Chapter 8
Josie
My mother once told me that falling for the wrong man was like jumping off a cliff. When you hit rock bottom, you’ll end up broken with scars that last a lifetime. I knew Big was just the kind of man she was talking about. Everything about him screamed wrong—hacker, member of a motorcycle club, leather and tattoos, criminal—but something about him kept pulling at me. It had been over an hour since I left him, and I could still feel the warmth of his body pressed against mine, could still smell the scent of his cologne on my skin, and could still feel that rush I felt when he was about to kiss me. I was walking on the edge of that cliff, and I feared I might just take a running leap. As much as I wanted to know what it would be like to be loved by him, I knew it would be a mistake. I had no place in his world, nor he in mine. We were wrong for each other in every way. I had to keep my distance and stay focused on finding my sister. I needed to forget those gnawing feelings I had growing in the pit of my stomach. They would only cause me trouble, and more trouble was the last thing I needed.
I turned on my side and tried to find a comfortable position. Unfortunately, the throbbing in my muscles was becoming worse, making it harder to ignore. I looked over at the bottle of pills on the bedside table and decided to take one in hopes of easing some of the pain. After an hour, the aching finally subsided, but I still couldn’t sleep. It was only eight o’clock, and where Big was exhausted from being up all night, I was wide awake. I turned on the TV and tried to find something to watch, but had no luck. The longer I lay there, the harder it was to ignore the voices in my head, especially Nitro’s. When he talked about those men and their plans for my sister, my blood ran cold. Just thinking about the nonchalant way he spoke about the cartel made my skin crawl. I’d never met anyone like him. While he was attractive with his tousled brown hair and hazel eyes, a sense of power radiated off of him, making him seem more than a little threatening. But when he smiled and the light sparkled in his beautiful hazel eyes, I could see there was a different side to him, one that was kind and trustworthy, making me understand why Big would be friends with a man like him. I just hoped that together they’d be able to find a way out of this mess.
I couldn’t think about it anymore. I felt like the walls were closing in on me, and I had to get out of there, even if it was just to get something to eat from the kitchen. I hoped the taste of something sweet would settle my nerves and help me get some much needed sleep. Just as I opened the door, I found Big standing there—with no shirt on again—looking hot as ever. Damn. The man was killing me. “Hey.”
“You okay?” His voice sounded like he’d just woken up, low and raspy and sexy as hell.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”
He leaned against the door as he yawned. “Just checking.”
“I thought you were going to get some sleep.”
“I was. Got hungry.” I sighed silently to myself as he smiled and ran a hand over his chiseled stomach. I didn’t stand a chance.
“I was thinking the same thing.”
“Wanna go to the kitchen and grab a bite?”
All those thoughts of keeping my focus shot out the window when I answered, “Sure. Sounds good.”
When I stepped out into the hall, his lips curled into a smirk when he noticed what I was wearing. It was cold in Tristen’s room, really cold. It’s the only reason why I’d put back on his hoodie. Besides, it was comfortable with the leggings I’d borrowed from Tristen. It had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that it smelled like him or it gave me a sense of comfort to have close to my skin – absolutely nothing. Choosing to ignore the goofy look on his face, I stepped past him and headed down the hall. When we got into the kitchen, Big went straight for the fridge. “Whatcha in the mood for?”
“Depends on what you’ve got.”
“There’s leftover burgers from dinner… some sandwich stuff…” He paused as he walked over to the cabinets. “Cereal and Pop-Tarts.”
I walked over to him, and when I noticed a box of my favorite kid’s cereal, I grabbed it. “This will do.”
“Got enough in there for two bowls?”
I gave it a good shake and answered, “Yep. Plenty.”
“Good.”
He took the milk from the refrigerator and got us some bowls and spoons before heading over to the table. We both poured ourselves a giant helping and ate in silence. When his bowl was almost empty, he reached for the box and poured himself another large helping. The silence starting to get to me, I asked, “So… where’d ya learn so much about computers?”
“Taught myself.”
“Seriously?” It wasn’t a secret that lots of kids learned about the elements of hacking on their own, especially during the era when Big grew up. The World Wide Web was new and had limited security, opening them up to limitless opportunity. It was a kind of sport to them, pushing a boundary or learning cool new tricks to brag about. It wasn’t like that for me. I’d spent hours upon hours watching my father, learning everything he knew about technology. His passion for the computer world was ingrained in me from an early age, and I was always eager to learn more. It was one of the reasons why I’d decided to study information systems in college. I loved it, and I was finally at the point where I could do just about anything with processors and coding. What had taken me years to accomplish with my father’s help and tons of classes, Big had learned on his own, which was pretty freaking impressive.
“Had some help along the way.”
“From Nitro?”
He chuckled under his breath. “Nitro doesn’t know shit about computers.”
“Then, how did you two meet?”
He hesitated for a moment, studying me before he gave his answer. “Met him in prison.”
“Oh.” I could hear my mother’s voice chanting “wrong, wrong, wrong” as I thought about all the things he could’ve done—maybe he killed someone or he was dealing drugs or he robbed a bank. The list was endless, and my mind was racing with curiosity as I took another spoonful of my cereal. I knew it was none of my business, but I couldn’t stop myself from asking. “And… why exactly did you end up in prison?”
“Which time?”
I looked up at him, noting the playful look in his eyes, and it was clear he was mocking me. “Which time? Really?” He just shrugged his shoulders and smiled. “Ok, then. Let’s go with the first time.”
“Got sent to juvie for hacking into my dad’s trucking service. At first, I just wanted to check his schedule so I’d know where he was going and when he’d be back. It wasn’t a big deal until I started messing with his route.”
“Why would you mess with his route?”
“Heard my folks talking about money troubles. My dad was gonna have to find a second job unless something changed. So, I swapped some stuff around. Got him some longer routes with a higher pay grade. Things were going fine until one of the guys started bitching about his cut in pay. They looked into it, found out what I was doing, and off to juvie I went.”
“And your dad?”
“He lost his job and pretty much blamed me for fucking everything up.”
“But, you were only trying to help.”
“He didn’t see it that way.” As soon as the words left his mouth, it was like someone jerked him a hundred miles away. He was completely lost in his own thoughts as he ate the rest of his cereal.
I should’ve just left it, but I didn’t. “And the other time?”
He leaned back in his chair. “By the time I got out of juvie, things at home had changed, and not for the better. My folks were always at each other’s throats, bitching about this or that, and I knew things were about to fall apart. When my dad would go out in the truck, my mom would all but disappear. For days, I wouldn’t hear anything from her. Knew something was up, so I decided to check into it and see where she was going. I hacked into the phone company and searched her call history and tracked her phone. Found out she was cheating with some guy from her office. I threatened to tell Dad, and instead of ending things with the guy, she called the cops and told them what I’d done. I ended up spending a year and half in prison.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me. Your own mother turned you in? That’s crazy.”
“Yeah, well crazier shit has happened. When I got out of jail, I left my life as Michael Davis behind and started over.”
The hurt in his eyes pulled at me, so I placed the palm of my hand on top of his. “I’m really sorry.”
He pulled his hand from mine as he crossed his arms and said, “Nothing to be sorry about. In the end, everything turned out the way it was meant to. This is where I belong.”
“I guess, but it seems like a hard way to get where you’re going.”
“Sometimes the hard way is the only way to go.”
“What about Nitro? What did he go in for?”
He shrugged. “No idea.”
“You were in jail together for a year and a half, and he never told you why he was there?”
“Nope. That’s the thing about Nitro; he knows when to keep quiet. It’s one of the reasons he’s been able to do as well as he has. People trust him to keep his mouth shut.” His lips curled into a mischievous grin. “It’s a talent some people don’t have.”
He looked at me with a sexy little smirk. I shook my head and rolled my eyes. “The man has jokes.”
“From time to time.” He got up and took our empty bowls to the sink. “I figure Nitro wouldn’t have gotten put away unless he wanted to.”
“What do you mean?”
“He went in as a small fish in a big, fucking pond. Came out with new connections, new clientele, and now he’s one of the biggest damn fish out there.”
“So, you think he went to jail on purpose?”
“I always thought so.”
“That’s pretty screwed up. You know that, right?”
“Maybe, but it worked.” He stretched his arms above his head as he yawned.
Remembering that he still hadn’t slept, I reached for the box of cereal and took it back over to the cabinet. Once I’d shut the door, I looked over at him and said, “I guess I should let you get some sleep.”
He nodded and followed me down to Tristen’s room. I opened the door, and just as I was about to step inside, Big said, “I’ve got something to tend to tomorrow.”
“Okay.” I wanted to ask him where he was going, but stopped myself when I remembered our argument from earlier. He’d made it clear that I wasn’t supposed to ask questions, so I kept my mouth shut.
“I’ll have Cass come by in the morning. Maybe she can run you over to your place to get some of your stuff.”
A thrill shot through me when I thought about going back home, but it was short-lived. I quickly realized going home would mean leaving the clubhouse and my only real connection to my sister, so I decided I didn’t want to leave. I told myself I wanted to stay because of Tristen, but in my heart, I knew she wasn’t the only reason. “That would be great.”
“Good. I’ll check in on you when I get back.”
He paused for a moment, staring at me with a heated look, and then, without another word, he turned to leave. Disappointment washed over me as I watched him walk down the hall. As much as I hated myself for it, I wasn’t ready for him to go and had to fight the urge to call him back. I knew I needed to guard my heart and keep my distance, but each time I was around him, I lost a little of my resolve. Before I did something I would regret, I quickly shut the door and crawled back into bed. I pulled the covers close around me, snuggling and trying to settle the storm of thoughts that kept spiraling in my head. Tristen. Big. The Calaveras. Nitro. The club. It was all too much. Thankfully, between my full stomach and the pain medication, I didn’t have any trouble falling asleep.