the guy’s name was Carl. I’m horrible with names.

“To accompany me on my first solo date, I, Rose, choose a thorn. Thorin, will you join me tonight?”

Apparently, the very pale dude from the night before was named Thorin, which was going to be hard for me to remember. But considering the number of high fives he was giving, he was someone I should remember.

Ian explained that being chosen for a solo date instead of group date was a big deal. Since he wouldn’t have to compete for her time like we had to for a one-on-one date, he would get more time with her. So, by being chosen for the solo date, Thorin the Pale was now winning the game and he couldn’t be happier.

As I lounged off the last of my magic dust hangover, the night seemed to come quickly. Ian had invited me to come out and be social. I could hear everyone by the pool having fun. But between the night before and the challenge this morning, I had made enough of an impression on everyone.

The one thing that I did want to do was find Brad. I knew that I wasn’t going nuts. Kurt had been real. However, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world to have someone confirm it.

By the time I dragged myself out of my room, it was dark. The first person I ran into was reclining on a pool chair with his eyes closed. I approached the guy after I recognized him from our challenge. He looked about like how I had felt. Although his face and throat looked fine, I knew that the mental scars didn’t heal as fast.

“Hey… Victor, right?”

Victor opened his eyes long enough to give me a snide look.

“If it isn’t ‘the Kurt-is-dying man,’”

I looked at him, unsure of what he was talking about. If he were to give me a nickname, I would have guessed that it would be, “Ford, the guy who saved his life.”

“What do you want?” he demanded. “Are you looking for me to get down on my knees and thank you for saving me? Because it ain’t gonna happen.”

What the hell?

“No. I just wanted to make sure you were alright.”

“Do I look alright?”

He opened his eyes again to give me the stink eye.

“I’m sorry,” I said confused. “Did I do something to you? … you know, other than save your life?”

“Yep. Here it comes.”

“Here what comes?”

“Look, you can perform for the cameras all you want. But I know what your deal is.”

“You do? Then please explain it to me because I’m shit lost.”

Victor paused and then sourly asked, “What do you want?”

“I was looking for Brad. Do you know which cabin he’s in?”

Victor opened his eyes giving me a once over. “Oh, you’re one of those, are you?”

“One of what?” I asked getting pissed.

Victor rolled over and mumbled, “You’re in my light.”

I looked up at the night sky. Finding nothing but stars, I assumed that that was his way of asking me to go away. That dude was yet another loose nut.

I wandered around the grounds after that. Apart from looking for Brad, I had hoped to run into Ian. I didn’t find either one.

I only saw a couple of people: the guy with the mustache from the night before (Gray?), a round-chested dark-skinned guy, and Buck-Naked Billy, who was still naked. I gave them their space.

I didn’t see Ian again until dinnertime.  We ate dinner together at the commissary and then took our desserts and hung out by the pool. Most of the guys had done the same thing. So, when Thorin the Pale returned from his solo date wanting to brag about it, he came to those of us sitting outside.

It didn’t take long before Thorin had a crowd. Mustache Gray was the first to ask for details. Thorin didn’t give many. He was more interested in letting everyone know that Rose was now his “girlfriend,” which made a few of the guys bristle.

Strangely, their reaction wasn’t because he had declared his relationship after only one date. It was because at least two other guys had already done the same thing. I considered declaring her my girlfriend as well to see how many of them I could make cry. But I didn’t.

Shortly after that, Ian and I followed our pawns back to our room. We were being instructed to dress for a cocktail party, to ready ourselves for another elimination. Getting dressed, I kept wondering if I would get a rose. I then wondered if I even cared. But for some reason, I did.

I certainly wasn’t in love with Rose like everyone else seemed to be. In spite of what Victor believed, I didn’t care about having a storyline.

I think it was about fairness. I had jumped onto the back of a thousand-pound bear and saved two people’s lives. I didn’t need a metal for it, and I definitely didn’t want anyone making a big deal about it. However, a simple “Atta boy!” wouldn’t have hurt.

So what would it say about Rose, and humans in general, if, in return for saving two people’s lives, I was eliminated? It would be proof that no justice is left in this world. So yes, I cared whether or not I was eliminated, but that still didn’t change the fact that I had to get out of this place.

As we lined up in front of Rose, I counted the flowers on the tray. Two people weren’t getting a rose. Faced with those odds, I began to second-guess myself. Should I have asked for time alone with her at the cocktail party? Should I have had to, though? Hadn’t I already proven myself worthy to stay, whatever that means?

Do you know that feeling when you are sweating profusely, and you can’t figure out why? Your back is drenched and your forehead’s wet, while everyone else is dry.

Seriously, I’ve had bombs explode around me, yet an 110-pound woman armed with a rose was making me flop sweat. Why?

To no one’s surprise, Brad was the first to get a rose. Mustache Gray, Thorin the Pale, and Victor Vodka followed. Soon, only six roses were left, then four.

I began to worry when there were two roses remaining and Buck-Naked Billy got the second to the last one. The man was wearing socks, black shoes and a necktie around his dangling manhood, yet he had gotten one before me. Talk about a bad sign.

In the end, it was my two roommates and me with only one rose left. I shook waiting for the last name to be called. My heart pounded so hard that my ears rung.

What the hell, man? Why was she taking so long to say the next name? Why? Why?!?

“Ford, would you consider spending the rest of your life with me?” Rose asked.

I practically knocked the guys over racing to her. It was not my finest moment.

“That sucks, man,” I later told Ian. But I was starting to understand how things worked on the show, and I began to see that Ian had brought this on himself.

He hadn’t participated in the challenge. I hadn’t either at first, but I ended up getting into the ring. That’s what you have to do if you want to stick around. And having seen these shows before, Ian had to have known that.

When Pete led me back to my cabin, it felt empty. Lying in bed, I started thinking about Kurt. What had happened to him on the dock? The terrified look in his eyes as he collapsed was genuine. He wasn’t acting. But what had made him fall?

I took a step toward the door, and Pete moved to block me.

“What’s up, Pete? I just wanted to get a little air.”

He didn’t move. Could I have pushed past him? Of course. Did I want to force my way past him? Not if I didn’t have to.

“Pete, where’s the bathroom?” I asked, knowing the basic language of this type of bot.

Pete’s fingertip scanner lit up, asking me to touch it. I did, and he led me to the bathroom. When he attempted to enter behind me, I objected.

“Woah, privacy, man.”

It froze right outside the door as if standing guard. I slipped in and moved fast. On the right were five sinks. On the left were five stalls. Ignoring both, I took a few large steps toward the small screen-less window at the far end of the room.

At near full speed, I jumped up and wrenched my arms in the window. A man of my size wasn’t meant to fit through such a space, but one shoulder at a time, I pried my way out, scaling the outside wall like a spider. With only my legs left, I flung myself forward, landing quietly on the grass.

I paused, waiting for some sort of alarm. Nothing came. While Pete waited on the other side of the building for me, I sprinted through the pools of light toward the surrounding trees.

I didn’t want to be seen heading to the dock this time. Never leaving the shadows, I plotted a course parallel to the path. If you’re careful, you can run through the woods without making a sound, and I was careful. It’s amazing how quickly things come back to you.

Jogging at nearly full speed, the lights from the dock quickly filtered through the trees. I stopped at the edge, taking refuge behind a bush. Peering from behind it, I spotted Ian. He was standing at the end of the dock just as Kurt had.

I looked around for his pawn. I found it at the shoreline, floating motionlessly. As far as I could tell, nothing was unusual about the scene. In fact, Ian looked bored.

Was I being paranoid? Maybe. Okay, probably. In fact, the longer I stared, the more foolish I felt.

What did I even think I was going to find? We were on a game show, after all. People won money or pretended to find love. This show wasn’t a place where real things happened.

Still crouched at the edge of the trees, I wondered what I was I doing there—not just in the bushes, but on the show. Was I running from real life? Had my break up with Laura affected me more than I had realized? Was that why I had left my job?

I didn’t love working as a corporate recruiter, but it did pay well. Jobs were hard to come by nowadays. Yet, I left that job and ended up here, risking my life for the amusement of others. Sure, fighting a grizzly bear was better than having to wear a tie to work, but not by much.

At that moment, I saw it, out of the corner of my eye. Ian had coughed.

I centered myself and waited for his pawn to react. Kurt hadn’t had a pawn close by. Triage bots had emergency responses built into them. First they evaluated, and then they took the appropriate actions. So, why wasn’t Ian’s pawn moving?

I watched Ian as he dropped to his knees exactly like Kurt had. It killed me not to run in and try to save him. But what could I do differently this time? I was as helpless now as I was before. 

But the show, they had to do something, right? They wouldn’t just let a second contestant die. Not with a pawn right there. So, why weren’t they doing anything?

Ian’s head hit the dock with a crack, and I felt the pain. Now, he was choking. He was dying, and I wasn’t doing anything to help.

Ian’s chest lifted and fell in exaggerated breaths. He was slipping away. I wanted desperately to go out there. But what if I interrupted the process? What if this was just a part of the show, and in the end, he was going to be fine? I mean, someone had to be seeing this scene, right?

Ian stopped moving before I could finish the thought. His listless eyes looked at me. I didn’t need to check him. He was dead. I had sat and watched him die. Worse than that, I was sure that the show had killed him.

It wasn’t a coincidence. The people eliminated from the show were all dying. How close had I gotten to being one of them? If Ian was right, I wasn’t even meant to last this long.

I had to figure out what was going on, and I had to stay alive to do it. It was time for me to get my ass in gear. I had to get into the game.

But how would I do that? Damn it, I didn’t even know how these shows worked. However, I did know one person who did.

Could I trust him? I didn’t know. But as he once said to me, “let the games begin.”

 

 

 

I stared at Ian’s lifeless body for as long as I could stand it. After thirty minutes, nothing changed. The pawn didn’t move, and no one came to remove it.

Knowing I needed to return to camp, I hurried back to the bathroom. Climbing in through the window, I met Pete still standing guard outside the door. He escorted me back to my room, and I had another sleepless night.

“You look like shit,” someone said from across the table.

I looked up, and it was Brad. After two days of looking for him, there he was. He placed his tray on my empty table and sat across from me.

“You’re still here,” he stated with a smile.

“I don’t think you’re the only one who’s surprised.”

“I like guys who are full of surprises,” he grinned.

“Then you’ll love me,” I said with a chuckle.

Brad tilted his head, looking at me curiously. “So, why are you here, Ford?”

“What do you mean?”

“We’re all here for something. Fame, fortune… love. Ha! So why did you grace us with your presence?”

I thought about that. Why was I here? The first thing that popped into my mind was, Why not be here? I have to be somewhere. But I knew that was me dodging the question. I then thought about Laura and leaving my job. Neither of those things explained why I chose to come here.

“Those questions, I guess,” I told Brad.

“Which questions?”

“You know, the unemployment questions. Didn’t you get them?”

“No.”

“I told my cyber assistant to fill out my unemployment forms, and it began asking me questions. I think it was a program that helps you find your next job.”

“You mean questions like, ‘How do you like to spend your time?’” Brad asked curiously.

“Yeah. And, ‘Would you rather climb a mountain or kayak across a lake?’”

“I didn’t get those.”

That surprised me. I had assumed that everyone here had heard about the show through his cyber assistant. Brad was looking at me, confused, so I explained further.

“I think it’s a program that monitors you over time, assessing your interests. My assistant would ask me the questions everywhere. I would be watching a drama feed through my contact lenses, and it would ask me about the professions on the show. I would walk into a store, and it would ask me about the environment and whether or not I felt comfortable there. They were endless.”

“And after assessing you, it suggested that you audition for a game show?” Brad asked, intrigued.

“No, it didn’t suggest anything. It would just make random statements like, ‘You are unfit for ninety-eight percent of all professions.’ And, ‘The odds of you finding a job are 1 in 10,000.’”

“Damn. That’s brutal.”

“Yeah, I know, right?” I agreed. “Then one day it told me about an opening. It was for this show, and I had been prequalified. All I had to do was show up. So I did.”

“That’s weird,” Brad decided.

“I guess.”

I took a second to think about it. I hadn’t talked to anyone about this part of the process before. I had just assumed all cyber assistants presented their results that way.

However, now that I was thinking about it, why had it presented the information in a negative light rather than a positive light? Instead of saying I was “unqualified for ninety-eight percent of all jobs,” it could have said that I was qualified for 500 jobs, or whatever number two percent represents.

It almost felt like my assistant was grooming me. It was trying to scare me into taking whatever job it suggested next, and it had worked. Was that normal for an assistant?

“I could tell that this wasn’t your life’s passion,” Brad said, recapturing my attention.

“Huh?”

“Watching you, I could tell that being on a game show wasn’t your life’s goal.”

“Oh. Yeah, you’re right,” I replied with a smile. “I hadn’t even seen a game show before coming here. You?”

“Well, let’s just say that entertainment is in my blood.”

I froze. The word “entertainment” was often used as a code word for a few unsavory things. What was he telling me?

“But,” he added with a broadening smile, “I’m proud to say, I’ve made a pretty good living, and I’ve done it without them putting a chip in my head.”

Well, that narrowed things down. What’s more, it impressed me. Never having given it much thought, I just assumed that everyone in entertainment had chips. Of course, I didn’t have a chip in my head, and I was here. So maybe it was time to adjust my thinking.

I turned my attention back to Brad as he continued. “If you watched the game show feeds, you’d probably recognize me. I’ve done a show or two in the last few years.”

Was this guy really game-show-famous? I considered it briefly until realizing that he had given me an opening.

“Then you would know how this show works?”

“This one? Hard to tell. This is a new one. New game shows pop up all of the time. Some never make it to production. Some are shot and never air. But the goal in all of them is the same: be the last man standing.”

“And how do you do that?”

“The number one rule? Make allies.”

“But this is a dating show. Why would I need allies?”

“As long as people are being eliminated, you need allies to stay in the game.”

Pete bumped my leg, ending our conversation. We were being herded together for a group date announcement. Gathered between the buffet line and the tables, Mustache Gray was given a card. This time the daters were Mustache Gray, his round-chested buddy Bob, Carl, a loner guy named Sam, and Buck-Naked Billy.

I leaned over and whispered to Brad, “Why is that dude always naked?”

“He’s a nudist. It’s his archetype. The producers cast the show based on our archetypes.” He pointed at Carl. “He’s the blue-collar construction worker. And that guy, Sam, he’s into meditation and all of that crap.”

“So, Construction Carl and Sam the Spiritualist?” I asked.

“Yeah. That’s probably what they called them.”

“So, what are you?” I asked, thinking he would be the friendly bartender archetype.

Brad smiled from ear to ear. “Can’t you tell? I’m the charming villain.”

A chill ran down my spine. Was I talking to the man who was responsible for Kurt and Ian’s death? “So you killed Kurt?” I ask calmly.

“Oh, I heard about that,” he said, less amused. “You thought you saw someone die at the dock.”

“He did die. Did you kill him?”

My muscles tensed waiting for his reply. I was ready. I had sized him up, and I was sure that I could take him.

He became serious. “Just to be clear, no, it wasn’t me.”

I searched his face as he looked into my eyes. As far as I could tell, he was telling the truth.

“But you remember Kurt, right?”

“From the first night? Yeah. The three of us were talking at the bar. He was a superhero looking guy.”

A rush of air filled my lungs, sending tingles down my arms. I hadn’t realized it, but I had been holding my breath. I didn’t have to anymore though, because there it was. Brad remembered him too. Kurt had been real.

I felt lighter. That was one mystery solved. Now I had to get to the bottom of Brad’s villainy.

“So, if you didn’t kill him and Ian, who did?”

“Ian? Wasn’t he the guy who got eliminated because he didn’t enter the ring?”

“I guess.”

Brad appeared to size me up before responding. “You do know that all of this is make-believe, right? That this is a TV show and that murder as entertainment is still against the law?”

“What if this isn’t a TV show?” I countered.

Brad looked at me with a smug smile. “I think I just figured out your archetype. You’re the paranoid one.”

I had to tuck away that thought for later. “But, just because I’m paranoid…”

He continued, “Doesn’t mean that they’re not out to get you? Of course.”

Brad mirrored my serious tone until a smile returned to both of our faces. I laughed.

I was beginning to like Brad. He didn’t seem to have many layers. What you saw with him was what you got. It would turn out to be a real shame if he was trying to kill me. I only forgave my girlfriends for that.

He continued, “So, my paranoid friend, lesson number one: recognizing your allies.”

Brad pointed at the five guys trying to decipher the clue to their group date.

“They are now the enemy. It’s us against them. They’re going on their group date tomorrow morning. We won’t see Rose again until the next elimination. That means that we have two or three days to make sure that one of theirs is the next one eliminated and not one of ours.”

Brad had given me a lot to think about. First, was I really the paranoid one? I broke it down slowly.

Paranoids saw conspiracies everywhere. I watched two guys die in front of me and now I thought that there were people out to get me and everyone else. Hmm…

Okay, yeah. I see how I might sound paranoid to the guys here. And, of course, if an audience was watching us who didn’t see what I saw, they might see me as paranoid as well. Huh! Was I really the paranoid one?

I decided to look at my situation in a different way. If everyone here was playing a role on a TV show, what role does the paranoid play? And more importantly, how long did he survive?

Since I hadn’t seen much TV, I thought instead about movies. And if I wasn’t mistaken, in the movies, the paranoid character survived long enough to tell everyone that they were in danger. After that, they are always the next dead.

Well, crap! I didn’t like where this was headed at all!

If I wasn’t already crazy, thinking about all of this was definitely getting me there. Brad had said that it would be another two or three days before I saw Rose again. I had to figure out how to convince her to keep me around. And I had to do it without actually seeing her.

Needing to clear my head, I decided to spend my day doing a little exploring. I followed the path towards the dock. It was the first time I had seen the path in the daylight. With its smoothed marble pebbles and red brick outline, it was beautifully designed. However, the crunch you heard as you walked on it through the woods alone, that made my skin crawl.

Eventually, I was staring out at the dock. It looked like any other dock. The wooden planks were weathered and worn. The dark brown posts were a foot in diameter and rose four feet above the walkway. There was nothing special about any of it.

Standing where Ian had stood, I examined the planks for stains or blood. I found only water. The sea was calm now, but high tide and rough seas had probably washed any evidence away.

I followed the shoreline south. The concrete seawall continued for a hundred feet. When the wall abruptly ended, the natural cliff face appeared. There was no beach, just vertical rock and crashing waves.

I stared out at the open ocean. Nothing lay ahead. I remembered the two-hour ferry ride. Once the lights of the city receded behind me, the ocean remained pitch black until the light of the dock. 

The island had to have more to it than what I saw in front of me, though. Pawns were not fully autonomous. Not only did they have to recharge, but they also received instructions from somewhere.

I followed the jagged coast for an hour. From a clearing, I discovered that our camp was in the lowlands. Behind it, rolling hills stretched for miles. Perched on the highest hill was a metal tower topped with a white-glazed bulb. It looked like a minimally designed lighthouse. Whatever it was, it was worth checking out.

Setting out towards it, I soon realized that the distances on the island were deceptive. What looked like a short walk took hours.

The constant shifts in elevation and uneven terrain had turned my casual walk up the coast into a three-hour hike back to camp. I hadn’t planned to end it there. But having missed lunch, and with only a few hours until dinner, I left the highlands and the tower for another day.

Starved, I headed to the commissary in search of food. Dinner hadn’t been put out yet. I cursed myself for not squirreling leftovers back in my room, and then looked around for something to take my mind off of my stomach.

Scanning the area, I spotted a group of guys by the pool. I headed over, but as I got closer, I realized who they were. It was the same five guys who had been chosen for the next group date. Had Brad been right? Had they formed an alliance?

I thought about injecting myself into their conversation but then remembered the first night at the dock. Mustache Gray had accused me of playing mind games with everyone. He had barely acknowledged my existence since. Maybe now wasn’t a good time to mend fences.

Who else was there? From our group date, Victor Vodka, Fitness Freddy, and Brad were there. Outside of those three, Thorin the Pale and a slimy, corporate-looking guy I hadn’t talked to yet were the other two in the group.

So, if I needed allies to stay in the game, my choices were: an unhappy waiter, a lovable dumb guy, an awkward pale dude, a corporate drone, and a self-declared villain. I was as good as dead.

Or maybe not. There was one other person I hadn’t considered. It was the same person who had kept me around so far: Rose.

Maybe I already had an ally. If Ian was right, then the producers had expected me to be gone by now. Yet, at every elimination, I had gotten a rose. Sure, each time it had been the last rose. But I was still alive, right?

I looked for Brad at dinner. He never came. Neither did Fitness Freddy. Thorin the Pale was there, but there was something weird about him. So with slim pickings, I got to know Bernard, the slimy corporate guy.

It turned out that Bernard was an investment banker. I asked him what an investment banker was doing on a show like this one, and he added “former” to his title. So he was an investment banker like I was a corporate recruiter.

Bernard the Banker was able to fill in some missing information on the others. Mustache Gray was a gun dealer and weapons enthusiast. Brad had gotten it wrong. Obviously Mustache Gray was the paranoid one?

Gray’s round-chested buddy Bob was a bouncer for a club and part-time bodyguard. If I had to give him an archetype, I would call him the blunt instrument. Or maybe he was the loyal thug? Was that an archetype? Perhaps the gangster.

By the end of our conversation, I also had a clear impression about Bernard. He was the heartless businessman. He might have been a contender for the show’s villain if Brad hadn’t already claimed the spot.

As it turned out, Bernard didn’t like Brad. I couldn’t tell why. Bernard just called him a drug dealer who didn’t follow the rules. I found that funny because I didn’t know there were any rules.

I left Bernard feeling a little icky. I wondered how many people he had killed during his lifetime. Investments were the easiest way to start wars these days.

It was well known that corporate interests often outweighed the interests of governments. So when a global corporation was supported by enough investor capital, governments sent armies to ensure a high return on investment.

It was a crappy system. But, as a former corporate recruiter, who am I to complain? I guess life makes whores of us all.

I went back to my room exhausted. I hadn’t gotten much sleep the last two nights. With today’s hike and no elimination tonight, my bed was calling.

Drifting off to sleep, I turned my thoughts to the one person neither Brad nor Bernard discussed. What was Rose’s role in all of this?

I had only spoken to her twice, so I didn’t know much about her. I knew that she may or may not have been nervous the first night, and I knew that she liked bears and didn’t want them killed.

On the other hand, maybe I knew more than that. I did see the way that she handled Buck-Naked Billy when he was drunk. Obviously, she wasn’t someone who was easily intimidated. Also, she had made those jokes about “keeping her clothes on this time.” What did she mean by that?

Too tired to figure it out, I thought about something else: What it would feel like to leave the island like nothing had ever happened. But that was just a fantasy. Even if no one believed me, I knew that only corpses left this island. If I wanted out of here, my best shot would be on Rose’s arm.

Did I have reasons not to like her? Absolutely. First, she had told twenty guys the same story at the dock. Who does that? Also, she always has to be the center of attention. Oh, and don’t get me started on the way she asks us to risk our lives in challenges when all it does is satisfy her ego.

Yet, if I wanted to stay alive, I had to find reasons to like her. I had to give her a reason to choose me over someone else. As far as I could tell, everyone else had already fallen in love with her.

Why did they love her, though? Sure, she was attractive, but couldn’t they see past her big smile and pretty face? Did they really think that a woman like that would be there for them when they needed her most? Couldn’t they see who she really was?

Feeling my heart race, I let go of the thought. I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was sleep.

Besides, I knew no one was perfect. I certainly wasn’t everyone’s cup of tea. Some might even say that I was a little distant at times. And, when I say “some,” I mean Laura. And when I say “at times,” I mean that that was Laura’s explanation for why she had left me to be eaten by the tiger.

So, no one was perfect, I guess. One thing was clear, though, I wasn’t getting off this island without Rose’s help. I had to make a decision: either I opened my heart to Rose or I died.

I wonder what it said about me that I needed more time to decide.

I was finally falling asleep when my door rattled. I reacted instantly. Unsure of where I was in my half-asleep state, I threw myself on the ground.

“Ford?”

The voice was familiar. Clearing the cobwebs from my mind, I replied. “Brad?”

“You gotta come with me, man. It’s life or death.”

This was it. He had discovered what I had. I stood up, feeling my legs wobble beneath me. I had to wake up, and I had to do it fast.

I stood in the middle of my empty room trying to get my bearings. Was it morning? How long had I been asleep?

“Ford, let me in.”

That’s right, I had to let him in. I focused on one thing at a time. First the door, and then the knob. He entered, bright-eyed and bounding with energy.

“You have to come with me. It’s all going down now.”

“Yeah,” I replied unquestioningly.

I threw on a pair of pants and shoes and followed him out. Marching past the other cabins, he described our battle and “inevitable victory.” He said it was “nigh.”

As my mind cleared, I realized that Brad’s mind was not. Looking at him again, I considered that he might be high, and what confirmed it for me was his plan.

“Grab the other end of the bed,” he said standing over the sleeping Gray.

I wasn’t the only one he had recruited. Fitness Freddy, Victor Vodka, and Bernard the Banker were there as well.

“What are we doing?” I mouthed, trying not to wake Gray, Bob, or Billy as they slept.

“Don’t worry. They’re out. I gave them a little something,” Brad said with a smile. “We all have our marketable trades, right?”

“You told me it was life and death. What are we doing here?”

“It’s a Viking funeral. We’re gonna set these guys off to sea.”

Brad laughed. Freddy, Bernard, and Victor found it equally amusing. What had Bernard said about Brad being a drug dealer?

I grabbed one of the legs of the bed and lifted. Now was not the time to take a stand. I needed allies even if it was with the show’s villain. After all, didn’t the villain usually make it to the end?

One by one, we carried Gray, Bob, Billy, Sam, and Carl to the dock. Even with the bouncing, they all remained asleep. Hell, we dropped Billy, and not even that woke him.

“I can get you high using the contents of any kitchen. Give me all of the flowers and plants on this island… Ha, I can do things to your body that you didn’t even know were possible.”

A marketable trade indeed.

“We can’t have these guys rested for tomorrow. We don’t want them making a good impression on Rose.”

I was getting it now. Brad wanted to keep them edgy. As strategies went, it was a pretty good one. 

One by one we floated the bamboo beds and set them adrift. The others were laughing hysterically.

“Are they gonna wake up in China or something?” I asked hoping I was wrong.

“No, it’s a Viking funeral,” Brad said as if it were obvious.

Things became a little clearer when Freddy handed Brad a makeshift bow and arrow. Bernard then stepped in and used the torch he carried as a lighter. Brad was a surprisingly good shot. It took him only one arrow to ignite each bed. He really was recreating a Viking funeral.

With all but one bed lit, Freddy spoke up. “Let me try.”

Freddy wasn’t quite as good of a shot. The result was that Sam took a flaming arrow to the foot. But not even that woke him. That made everyone laugh hysterically. You would have thought that they had just watched someone get hit in the crotch. Were they too high to realize that they had just set another human being on fire?

“So, you’re just gonna let them burn?” I asked, starting to feel as I did as I watched Victor being mauled by the bear.

“No!” Brad turned to me disgusted. “What are you sick? I gave them a special blend. They’ll wake up as soon as they hear a certain frequency.” With that, Brad puckered his lips and blew.

Each of the floating men awoke and released two screams. One was when they realized that they were sleeping in water. The second was when they realized that their floatation device was on fire.

Sam released a few extra screams, of course. He did have an arrow through his foot. And he was on fire.

Sam grabbed the arrow and ripped it out of him. Wrenching, he lost balance and fell into the water. Some of the guys behind me fell onto the ground in laughter.

“Wait for it,” Brad said silencing his mates.

I looked back at the guys and then at Sam.

“Wait for it.”

What was he talking about?

“There,” Brad said pointing at Sam.

I looked again. A shark fin. Sam didn’t see it.

“Shark!” Gray yelled.

It was too late. Sam got yanked under like the bobble on a fishing line. The guys behind me roared with laughter. It seemed redundant, but I asked myself anyway: Is everyone here insane?

“We gotta do something,” I yelled back, trying to sober them up. “What are you all? Fucking nuts?”

“Relax!” Brad chided. “Watch.”

I turned back toward the screaming men. Sam surfaced with his arms flailing in panic.

“The last thing sharks want to eat are people. They’ll take one bite then spit him back up. He’ll get away scot-free. You know, as long as it doesn’t cost him an arm and a leg.” Brad again burst out in laughter. Unable to stand up straight, he joined the others in wiping tears from his eyes.

I watched helplessly as Sam was again dragged under, but just like before, he resurfaced. Each shark was taking a bite and then spitting him out. Surfacing for the third time, he came up next to Billy. Billy reached down and retrieved him.

If Brad was right, the most dangerous part of the scenario was right now, when a leg was exposed. Great whites, bull sharks, they were all native to these waters, but I had never heard of them swarming so close to shore before.

“Hey. Let’s go,” Brad said pulling on my arm.

Apparently, the amusing part was over. Sam was safely on Billy’s bed, and all of the fires were out. All that was left now was for them to swim ashore without losing an arm. I guessed that Brad didn’t want to be there if they did.

Arriving back to camp, Brad followed me to my cabin. He wanted to make sure that I was cool with everything. I wasn’t sure that I was.

Entering my cabin, I planted my ass on my bed and pushed my fingers through my hair. What did I just do? I didn’t know, but I was still alive and in the game. Right now, that had to be my focus.

“You’re not freaked out about that, are you?” Brad asked.

What should I do? Play along? Tell him the truth?

“I haven’t gotten a lot of sleep,” I told him.

“Nah, it’s more than that,” he said taking a seat next to me. “Relax, man. You can tell me?”

I looked into Brad’s eyes. He looked happy. I’m sure that I looked like a mess.

“None of this bothers you?” I asked him.

“None of what? It’s all a game. You think the show is gonna let them get hurt?”

Did he live in some sort of alternate universe? In my world, people got eaten by sharks. People burned alive. Magic dust could only do so much.

“Come on, relax. It’s all good. You gotta loosen up. You gotta have a little fun.”

And that was when Brad leaned in and kissed me. Wait, what?

“Woah!” I said, pushing him away.

“Oh! My bad,” he said offering me a playful smile in concession. Already halfway to the door, he turned back. “You are full of surprises, aren’t you?”

I couldn’t come up with a reply before he was out the door and gone. It was official. I didn’t know what the hell was going on.

Needless to say, I didn’t sleep that night. Morning came, and I was exhausted. I didn’t know if I should go to breakfast or stay tucked in bed.

Was I now in some type of war with Mustache Gray and his group? Would a brawl breakout at breakfast? Would Brad even show up for the fight he started? More importantly, what the hell was with the kiss? Was he that high?

It took a few hours of sunlight before I gave up on sleep. Sitting on the edge of my bed, I counted. I had gotten about seven hours of sleep in three nights. That wasn’t good.

Gathering my toiletries, I headed to the bathroom. In the shower room, I ran into Billy. Neither of us said a word.

The first thing I did when I entered the commissary was look for the five daters. They were seated together. Brad’s plan had worked. They looked awful.

Not surprisingly, Sam, the one who had been shot in the foot and attached by sharks, looked the best. So he would have been the only one to get the feel-good juice. You had to love magic dust.

I walked through the food line, filling my plate with eggs and pancakes. I was starved, and a little pancake therapy never hurt anyone.

Finding a table at the far end of the commons, I sat, keeping an eye on the five daters. They had to be planning to retaliate. The only question was whether it would be now or later.

I didn’t stare long before Brad stepped into view.

“Hey, can I sit?” Brad asked.

“Sure,” I replied, wondering what awkward situation he was going to put me in next.

“Sorry about kissing you last night,” he said with a sincerity that I had never seen from him.

“Yeah, no problem,” I said, trying to be cool without being encouraging, but immediately regretting my nonchalance.

“Are you freaked out about it?”

“No, why would I be?”

“Exactly. You put 15 hot guys together and deprive them of sex for days and things happen, right?”

Brad turned, looking around.  His eyes rested on Fitness Freddy who sat at a nearby table, staring at us. Brad gave him a knowing smile and a nod. Freddy’s jaw dropped. Panicked, he lowered his eyes and shoveled pancakes into his mouth.

“He knows what I mean,” Brad added coyly.

I thought for a second. He was implying that he and young Freddy had “been together.” Was this what people did on these shows? Was everyone doing it? Hadn’t Freddy professed his love for Rose after our first group date? What… the… hell?

“But it was fun last night, right?” Brad continued.

“Listen, you’re cool and all. I’m just not into that,” I said as casually as I could.

“Not that! The Viking funeral.”

How could I tell him that I wasn’t that type of guy either?

“Aren’t they gonna be pissed about what we did to them?”

“Royally. But it’s us against them. And we’re smarter, right?”

“Brad, people really are dying here. I watched Kurt and Ian both die.”

“Ian, too, now?” he asked dismissively.

“I told you that I saw him die,” I insisted.

“And, you know what? I saw a guy get attacked by sharks. He’s over there,” Brad said pointing at Sam. “And, two others get mauled by a bear. They’re over there. Ford, what do you think would have happened if you didn’t heroically jump into that cage? Do you really think that they would have let the bear eat Victor or Freddy?”

“I’ve seen the show kill people.”

“So now you think that the show is killing these people?”

“I’ve watched two people get eliminated and then die.”

Brad looked at me, unpersuaded. He took a deep breath and calmed himself before continuing. “Then maybe you should get to know your allies so you’re not the next one gone.”

Brad didn’t believe me. That was his mistake, but he was right about one thing. To stay in the game, I needed to know my allies.

Brad walked me over to Freddy’s table. Victor and Bernard were with him. Freddy was having a problem looking me in the eyes, but the others were friendly.

As much as I wanted to explore the tower and the island’s highland, I spent the day with my new allies. It wasn’t bad once everyone warmed up to me. It reminded me of a platoon.

When Gray, Bob, Carl, and Sam returned from their group date, it was without Buck-Naked Billy. The four of them looked as beaten up as we had been. Brad was the one to ask them for details.

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Gray responded gruffly.

The group dynamic was getting weirder. Brad had expected Gray to tell him in spite of what had gone on the night before and was surprised when Gray didn’t.

I didn’t know the etiquette surrounding setting someone on fire. However, my guess was that afterward, you didn’t ask them for a favor. Of course, what did I know? I was on my first game show.

Brad’s unwavering confidence seemed to dip a bit after that. He didn’t smile quite as much as the cocktail party began that night. However, as he was the first to get alone time with Rose, he returned to the group with his confidence fully intact. 

It was amazing to watch him interact with everyone after that. It was like the night before had never happened. As he had during the previous cocktail parties, Brad took on the mantle of Rose’s social secretary. Everyone wanted to schedule their time with her, so they flocked to him agreeably.

Watching Brad do his thing, I considered my place in this drama. I hadn’t been alone with Rose since meeting her at the dock. After that, I was one of only three men to not ask for alone time with her during the first cocktail party. I was now the only one of those three still alive.

Deciding that I needed to get time with Rose, I considered talking to Brad. He would have to let me jump his line. I was one of his allies. He said it was us against them.

I was taking a step toward him when I noticed something: the casual way Brad interacted with Gray. I stopped when it dawned on me that he liked playing this nonpartisan roll. Wouldn’t bumping someone to give me a spot ruin that for him? Would he be willing to give up this position of power for me?

I couldn’t risk it. If he put me at the end of his line, the party could end before I got my time. I wasn’t about to be the one dying on the dock because Brad was looking out for himself. Besides, I had never been one to ask permission. Why would I start now?

Waiting a few minutes after Victor had left and Bernard had returned, I intervened. Finding the two at the far end of the pool, I looked only at her.

“Rose, do you think I can steal you away for a few minutes?”

“Sure,” she said with a beaming smile. “Where did you wanna go?”

She turned her back on her unhappy waiter, not giving him a chance to object. I had to admit, I loved her assertiveness. Some things about her definitely turned me on.

Taking her hand and leading her away, I knew that I would pay for the interruption later. I couldn’t think about that now, though. Rose had to get my full attention.

So, walking her to a nearby waterfall, I took both of her hands and looked into her eyes. I thought the spot would be romantic. Also, if cameras were around, the crashing water was our best chance for privacy.  

“We haven’t spoken since that first night,” I began, feeling my heart race as I looked at her.

“I know. But I thought it was brave how you jumped into the ring like that. I think you saved their lives. That was… heroic.”

I was stunned silent. After everyone else had ignored or criticized me for it, that was the last thing that I had expected her to say. It took my breath away.

I fought to gather myself. I was sure there was something that I was supposed to say in reply, but for the life of me, I couldn’t think of what it was.

I did know what I wanted to say. I wanted to ask her how she could think of me as heroic and then choose Brad for the one-on-one date, but now wasn’t the time. So instead, I brought up something worse.

“Have you ever been on one of these shows before?” I asked.

“You mean a dating show?” she clarified. “No.”

“But you’ve been on others?”

Rose tilted her head with a smile as if waiting for me to make the obvious connection. I didn’t.

“Does anything about this show seem strange to you?” I asked.

Rose’s smile quickly faded. Was that a sign that she knew something? It had to be.

My focus immediately shifted. I needed to know what she knew, and I didn’t have much time to find out. Victor was going to tell the others that I had taken her, and someone would pull her away at any moment.

I considered the situation. Knowing I was running out of time, something came to me. I had one thing that I could tell her that would either protect me from elimination or guarantee it. I could tell her about Kurt and Ian’s deaths. But should I do it? I didn’t know.

“I think…” I began. “…I think the people being eliminated are dying.”

The second I said it, I realized that I had made a mistake. I had basically told her that she was killing people when she eliminated them. Now, the woman whose eyes had shined seconds before looked at me deflated and confused.

Brad was right. I was the paranoid one. I had to figure out a way to fix this situation, or I was going to be the next one gone. I could see it in her eyes.

“Rose, can I steal you away?” Gray asked with a forced smile.

“Yes,” she agreed quickly.

Like that, my chances went from fair to none. I had screwed up with Rose like I had with many other women before her.

My only chance now was to figure out what mistake Kurt and Ian had made after the rose ceremony and not repeat it. Maybe their pawns had given them a pill or an injection. It could have been anything. Unlike them, I would be ready for it.

Shortly after I had rejoined the others, our pawns found us and arranged us into two rows. Gray had gotten less time with her than I had. Thorin hadn’t gotten any at all.

Neither of them had to worry, though. I had already eliminated myself with my poor game strategy. How many times did I have to learn that when it came to women, the worst thing I could do was talk?

I watched from the second row as Rose took her position in front of us. Once she was settled, her pawn followed, carrying the rose tray. It was beginning.

I would like to say that I awaited my fate with a steady hand and a strong jaw. Picture a roguish outlaw or maybe even a roguish wizard. Yes, I would like to say that’s what happened, but it wasn’t. 

With just a rose, that 110-pound woman had rattled me to my core. I felt like a pig who went looking for its mom and found a pork sandwich. I did not feel good.

I didn’t understand why I was having that reaction. I had seen a lot of death in my life. How could this simple ceremony affect me so much?

I put that out of my mind, knowing that it wasn’t important now. The only thing that mattered was surviving the night. Counting the roses, two people were going to be eliminated tonight. My heart sank.

Brad was the first one safe. Gray and Bob were next. Even Buck-Naked Billy got a rose. In the end, the three people left were Thorin the Pale, Bernard the Banker, and me.

My heart raced as I stared into Rose’s steely eyes. I was having a hard time breathing. My hands shook. Thorin was still the only person she had invited on a solo date. I had no reason to think that he wouldn’t get the last rose.

“Ford, would you consider spending the rest of your life with me?”

I wasn’t sure what I had heard. Had she asked me to leave? No, she had invited me to stay.

I pushed past the guys, not giving her a chance to change her mind. Standing in front of me, she smiled. Then she did something that she had never done before.

Instead of just handing me the rose, she lifted it between us. As I reached for it, I felt the heat of her small hand as it cupped my neck. She was lowering my cheek to kiss it. But at the moment when I thought I would feel her warm lips, I felt only the puff of her breath.

“Find me,” she whispered.

Released, I slowly pulled away. I couldn’t mask my surprise.

Needing confirmation of what I had heard, I looked into her eyes. I found it. Though she was smiling, she was begging me to keep her words a secret.

I had been right to tell her about Kurt and Ian. Now she wanted to tell me something. But what was it?

 

 

 

Everyone quickly dispersed once the elimination was complete. I watched, but Rose never looked back at me. Beginning a new regimen tonight, the pawns led us back to our rooms for interviews.

I told Pete just enough to stop the blinking red lights. Following Ian’s instructions, I started by pretending that the elimination hadn’t happened yet. I said that I was nervous because I hadn’t spoken to Rose in days.  When prompted, I spoke about the elation I felt about getting another chance at love.

I would have said anything to escape Pete’s watchful sensors. I wasn’t planning on escaping to the dock tonight. I didn’t need to. I was pretty sure that I knew what was going to happen there. No, tonight I had to find Brad.

Bernard the Banker had been the one to tell me which cabin was Brad’s. What he hadn’t told me was that he, Victor, and Brad shared a room. By the time I knocked on their door, Bernard was already gone.

“Brad, can I speak to you?” I asked, inviting him outside.

He joined me, and I led him away from the cabins. He spoke soberly.

“I have to admit, the only thing I could think of as I watched Bernard pack his stuff was what you said about us dying after elimination. You’re in my head,” he admitted with an uncomfortable smile.

“I need to get to Rose. Do you know where she is?”

“You mean her cabin?”

“Yeah.”

“Now, why would you want to know that?” Brad asked, settling into his normally playful self.

“I think she knows something about what’s going on. I told her my theory, and she told me to come find her.”

“Is that really why you’re looking for her?”

“Yeah.”

“You sure you’re not trying to get a leg up in the game?”

I hadn’t considered this obstacle. Did Brad think that I was trying to outmaneuver him?

“I’m just kidding,” he teased. “I’m proud of you. You’re getting your head in the game.”

“So do you know where she is?”

“Of course. I’ve been up there a few times. It’s good to have a marketable trade.”

Brad was more resilient than I had given him credit for. He was going to win this game.

“I’ll tell you where she is and how to get in undetected, on one condition.”

“What’s that?”

“Whatever you learn from her, you tell me.”

“It’s a deal.”

We shook on it. I was now in league with the show’s professed villain. Was there any way that this deal was going to end well for me? As far as I knew, sending me to Rose was how he was going to get me eliminated.

I couldn’t worry about that now, though. I had to trust somebody. I still didn’t know how game shows like this worked. So if I didn’t trust him, I was probably dead anyway.

“Rose lives in a cabin ten minutes from here,” he had said. “They’re really serious about keeping guys out. Three scout bots continuously circle her cabin. If this show is like any other one, breaking the rules means elimination. And if you’re right, death.”

Brad told me about his path up the hill and past the scout bots. I followed his directions exactly. Each step along the way, I looked for signs of deception, but everything was as he had described it.

The scout bots were of the CB128 series. I was familiar with these bots. They were the civilian equivalents of the CD230s. The CBs had one motion scanner while the CDs had at least two. That meant that it was possible to sneak in behind these scout bots, which is what I did.

Crouched in the foliage that lined the woods, I waited silently. They scanned the perimeter just as Brad had described them. Waiting for two sweeps, I stayed low and then scurried in.

All of this stealth movement was second nature for me. The training was hard to forget. So when the second scout bot passed, I crossed, avoiding the sweep of a faint red beam that came from the roof.

Brad hadn’t told me about the beam on the roof. I’m not sure that I would even have noticed it if I wasn’t familiar with the scouting techniques programmed into bots. Had Brad unknowingly been caught by the rotating roof beam? Or had he lucked out each time he had visited?

With my back pressed against the wall of the cabin, I had thirty seconds to get in. Brad had given me a pattern to tap on the window, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted Rose thinking about Brad tonight. I would honor our agreement and tell him anything she told me about the game. I drew the line there.

I triple tapped on the window to no response. The drapes were closed, and the lights were on. I was sure that she was in there. I knocked again. Still nothing. Should I have used Brad’s knock pattern? Had I doomed my mission by not using it?

Fifteen seconds. That’s how much time I had before I would be spotted by a circling scout. I was feeling calm. If this was going to be my last stand, I liked my chances. I had the woods in front of me and the only thing behind me would be mono-laser bots. I’d gotten away from far worse than that.

“Ford?”

I turned to my left to find Rose’s contorted face peering through the glass.

“Quick, over there,” she said ushering me toward the door.

Four, three, two. My internal clock ticked off the seconds. I slipped into Rose’s cabin and closed the door behind me. Staring at the space under the door, I watched for a blue light. It didn’t come.

I was sure that I had entered a second too late, but when thirty seconds passed without a response, I turned, immediately locking eyes with Rose. She stood tall behind me. She looked happy to see me.

Relaxing, I shifted my eyes past Rose.

Aaack! I yelped in my head. I threw my back against the door, stunned by what I saw.

On the floor surrounding Rose was every piece of clothing and cosmetics bottle she owned. Along with that was every dish she had eaten from and every object she possessed. It looked like the aftermath of a hurricane.

Do you know that feeling when your sexual organs spontaneously suck back up into your body? Well, mine were so deep inside of me that I would have to unbutton my collar to pee. Rose was more than just a slob. She was psychotic. I could only think one thing: What the hell?!?

“Did they spot you?” Rose asked from Summer Fashion Mountain.

“I don’t think so. They’re programmed to investigate anything out of the ordinary. If they saw me, they would have knocked by now.”

“How do you know that?” she questioned, crossing the Isle of Dirty Dishware.

“I’ve had some experience with them in the past.”

“A secret bad boy?”

“I wouldn’t say that.” I crossed the room toward her. “So this is your place?” I asked, hoping and praying that it wasn’t.

“Yes. Excuse the mess,” she replied with a smile that I would have found charming if we weren’t standing in the Bermuda Triangle’s sphincter.

I didn’t smile back.

“Is something wrong?”

She was genuinely confused. Couldn’t she see that she was one discarded panini press away from living in a landfill? No, wait, my mistake. She had one on her bed.

“No!” I protested. “I just… I just didn’t expect you to live here.”

After a baffled look and a head-clearing shake, she offered me a wry smile. “You didn’t do much research before coming here, did you?”

“Why do you say that?”