Chapter 12
Ellie
I’ve had a lot of surprises in my life, both good and bad, but not once had I ever imagined that I would find myself in jail. It wasn’t like I hadn’t expected it after I walked up to the counter and told the officer that I was Ellie Blackwell, and I’d murdered my husband, Brady Blackwell. The look on his face said it all. He was just as surprised at hearing the words as I was at saying them. After twelve hours of answering questions, being processed, and questioned again, I found myself behind bars. Needless to say, by the time I was done, I was completely drained. Exhausted beyond belief, I just wanted to sleep, but I couldn’t. The mattress was hard and smelled foul—like a mix of body odor and vomit, and every time I closed my eyes, I heard strange noises or someone’s voice bellowing from down the hall. I was terrified—panic-stricken, in a cold sweat—terrified, and as I lay there in the darkness night after night, I found myself wishing Diesel was with me. I’d managed to keep it together, at least for the most part, but as I continued thinking about him, I broke down and started to cry, and I just couldn’t stop. I would’ve given anything for just one more night with him: to feel the warmth of his body close to mine, to hear the soothing sound of his voice, and to smell the intoxicating scent of his cologne.
Some say that bad memories hurt the most, but for me, it was always the good ones. Even though the time I shared with Diesel was short, those were the memories that’d be the most painful. They’d be a constant reminder of what I no longer had—what I might never have again. I stared at nothing and thought about the things that had happened in my life; however big or small or good or bad, I finally realized just how much each one of them had impacted my life. All those moments had left their mark and made me the person I was today. I had my regrets—more than I could count. I should’ve been stronger and done things differently. I should’ve found a way to break free from Brady, but I’d let myself believe that I was trapped. I’d convinced myself that I had nowhere to go because I had no family or friends who I could turn to and that I had no money. I let myself believe that I had no choice, but deep down, I knew that wasn’t true. There was always a way, but I was too weak and simply too scared to run away from him. Now, because of the choices I’d made, I might never get the freedom I’d always dreamed of, and I’d lose the one person who was quickly becoming everything to me. I’d lose Diesel.
Considering the fact that I’d not only killed a cop, but I’d killed a police chief’s son, I would’ve thought that I didn’t stand a chance, but then I met MJ. After talking to her several times, I couldn’t help but be impressed, and I knew she would do everything in her power to get me out of jail. The preliminary hearing was quickly approaching, and MJ had come once again to ask about what had happened that night. While she’d read that confession, she still felt that there was something missing. The guard led me down the hall and into an interview room; much like my cell, it was cold with white concrete walls. From the moment I walked into the station, I hadn’t been able to get warm. I was cold all the way down to my bones, and with my overactive nerves, I couldn’t stop trembling as I listened to MJ ask, “What happened after you shot him?”
“I grabbed my things and ran.”
“Are you sure he’s dead?”
That was the question I’d asked myself many times, and yet, I still didn’t know the answer. “I’m … I’m not sure. I think so. He wasn’t moving and there was a lot of blood … so I assumed—”
“And you didn’t try to clean it up?”
“No. I just had to get out of there. I guess a part of me was afraid that he was still alive, and I wasn’t going to take the chance on him coming after me again.”
“What did you do with the gun? Did you take it with you?” she asked.
I thought back to that moment, remembering the panic I felt when the gun had gone off, and the loud clank it made when it hit the floor. “I didn’t take it. I was so surprised that the gun had gone off that I dropped it on the floor. I know I had it pointed at him, and I’d threatened him with it, but I never intended to shoot him. But when he came after me …”
“I know, Ellie. I know it wasn’t the way you’d hoped it would play out, but he didn’t give you a choice. You shot him in self-defense. We’ve just got to prove it.” She wrote something down on her legal pad and then looked up at me and asked, “If you didn’t take the gun with you, do you have any idea where it could be?”
“I honestly have no idea.” I took a deep breath and asked her the question that had been weighing on my mind since my arrest. “If the gun is missing and Brady is nowhere to be found, does that mean he’s alive somewhere out there?”
“I don’t know, but I intend to find out.” She assured me then leaned across the table and whispered, “If he’s out there, I guarantee you the guys will find him. I’m sure as hell not letting you go to jail for a crime you didn’t commit.”
“I really appreciate you doing all this for me.”
“You can stop thanking me, Ellie. I’m here because I want to be, and besides, it’s not like Diesel would have it any other way.” She teased, “It seems he’s got a soft spot for you.”
“I might have one for him myself.”
“No,” she replied sarcastically. “I would’ve never have guessed that.”
“All the guys have been great, but there’s something special about Diesel.” I swallowed hard, trying to bite back my tears. “I’ve never met anyone like Diesel. I don’t know what I would’ve done without him.”
“You know, the men of Satan’s Fury have a knack for that.”
“For what?”
“Making you fall for them when you least expect it. I think there must be something in their water.” She giggled.
“It must be something. After everything that’s happened with Brady, my mind tells me to steer clear of all men, that it just isn’t worth the risk, but my heart … my heart tells me that I can trust Diesel and the feelings I have for him. That’s he’s the kind of man who would put my happiness before his own, and he’d never hurt me.”
“Seems like you know Diesel better than you think.” She smiled. “Did he tell you about everything that happened with Zoe and their father’s club?”
“He did.”
“Then, you already know what kind of man he is.” She cocked her head to the side. “He’s proven that he’d put his neck on the line for someone he cares about, and I have no doubt he will do it again.”
“So, maybe I’m not too crazy after all?”
“No. Not at all.” She looked at me with apprehension as she said, “I’m not sure if you know this, but the guys are leaving tonight. They have some business to tend to in Salt Lake.”
“What kind of business?”
With concern in her voice, she asked, “Has Diesel told you anything about the club?”
“Some, but I get the feeling that I’ll never really know everything there is to know.”
“You’re right. You won’t. It’s not always easy, but there’s one thing that you have to learn to deal with if you are going to have a future with Diesel.”
“What’s that?”
“Club business is never discussed with anyone except the brothers. They only tell us what we have to know, and the rest is kept confidential.” When she noticed the confused look on my face, she continued, “It’s for our own safety, Ellie. You just have to trust him and know that he is doing everything he can for his family. And if things keep going like they are, that will include you as well.”
“So, you’re okay with the not knowing?”
“Not always, but at the end of the day, I love Smokey. I love him more than anything, and the club has been a blessing in our lives. We know that we always have them if we need them, and the rest has a way of falling into place,” she explained. “One day you’ll understand.”
Diesel had already proven to me that he was someone I could trust and knowing every detail about the club wasn’t going to change that. “I think I already do.”
“Good, because Diesel is one of the good ones and it’s obvious he cares a great deal about you.”
“Do you think he will be back for the hearing?”
“If I know Diesel, he’ll do everything in his power to be here. Now, let’s get back at it. I want to make sure we’re ready for whatever they throw at us.” MJ glanced back down at her legal pad and thought for a moment. It was clear her focus was back on the case when she said, “Since there is no body, no gun, and no sign of Brady whatsoever, I’m going to press for the charges to be dropped from murder to assault with a deadly weapon”
“Uh … Okay.”
“This way, we can focus on the self-defense strategy.”
From that moment on, everything happened so fast that I could hardly keep up. When it came time for the preliminary hearing, I was a nervous wreck. I’d spent three long days behind bars, and I was practically trembling as I walked into the courtroom. As the guard led me to my seat, I found myself searching for Diesel. There was no sign of him, but Cotton and several of the others were sitting in the back row. They looked quite intimidating sitting there with their leather cuts and fierce facial expressions; knowing they were there to support me gave me a sense of strength I didn’t know was possible—but I couldn’t help but wonder why Diesel wasn’t there. I gave them all a quick smile as I made my way over to my seat. Just as I sat down, the back doors flew open, and Diesel came charging inside. Relief washed over me as he started walking in my direction. As he knelt down behind me, he whispered, “Hey.”
I glanced over my shoulder and smiled when I saw his handsome face. “Hey. I was worried you weren’t going to make it back in time.”
“No way I was going to let that happen. You doing okay?”
“I’d be better if this whole thing was over,” I confessed. “I’m really sorry about everything. If I had known—”
“Don’t,” he interrupted. “Just focus on what lies ahead and getting out of here. I’m right here with ya, every step of the way.”
“You’re pretty great, you know that?” He smiled at me then stood up to go back to his brothers. I was about to turn back around when I spotted Brady’s father sitting in the middle of the crowd. Just like his son used to do, he was glaring at me with pure hatred, sending a cold chill down my spine. Doing my best to ignore him, I turned my attention to the front of the room.
The next half hour was a blur. MJ presented our case to the court, and after the prosecutor was done dragging me over the coals with his harsh tongue-lashing, they bantered back and forth among themselves, discussing future dates and sequestering evidence. And then the moment came—the judge set my bail. As soon as I heard the astronomically high number, my heart dropped, knowing there was no way on earth that I could pay it. With my thoughts preoccupied, I never even looked in Diesel’s direction as the guard led me out of the room. Back at the station, I changed clothes and was returned to my cell, where I immediately lay down and started to cry. I had no idea how long I’d been there sobbing into my pillow when one of the guards came up to me and slid my door open.
“Your bail has been posted.”
“What? By who?”
She shrugged and gave me a look of indifference. “Got no idea. You’ll find out when you get discharged up front.”
I was too confused to be excited as I followed her down the hall and upstairs to the discharging room. They handed me back my clothes, and once I’d changed, they took me to another window where I was given my other personal belongings and told to sign several papers. As I filled out the forms, I glanced around the room and saw no sign of Diesel or the others. Having no idea who would’ve set my bail, I was starting to become anxious, then I heard a voice I hadn’t heard in almost eight years.
“Hello, Ellie.”
I quickly turned and found my father standing behind me. I was completely stunned and barely managed to mutter, “Dad?”
He stood with his arms nervously at his side, and there was pain behind his eyes as he spoke, “Your mom and I saw you on the news. When we found out what was going on—”
“Why are you here?” I interrupted.
“We were in the court room.”
He just stood there staring at me, and I had no idea what he was thinking. I’d thought of this moment a million times, that I would yell and scream and curse him for not being the father I’d needed him to be, but as I stood there looking back at him, I realized how much I truly missed him. I missed all of them, and the fact that he was here now gave me hope that I could have the chance to fix the rift that had grown between all of us. “You haven’t answered my question. What are you doing here?”
“I’m here to help.”
“But why now?”
“I know I’ve made a mess of things. It was a mistake to turn my back on you all those years ago, and if I could take it back, I would.” Tears filled his eyes as he said, “I’m so very sorry, Ellie. I was wrong. I know it isn’t right for me to ask, but please forgive me for being a stubborn, old fool?”
I could’ve made it harder on him, but my heart had taken all it could. Just wanting it all to be over, I told him, “It wasn’t all your fault. I was just as stubborn. I should’ve listened to you, but that was a long time ago. You’re here now and that’s all that matters.”
He reached for me and wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tightly. It almost felt too good to be true to have him close. “I’ve missed you, Ellie. More than you can imagine.”
“I’ve missed you, too. All of you.” With my head resting on his chest, I told him, “There’s so much I have to tell you.”
“And I want to hear it all. Every single word. I hate that I’ve missed so much of your life, but that’s over now. Your mother and I both want to make things right,” he told me as he clung to me.
I was still in his arms when Diesel walked in with Cotton and MJ. I could tell by the expressions on their faces that they were surprised to see me standing there. I took a step back, and as I released my father from our embrace, I motioned my hand over to them. “Dad, I have some people that I’d like you to meet.”
After I’d finished making my introductions, MJ smiled and said, “We came to post your bail, but I guess your father beat us to it.”
It suddenly dawned on me just what my father had really done. “How could you afford to post my bail?”
“That’s not for you to worry about.”
“Dad.”
“It’s fine, Ellie. It was the least I could do.” He turned towards the door as he said, “Your mother is back at the house. You’re welcome to come stay with us if you’d like.”
I glanced over at Diesel, seeing the longing in his eyes, and I knew there was only one place I wanted to be. “I really appreciate the offer, but I’ve got a place to stay. Maybe, I could come for a visit soon?”
“I’d like that. Your mother would, too.”
I hugged him tightly once again. Only this time I savored the moment, smelling the familiar scent of his after-shave and feeling the comfort of his loving arms. “Thank you for coming. It really means a lot to me.”
“I love you, El. Always will.”
“I love you, too.”
Once he was gone, Diesel started towards me. As soon as I was within reach, he grabbed me and hugged me tightly as I melted into his arms. “I guess I should’ve asked this sooner, but is it okay if I stay with you?”
“You’re kidding, right?” He chuckled. “There was no way I was letting you leave here with anyone but me, so yeah, you can stay with me.”
“I was hoping you might say that.”
“You ready to get out of here?”
“Absolutely.” I reached in my pocket and as I handed him his keys, I grimaced. “You might need these.”
“Yeah. About that.” He cocked his eyebrow and scolded, “We’re gonna have us a little talk about how things are gonna be from here on out, but that can wait. For now, let’s get you home.”
As he took my hand in his and led me towards the door, my heart swelled with hope; I’d found someone who was brave enough to enter my storm. While I prayed it didn’t engulf us both, I was relieved and thankful that Diesel would be by my side, helping me face the uncertainty of what still waited ahead.